Archive for the ‘Love’ Category
One major use of the internet is a phenomenon known as “social networking”.
Websites like Myspace, Meetup, Facebook, Twitter, and Friendster have revolutionized how people meet and communicate with one another. The idea behind social networking is to provide a central online location where people can sign up and describe their interests and activities in order to share with old friends and make new ones. An predictable but unintentional use of social networking is for dating – while there are dating specific websites, like the popular and much advertised eHarmony, social networking sites are almost always free to use and don’t narrow your focus to just dating.
Meet Dates at Social Network Sites
Depending on the site you choose to patronize, you can meet dates at social network sites that share your interests, or just flirt and chat with people you’re attracted to. Test your flirting skills, look for Mr. or Mrs. Right, or just interact with people like the things you like (bands, hobbies, political opinions) on any number of sites aimed at connecting you with other internet users.
This is by far the most popular social networking site in America, claiming over 175 million users as of January 2009. Originally intended as an Ivy League networking page, similar to the “facebooks” that elite universities used to hand out to incoming students. The site became so popular, that membership was opened to any college student, then to high school students as well, and finally (in its current format) to anyone aged 13 or older. The site is not without controversy – there is plenty of bullying and invasion of privacy that takes place, and many schools and businesses lament the amount of “time wasting” that Facebook causes. For these reasons it has been banned on school campuses and on business networks around the world.
Facebook is populated by thousands and thousands of very specific “network groups” ranging from the serious (religion or politics based groupings) to the silly (one hilarious example would be “Leggings are not pants so quit wearing them with your hoodie”).
A good way to use Facebook to improve your dating life would be to search for people either based on their proximity to your hometown or by one of their political or social affiliations. User’s Facebook pages clearly list details like “relationship status”, “religion”, “location”, and their membership in any number of social groups. Looking for a gay atheist in Phoenix, Arizona? With so many members, you’re likely to have hundreds to choose from. One downside to Facebook, in terms of dating, is that it is not specifically a dating site, and you may find yourself pursuing people who just plain don’t want to be pursued. I suggest you join some groups that interest you and start networking with the people in them. Approach Facebook like you would approach a group of friends, and you can’t go wrong.
Like Facebook, Myspace was not originally intended to be a “social networking” site. It was started as a place for musicians to feature and even sell their music – a facet that has spun off the now incredibly popular Myspace into something called Myspace Music. As far as membership, Myspace’ popularity is waning in favor of the more user friendly (and seemingly more “dignified”) Facebook – but the site still claims well over 100 million members.
Myspace may in fact offer a better option than Facebook for people looking to “meet up” with dates – Myspace pages commonly feature a “Who I’d Like to Meet” section, offering browsers the ability to match themselves to another person’s likes and dislikes. With features like this, members are more likely to be receptive to flirting and date suggestions, although you should always err on the side of caution. It is easy for someone to create a fake Myspace page (as it is easy to create anything fake on the internet) in an attempt to humiliate or just mislead people. It is a good idea to strike up a series of conversations with someone, and communicate by email and phone before deciding to meet them.
Of all the “social networking” sites, Meetup might be the best for people looking to improve their dating life. Users of Meetup enter their zip code and the hobbies they want to “meet up” with people about, and the site gathers these people together and puts them in contact with one another – the idea is to form a group that actually meets one another in person, in a public place. This idea is unique as the aim of Meetup is to get users OFF the internet and into face to face contact. Also, if you are only interested in meeting certain types of people – say, people who race pigeons, or lesbians that like to line dance – Meetup would be your best bet for making love connections. As with any internet based meeting, have caution, and if you feel funny about scheduling a meetup or attending a meeting, bring a friend or just plain don’t go.
The purpose of Meetup was to have an impact on a serious problem developing around internet culture. Because of “social networking” and ease of internet access, people seemed to be joining actual social clubs less and less, and relying on digital communication more and more. Meetup gets people out in the open, on their feet, and live in person to discuss and enjoy their pursuits.
The internet is a potential gold mine for those looking to enlarge their dating pool. Social networking sites depend on social activity to exist (and to advertise in order to turn a profit), so they are generally set up to be “flirt friendly” – you can send private messages, “gifts” (usually in the form of displayable icons), and choose exactly what to display or hide. If you’re tired of randomly selecting a flirting partner from among the select crowd at your local bar, or if you have trouble meeting people who share your taste in 15th Century German poetry, consider joining a social networking site.
A large portion of the questions we receive at AskDeb.com revolve around love,
dating, and relationships. In this section we’ve grouped love questions & answers along with love tips submitted by our staff.
If you have a question and need advice in the matters of love, relationships and dating please send us an email at questions [at] askdeb.com.
Dating and Relationship Advice
This section contains dating and relationship advice that has been inspired by questions submitted by our readers. Sign up for our newsletter to receive updates on the latest love advice and love tips.
Recent Love Related Blog Posts
The following are recent love and relationship related blog posts:
to Be Affectionate
Why Do Flower Shops Deliver?
What Are Gift Experiences?
What Are Social Networking Sites?
What Is Internet Dating?
What Is the Average Cost of a Wedding?
Where Are the Best Places to Elope?
Where Are the Best Places to Propose?
Where Are the Best Places to Honeymoon?
How Old Do You Have to Be to Get Married?
- Why Does He Say He is Not Ready for a Relationship?
- 17 Cute Love Quotes
- Long Distance Dating Tips
Everyone dreams of finding a soulmate. In this detailed article, we
talk about what is a soulmate and what isn’t a soulmate. We also provide
ten tips for finding your soulmate.
The great majority of women will say they enjoy sex, but they enjoy it in different ways than men do. Because of the way they view sex and enjoy sex, women are able to “go longer without sex” or “take it or leave it”.
First of all, it sounds like you’re playing it right, if you are joking with one another and you’re playing it cocky. Women like funny men, and they especially like confident men. Confidence is a very masculine quality.
If she’s been in a long relationship, she might need some time to decompress and see whether she wants a guy full-time in her life again so soon. If she’s not been in a long relationship for a while, she’s probably used to independence and “space” and isn’t exactly comfortable with a guy in her life 24/7.
When it comes to the belief in modern day magic and spells, there are two camps; the believers and the skeptics. The skeptics do not believe in the hocus pocus and practices of today’s pagans and witches.
Jealousy is the green monster that can tear a person apart. Everyone knows some story about a couple who broke up because one or both parties were jealous. If unchecked, jealousy can take over your relationship.
I can see why you’re concerned. If you’re girlfriend was making up the story of a pregnancy to keep you around, she wouldn’t be the first woman to do so. That being said, it’s hard to say that that’s what is going on in this case.
Those are pretty common emotions to go through in a long-distance relationship. People can be “perfect for one another”, but that chemistry doesn’t work very well when you don’t ever see one another.
There are any number of meanings for the “MTD” acronym, so you’re going to have to figure out what the likeliest possible meaning of M.T.D. means.
Whether you are looking to spice up your current relationship or solidify a newly forming romantic courtship, knowing how to plan a romantic dinner for two can help you.
Asking anyone out on a date should be a simple matter of just walking up, making conversation, and then asking them out. But the reality is that it is not that simple. Nerves and lack of confidence can cause you to crash and burn.
We here at AskDeb are not entirely equipped to handle this kind of question. You should talk to a professional who can help you with your problems. First, you need to talk to a lawyer to know what your rights are.
You’re being a little hard on yourself for ending a sexual relationship that would likely hurt Nancy, and almost certainly would erode the relationship you have with Nancy. “Sparing yourself from being a cheating bastard” isn’t a bad motivation for ending this sexual activity.
It sounds like you never moved on and you never got closure with the old girlfriend. It’s always good to have closure in these situations, but if that doesn’t happen naturally, you have to do it yourself.
Most people who tend to be shy are those who have had bad experiences or lack self esteem. This can be due from being talked down to, a bad experience with a stranger, or harshly punished as a child.
This topic is a little bit more interesting because there is not a right or wrong answer. You will ultimately do the most cheesy thing you can think of because you know your girlfriend will see past the cheesiness and really appreciate what you have done.
Have you or someone you know ever been in a one-sided relationship that you knew was bad for you but you still couldn’t bring yourself to leave? Many people find themselves in this kind of situation every day.
So let’s say that you have met this really great girl. You like being with her, you have a lot of fun together, everything appears to be going well. Then she sees you talking to another girl and whammo!
At the beginning of a healthy marriage, there is a lot of excitement and new experiences. It can be thrilling being a new couple. But as the years go on, the excitement starts to ebb. The thrill diminishes.
There is an old saying that you cannot tell your heart who they should fall in love with. Sometimes, despite all the warnings in your head, you may find yourself falling for a guy who is already married.
It is a common problem in many relationships. You find someone to date and early in the relationship, they are attentive and want to spend time with you. You know…the perfect guy.
From an early age, many women dream and fantasize about being married to the perfect guy. Then one day that guy comes along and you think the dream will come true. But then the guy tells you that he doesn’t want marriage.
Just about everyone has had their heart broken by an unexpected break-up at one time or another. After you get over the initial shock, anger, and resentment, you realize that you want him back.
Have you ever met someone that you had an instant connection with? They were easy to be with and you felt like you could share anything with them. Maybe you felt like you had met before.
There are few things as comforting as a relationship where your partner is affectionate. Having someone who is affectionate towards you is soothing and reassuring, like living with a safety net.
Have you ever known a relationship that didn’t have problems? It might have been one of yours or someone else’s, like a friend’s, that you watched from the sidelines.
Younger guys who are dating often don’t have a whole lot of extra money to spend. Some of these guys want to be romantic with their date or girlfriend, or at least feel the need to be romantic.
Spending quality time with your wife is important for the health of your marriage. But before you can spend “quality time”, you have to make certain you’re spending enough time with your wife, period.
Valentine’s Day is a daunting holiday for most people. Everyone wants to have a “Valentine” – someone to share this special romantic holiday with. At the same time, Valentine’s Day is a dread worthy pressure filled day of expectations and heightened emotion.
Men spend more time wondering what women want from them than most women would believe. The stereotype about men suggests that they are unthinking uncaring oafs who mostly think about sex and sports.
There is an age old question that haunts most of us men looking to attract women. Even more important than what we should wear, or how we should behave in a flirting situation, is this simple age old query.
Websites like Myspace, Meetup, Facebook, Twitter, and Friendster have revolutionized how people meet and communicate with one another. The idea behind social networking is to provide a central online location where people can sign up…
Before you really get to know someone, it can be difficult to have the kinds of conversations that are necessary to a developing relationship. Awkward silences and long lulls in the conversation can turn a good date into a mediocre one, and reduce that chance that either of you will want a repeat date.
All people are subject to different factors that determine what will turn them on. Scientists refer to these factors as “biological imperatives” – they can be related to physical appearance, emotions, or even deep seated sexual desires or “fetishes”.
As I’ve already covered in my article on knowing when to kiss, a kiss can make or break a relationship, even after the first few kisses are out of the way and you’ve built up a trust and a rhythm with your partner, kissing can influence your lover’s positive or negative perception of the relationship.
Besides the kiss you share on your wedding day, there is no more kiss in a relationship more important than the first. Some people don’t know if they’re truly attracted to a person until they share a kiss.
Dating can be exciting — getting to know a new person, sharing that first kiss, or even falling in love. Some of the most exciting times of my life have happened on dates.
Speed dating is becoming increasingly popular, as Americans find themselves busy with multiple jobs and hobbies. Most of us simply don’t have time to “cruise” for singles, or perhaps we find that our old approach to finding dating partners simply isn’t working.
We’ve all done it — looked through the personal ads in the local newspaper or online, “just to see” what’s out there. There’s no shame in using a personal ad service to seek out a date.
Cruise ships are often populated with happy couples celebrating their honeymoon, an important anniversary, or just enjoying a vacation away from land, taking in all that the ocean has to offer.
Most likely, matchmaking has been around as long as society itself. Some people enter the “business” of matchmaking because they are tired of hearing about their friends’ horrible dating episodes.
So you find yourself single — alone and with no prospects for dating. This is a common problem — some people find that after a divorce they don’t know any single people.
As wonderful as it is to be in a romantic relationship, there are times when all of us are “alone”. Being single is both a blessing and a curse, as is being in a relationship. It is impossible to imagine a person who never lives a single day without a lover — even the most attractive Don Juan will have a dry spell or two.
Romance is not dead. In fact, with the economy in the state it is currently in no doubt you find your wallet is much lighter than in years past. Romance doesn’t have to mean champagne and pearls — sometimes, a simple expression of love through words is more meaningful than the most expensive diamond or night on the town.
When you want to express your love for your partner, buying an expensive gift is not always the best tactic. Sure, people appreciate “stuff” — but giving a gift that comes from the heart means so much more than a store bought expression of your affection.
Unhealthy relationships often involve what mental health professionals describe as “codependency” or “being codependent”. This term is difficult to describe, as it can manifest itself in many different ways.
It is well known that a certain amount of sunshine is healthy for all living things. Exposure to the sun combats depression and even helps our body produce vital nutrients — your skin cells turn ultraviolet rays into Vitamin D.
Many of us who aren’t in a relationship, and many of us who are, need to learn relationship skills. The bottom line is that we must learn “how to love”, as cliche as it sounds. Another cliche that is often quoted goes something like this — “You’ll never learn another until you can love yourself”.
A healthy relationship is a paradox. Many people are plenty happy in relationships that are not “healthy” by definition — victims of abuse, for instance, are often reluctant to leave their abuser.
Generally, it is easy to tell if you’re in a good relationship. You and your partner are happy, you spend time together (and apart) doing things you love, and your friends and family will talk about how wonderful the two of you are together.
People these days are extremely busy. They have their careers, finances, family, and other aspects of their personal lives that they have to take care of.
If you are a member of an online dating site, then a good online profile is essential to attracting someone’s interests. A good profile must contain all the pertinent information about yourself such as age, what you like, what you don’t like, smoking or not, and drinking or non-drinking.
Online dating is very popular today. In a world that is addicted to the latest gizmos and technology, it is just a natural evolution.
Dating for single parents can be complicated and nerve-wracking. You have so much more responsibilities than you did before you had children.
Cute love quotes are adorable little sayings that you can share with someone special. There are some that have been around for years and have even been quoted from famous people in history.
The dating scene can be confusing and tiresome. These days people are so busy with running their lives and careers that it can leave very little time for finding romance.
It happens all the time. You are good friends with a person; you hang out with them all the time, and gradually you realize that you are falling in love with them.
Love spells have been around for centuries. They have appeared in all manner of stories, faerytales, and folklore.
For more advice on love and break ups visit the Breaking Up Advice website. If you’re ready to move on after a breakup we also recommend the articles found at how to mend a broken heart. For a new romance you may consider learning how to write a love letter. If you need help, consider professional matchmakers to aid you in the task of meeting the right person.
I am in a now 3-month relationship with a 48 yr old woman. I’m 42 and used to spending my time with older women. This gal has her life together, but has the normal issues we all have and possibly other issues not yet shared.
We hit it off great, took our time to bed and became close with a fair amount of affection until she started feeling “smothered”. (She) later explained her feelings of wanting to take it slow which I concur with. However, there’s a lack of affection and has been for a couple of weeks.
I think this gal is worth waiting for. However, what is the best thing I can do besides be patient and provide space?
If she’s been in a long relationship, she might need some time to decompress and see whether she wants a guy full-time in her life again so soon. If she’s not been in a long relationship for a while, she’s probably used to independence and “space” and isn’t exactly comfortable with a guy in her life 24/7. Or she might be giving you the brush off, because she doesn’t want the relationship to be romantic and is feeling smothered by your affection.
When she says the word “smothered”, that tells me you are probably a constant presence in her life or you are want a physical relationship a little more ardently that she’s comfortable with. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that behavior in certain instances, but you have to know your woman. Many women don’t want a boyfriend so needy that they’re constantly having to check in or deal with that guy’s presence. Other women want to “be sure” they have feelings for a guy before they dive into a serious relationship.
So the problem becomes, when she says “I want to take it slowly”, what does that mean?
The Meaning of “Taking It Slow”
As mentioned above, it could mean something entirely innocent and straightforward, or it could mean she just isn’t interested anymore. You’re going to have to figure that out on your own, using your perception of her words, actions and body language. It’s a coin toss.
The women out there will tell you that you should take her at her word and assume she only wants to take it slow and get to know you better before moving to the next level. The men out there will tell you this is a brush off and you should start looking for other women, because she likely wants to be “just friends”. Guys and girls perceive these instances differently, as a general rule. It kind of depends on whether your lady friend is the straightforward type who’s going to tell you exactly what’s on her mind, or the type who wants to let you down easy (by saying one thing and meaning another, thus making your life miserable).
Testing Your Feelings
A third option is that she is testing you to see how much patience you have and how much you want it. If she’s been burned in the past by guys, she may want to see whether you want a purely physical relationship or whether you would stay around and “care about her” if there wasn’t the physical stuff. If that’s the case, then that stinks. Maybe I’m just being a guy, but I don’t think love and romance should be about personal tests and mind games. That being said, some guys would view that as a challenge or call to arms to “prove how much you care”, but (rebel that I am) I don’t necessarily want a woman who wants to control me in that way.
Long story short, you have no idea what she wants.
Luckily, what a man should do in this situation is pretty much the same in all three cases.
Provide Space – Don’t Be a Lap Dog
You are doing the exact right thing by “being patient and providing space”. If she says she wants space, then you have no choice than to give her space. On the other hand, once you have all this extra time and space on your hands, there are a number of options at your disposal. I would suggest you explore those options.
Don’t become her personal go-to guy. That is, care for her if that’s how you feel, but don’t become a lap dog for her. When you have feelings for her, but you give a woman who’s teetering one way or the other the choice to make you a “good friend”, she’s just as likely to take the easy way out. Many guys will stay in that space in-between a romance and a friendship, hoping that having the foot in the door is going to pay off. A whole lot of the time, you end up being the guys she just likes as a friend and a convenience.
Stay Friendly – Explore Your Options
So explore other options. Give her the space you want. Stay friendly and cordial. Don’t get mad and show off your emotions. Simply give her what she wants, but maintain your independence and masculinity. There’s simply nothing wrong with that.
Keep up a social life. Get to know other women. If there’s someone else you have considered dating or who is interested in you (and you are attracted to), go out with her. This 48-year old woman has every right to want her space, but (on the other hand) you have every right to own your space, too.
Don’t think this is going to estrange her from you. If she’s interested, she’ll let you know about it. If she’s not interested, you’re making a graceful exit. She’s the only one who knows what she wants, so let her work through her issues and figure out where she’s headed. As I said, keep it friendly and play it cool. Stay in her life as much as she indicates she wants you in that life, but don’t shut down your life and let her keep you on a rope. Don’t let her string you along, because a lot of people (not just women) will do that, if they can.
Control Your Own Life
If she wants control, give her control of her life. But don’t give her control over your life, too. People – men and women – want to eat their cake and have it, too. A lot of times, people will get away with what you let them get away with. So don’t be a sap.
Keep a Line of Communication Open
Keep a line of communication open between the two of you. In fact, maintaining a certain level of affection is not a bad policy. Don’t spend a lot of time around her, but make that time matter. Listen to her problems. Be friendly and affectionate, but only if she gives you signals that she wants to show affection. If so, give her a touch on the arm or shoulder every now and again. Hold hands if she wants to. Run your hand through her hair, even. But don’t initiate intimate or sexual contact in any way. Let her make the first move. Show her you have affection, but don’t act like you have nothing but sexual feelings for her.
And if she seems open to a discussion, talk about this idea of “her space”. Don’t get angry, frustrated, sad, quiet or brooding when you discuss these things. Be a man and face the truth in a straightforward way. Let her know that you want to be her man and, if you have it in you, that you want to be her friend. But don’t be an unconditional man who will stay in the limbo between friendship and romance forever, because it’s unrealistic and selfish of her to expect that of you. Some guys play it that way, but women aren’t likely to respect a guy who is simply no challenge at all.
So if you think she’s worth waiting for, then wait for her. Just don’t sit at home at night while you’re waiting.
Spending quality time with your wife is important for the health of your marriage. But before you can spend “quality time”, you have to make certain you’re spending enough time with your wife, period. When you’re working to support a family and taking the time away from work to relieve stress, it can be hard to find the time to spend with our spouse and children. Often, you have to deal with people all day and the last thing you want to do when you get home is to spend time with your wife. At least, that thought has probably gone through your head at one time or another.
If you’re reading this article, though, you have recognized that life isn’t only about work and relieving the stresses of work. The best parts of life is the time we spend with our friends and loved ones, so we need to find the necessary time to spend with them. When you start looking over your daily schedule, though, you’ll start to realise there’s plenty of ways we can manage our time to spend more time with our loved ones.
Time Management Tips
Here’s a few time management tips for guys who want to spend more time with their wives.
1. Play Fewer Video Games
If you’re a guy in the under 40 category, you probably grew up playing video games and you find the XBOX 360 or Wii to be a good stress reliever. The problem is, video games aren’t a very social hobby and they consume huge blocks of time. While video games are fun, they are a pretty empty experience from a social point-of-view. So try to limit the time you spend in front of a video game console, because these devices are no friend of the happy family.
when you feel stress, sit down when you get in from work and play for a while. Just don’t let 30 minutes turn into 3 hours. Try to limit your video game time to times when the wife and kids aren’t around the house. Consider playing video games with the kids, but limit the time you do this to 30 minutes or so. Otherwise, you’re setting a bad example for the children, who are likely to learn the lesson that playing an immersive video game is more fun and more important than spending time with your spouse.
2. Limit Your Online Time
People who don’t spend much time on video games might be spending that slack time on the internet. I love the worldwide web, but the internet is one of the great time wasters ever invented. You can surf the net looking at videos, checking out your social networking website pages, emailing, looking at your auctions on ebay, reading about some obscure subject on Wikipedia, checking out cool artwork, looking up music videos or old tv clips on Youtube, and that’s just the stuff you wouldn’t mind your wife knowing that you do online.
Long story short, you can kill all evening if you enjoy surfing the internet. So limit your virtual time, especially when the wife is in the house. If you enjoy spending hours online, you have to know that most of this time is fruitless and wasted.
3. Watch Less Television
You might see a pattern developing here. Instead of spending time with your wife, you’re spending time with machines. While computers and tvs are great for entertainment, they really don’t fill our need for social interaction. The irony of social networking sites is that we aren’t really getting to know people very well, and the time we are interacting socially online is time spent away from social interaction with our family. But even as addictive as the internet can be, more people spend more time focusing on their tv than they do their computer. If you watch television several hours a night, then you can cut out a lot of that watching and spend more time with your wife.
Have certain shows you watch. Don’t watch television when those certain shows aren’t on. When you are watching the tv, try to make it something that your wife also will enjoy. If it’s a television show that you both enjoy, you’ll be able to talk about it later on and relate to one another. The two of you can comment while you’re watching about what you’re seeing. It can be a bonding experience.
Ultimately, though, you need to turn the television off at some point. Turn the tv off so the two of you can focus on each other for a little while. If you’re used to having the television on from the time you come home from work until the time you go to bed at night, then it might seem strange at first to switch the tv off. But if you try it, you’ll be rewarded.
Things To Do With Your Wife
Here are things to do with your wife besides watching television.
1. Help Her Cook Dinner
A common routine is for a man to come home from work and sit down in front of the tv (either to watch television or playing video games) while the wife cooks dinner. This is common, even in households where the wife also has a full-time job. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Turn the television off and go into the kitchen and help your wife cook dinner. Become her assistant cook.
Sure, you make things a little easier on her. But this also gives you time to interact with your wife and talk about your days. It’s an informal conversation while you cook the bread or set the table for dinner, and it naturally leads into the dinner conversation to come. You show that you’re interested in spending more time with her, and you’re more invested in the meal she cooked.
2. Take Time To Talk
Along those same lines, make certain the two of you have time to talk during the week. This might be serious talk, not-so-serious talk or just joking around. Whatever it is, the two of you have “quality time” together. Women like to talk about their lives, so take the time to listen to what she has to say and take a little interest in what’s going on in her life. You stay on the same page and hopefully don’t get on each others’ nerves.
Don’t feel the need to be “opinionated” when you talk to your wife, either. Guys naturally assume that women want them to weigh in with their opinion when they’re talking about whatever is on their minds, but often they just want to be heard. Often, if you give your opinion, it kills the conversation. Instead of a conversation, it becomes a debate or a “how-to” lecture. Take time to let your wife speak her mind. Then and only then should you add your two cents worth.
3. Hire a House Cleaner
This may not be feasible for someone in the current economic downturn or if the two of you are younger, but for couples that have a certain level of financial stability, you can free up a lot of time by “outsourcing” some of your house-cleaning needs to someone else. Instead of you and her cleaning the whole time you’re at the house, or staying on your children to do the same, or simply living in a mess, some of the chores are given to professionals and you have more time to spend with the wife.
4. Plan Your Weekends
Plan ahead for your weekend activities. Instead of lounging around the house all Saturday with nothing to do, plan excursions or activities with your wife on the weekend. When the two of you take time to plan your weekend, this is going to give you the chance to get more creative, because you can actually research things to do together. Also, there will naturally be the time you spend together planning your weekend.
It doesn’t have to be “dinner and a movie”. Planning your weekend allows you to go to talk about going on a day-trip, head out to the zoo or share time together in an art museum. All of these things do one thing that the standard trip to your favorite restaurant or movie theater doesn’t exactly do: it gives you some new subject to talk about. One thing about spending time with your wife is that the two of you often know what each other is going to say and to think, so sharing new experiences on the weekend will be stimulating, because you might not necessarily know what the other’s reaction will be.
Spending More Time With Your Wife By Changing Your Work Habits
Spending more time with your wife by changing your work habits can have an noticeble impact in your marriage. Here are some simple ideas you can follow in order to spend more time with your wife.
1. Leave Work Earlier
If you leave work late all the time, set aside days when you make certain you leave work the minute work is over. One unintended side effect is that you’ll probably notice you’re more productive at work that day, because you know that you have a set time you’re leaving. You can get as much work done when you stay on the ball all day and focus on your job, than if you plan on staying late to get the same work done.
Also, consider asking your boss about coming in an hour earlier to work and leaving an hour earlier in the afternoon. This might not work for all jobs, but I’ve known some employers who find these arrangements perfectly acceptable, as long as you work the hours and you remain as productive. This dovetails into the next point.
2. Avoid Rush Hour
Commute to work earlier in the morning to avoid rush hour traffic. You get to work earlier. You get started with your work when there are fewer distractions. You get finished sooner, and you go home sooner (hopefully also avoiding rush hour in the afternoon). This gives you more time in the afternoon and evening to spend with your wife.
3. Stop Daydreaming
It’s easy to get bored at work and start daydreaming. But if you can eliminate long periods of daydreaming while at work, you’ll be more efficient in your job and ready to get to the house as soon as your shift is over. The same goes for when you are at the house, when daydreaming cuts into even more of the time you could be spending with your wife.
I came to the conclusion as a hormonally challenged teenage girls really don’t like sex. When I was 14 that was awkwardly normal without question. Girls acted this way; boys took it for granted. All the dating and effort I put in through high school and college solidified this as fact. Sure I heard about the “rumor” that a girl “somewhere” liked sex, but in the dozens of girls I ever dated this mystery girl never appeared. In the reality of my life and experiences, “horny” girls don’t exist. It’s a myth to me.
If girls liked sex as much as guys, why isn’t it obvious, expected, and normal like it is for guys? Girls are the V hole gate keepers, not the ones chasing down dudes for physical necessity. Yes or No. Maybe maybe Not. They decide, not guys.
I’ve since learned this is based on scientific fact. Go figure: just past the girl’s hole there are no nerve endings to feel anything inside. Nothing. Imagine a guy’s penis with no nerve endings. How satisfying would sex be for him? That’s what it’s like inside the V of girls.
Now you know why size doesn’t matter to a girl. They can’t feel anything inside anyway.
I’m 46 and have been married for 16 years. We have sex practically every day and she says she likes it but in the very back of my mind is this doubt. Will I ever truly believe that women can like sex as much as a man??? Or is my childhood imprint irreversible?
46 & Confused
Dear 46 & Confused,
The great majority of women will say they enjoy sex, but they enjoy it in different ways than men do. Because of the way they view sex and enjoy sex, women are able to “go longer without sex” or “take it or leave it”. That doesn’t mean women don’t enjoy sex. They just aren’t men.
For women, sex has a more emotional aspect. With guys, it’s mostly a physiological need that comes from the biological need to propagate. Combine that with the fact that it’s really pleasurable and no wonder guys think about sex 90% of the time (according to one study). Most women crave sex like men do, but only when there’s an emotional quality to it. They don’t crave sex simply to be next to a warm body.
The fact that men have biological needs different than women certainly creates a dynamic where women traditionally hold the keys to the kingdom. If guys had their way down through the ages and women craved sex enough to jump into bed at the first opportunity (the first guy passing by), then sex in the age of no decent birth control would leave women pregnant all their lives and families so large that the father’s couldn’t support them. Women traditionally have needed more restraint, so men would know they were the father of the children they were raising and the population wouldn’t spiral out of control.
Do Teenage Girls Like Sex?
By the way, I wouldn’t put a whole lot of stock into what 14-year old girls were saying about sex when you were a child. Girls, even in our crazy modern age, are raised to believe sex is bad and girls who have multiple lovers and who crave sex are bad girls. Teen girls, especially 30 years ago when you were a teenager, were likely to say they didn’t like sex, because that’s what they were supposed to say. Given that they were likely about as ignorant about their sexual needs as you were about sex at that age, it’s no wonder they would play it safe and tell you and the other boys and their friends what they were expected to say. You should know better than to take everything a 16-year old says as the absolute end-all, be-all truth.
If Women Don’t Enjoy Sex, Then…
Think about this: if women didn’t enjoy the physical part of sex, the sex toy industry wouldn’t be thriving the way it is. There’s a lot of evidence that women don’t always buy sex toys for the sake of their men, but to enjoy themselves on their own. If women didn’t receive pleasure from sex, there would be no such thing as women pleasuring themselves with sex toys. There just wouldn’t be.
While you’re no doubt onto something about the nerve endings in a woman’s “v”, studies show they have a lot of nerve endings in the clitoris. That’s why women love a man who gives oral sex, because many women are going to receive a whole lot more pleasure from oral sex than from coital sex. Watch one porn video to see that women trying to reach climax generally masturbate their clitoris.
Which brings us to another point. Women may not have the same pleasure points as men, but they do have them. That’s why women enjoy foreplay more than men do. Oftentimes, that’s when the women’s pleasure points are most stimulated during sex. Also, women tend to take a lot longer to orgasm than men, who can usually do it in about 2 minutes. Few women reach climax in two minutes. So when a man engages in extended foreplay with their female lover and isn’t afraid to perform a little oral sex or some other form of clitoral stimulation, women are more likely to enjoy the sex with men.
So Does My Wife Really Enjoy Sex?
Finally, let’s talk about your wife. I wouldn’t doubt you wife when she says she enjoys sex. In fact, her enjoyment of sex perfectly falls in line with what I’ve discussed above. If your wife is emotionally engaged in your marriage and the two of you share a real emotional connection, she’s very likely to enjoy the sex the two of you have.
Does your wife enjoy sex the same way you do? Of course not. She’s a woman. Men and women are different, which is why men and women are so fascinated with one another.
So women have buttons. They just have different buttons than men do. That might be hard for a man to understand, because to men, sex is largely a physical act that one can enjoy without any emotional attachment whatsoever. (I know a guy’s going to write in an say that guys have emotional needs in bed, too, but guys know what I mean.) Sex is all about physical pleasure for a man. Women, on the other hand, enjoy sex, but in several different ways – which brings me to a story.
Tiresias Answers a Question About Sex
One day, Zeus and Hera had an argument about which gender enjoyed the pleasures of sex more. Zeus said that women enjoyed sex more. Hera argued that men enjoyed sexual pleasures the most.
To end the dispute, the two sought out Tiresias. Some years before, Tiresias had been cursed to be a woman. He had lived as a woman for seven years, and even bore children as a woman. Because Tiresias had had sex as both a man and a women, the two gods knew he was uniquely qualified to answer the question.
Tiresias replied that women enjoyed sex ten times more than men, because with men, “Of ten parts a man enjoys one only”.
So you see?
It’s possible your wife enjoys sex as much or even more than you do, because she enjoys it in many ways other than simple, straightforward vaginal sex. Sexual pleasure for women might be like the blind person whose other senses become much more acute, because they cannot rely on the sense of sight. Studies show that a blind person’s brain literally rewires itself to make use of the unused sight portions of the brain, allowing the blind to use their other senses better.
Women are wired differently, but that does not mean they have no wires. Remember that the next time you pleasure your wife.
Valentine’s Day is a daunting holiday for most people. Everyone wants to have a “Valentine” – someone to share this special romantic holiday with. At the same time, Valentine’s Day is a dread worthy pressure filled day of expectations and heightened emotion. It is easy to make plans for Valentine’s Day that are either too over the top or a big disappointment.
What are some ways to celebrate Valentines Day?
Cheap Valentine’s Day Ideas
Celebrating Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to mean emptying your bank account. Many men and women dread February 14th because they feel like they have to act like romance robots, handing over candy and flowers or expensive gifts just because the calendar says so. Sometimes sharing an inexpensive romantic moment means more than spending your hard earned cash on lingerie your girlfriend will wear once and then bury in the back of her closet.
- Make breakfast for your partner and serve it to them in bed. The classic “breakfast in bed” routine will set a gentle romantic tone for the day, and can be done relatively inexpensively, using items you already have in the kitchen.
- Copy a famous love poem onto your lover’s mirror so that when they wake up and head to the bathroom, they’ll be reminded how you feel. Consider a selection from one of Shakespeare’s sonnets, or even compose your own diatribe. Just remember to write it in something that’s easily washable, and take the initiative to clean it off yourself when the time comes.
- Surprise your date at work on their lunch hour with a simple picnic lunch and a collection of flowers – avoid roses, as they’ve become quite cliché on Valentine’s day. A selection of cheeses, some bread and fruit, and sparkling flavored water make a light and healthy lunch that won’t break your budget.
Romantic Valentine’s Day Dates
If you (or your lover) is the old fashioned type who expects high romance on St. Valentine’s Day, ignoring the day or trying to celebrate it on the cheap could be disastrous for your relationship. You don’t want resentment to crop up later. A few ideas for a romantic Valentine’s date:
- Consider cooking a meal that the two of you can share full of various aphrodisiacs. Some foods considered to be aphrodisiacs are oysters (which increase testosterone production in men and are visually suggestive), pumpkin (for some reason the scent of pumpkin is the biggest “turn on” scent for both men and women), chocolate (which contains theobromide, a chemical that is both a stimulant and an aphrodisiac), truffles (the fungus, not the chocolate concoction), and asparagus. Let your lover know the exact nature of these special ingredients to plant the romantic seed.
- To get out of your everyday routine, you can take your date to a bed and breakfast for a quick getaway. Chances are, there’s one near enough to your home that traveling time would be minimal. Check out BnBFinder.com to make your search easier – they have the largest searchable database of bed and breakfast locations as well as reviews and detailed info on bed and breakfast hotels.
- There is nothing more romantic than a classic opera or piece of musical theatre. Even if you and your date are not normally fans of live theatrical performances, spending one night out of the year in an unfamiliar and romantic setting will spark romance. Look for operas with love themes – you shouldn’t have trouble, as this type of performance is normally put on by theatre companies around Valentine’s Day. The opera La Boheme is a classic love story, but just about any musical will do – from West Side Story to Rent, love and romance is a major theme in theatre.
- If you really want to go all out, plan ahead and set up a romantic getaway to the islands. Valentine’s day comes in the middle of the winter, and most areas of the US will be shrouded in snow and ice – the perfect time to take your date to a tropical location. Contact a travel agent and inquire about Valentine’s Day getaway specials – February is the “off” season for resorts and hotels in the Caribbean, and these locations almost all offer specials during the month of February, many even offer specific Valentine’s Day packages filled with champagne toasts, dinners at the beach, helicopter rides, and romantic suites. You’ll really surprise your partner when you tell them where you’ll be going for Valentine’s Day. Just make sure they have the ability to take time off, or run the trip by them ahead of time.
Valentine’s Day Alternatives
Many people are Valentine’s Day scrooges – either they have had a negative experience in the past, or they don’t like the commercialism surrounding the holiday. Perhaps you and your partner simply aren’t the “romantic” type. If you still want to honor your relationship, consider these alternatives to traditional Valentine’s Day celebrations.
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen. It may not seem like the most romantic thing to share with your lover, but that’s just the point isn’t it. Soup kitchens need volunteers year round, and we could all benefit from offering our help free of charge. Your partner will appreciate your charitable nature, and you may find (as others have) that volunteering in a setting like this is actually fun. You and your lover will meet new people, serve your community, and spend time together all at once.
- Send “just friends” Valentine’s cards. Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate love, and the way I see it there are more kinds of love than just eroticism. Spend the week before Valentine’s Day with your partner making Valentine’s cards for friends and family. Handmade cards will mean more to those who get them, and you and your date will have a good time staying in, cutting out multi colored hearts and writing personalized messages. You can spend the time learning about each other’s friends and family – ask your date who “Uncle Earl” is, and try to explain your weird friend who works at the bakery on the corner. Getting to know each other doesn’t have to mean sharing a bottle of wine at a fancy French bistro.
- Make V-Day resolutions. Why should New Years Day have all the fun? If you and your date don’t want to spend the night out on St. Valentine’s Day, you can stay in, have a simple meal, and share that all important relationship talk you’ve been needing to have. During your talk, decide on some things that need to change in your relationship – maybe you need to share more physical intimacy, or need to be more open with one another. Whatever the resolution, promise it to one another, and keep the promise. Your partner will think your “Valentine’s Day Resolutions” idea is creative and thoughtful, and your relationship can only improve.
All people are subject to different factors that determine what will turn them on. Scientists refer to these factors as “biological imperatives” – they can be related to physical appearance, emotions, or even deep seated sexual desires or “fetishes”. It is impossible to know exactly what will turn someone on without a deep understanding of their character and personality, but there are some basic guidelines – based on their gender – to help you in your pursuit of their attraction.
What Are Some Ways To Turn A Woman On?
Not surprisingly, women generally respond to what is known as “mental foreplay” even more than they tend to react to physical touching.
To turn a woman on, you should try psychological arousal combined with the physical touches they love. Activities that initiate emotion, like anxiety, jealousy, a little healthy bit of fear, and of course laughter or a good old fashioned adrenaline rush are all perfect ways to get her mind in the mood. Her body will follow suit. Consider a scary or sad movie, or a trip to the local pet shelter (finding a “no kill” shelter will keep her from moving from compassion to depression) to incite a mental state that will lead you to the bedroom.
Nothing turns a woman off faster than faking emotion. There’s an old cliché that says that men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. Sure, this is a little bit too easy of an answer, but there is wisdom to it. If a woman feels genuinely loved and desired, her body will respond. Send her emails “just because” that tell your true feelings, even if it’s a simple “I like your smile” or “I loved that dress you wore the other night”. Give of yourself freely and generously, and your sincere affection will do wonders for creating passion and keeping it alive.
Women and men both want the undivided attention of their lover – but women even more so. Properly set the stage when you are alone together and she will be happy in your arms. Turn off the television, even if it’s a good game or a movie you love, and for God’s sake stop reaching for the cell phone. Give your special moments together the privacy they deserve. This way she’ll feel safe and comfortable – a bonus to this technique is that she’ll feel much more uninhibited. Let the woman set the pace of the physical action, and your attention will be properly rewarded every time.
What Are Some Ways To Turn A Guy On?
Men, it turns out, are not as uncomplicated as popular media would have us believe. It isn’t all about big breasts, full figures, and thick lips – in fact, men are just as complex in their turn ons as women. Here are a few general ideas on what turns men on, besides the obvious “tits and ass”.
Good posture is important in a man’s attraction to a woman. Standing tall says you exercise often, take care of your body, and are confident in the way you look. When a woman is proud of her figure, it makes men take notice as well. Remember that your confidence will inspire our attraction.
Men often flaunt their favorite sports teams – I have not one but two ratty Astros hats that proves my allegiance to everyone’s favorite perennial doghouse dwellers. For some reason, we like when women wear ballcaps. For some of us, it is proof that a woman won’t mind curling up on the couch rooting for our new favorite team (read: her favorite team). The ballcap look sends other messages about her personality: she’s “sporty”, comfortable in her own skin, and perhaps the the team she pulls for can reveal a lot about her too. As an Astros fan, I know I’m in for a feisty relationship when I see a Cubs hat. Rivalry in a relationship is healthy, and her loyalty to a cursed ballclub means she’s loyal and has a sense of humor.
Sweet Smelling Hair
It isn’t just visual aspects of a woman that turn men on. Sure, most of us like large breasts and nice figures, but we can be just as turned on by scent. Be creative – all girls have their favorite perfumes and lotions, but there must be something evolutionary in our attraction to good smelling hair. Freshly washed hair on my pillow in the morning is a reminder of why I am attracted to her to begin with – she’s sweet, clean, and more than a little bit sexy.
Its not always wise to walk into the bedroom in something slinky and silky, or tiny and revealing. The look that makes men comfortable in the boudoir is the classic soft rock video vixen – boy’s boxers with the waistband rolled down and a t-shirt that fits just right, bonus points if its my t-shirt or (drool) an old dress shirt of mine. It is curious that men don’t want constant exposure to sexy lingerie, but it is easier for us to be casual and relaxed when the woman is the same way. Treat your man to a sensual treat you’ll both enjoy – a relaxed set of undies.
Okay so this one’s not a huge surprise, but it may be important for women to occasionally make a dumb move or two. Why? Well – its true that men like smart women, but there’s a small part of a man’s (already small) brain that wants her to have the occasional brainfart. If she shows us that she may not know everything, it reinforces a feeling inside a man’s head that he is necessary to her life, that she trusts him, and it satisfies a man desire to help. Also, when a woman screws up, it gives us “permission” to blow it every now and then too – really takes the pressure of perfection off.
Sexy Tips & Advice
Men and women can’t be totally pegged based on their gender alone, but the sexy tips & advice above are as close as you can get to across the board turn ons without stereotyping an entire race. Remember that above all it is important to be yourself, as no one wants to pair themselves off with someone fake.
For more information about some ways to turn a woman on, read:
Relationships are not all about physical love. In fact, communication is widely accepted to be the key to a long lasting and healthy relationship. The best way to let someone know how you feel is to simply say how you feel. Though many of us feel as though we don’t have the words to express such emotions, this is a hangup we’ll just have to get over if we want to talk to our partner about our emotions. Simply saying “words can’t express how I feel about you” won’t work more than about once.
What are some sweet things to say to a girlfriend or boyfriend?
Here are ten guidelines to sweet talk – these are ten tried and true categories of vocal flirting with some suggestions to make them personal or more meaningful.
1. Use a cute nickname in everyday conversation with your lover
It may seem cheesy to you, but using nicknames with one another implies familiarity and a level of comfort that is incredibly good for a relationship. Your nickname can be something generic, like “sweety” or “baby”, or a name based on an inside joke that only the two of you share. Its also good to mix up your nicknames, as it is possible to desensitize your partner to a specific nickname, or just plain drive them crazy. Try to stay away from names that might be hurtful, or names that point out a flaw that a partner might be sensitive about.
2. Say how happy you are to be around your boyfriend or girlfriend
Reminding a lover that you are glad to be with them is a can’t miss technique for expressing your feelings. Too often we forget the simple pleasures of just being with another – or maybe your partner thinks you are getting bored with the relationship. Sometimes all it takes to assuage this kind of fear is a reminder of how you really feel. You can simpy say “I’m so happy to be with you today”, or “I love the time we spend together”, and no doubt it will be appreciated. This is another flirting technique that can be overdone, like the nickname, so use this line sparingly.
3. Talk about how you met and why it was special
The more specific you are the better when remembering your first date, your first meeting, and why that was a special time in your life. My girlfriend and I often talk about how we were supposed to go to a concert put on by a band we both love, and met before the show for a couple of drinks. We ended up talking all night and completely forgetting about the concert. This is a simple and sweet story that we share, and not only does it remind us of how much we’re attracted to each other, but it puts a smile on our faces and can let other people know what kind of couple we are.
4. Tell your lover how much they mean to you
Another category that requires specificity. Simply saying “You mean so much to me” won’t be enough. Get to the heart of your feelings and tell your partner what qualities they have that make your relationship truly meaningful. It can be something as simple as the silly jokes you tell one another that take the edge off a bad day, or something as deep as the special bond you feel with him or her. There’s never a bad time to remind a lover how meaningful your relationship is.
5. Tell your partner how beautiful you think they are
As with most of the categories on this list, mention individual and targeted things about your boyfriend or girlfriend’s physical appearance that you like. It may be best to steer clear of the typical “You have a great butt” or “You have nice eyes” in favor of more unique compliments. Talk about how your girlfriend’s butt looks in her jeans, or how your boyfriend’s eyes make him look kind of thoughtful. You know your partner best . . . tailor your compliment to their personality.
6. Talk about much you love cuddling or being physical with your partner
This one’s easy. While you’re enjoying a moment of closeness together, talk about how special it makes you feel to be held, or to put your arms around your partner. This will emphasize the moment, and make it more memorable. An added bonus – your partner won’t think you’re all about physical love, and will appreciate your kindness and sincerity.
7. Describe how much you like your lovers voice
Maybe your boyfriend’s voice really gets you “in the mood”, or your girlfriend has the cutest giggle that you just love to elicit. Tell your partner exactly what it is about their voice or their laugh that drives you wild, and you’re likely to hear even more of it in the future.
8. Tell your partner how perfect a couple you two make
To ensure your relationship will last, make sure your partner knows that you feel like something close to “the perfect couple”. You can go too far with this one, as everyone knows that perfection is a dangerous and impossible goal, but you can mention details about your partnership that make it work so well.
9. Say that you love your partner’s smile
A smile is an intimate thing to share with someone, especially when you find yourselves “smiling into each other’s eyes”. Reward your lover’s smile with a nice compliment about the shape of his or her mouth, or a comment on how that smile makes you feel inside, and you will reinforce the importance of facial flirting in your partnership.
10. Say a simple “I love you” every day
This one’s self explanatory. Remind your partner of your love at least once a day, and mean it.
Remember that being unique and honest is the most important. It is necessary to express your love simply – the classic “I love you” – but it is just as necessary to specify and quantify this love. The more creative you are, the better the payoff for your compliment or comment.
Love spells have been around for centuries. They have appeared in all manner of stories, faerytales, and folklore. Witches of old have always traditionally cast love spells. We have all heard tales of young men who would travel to the witches hut far in the woods to purchase such spells. The spells have been everything from a bubbling potion to the burning of candles but the intended results are the same.
Most people have scoffed at the idea of magic and incantations. The idea of using some sort of voodoo to get a person to fall in love with you may seem ridiculous but there are many who still practice the art. You do not necessarily have to be a modern day Wiccan or witch to do it. Sometimes you may just need a little help in the love department and decide to try a love spell. But how do you cast love spells? Do you need any specific tools? Here are some quick steps in how to cast love spells.
Wiccans and Witches Love Witchcraft
Before using any love witchcraft, the number one rule is not to hurt anyone. Wiccans and witches believe that anything that you do to others will be visited back on you. If your intentions are good, then good karma will be sent to you. If your intentions are bad, then bad karma will come knocking. Casting a love spell to open someone (including yourself) up to love is okay. Casting a love spell on a specific person to bind them to you is highly unwise. So before you cast any love spells, make sure your intentions are good ones.
The Best Time to Cast A Love Spell
Spells are closely tied to the cycles of the moon. Different phases of the moon will have different effects on spells such as increasing or decreasing their potency. If you cast a love spell during the waning moon will apparently decrease the spells effect. This phase of the moon is actually better for breaking up a love affair, remove obstacles, and drive away unwanted people.
The best phase of the moon in which to cast a love spell is during the waxing moon. This is the time for love spells, spells for success, and spells for fertility. You can also cast love spells during the full moon because that is the most powerful phase. Spells cast during a full moon will instigate an immediate change or a sense of urgency.
Materials for Casting Love Spells
Now that you know when to cast a love spell and under the right conditions, you need to know the proper materials for casting love spells. You will need the following:
- A white candle
- A candle in your favorite color
- Two candle holders
- A piece of cloth, preferably red or pink
- A piece of red ribbon
- A piece of red chalk
How To Cast The Love Spell
After checking your intentions and gathering your materials, you are ready. But how do you cast love spells? There are many ways to do it. The method we are using is for a simple love spell that will open you up and make you more receptive to the love of others.
Take the piece of cloth and lay it before you. The first thing to do is to meditate and prepare. Think of your perfect partner. Think of their physical, emotional, and spiritual qualities. Once you have them firmly in mind then release all thoughts of that person. Get rid of all thoughts of that person and slowly clear your mind.
Once all thoughts of your perfect partner are gone from your mind, then you are ready. Open your spirit up to love by holding the candle of your favorite color. While holding the candle, speak aloud listing all the qualities about yourself that you want to bring into a relationship with your future partner.
Once you are done listing your qualities, place the candle on the piece of cloth before you.
Next pick up the white candle. While holding it, speak aloud listing all the qualities that you are looking for in a partner. Concentrate more on their emotional and spiritual traits instead of superficial ones. After you finish that, take the red ribbon and make it into a heart shape. Place the heart-shaped ribbon around both of the candles. You should start this love spell during a new moon and each day meditate on the relationship that you desire. Everyday, move the candles a little closer to each other. By the time the full moon comes around the candles should be touching one another. When the candles finally touch, take the red chalk and draw another heart around the both the candles and the ribbon. Speak your intentions while doing this and it will seal the spell.
It is important to make yourself accessible to other people during the course of the spell. You should go out and be social. The spell is supposed to open you up to the possibility of love and it cannot do that if you stay in your room all the time. It may take awhile for the spell to work but do not despair. For a spell to be successful, you need to be disciplined, meditate daily, and stay focused.
When it comes to the belief in modern day magic and spells, there are two camps; the believers and the skeptics. The skeptics do not believe in the hocus pocus and practices of today’s pagans and witches. In turn, the pagans and witches accept magic as readily as we accept the belief that gas prices will be higher in another month.
Spells for love, success, luck, and a number of others that are beneficial are still performed by witches, although they claim to be white witches and their spells are harmless. Love spells are as popular as ever and are some of the easier spells one can cast. Beginners can do it or you can pay a professional witch to do it for you. But do love spells really work? Or are they just as the skeptics claim; a lot of mumbo-jumbo? If you are seeking love and you want some additional help in that department, here is some information you might find helpful before you get your chalk and candles.
What Love Spells Don’t Do
The days of spells that specifically target a person to bind them to the spellcaster’s will are over. Or they may still exist only in the latest online rpg. Today’s spells do not twist another’s willpower and freedom. They do not put the target in a trance or force them to do anything that would normally be against their better judgment.
So love spells do not target individuals. That would be in violation of one of the rules in witch etiquette. The rule states: Do not bind another being unless you are willing to be bound. So you cannot use a spell to get that hot guy in the office next to you to fall in love with you.
Why Love Spells Don’t Work
Even witches and magic practitioners agree that spells do not always work. Sometimes they may not work they way that you want them to. One of the main reasons that spells don’t work is because of belief. Do you really believe in magic? Belief is very important for anything to work. If you have to do a project at work, it is much harder if you do not believe that you can do it. If you are playing a round of golf and you do not believe that you are very good, you will likely play a lousy game. Belief is essential if you want something to work.
So let’s say that you do believe in magic or are at least willing to give it a shot. Why won’t a spell work? It could be several things. One of them is concentration. It takes practice and experience to attain the level of concentration needed to enable a spell to work. Spells have to have energy built up in them and then released at just the right time. If you do not have the proper frame of mind, you can’t do it.
Motivation is another cause for love spells not working. You need to do some deep inner thinking before casting a love spell. Ask yourself why you are casting it. Are you seeking to hurt someone else? Are you trying to bind someone to you? Or is it truly to find love? Only when your motivation is true will the spell succeed. Selfish, greedy, or hurtful motivations are counter-productive to love spells and are a sure-fire way to get them to fail.
Timing and energy are other reasons for the failure of a love spell. Cycles of the moon play a big factor in practicing magic, particularly love spells. When the moon is waning, it is at its least power which means there is less power to draw on for the spell. If you want to cast a powerful love spell, you should wait until the moon if full and at its peak.
In love spells, part of the energy also comes from within you. You need to feel vibrant and full of energy when casting love spells. If you are sick, tired, or just don’t feel like you have much energy, then the spell will be a very weak one (if it works at all).
Why Love Spells Work
Practitioners of magic swear that if done properly using positive energy, love spells do work. When the witch or caster has enough energy, the moon is in the right phase, and their motivation is good, the spell has a likely chance of success.
One thing to help a love spell is to make a list of what type of person you are looking for. Without naming a specific someone, give details with pros and cons, likes and dislikes. This narrows down the focus of the spell and allows the energy to find someone that matches what you are looking for.
Now if you do not really believe in magic but are seeking love and willing to give it a shot, there are some things you need to keep in mind. The first is that love comes naturally. Everyone, at some point in their life, will likely find love. But first you have to love yourself. If you do not like yourself, this creates negative energy that disrupts what you are trying to accomplish.
Witches say that love spells work for those who really want to find love. If you are just messing around, you won’t get the best results. But if you are really sincere about finding love, and think about how much you want it when you cast the spell, then it will likely be successful.
Lastly, you need to prepare yourself for love. This means that you have to do some of the work. You can’t expect a spell to do everything. Clean yourself up some. Pay attention to your appearance. Buy some new clothes that will catch someone’s attention. If your hair is a mess, go get it styled. Start wearing a different perfume. If you want to have people over to your place, make sure it is clean so it will impress them. It is hard to find a soulmate if you live in a dump. Do yourself a favor and get yourself together in order to make the love spell work easier.
Have you ever met someone that you had an instant connection with? They were easy to be with and you felt like you could share anything with them. Maybe you felt like you had met before. If you have ever encountered anyone like that, chances were they were a soulmate. Some people spend their entire lives looking for one. The fortunate find theirs and spend the rest of their lives together. Finding your soulmate can be an exhilarating experience while losing them can be devastating. But how do you know if someone is your soulmate? You are likely to meet numerous people in your life that feel an attraction to. Does that mean that they are a soulmate or is it just a normal infatuation? Before you decide, you need to know what a soulmate is.
What Is A Soulmate?
A soulmate is the twin to your soul. It is your perfect partner, one whom you feel a deeper connection to than anyone else. You can also call it true love. Some people have different beliefs about a soulmate. Some people believe that a soulmate is a lover from a previous life. Others think that a soulmate is a piece of your soul that was palced within another person. That is why you spend your life looking for the other half. Whatever you happen to believe, a soulmate is more than just simple physical attraction. It goes deep and can make you more complete than any crush or infatuation.
Do You Just Have One Soulmate?
Chances are there is more than one soulmate out there for you. You are attracted to different people for different reasons and the odds are there is going to be several people who share the same traits as you. These people you will feel closer to. So don’t worry that you have never found (or even lost) your one soulmate. There are many people that might fit the bill.
How Can You Tell If Someone Is Your Soulmate?
Is that person you met last night your soulmate? You both connected so well and you feel comfortable with them so they could be, right? But how do you know? Well, that is the real trick. You don’t know. It could take years before you find out if someone is your soulmate or not. This is why so many people who are obsessed with finding their soulmate miss out on opportunities. They think there will be a lightning bolt that comes down to point their true love out to them. If they don’t get that jolt of instant love that is so popular in movies and romance novels, then they keep looking. By doing this, they could actually miss out on a meaningful relationship. They might even miss their soulmate. So you can never really tell.
Do You Like The Same Things?
Even though there is not a flashing neon sign pointing out your soulmate, there are some clues and indicators that the person you are interested in may be the one you are looking for. One good indicator is whether you like the same things. Similar interests are good clues that a person is your soulmate. This doesn’t mean that if you both like pizza then you are soulmates. Almost everyone likes pizza. But if both of you like the same odd things, such as broccoli and anchovies pizza (hey, its just an example) then that is a big indicator that you are both compatible.
How Comfortable Are You With Them?
Many times when you first meet someone you are interested in, you may feel nervous and have trouble acting like yourself when they are around. If you are with your soulmate, you may not feel nervous at all. It may feel very comfortable or almost familiar. You may find that you don’t have to act a certain way to impress them. Many people who claim they have found their soulmate say that they never once felt nervous or awkward in the other’s presence. It was as if they had been together for a lot longer.
Do You Feel You Could Tell Them Your Deepest Secrets?
Trust is always an issue in any relationship. You may love someone but you might not be able to trust them with everything. You might feel that you have to keep secrets from them. If you should ever be so lucky as to find a soulmate, you will find that you feel as if you can tell them anything. All of your hopes, dreams, and even your deepest secrets should find a safe haven with a soulmate. If you can have complete trust of the person that you are with, then they are a good candidate for your true love.
Finding Your Soulmate?
How do you find your soulmate? It can be like the hunt for the holy grail. You can keep searching and searching and never find it. But have you ever heard the expression that when you are actively looking for love you never find it but when you are not looking for love, that is when it finds you. Sometimes finding your soulmate is like that. Sure, you can go out to the clubs and social events and go through candidates like a line at the buffet. But you can’t force it to happen. Yet at the same time, you can’t be a shut-in who is waiting for fate to do all the work. If you never go out to meet people, you will never meet your true love. Don’t sit around being lonely and waiting to be rescued by your true love. To find your soulmate, you need to be happy on your own. If you are desparate, then it is too easy to mistake infatuation for true love. So you have to get out there and meet people but don’t scrutinize each and every person trying to find that perfect match. It is better to just relax, have fun, and take joy from the people that you do meet. Sooner or later, your soulmate may come along.
Learning how to find your soulmate is like learning how to be
happy – it’s difficult to explain. Telling someone how to find their
perfect romantic partner is elusive, because everyone has a different
idea what perfect is going to be. Searching for a romance that blends
excitement, understanding, and sexual chemistry requires a certain
amount of luck. But there are certain ways you can prepare yourself for
a soulmate, as well as attract the perfect friend and lover for you.
First, if you don’t know what a soulmate is, you won’t know that you
have one, when you are lucky in love. You might go into each
relationship thinking this is the one or this is going to be perfect,
only to be disappointed. Or you might have the misfortune of falling for
someone who isn’t good for you, but tries to gain your affection or
sense of obligation by throwing out words and phrases like “love”, “true
love”, and “soulmate”.
So before we discuss finding your soulmate, let’s discuss the
whole concept of a “soul mate”.
Are There Such Things as “Soulmates”?
Absolutely. In your time on this Earth, you’ve seen people who just
were made for each other. You’ve seen those couples who seem to have no
daylight between them, but not in a bad way. This couple’s personalities
were made to fit together. They make a good team, covering up each
other’s weaknesses, magnifying each other’s strengths, and seem to have
similar attitudes about everything else.
How Do I Know If He/She Is a Soulmate?
That’s a tough one, but I would say, most of the time, you just know.
If I were going to describe what a soul mate is, I would suggest that it
starts with a person you feel comfortable with, but at the same time you
feel stimulated by. There are plenty of people of people you feel
comfortable hanging out with, like your buddies or that friend of the
opposite sex you just aren’t attracted to. That doesn’t make them your
soulmate. At the same time, you’ll meet plenty of members of the
opposite sex whom you’re attracted to or whom you have tremendous sexual
chemistry with, but the two of you aren’t exactly compatible when sex
A soulmate fills the role of friend and lover perfectly. You can be
yourself around this person, and being yourself seems to really turn
this person on. At the same time, this person seems genuine and
comfortable around you, but you’re still highly attracted to him or her.
But that’s only the start of being soulmates.
Do Soulmates Argue and Fight?
Of course, all couples argue and fight, but soulmates are also
friends. Two people that have that passionate, love/hate relationship
are not soulmates. They’re just two people who enjoy living life like a
reality show, having blow-ups and make-ups to give their life a little
of that Hollywood ambiance. They like drama, and they probably like
melodrama. Now that’s perfectly alright, if both those people want to
live that way (and they can keep their fights legal), but they are not
seeking soulmates, whether they call each other that or not.
A soulmate is on your side. He or she has your back. A soulmate is
nurturing and open. While the two of you might have lingering issues
like any other couple, those issues are not an every day, festering
bundle of resentments. They do not turn into tempestuous fights and
arguments. Passive-aggressive behavior is not a trait of a soulmate.
With a pair of soulmates, the two of you really do enjoy each other’s
company, and want to nurture and support one another.
If you’ve been around a while, you realize by now there are all kinds
of love. But love with a soulmate also include affection and endearment.
Does Everyone Have Just One Soulmate?
Most people are lucky to find one soulmate in a lifetime, and many
people never do. But it’s more than likely you have more than one
soulmate out there. The only problem is, the world is such a large place
and there are so many people in it, you might not ever find that person
who is perfect for you. And if you have a soulmate and lose them to bad
fortune somehow, you might not ever find another one.
That doesn’t mean you won’t ever be happy. You can find people you
have affection for. You can find people you love. You can even find
people who’ll love you back. But the two of you won’t be that “perfect
Soulmates, Relationships and Growth
This means that soulmates should stay together, because you’ll never
be happier. But if you do lose your soulmate for some reason – as they
say, growing up is growing apart – that doesn’t mean you should lose
hope you’ll find another.
The fallacy of thinking there’s only one soulmate for everyone is
this idea that people are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. If you lose
that one piece of the puzzle, none of the others in the set will fit
together. People aren’t as rigid and unyielding as puzzle pieces,
though. People can adapt to all kinds of new situations and, sometimes,
that adaption helps us grow and become a better person. The second
soulmate may not be quite the same as the first, but then, we aren’t the
same person we were, either.
These are just a few of the traits of being a soulmate:
- Soulmates are honest and open with each other.
- Soulmates enjoy spending time together. This often (but not
always) means they share many of the same likes/dislikes.
- A soul mate understands when you’re hurting.
- A soul mate makes us a better person.
- A soul mate heals our longstanding emotional wounds.
- A soul mate makes you feel like the romance is a team, not a
pair of competitors.
- A soul mate makes us trust them, and helps you trust yourself.
- Soulmates take joy in each other’s accomplishments.
- Both soul mates give to the relationship.
Again, you can live in a beautiful relationship and not be soulmates.
People make the mistake of turning away from potentially healthy
relationships, because they don’t think the person is perfect. And as I
mentioned earlier, some people love drama in their romances. They thrive
on the love/hate relationship. Get two people who share that view and
they might have great chemistry, though it drives everyone around them
What Soulmates are Not
Often, if you have a soulmate, you know it without having to ask
yourself. Still, everyone wants a soulmate, so it’s easy to fool
yourself into thinking you have a soulmate, when it’s something else you
have. If your partner tries to keep you in the relationship by claiming
you are soulmates, test their actions against these traits. If your
relationship resembles these descriptions below, your boyfriend,
girlfriend or spouse is not your soulmate.
- Life with a soulmate is not a constant battle.
- With soul mates, “who’s right” isn’t an issue.
- Arguments are rare between two soulmates.
- A soulmate doesn’t make psychological scars worse.
- Soulmates don’t criticize in order to gain control.
- Abuse, either emotional or physical, doesn’t happen with
- Intimidation or manipulation are not the traits of soulmates.
Don’t get me wrong: there is no “ideal” marriage or romance. Soulmates have
arguments. Soulmates have lingering issues. Soulmates don’t always have
the same likes and dislikes, or at least don’t share exactly the same
likes and dislikes. The two of you are not a mirror image of one
another, though often, because of your tendency to see things the same
way, your friends might come to think you are.
With soulmates, your relationship is one based mostly on honesty,
trust, affinity for one another, empathy for one another, joy, synergy,
and comfort. At the same time, being soulmates isn’t boring or
passionless. That’s a whole different type of marriage or relationship,
based on being comfortable with one another. Once again, friends might
mistake the two, viewing from the outside.
Soulmates in Love
Instead, soulmates are able to combine this idea of partnership,
teamwork, giving, and common goals, and still have a passionate romance.
It sounds perfect, which is why every lover wants a soulmate. Life with
a soulmate isn’t paradise, but it’s close enough that you won’t mind
most of the time.
How to Find a Soulmate
So let’s get to advice for one of the hardest things to do in the
world: finding your soulmate. These tips and suggestions aren’t going to
tell you where you need to go or what you need to say to pick up your
perfect mate – that’s going to be different for each person. Instead,
I’ll give you a guide for connecting with a soul partner. Finding the
perfect love has a lot to do with being the perfect soulmate material.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #1 – Understand Yourself
Before you find the perfect mate for yourself, you have to know who
you are. You have to know the kind of guy or girl you’re searching for.
Who’s going to make you happy? What type of traits do you want in a
girlfriend or boyfriend? Put the shoe on the other foot: which of your
traits do you want to be “perfect” for someone of the opposite sex?
Too many people settle for whoever they start dating. Maybe they
don’t think they can find someone else. Maybe they haven’t had a lot of
luck in love, so they stay with the first person of the opposite sex who
pays them attention. That’s not likely to help you find a soulmate. You
have to know what you stand for, know what you want, and then start
finding that person.
What do you want your life to be about? Fun and excitement? Sports
and thrill-seeking? Travel and entertainment? Devotion to a cause?
Devotion to your faith? Devotion to your church? Do you want to devote
yourself to a life of learning? The pursuit of money or influence? Do
you want a corner office? Do you want to retire by the time you’re 40?
Once you have an idea what you want out of life, you can start to
understand yourself, and understand where your soul-mate would fit into
that life. A lot of people reevaluate these questions every 5 years or
so, which is why people grow apart in relationships and marriages. But
if you are walking around trying to find a soulmate, you don’t even know
what you’re searching for.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #2 – Be the Person You Would Want to
Next, start to work on self-improvement. Be the type of person people fall in
love with. What is it about you that someone would love? If you love
that part of yourself, you probably want your soulmate to love that part
of you, too.
What part of you do you think another person wouldn’t find that
attractive, or could be improved? Start to work on that aspect of your
life or personality. If you think you need a better job or education, go
back to school or start applying for better jobs. If you don’t think
you’re physically attractive enough, go to the gym, get in shape, and
start to pay closer attention to your fashion sense. If you don’t think
you’re giving enough, or you’ve got rough edges that turn people off and
push them away, then start to improve your “personality habits”. These
can be improved, if you want to improve them.
Even if you think you’re a great guy or girl to be around, find
something to improve and work on it. No one is perfect, and you should
always be trying to improve in some way. If nothing else,
self-evaluation is good for you.
How to Find Your Soulmate Suggestion #3 – Be Patient
While you’re searching for this soulmate, maintain your patience.
This might happen tomorrow, or it might never happen. That’s scary to
hear, but it’s true. There’s a certain factor of luck or destiny that
goes with finding your soul-mate. Stay patient; it’s either going to
happen or it isn’t. But don’t lose faith, because it could happen the
next time you go to the grocery store.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #4 – Keep an Open Mind
Here’s where things get complicated. You remember when I suggested
you get in your mind the traits and personality quirks you expect to
find in a soulmate? I guarantee you, when you find this person, there’s
going to be some part of their personality that’s going to surprise you.
You would never have imagined your soulmate having this quirk or
characteristic, but you’re going to find this trait adorable. That’s the
way love works.
The point being, don’t be searching for the perfect person. No one is
perfect. In fact, we often fall in love with a person because of some
flaw or imperfections. Philosophers have talked about this. It’s often
that trait that stands out about this person, which makes them different
than everybody else you’ve ever met. So keep an open mind, because
everything else about this person might be perfect for you.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #5 – Accept People For Who They Are
This next suggestion goes hand-in-hand with the last one. Accept your
love partner for who he or she is. If you try to change your soulmate,
you’re falling into the “what soulmates are not” category. If there are
too many things about this person that annoy you, then either you or
your partner isn’t soulmate material. More than likely, if you’re the
type who lives to find faults in others, you’ll never find a soulmate.
That’s just not what it’s about.
Instead, accept your partner for who he or she is. This is the person
you love. Try to take this love at face value and see where it takes
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #6 – Love this Person
This next tip should come easy: love with an open heart. Don’t attach
conditions to your love. Don’t love only if this person changes their
life for you. Don’t love only if he or she changes all their hobbies, or
stops talking to friends or family. These are attempts by you to control
the other person, and that’s not what a soulmate does. The soulmate is a
partner, not a tyrant. On the other hand, if your partner is trying to
control you, they aren’t a soulmate. They have to give willingly, and
you have to give willingly.
Soulmate Tip #7 – Trust this Person
Trusting another person in love is hard to do, if you’ve ever had
that trust abused before. But if you want a soulmate, you have to give
this person love unconditionally. “Unconditionally” means not holding
back. Not holding back means you have to trust that your love is going
to be received and requited.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #8 – Weather the Storms
Just because you and your romantic partner have a fight, that doesn’t
mean you aren’t soulmates and it’s all over. I hope that isn’t the
impression I made. Even the best of love is complicated.
Every relationship has its problems. Maybe the two of you are great
together, and you’re great when it’s just the two of you. But maybe you
have family members who don’t want to see the two of you together. Maybe
you have family members who would love to see you two together, but make
your life miserable in other ways.
Maybe you have a long distance relationship, or the two of you have
money worries. Maybe one or both of you are working a job you hate.
Maybe the two of you don’t have time to enjoy the hobbies you enjoyed
together before. Maybe having kids makes it hard to find time to be “soulmates”
like you were at one time.
Life is difficult, under the best of circumstances. Life is going to
have challenges, whether you have a soulmate or not. Everyone has phases
where things get crazy, but those phases usually end. The two of you are
there for one another in the bad times, and not just the good. So don’t
bail out when you feel a little turbulence.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #9 – Don’t Take Soulmates for Granted
Remember, this is your soulmate. Appreciate what you have and
understand that most people aren’t as lucky as you are. Many people fall
in love, but few people find a true soulmate. Do stop, take a deep
breath, and realize every once in a while that the two of you have
something special. If he or she seems to have forgotten, too, do
something to remind them about how special the two of you are.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #10 – Enjoy Each Other’s Company
Also remember to have fun. Having a soulmate means you are sharing
everything with your best friend. That should be a lot of fun. The two
of you should laugh and enjoy being in each other’s company. Soulmates
get the best of both worlds – a great romance and a great friendship.
Both of those should be exciting and joyful.
Advice for Finding Your Soulmate – Don’t Give Up
If you haven’t found your soulmate yet, don’t give up. You never know
when love is going to walk in the door. There’s no magic formula for how
to find a soulmate, but when you do find your soulmate, there is a world
of ways to make the most of your good fortune. Good luck.
As wonderful as it is to be in a romantic relationship, there are times when all of us are “alone”. Being single is both a blessing and a curse, as is being in a relationship. It is impossible to imagine a person who never lives a single day without a lover — even the most attractive Don Juan will have a dry spell or two. It is important to appreciate the the advantages of being single, just as it is important to appreciate your life in a relationship.
What Are The Advantages Of Being Single?
To understand the advantages of being single, we must understand the sometimes negative aspects of romance.
When you’re dating someone, your time and money are spent cultivating that relationship. Male or female, regardless of who pays for dates, being in a romantic partnership can be very expensive. Men and women seem to feel the need to make themselves beautiful with cosmetic products, new clothing, even fancy cars or apartments in order to make themselves more attractive to their partner. This is all well and good, but if you don’t make much money or are between jobs, a romance can literally bankrupt you. An advantage of being single is enjoying the frugal life you can live. Women — skimp on the makeup and perfume. It can be a very freeing experience to go out of your house “just as you are”. Men — take yourSELF out for a steak dinner. Even if you order a more expensive cut of meat or a slightly nicer bottle of wine, the bill will still be half has expensive as it would be with a partner. Take the money you save as a single person and stick it in a savings account or a financial investment — you’ll need it as soon as you get involved in your next romance.
Benefits Of Being Single
One of the benefits of being single is indepence. Quite often, boyfriends and girlfriends feel the need to be accountable to their partner for their actions. How many times have you had to call and update your lover as to your whereabouts, your plans for the evening, or just exactly where you were last night? While this need to be in constant contact with a lover is not healthy, it is very common. Having responsability for your self is a good benefit of being single — no one will call and want to know why you spent six hours at the bar throwing darts, or why you and your girlfriends walked around the mall for the entire afternoon. In short — you can do what you want, when you want to do it, without having to fess up to anyone later. There’s no asking for permission, no guilt to deal with later, and no feelings of remorse to ruin your night out with friends. We all love the responsibilities that come with love, but enjoy the benefits, being single can be a time for you to enjoy your self. There will be plenty of time for guilt later.
One of the first things sacrificed when you enter into a romanctic relationship is time spent with your friends. Think back to your last serious love affair — how many of your friends complained that they didn’t see you as much anymore, or that you were spending all your time with your new lover? Being single means having all the time in the world to develop those important friendships that will be with you your whole life. A girlfriend or boyfriend may come and go, but your friends will always be there for you, and using your single time to cultivate their friendships will pay off in dividends the next time your heart gets broken.
Enjoy The Single Life
By examining some of the drawback of being in a relationship you can learn to enjoy the single life. Another aspect of a relationship is that you lose time to develop your own interests and well being. It seems that every time I get into a relationship, I work out less, I read less, and self improvement gets put on the back burner, or even worse, gets tossed out the window altogether. If you find yourself suddenly single, take the time that you would normally spend with a lover and use it to make yourself even more attractive. Take a college course, read that long novel you’ve been staring at in the bookstore window, do some yoga, go on a diet — anything to make yourself a better person. Not only will you be better of for it, but you may find that this increase in your charisma will attract potential future partners. Working out, increasing your brain power, etc. will only make you more attractive to potential mates. Of course, this means that eventually you’ll give up these new pursuits — but the improvement you gain while single can’t be taken away. Being single is the perfect time to work on the most important person in your life: you.
Being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Casual dating is a vital part of your development — believe it or not, it is possible to date without the serious commitments that get in the way of your life. In other words, being single frees you up to date a variety of people. You might consider dating someone you would never think of as a “partner” — you never know what you can learn about yourself and other people by expanding your horizons. By taking a variety of people out on casual dates, you’ll expand your future pool of romantic partners, and at very least you can make some new friends. Dating new people also opens up new activities, things you may have never tried or even considered. I once went on a casual date with a girl from Ethiopia who wanted to take me to an authentic Ethiopian restaurant. This is not a type of food I would normally seek out, but I found out that I LOVE Ethiopian food. I now seek out Ethiopian restaurants in every city I visit. This is just one small example — perhaps you’ll take a very adventurous friend out on a date, and he or she will want to go sky diving or take a hot air balloon ride. The adrenalin rush will not only increase the sparks between the two of you, but its good for your mental health and well being. Being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely — it can simply mean a wider scope of potential partners.
Last but not least another advantage of being single is that it’s a million times less stressful than being in a serious relationship. Many of our relationships cause stress, and stress is just plain awful for our physical and mental health, causing depression, changes in blood pressure, a weakened immune system, and all sorts of potential nasty side effects. The single life is a relatively stress free life. You can enjoy your time alone, lounge around the house naked, take part in your favorite activities without wondering if your partner is enjoying it, and just generally relax. People pay good money to therapists and gyms to avoid stress, when simply living the single life can do much to relieve stress.
There is nothing wrong with having a serious romantic partner. In fact, I firmly believe that healthy relationships are the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. But its just as important to recognize when we need to be single, and to acknowledge the positive side of the single life. The next time you find yourself “alone” consider this — you’re never alone if you’ve got yourself, and being single can be the best way to really learn who you are. So cheer up — all is not lost just because you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Now — I’m off to go bowling with my buddies, but first I have to call my girlfriend and make sure its okay. Man, this single life is looking better and better all the time…
So you find yourself single — alone and with no prospects for dating. This is a common problem — some people find that after a divorce they don’t know any single people. Married couples, after all, tend to hang out with other married couples. Perhaps you’ve moved to a new town and don’t know many people. Its also possible that you’ve exhausted the dating pool in your social group and haven’t yet found that perfect match. Its time to move on and meet new singles.
I have so many friends who have recently moved on from long term relationships, and most of them are chasing the same old singles scene — getting drunk at the bar and stumbling home with whoever agrees to talk to them or buy them a drink. When these relationships don’t work out, as is often the case, I hear the same question again and again — “Where can I meet other singles?”.
Eight Good Places To Meet Singles
The possibilities for meeting new people are endless. Here are eight good places to meet singles where you can start looking for like minded singles.
Volunteering your time at the charity of your choice serves two purposes. Not only will you be giving back to your community, but you’ll be meeting like minded people, many of whom may be out of a relationship or actively looking for a new one. Soup kitchens, food banks, church sponsored thrift stores, the local YMCA — there are likely dozens and dozens of volunteer opportunities near your home, all of which need service work, and all of which are stocked with people who have at least one thing in common with you.
2. Community theatre
Maybe you’ve always fancied yourself an actor — the local community theatre is always looking for “new blood” to audition for their performances. If acting isn’t in your blood, perhaps you would be interested in building sets or costume design or even helping at their box office. Community theatre groups depend on volunteer work to stay afloat, as they make very little money from ticket sales and can usually afford to pay only a few high ranking members, if any at all. Plus, there are tons of other volunteers at these groups, people of all ages and walks of life who share a common love for the theatre. Working alongside someone, whether it is sawing boards, tearing tickets, or auditioning, is a wonderful and creative way to get to know them without the pressure of “cruising” a bar or restaurant.
3. Wine tastings
Americans are becoming more and more interested in wine, and restaurants are starting to host wine tastings to stir up interest in their wine lists and to make a little money while they’re at it. These events are usually inexpensive, quite casual, and full of people looking to make social connections. Besides the opportunity to taste new and exciting wines, you can meet people who share your love of wine. Think of the wine tasting as a chance to communicate with people you don’t know, but may be interested in knowing, without the pressure of being hit on. After all, wine is a social experience, and who can blame you for striking up a conversation with the attractive person sitting next to you?
4. Book clubs
Check your local libraries and coffee shops for posting on book clubs. These clubs encourage discussion and sharing, a great way to meet new people without feeling like you’re stalking them, and during the discussion of a novel you can learn a lot about a person’s tastes, political leanings, and other personality facets without having to pry. If you’re the intellectual type, you know that most of the people at your book club are right up your alley. Readers almost always get along with other readers.
5. Have a singles party
Though this may sound a bit bold, it can be easy and you can set up a relaxed atmosphere where people don’t feel pressued to “hook up”. The simplest way to throw a singles party would be to get a couple of your single friends or coworkers together, and have each of them invite two people. Those two people can then each invite a couple of people and so on. Sooner than you think, your home (or your friend’s home) will be full of people who haven’t met before, but will certainly be relaxed enough to communicate with another. You could even combine your party with any of the other ideas listed here — consider having a “singles wine tasting” party or a “singles book club” event. Be creative, and try to invite people who you think will get along on some level.
6. Play a sport
Get out in nature and join a sports team at a local park or gym. Not only will your body be healthier for it, but you’re very likely to meet people that you will have at least the love of sports in common with. Most larger cities have soccer tournaments, softballl leagues, volleyball matches, or some sort of sport that is free or cheap to join and a blast to play. Getting all sweaty and worked up around a bunch of like minded singles is a great way to break the ice with them.
7. Go to a high school or college reunion
If you’re like me, you’ve got a school reunion coming up — who knows what has become of your old friends from your school days? That nerdy kid with buck teeth may be an engineer for NASA with a gym membership and a good orthodontist, and he may be looking for a potential mate. At very least, meeting up with old friends will probably lead to forming new social groups — surely your BFF from high school has a couple of single friends that you could be matched up with. You can relive old memories and look for dates all at the same time.
8. Start a new job
While it isn’t always the best idea to form an office romance, starting a new job can kickstart a new life. Perhaps you’ll make more money, perhaps you won’t, but you’re sure to meet new people and make new contacts. Increasing the size of your circle of friends can only increase the likelihood that you’ll meet someone special.
Meeting Other Single People
There are plenty more places for meeting other single people. You can brainstorm based on this handful of ideas and come up with your own — the main idea is to think outside the box. Meeting other single people by going to bars and dance clubs can be grueling, expensive, and a big waste of time — the quality of people you meet at places like this isn’t always the highest. If its time to meet someone new, and if you’re willing to put a little effort into it, meeting singles is as easy as walking out your front door.
Cruise ships are often populated with happy couples celebrating their honeymoon, an important anniversary, or just enjoying a vacation away from land, taking in all that the ocean has to offer. It can be difficult for someone without a romantic partner to relax and enjoy their cruise, what with all the romance, hand holding, and pairing off that goes down. In fact, it would be easy to become bitter as a single person on a cruise ship — “Everyone else has a lover, why don’t I?”
If you’re not in a relationship and love the idea of going on an ocean cruise, consider taking a singles cruise. There are more and more cruises aimed at singles every year, meaning your options for cruise destinations, activities, and ports of call are nearly endless.
Going On A Singles Cruise
Going on a single cruise is just like any themed cruise — think of a Disney cruise aimed at children and families, or a gambling cruise set up for people who enjoy gaming — a singles cruise is designed with the single person in mind. Generally, single people over the age of 21 will have the best time on a cruise ship, and most singles cruises are limited to adults of drinking age and older. After all, it wouldn’t be much of a singles cruise if you couldn’t sit at the bar and mingle.
Single Cruise Activities
On a singles cruise, the cruise directors go out of their way to provide activities that will be interesting to singles and will give you the most opportunities to meet new people. You’ll get to participate3 in single cruise activities without worrying about if someone is married or involved in a relationship, meeting and greeting potential romantic interests is easier and takes place in a more relaxed environment. You will usually find multiple private and public singles “meet and greet” type events, where food and drinks are set out, music will be playing, and hundreds of singles just like yourself are waiting to meet. Cocktail mixers are a cruise ship stand-by, and a singles cruise will host many of these, naturally. You can also expect to attend “lectures” on topics like “How to meet the perfect man” or “What to say on your first date”. Theme parties and costume parties are a common icebreaker on singles cruises, as hiding behind a mask or a costume allows you a great degree of freedom — think of the romantic first meeting of Romeo and Juliet at a masquerade ball.
An interesting feature of the singles cruise is the pre-cruise activities. Starting about two months before your cruise, it is common for a cruise ship company to operate a message board online where you can “meet up” with other cruise attendees beforehand. For those of you that don’t want to walk onto the ship knowing exactly no one, this message board (open only to people attending your specific cruise) is a great way to get a jump start on making new friendships. Also, you’ll have the opportunity to arrive at the city where you’ll be departing a few days early (normally with a discounted hotel rate) to meet up with other cruise ship patrons, have dinner, and maybe spark some early romance. All of these activities have grown out of the singles cruise industry — cruise directors have found that these activities work to loosen up their cruise patrons, and pre-cruise meetings and message boards have become something of a standard.
A sampling of some actual upcoming singles cruises may help you decide if this is your kind of scene. Carnival Fun Ships seem to offer the most number of exclusive singles cruises, ranging from 3 night weekend getaways to the Bahamas all the way up to 14 day adventures in the Mediterranean. Upcoming cruises depart from Ft. Lauderdale (with stops in Cuba, Jamaica, and Mexico), Miami (stopping in Puerto Rico, St. John, and St. Thomas), and even New York City (with stops in the beautiful Turks and Caicos). There is more to a single’s cruise than bars and mixers — with stops at beautiful tropical locations, you’re free to explore exotic beaches, shop duty free in locations like Belize and Costa Rica, and take part in water adventures like Windsurfing and Kayaking.
Amenities In A Singles Cruise
Unless otherwise noted in the cruise contract, you will most likely be charged an additional fee for the singles services. While the standard amenities in a singles cruise will be provided, you should check with the cruise company to see if you will be paying for your food and drink (this differs from cruise to cruise and from ship to ship) or any other amenities you may need along the way. Also, unless you specify that you want a single room (and pay for the privelege), you will most likely be paired up with a single person of the same gender for the duration of the cruise. Luckily, some of the better amenities in a singles cruise offer some kind of “roommate matching” service, so that you don’t end up with someone you can’t stand.
The typical age range for singles cruises is between 30 and 50 — this may be due to the cost of a cruise, as singles in their 20s most likely can’t afford such a vacation. However, there will always be a variety of ages present on any cruise, and if you’re concerned about the age group on the cruise of your choice, simply ask the cruise organizer, and he or she can fill you in or direct you to a better option for your age.
If you’re interested in same sex relationships, there are gay and lesbian cruises offered, though your options will be more limited that heterosexual singles cruises. Again, talk to the cruise organizer for more information and to find the option that’s best for you.
If you’re single and in the market for a unique vacation, consider taking a singles cruise. These cruises are specifically aimed at groups of unmarried people looking to make friends or find a lasting love connection. Don’t forget about the singles-specific events and activities, the games, speed dating events, dance lessons, and parties you’ll attend while on the cruise — all designed for singles. Who knows — you may meet the partner of your dreams on the high seas.
Most people who tend to be shy are those who have had bad experiences or lack self esteem. This can be due from being talked down to, a bad experience with a stranger, or harshly punished as a child. Other people have been shy since birth and lack the confidence needed to step out of their shell. They feel as if they are being watched every move they make and do not want to be embarrassed by their actions be it verbal or physical. Some people live their whole life this way and the negative frame of mind and the scariness of getting over their shyness progresses with time.
Overcoming Shyness Tips & Advice
Being shy can be cute for a child, but as you grow up it will inhibit what you are willing to do as an adult and even go as far as inhibiting what you will be able to accomplish. Although it will be harder said then done, here are some overcoming shyness tips & advice.
Recognize Your Strengths
You have many and probably do not realize it. Many shy people tend to look at themselves in a more negative light and feel as if people can see right through them. The important thing to realize is that most people concentrate on themselves and their faults and do not look for faults in others. As self centered as that may sound, this also should provide some relief. They are looking at their own faults and not your own. Do not focus on any weaknesses you may have.
Practice Talking To Yourself in a Mirror
It is crucial to be able to talk to others and talking to yourself in a mirror can help. Have a conversations with yourself. Even go as far as practicing different conversations starters that you can try. Also practice standing straight and looking into the mirror as you talk. Body language goes a long way and you want to look interested in the person you are talking to.
Talk to Others
This may be hard but there really is no way around it. Initiate some conversation. A great way of doing this is “Hi, how is your day going?” Little did you know, the person you just asked had a great day and is bursting at the seams to tell you about it. Try this a couple times each day until you are comfortable. Engaging in conversations is the best way to get over your shyness.
Be engaged in what others are saying and express that through your body language and by saying simple things such as “Really?” “Wow!” or other things that show that you are interested. Looking at the floor or shuffling your feet because you feel embarrassed is only going to turn off the person you are talking to.
You Are Not Alone
Many others feel the same way you do, even worse. Isn’t it much easier to be in a room full of people knowing that half of them are just as shy? It should be, and it should be comforting as well. Many others face the same issues you may and if you can step out of the box and show them it is possible to overcome shyness you will have made some friends and have made some progress as well.
Practice, Practice, Practice
The most important thing that can do is practice these steps. There are so many ways to overcome being shy, but the most important is to be yourself and like yourself for who you are. Many others will like you as well as you become less insecure and more confident. Confident people stand out and are liked by their peers. Being liked also boosts self esteem, which in turn makes you more confident and less shy. See where this is going?
Although shyness is very common, it can also do more harm than good. There is nothing really positive that comes from being shy. You will notice that talking to others and feeling more secure about yourself will bring about positive things. It will also have a tendency to have a snowball effect or in other words, as things get better and you become more confident, it will only continue to do so until you are brimming with confidence. So go get in front of a mirror and start practicing and try to start a conversation with the first person you see. You will see a difference.
Younger guys who are dating often don’t have a whole lot of extra money to spend. Some of these guys want to be romantic with their date or girlfriend, or at least feel the need to be romantic. If you’re looking for ways to be romantic and not spend a whole lot of money, here are some ideas that will keep her guessing while you’re saving money.
Romance Without Spending Money
I write this for guys, but these ideas apply to you girls out there who want some romance without spending money on romantic moments, too. All you women out there should feel free to get ideas from the article below, too.
- Don’t Create Big Expectations – First of all, don’t create expectations from the beginning that you’re going to spend big amounts of money on your date or partner. Guys often make the mistake of sending whole bouquets of flowers when they first start dating, but do not doubt that is a mistake. First of all, she may think you’re desperate for her approval, instead of trying to be romantic. Second, she comes to expect big batches of flowers, and probably more and more as time goes by. If you want to send a token of your affection, send one flower. One rose is just as romantic and probably more romantic than a dozen roses. You can work up to the dozen roses and two dozen roses and three dozen roses later, when you have more money.
- Cook Her Dinner – There’s nothing more romantic for a woman to have a guy wait on her. Cooking her a meal is a lot cheaper than going out to a nice restaurant, and you are putting out a lot of effort just for her. If you have the skills to cook for a woman and make a tasty meal, this is a romantic situation. You have more privacy. You can add candlelight and the appropriate romantic foods. Throw in a less expensive bottle of wine and you have the perfect evening. Speaking of wine, that reminds me of something.
- Don’t Order Alcohol – If you go out to a restaurant, it’s a classic mistake to order alcohol. Spirits are supposed to be mood-lifters, cutting the edge off of nervousness and letting you be less inhibited. The thing is, you probably need a few inhibitions on a first date, and alcohol is crazy expensive in restaurants. If you have a few drinks, you’re likely to say something or do something that is not going to be romantic. Alcohol and romance do not necessarily go together, and certainly they don’t go together cheaply. Besides, a part of romance is expectation of what’s to come, and having a healthy level of butterflies is a good part of those expectations. Alcohol gets rid of the butterflies.
- Less Is More – Keep your girlfriend wanting more. If things go well, it’s natural to want early dates to last all night. But don’t go on a long date when you first start dating. If you keep her wanting more, that will keep her in anticipation of the next date and the date after that. Besides, shorter dates are cheaper dates.
- Avoid Talking About Money on a Date – One last thing about saving money in your relationship. When you want to be romantic without spending lots of money, you have to be a bit like a magician. That is, your date shouldn’t “see the strings”, so to speak. Create the illusion that you’re being romantic cheaply because you want to be romantic, not because you want to be cheap. Don’t talk about money and don’t brag about saving money in front of your date. The less said about finances, the better.
Inexpensive And Romantic Date Ideas
There’s never “nothing to do”. When you don’t have a lot of money and you don’t want the same old date, that’s when you have to get creative. Here are all kinds of inexpensive and romantic date ideas.
- Thrift Dating – Have a dating game. Agree to go to a local thrift store at the start of your date. Each of you buy one item of clothing for less than $5 or $10 and agree to wear it on the date. This will be fun, a little romantic and certainly different. The shopping experience creates camaraderie and lets your date know that you’re not taking things too seriously.
- Night Time Picnic – If the weather is good and you know of a safe place for some stargazing at night, go for the night time picnic. Spread out a blanket for the two of you to sit on, bring along some cheese and crackers and sit under the stars together. Your local park or lake are appropriate settings. So is a local outdoor free concert or play.
- Living Room Picnic – Couples end up staying at home a lot when they don’t have money. If you’re in the same dreary setting, then do something to make the setting a little less dreary. Spread out the blanket and have a home picnic in your living room. People who can’t go out for a concert or stand-up act can rent a concert video or comic DVD and pretend they went out on the town to see a show. If you really want to trick things up, combine this with the next romantic idea.
- Home Spa – We all like to be pampered. There are few women I know that don’t like the spa treatment. Unfortunately, spas tend to be expensive. That’s where the “home spa treatment” comes into play. Get a home spa kit and treat your girlfriend to a night a her masseur. Look for “home spa kit” or shiatsu massage kits in your local bath & body type stores.
- Nostalgia Trip – Go back to the place you went on your first date. Remind her that you remember your first date and how magical it was. A nostalgia trip is great if you do it only every so often, because it shows you have fond memories of your past without dwelling too much on it. A little nostalgia is romantic. You might even play “your old song” that the two of you shared on the way to the restaurant. Since you were younger and likelier had less money when you started dating, this has the added advantage that the restaurant should be cheaper. Ignore this suggestion is you spent a lot on the first date.
- Celebrate Your Romance and Give Her a Gift – Buy her an inexpensive gift or a card to celebrate your romance. This doesn’t have to be for a holiday or anniversary, and in fact this works better when it’s not. You’ll surprise her with a surprise celebration and gift. Once again, the gift doesn’t have to be expensive, either. The idea that you give her a token of your affection for no other reason than to “celebrate your love” is more romantic than giving gifts according to some time table. Once again, being romantic is about exceeding her expectations. She expects one thing from you and you give her more. She’ll appreciate that more than just another expensive gift.
This topic is a little bit more interesting because there is not a right or wrong answer. You will ultimately do the most cheesy thing you can think of because you know your girlfriend will see past the cheesiness and really appreciate what you have done. So we will discuss things you need to consider to really pull this off and look like a gentleman.
Planning a Romantic Meal
So, first things first. If you are planning a romantic meal for your girlfriend it is essential to know what her favorite dishes are. Make sure to think of a few and the reason is that you may not be experienced enough to cook lobster, but you may be able to boil noodles right? Hopefully you see the picture I am trying to paint here. It is important that you do not get over your head and you do something that is within your limits. This is not to say that you should not challenge yourself, but make sure you skim through a cookbook or a recipe online and realize the commitment needed to prepare that dish.
Now that you know what you are going to cook, it is time to plan the day. If you have an upcoming anniversary, use that. Or, if you two have a regular date night then that would be perfect as well. This is the time that you need to also decide if the event will be a surprise or not. If so, then you will need to figure out a way to get her out of the house. You will want to make sure that she will be gone long enough for you to go to the store, prep your dish, prepare the dish, and set the table and present. In my previous experience, I made fettuccine alfredo and needed about 2 hours or so. That allowed me enough time to prep the cheese, boil the noodles, fry the chicken, and make my own cheese sauce.
Preparing a Romantic Dish
On the day you are preparing the romantic dish. Find a way to get her out of the house. And do anything possible to get her out without being overly suspicious. Tell her to go shopping or go see some friends. You can even pull a double whammy and send her out to get pampered at a local spa. Once she is gone, then you really need to focus on what you are doing. Read the instructions on the recipe carefully and do EXACTLY what it says. If you are cooking meat, make sure the chicken or poker is up to temperature. We are not trying to make anyone sick. Provided no other natural disaster occurs, you should be ok. After that and depending on the complexity of your dish, you can then set the table. Everyone is slightly different and so you may want candles or flowers or a combination of both. If you can time it right, have the food on the table when she walks in. She will be very surprised and more or less at the fact that you can cook something outside the microwave!
If you can not manage to surprise her with the event, you can ask her to join you and help cook. This is a really great bonding tool between a couple and can make you two very close. However you decided to do it, this is really a situation where “the thought counts” and she will be happy that you did this no matter the outcome.
Whether you are looking to spice up your current relationship or solidify a newly forming romantic courtship, knowing how to plan a romantic dinner for two can help you. It does not have to be complicated or even expensive. The key to planning a successful dinner is knowing your mate and planning accordingly.
Some people like to get away for dinner and try out a new restaurant. If you are taking this route, be sure to talk to some people who have actually eaten there before. Otherwise you may go through the trouble of planning your date and ending up at a place that is disappointing. There are many online resources available to help you find the right restaurant. Sites like 10 best offer the top ten restaurants in your area with user reviews. Yahoo Local also has similar reviews for you to check out.
It is nice to hire a limo on such a special occasion, if you can afford it. At the very least, rent a nice car for the evening to show your date how special he or she is. Plan an activity for after dinner like a romantic stroll through a local park. Take advantage of whatever special places your area has to offer. This is the best time to relate your feelings of affection to your mate. Take the time to talk about your relationship and plans for the future. Don’t miss the perfect opportunity to share your feelings with the one you love.
After your walk, ask your date in if appropriate. Have some wind and fruit waiting along with mood lighting and soft music. A flower arrangement is also excellent for setting a romantic mood. Spend some intimate time together on the sofa, or better yet, in the bedroom. Make this night one that she will never forget by sharing your feelings and your love.
While eating out is the easiest way to plan a romantic dinner for two, eating in also has its appeal. This is especially good when you have a tight budget but want to really impress your love. Cooking for someone is a nurturing activity that shows you care. It is best to plan a simple no-fail meal to ensure all goes well. The perfect menu may be a simple vegetable quiche with fruit and wine. Whatever you choose, pay attention to your date’s tastes and show him or her you have been paying attention to what they like.
You can create a sense of excitement and anticipation by sending a little note with flowers to your date, inviting them to dinner. A written invitation will create more excitement than a phone call. You can even send the invitation by email, but be sure to ask for a read receipt so you know your date received the invitation. Be creative and mention that this is a romantic dinner for two. Leave the details to his or her imagination but be sure to tell him or her to dress up. Your love will arrive excited and anticipating the pleasures to come.
Prepare five items that need very little fuss. An easy-to-prepare appetizer might include Italian bread with dipping oil or stuffed mushrooms. However, try to avoid cooking with garlic on a romantic evening. Nothing is worse than bad breath in an intimate setting!
Make a raspberry vinaigrette salad with dried cranberries and walnuts. Cook a vegetable quiche with asparagus, tomatoes and basil. Prepare some sour dough dinner rolls or rice pilaf to accompany the quiche. Have some strawberries dipped in chocolate ready for desert. Just be sure to try out the recipes ahead of time to be sure you can pull it off on the big night. Keep portions small since a full stomach can make you sleepy and put a damper on the evening.
Also be sure to brew a top quality coffee for your date if that is what she likes. Coffee is excellent for stimulating conversation and extending the date into a night together. Tea is a good alternative if your date does not like coffee. Have wine or her favorite alcoholic beverage available. Alcohol lightens the mood and helps you both loosen up enough to talk about your deepest feelings.
Set the table with linens and use cloth napkins. Do not forget the candles. Spend the extra money for some hand crafted candles and place them in crystal holders. She will be able to tell that you went all out. Use your best dishes. If you have nothing suitable, go out and get it.
When eating in, mood is everything. You will want the lighting to be low. Small white Christmas lights strung about the room are a nice touch. Candles here and there are good as well, but do not over do it. A fire would certainly spoil any romantic mood that you may be creating.
In the winter, light the fireplace for a romantic glow. Consider eating picnic style in front of the fireplace instead of at the table. Throw down a thick, soft blanket and a few pillows. This informal setting is perfect for sharing feelings and food.
Take some time to think in advance about some fun conversational topics for your date. Not every moment can be serious and heartfelt. Try to have some fun and be flirtatious. Ask your date to tell you something new that they have never told anyone. Offer something of the same yourself. Deepen your connection by finding out new things about each other.
Music is another important aspect. You simply cannot go wrong with Barry White. Choose soft music that appeals to your mate. If you know she likes classical, be sure have it easily available to offer. Don’t forget to turn off the phone and any other device that might interrupt your time together. By taking the time to attend to every little detail, you will be showing your date how much you care.
A healthy relationship is a paradox. Many people are plenty happy in relationships that are not “healthy” by definition — victims of abuse, for instance, are often reluctant to leave their abuser. This may be an extreme case, but it is a clear illustration of my point. Not all couples who are willing to fight to stay in a relationship are involved in something you can call healthy.
Seven Ways To Develop Healthy Relationships
A relationship is considered “healthy” if the two partners support one another and at the same time exist as individuals. It would be impossible to define a healthy relationship exactly, as no two people can ever share the same kind of healthy love — differences in political alignment, gender identity, and sexual desire mean that no two healthy combinations are the same. However, below are seven was to develop healthy relationships. These guidelines have been suggested by and agreed upon by therapists and relationship experts.
1. Spend “quality time” together
There is no better way to develop the love between you and your partner than to share time together. Whether you go to a movie, have a romantic dinner, take walks together, go to sporting events — whatever it is, experiencing things together will increase the bond that you already have. How can you make memories with your partner without sharing your time? Quality time also extends to the bedroom. Many relationships grow unhealthy because of a lack of sexual intimacy. You may find that a night of watching a romantic movie with a bottle of wine inspires the two of you to head to the bedroom — go with these feelings. Intimate time together is healthy, especially when both partners share in the excitement of physical love.
2. Make your own happiness
As important as together time is, too often we blame our partner for our unhappiness, saying that we don’t have enough time for ourself. Remember that you are responsible for making yourself happy. If your partner wants to stay in on a Saturday afternoon and read the paper, while you really want to take a walk or see a movie, it is ultimately your fault if you cave and do what your partner wants to do. Remember that you don’t have to do what your partner wants to do — you are individuals, and your relationship will survive a little time apart. Yes, spending time together is imporant, but not every waking moment. As a matter of fact, time spent developing your own interests and improving yourself will have a very positive impact on your relationship with your partner — you’ll have more to talk about, and will maintain individual identities.
When our ego gets in the way, it is easy to forget that we all make mistakes. It is important to admit when you are wrong, and to tell your partner you’re sorry. Sometimes something as simple as an apology can go incredibly far in developing a healthy relationship, and when one partner apologizes for mistakes, it encourages the other to do the same. Healthy relationships include the occasional mistake, but the two simple words “I’m sorry” can clear up all the anger and resentment, and even lead to greater closeness between partners.
No two partners will agree on everything. The taboo topics of politics and religion will no doubt come up during the course of any healthy relationship, and it is unlikely that you and your partner will agree one hundred percent. Rather than see this as a weakness, use it as a jumping off point for communication. Having a healthy relationship means learning about your differences, and growing by sharing your different points of view. A healthy relationship includes some butting of heads, but instead of arguing or becoming angry, teach each other something. This is also a great way to spend time together — a friendly debate.
5. Keep commitments
Too often, our busy lives get in the way of our plans and dates, or miscommunication leads to broken commitments. By keeping your plans (“Let’s meet for dinner at 6:00 at Stella’s restaurant) you show your partner that you respect their time and care for them, and you can avoid petty arguing and disagreements. In the same way, when you commit to heavier things, like not cheating on your partner or not drinking too much, you show that you respect your partner’s opinions and want to maintain some integrity in the relationship. Sure, sometimes plans will get broken or mistakes will be made — but try your best to keep your word, and your relationship will be healthier for it.
6. Be honest
Most of us try to protect other people’s feelings — we are taught this strategy from birth. Unfortunately, in order to protect other people, we often feel we have to lie. Any lie, no matter how small, can chip away at a healthy relationship. Total honesty in all things will not only prove your love to your partner, but will make the relationship easier in the long run. If you hate Chinese food, why should you lie and tell your partner that you love it? You’ll just end up resenting your many nights at his or her favorite Chinese place, and this resentment will grow into something larger. Honesty about the big things is important too — if you’re not ready for the next phase of your relationship (say, getting engaged) then you must be honest, otherwise your relationship is doomed to fail. There is no greater sign of respect and love than complete honesty.
7. Appreciate your partner
When I do something small, like make my partner breakfast or get up in the middle of the night to get her a glass of water, she always shows her appreciation, even if it is just a simple “Thank you”. Likewise, when she helps me out, I remember to show my gratitude. While you may not consider it “ungrateful” to not say “Thank you” or “I love you” after the smallest of favors, your partner may slowly turn this lack of appreciation into a deep resentment, or may stop helping you at all. A healthy relationship is one in which even the smallest of actions is rewarded with love and respect, and sprinkling a liberal amount of gratitutde into your daily life can only improve your mood and the love between you and your partner.
There are many more little things that go along with a healthy relationship — but any couple that tries hard to follow these seven guideleines every day will be well on their way to forming a successful partnership. What is a healthy relationship? One in which neither partner disappears under the weight of the relationship, and both partners continue to grow.
Many of us who aren’t in a relationship, and many of us who are, need to learn relationship skills. The bottom line is that we must learn “how to love”, as cliche as it sounds. Another cliche that is often quoted goes something like this — “You’ll never learn another until you can love yourself”.
All these cliches sound pretty and are probably solid advice, but how can we put them into practice and devolop relationship skills? If we want to develop a strong relationship with a partner, what can we do to learn to love? In other words, how do you cultivate good relationship skills?
5 Steps To The True Meaning Of Love
I believe there are 5 steps that you can take now to teach yourself the true meaning of love — and practicing these steps can only improve the quality of your life and your relationship skills — as a bonus, you will learn to appreciate your friends and loved ones along the way.
1. Slow down
The first step in understanding love and cultivating good relationship skill is putting on the brakes. In the age of Google and instant gratification, it can be easy to overlook the simple pleasures of life simply because we’re moving to fast to appreciate them. There will be many times in your relationship when things are not moving at a break neck pace — and this is for the best. “Slowing down” can be applied to your sexual pursuits, your intellectual interests, and even the way you appreciate art, food, drink, and just about everything else in life. Rushing into and through a relationship makes about as much sense as a thirty minute tour of the Louvre museum. It has been said that you could spend a week at the Louvre and still not take in all that famous museum has to offer, and a similar statement can be made about people and things in your life. Take a moment to appreciate the view out your window — really look at the trees, the clouds, even the shapes of your neighbor’s house for thirty minutes. Notice how different your opinion of the outside world is just after half an hour of really looking. If this is true of a window view, won’t it be true of a person? Slowing down will enrich your life, lower your blood pressure, and improve your enjoyment of everyday things, big and small.
2. Practice not judging others
None of us appreciate being judged by others. We are all human, and we all have faults as well as good qualities. By avoiding judgement in your daily life now, you will cultivate a positive attitude and a lack of judgement in your future relationships. A good friend of mine recently started working with the mentally disabled — this is a person who has been guilty of making snap judgements in the past which kept her in a sour mood, not to mention that she missed out on some amazing relationships just because of prejudice. She wasn’t terribly excited to work with handicapped people, but went into the job with a positive attitude, mostly so she could maintain employment. She has made great friends with many of her patients, and has learned some incredible life lessons and relationship skills from them. This exposure to people whom she would normally judge has improved her mood, her attitude towards life, and the relationships she’s made in her personal life in unimaginable ways. She has become a happy person with solid friendships and a healthy love relationship. This is just one example — all of us could benefit from avoiding snap judgements — which are so easy to make, but also quite poisonous to our mental health and well-being.
3. Learn to pay attention
A combination of the first two cultivation techniques would be to simply pay attention. Slowing down and avoiding judgement will focus your attention on what is important in your life. Paying attention is an important relationship skill, for sure, but also a vital communication & relationship skill. How many times have you had a conversation with someone that seemed one sided, and how did it make you feel to be ignored? The old cliche says that “Listen” and “Silent” are made up of the same letters — and you may groan at the saccharine nature of this adage, but it is so very true. The next time you have a conversation, be it with a stranger or an old friend, take the time to really listen to what they have to say. Avoid assumin you know what they’re going to say next — this is not only disrespectful but can limit your experience of others — and instead take in every word. Wisdom can come from the strangest and simplest of dialogues, and by learning to pay attention now, you build up a great deal of patience which your next romantic partner will truly appreciate.
4. Start putting others before yourself
St. Francis of Assisi was a 13th century friar who became the patron saint of animals, among other things. His wisdom can be boiled down to a simple phrase — it is better to comfort than to be comforted. There is nothing that warms the soul more than offering assistance to others, be it a friendly ear, a hug, a charitable donation, a meal cooked and served to friends, or any kind of service work. When you put someone else before yourself, in reality you’re doing yourself a bigger favor than you’re doing them. Substance abuse recovery programs focus on this as a means of true recovery, and refer to it as “service work”. If a hardcore alcoholic can put down the bottle simply by serving others and putting other people’s needs before their own, surely your problems can be dealt with in a similar manner. If you learn now to consider your own needs and interests a little less than the needs and interests of others, you will be building up a real treasure — a stockpile of joy that you can depend on in your own time of need.
5. Teach yourself to say “No”
We all have let people walk all over us. No one wants to be a doormat, or be involved in a relationship with a pushover. Learning to love, and cultivating good relationship skills, means understanding your own place in your life. While our last lesson in cultivation taught us to put others first, we must learn that there is a limit to our giving. Some people hunt out those of us that give freely in order to take advantage of our charity, and forming a relationship with an emotional poacher will only lead to unhappiness. Setting limits in our relationships means learning to love and trust ourselves — and often, we will be unable to ask for the help we need if we are constantly thinking of someone before ourself. There is a delicate balance between giving freely and thinking of our own needs. This is the trickiest relationship skill to master, but perhaps the most rewarding. A partner who recognizes that we respect ourselves will likewise be more likely to respect us.
Cultivating good relationship skills is a daily task, and one that should last our entire lives. Remember that you’re learning these skills not just for yourself but for your future partner. The word “love” can seem vague, and vague emotions are weak ones. If you practice these 5 relationship skills, your definition of love will be concrete and recognizable, and your relationships will blossom as a result.
Have you ever known a relationship that didn’t have problems? It might have been one of yours or someone else’s, like a friend’s, that you watched from the sidelines. Even the best relationships have problems (even if you are unaware of them). They can be frustrating, cause a lot of tension, and if left unchecked can build to even bigger problems. So how do you handle problems in a relationship?
I had some friends who seemed to be the perfect couple. They were always smiling and laughing and seemed to be a great match. I didn’t find out until years later that they were in counseling to save their marriage. So anyone can have problems. This is the first thing that you need to accept. The troubles may come from a number of things such as problems at work, financial, commitment, and even deeper, personal problems. No one is perfect. Once you accept this, you can start to figure out how to fix a problem in a relationship.
Nature Of Relationship Problems
So what kind of problems are you having in a relationship? This is important in figuring out how to handle them. For instance, are the two of you arguing a lot? Are you spending too much time apart? Is he not talking to you or not showing much affection? Does he want to go out with his friends a couple of nights a week? These are all common problems that, with enough dedication and the right solution, you can work them out. However, if the nature of the problem is more serious, such as physical violence or infidelity, that is a whole different ballgame and one that you need to seriously consider if it is worth sticking around to fix. Violence and infidelity are two things that can cause irrepairable damage to a relationship. These types of problems are difficult to overcome and if they happen once they will likely happen again. These types of problems, however, should be discussed in another article.
What Is The Cause Of Relationship Problems
Handling a problem in a relationship is tricky. However, every problem in a relationship has a cause. You just have to find it. First thing you should do is to try to analyze yourself. This will include your role and your actions in the relationship. How do you treat the other person? Are you respectful to them? Do you give them positive attention or do you boss them around? The cause of the problems could be something that you are doing. On the other hand, it may be something that the other person is doing to cause the issues.
There are other common causes to relationship problems. These include things like finances, jealousy, peer influence, disapproval of parents and in-laws, personal habits, and a dozen other things. Whatever the cause may be, it is important for the future of your relationship to identify it.
Talk It Over
Hopefully you can figure out the source of your relationship problems. But even if you do not, you can still try to solve the problem. The first thing you should do (and it is probably the best thing to do) is to talk about the problem with your significant other. Tell them what is bothering you about the relationship. This gives you the chance to express and communicate that you are not happy with the situation in the relationship. But don’t just be centered on yourself. A relationship’s problems cannot be fixed from just one side. Ask your partner what about the relationship may be bothering them or what they are unhappy with. If you do not communicate, then you will never be able to handle problems in a relationship.
Sometimes talking with one another is not enough. Your opinions may be too strong and neither of you will concede or compromise. If this happens, you may need the advice of a counselor. A counselor provides a neutral, unbiased opinion of what they see as the problem (or problems) with your relationship. As a professional, they are skilled as getting to the root of the problem and giving advice on what the two of you can do to save your relationship.
Counseling only works if both parties are willing to take it seriously. If one of you does not wish to see a counselor or only does so grudgingly to make the other happy, then the professional advice is not likely to work.
Get Some Advice From Friends
No one knows you better than your friends. Often friends are standing aside and watching as problems develop. Like a counselor, friends can sometimes give you advice from a different perspective. This may be harder if your friends are close to both you and your partner. They may feel reluctant to be honest in their opinions because they do not want to cause any more rifts in your relationship. The reverse is also true for friends who are loyal only to you and who may hold some sort of grudge against your partner. They may be just as likely to give you negative advice that is not helpful. So be careful before asking advice from friends. Even though they may give you advice on what they think you should do to handle relationship problems, it may not be the right advice for you.
How To Keep From Having Relationship Problems
The best way to handle problems in a relationship is to curb any problems before they occur. How can you do this? By keeping an open communication between you and your partner. If something bothers you, don’t let it go in the hopes that things will get better over time. You should always voice your concerns at the time that the happen. By letting things go, the problems could continue or get worse. You partner may be unaware that there are problems. By communicating, both of you will always know what the other is feeling.
The other way to keep from having problems is to make sure that you devote enough time to a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you should become obsessive. Everyone needs space, even in a good relationship. But if you or your partner is not devoting enough time together, then problems will arise. Spend quality time together, do things that you both will enjoy, and every once in awhile do something special just for your partner. So if problems should arise, don’t give any reason for problems to continue.
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 7 months, but he is visiting his dad in Minnesota. This is his first serious relationship and my second. Things were great before he left, but now I think my feelings have changed.
At first when he was gone it was horrible, I was on the verge of crying all the time and didn’t wanna do anything. I felt empty and lifeless. He calls almost everyday. We’re trying really hard to make it work out. But i’m not sure if the feelings I have for him are anything more than friendship.
I still miss him, but the idea of being single sounds kinda nice. I don’t know if I love him the way I thought I once did. I’ve been finding other guys more attractive. I actually had a dream about another guy the other night (not a sex dream, but a romantic kinda dream). I don’t wanna hurt him, the idea of it makes me sick.
I just don’t know if it’s fair that he loves me so much and I don’t know if I feel the same way. He’s so committed to making everything work out. It seems like my mind is kinda playing a trick on me though. I feel sick when I think about hurting him, and I can’t bring myself to talk to him about it because it might hurt him. Every night i find myself waiting for him to call.
It’s like my body loves and misses him terribly but my mind isn’t so sure. He loves me so much, always trying to do whatever he can to make sure I’m happy. He sends letters and gifts. He’s so perfect; I don’t know why I feel this way. I have no idea what I should do. Break up with him or wait out the summer? Or are these feelings normal when in a long distance relationship?
Any advice you can give me would be appreciated.
Those are pretty common emotions to go through in a long-distance relationship. People can be “perfect for one another”, but that chemistry doesn’t work very well when you don’t ever see one another. He’s not there and you’re feeling lonely, so it’s natural to be looking around at other guys. Your mind is playing tricks on you, because your life probably seems like it did back when you were single. You don’t have a guy around, so you start to notice other guys.
I’m assuming the two of you are pretty young, so I imagine “losing a summer” where your friends are going out with boys and having a good time seems like quite a sacrifice. You have a long life ahead of you, though, so don’t necessarily let a temporary separation cause you to call it off with a guy you have a good relationship with. In a little bit of no time, he’ll be back in town and you can enjoy life together once again. You’re lucky, because this isn’t a permanent long distance relationship, but a temporary situation.
Having already been in one serious relationship, you’re probably assuming you have a little more perspective on “love” and “serious relationships” than your boyfriend does, since this is your first. You’ve seen one come and go, and you probably don’t want to put your boyfriend through an awful experience similar to the one you’ve already been through. That shows you are a caring person who doesn’t want to do your guy wrong. Of course, that can’t be the only reason or even the main reason you stay in a relationship, because it won’t be good for anyone if you aren’t committed to the relationship. So you have to weigh all the factors and decide what is best for you: once that decision is made, you have to weigh all the factors and decide what is best for your boyfriend.
You have two options that a loving girlfriend has. One, you can stay together and gut it out through the summer, hoping it’s as great as you remember when he returns to you. If that’s the case, never say anything of your doubts, because that will hurt your boyfriend’s feelings and possibly cause jealousy issues that could damage the relationship.
Two, you can decide you don’t love your boyfriend like you thought you did, and you can break up with him in order to spend time meeting other guys this summer. In that case, be as honest and upfront as possible, while understanding that he’s going to feel hurt and perhaps even anger. If this is his first time in a serious relationship, then it’s going to hit him particularly hard, just as I’m sure it did you.
As you’re probably starting to figure out, serious relationships can be awfully complicated and confusing. Sometimes “being serious” sounds like the best thing in the world; sometimes, being serious can be terribly inconvenient.
There are trade-offs for everything we do in life. No matter what you do, you could always be another place doing something different, having different experiences. As we get older, we learn a little bit better (if we’re lucky) what it is we want and need in life, so those choices can become a little easier. But by going in one direction, you choose not to go in a number of other directions. By choosing any one boyfriend, you choose not to be with any number of other potential boyfriends.
As they say, you can’t have everything in life. Trouble generally starts when you try to have everything. In this case, it’s going out with other guys this summer while your boyfriend is out of town, while hoping that your serious relationship will go back to the way it was when he returns. Eventually, he’ll learn what happened and you’ll realise that you really can’t have everything in life.
That’s a theoretical situation, of course, and I don’t want to imply that’s what you are considering. My point is, you have a choice to make. You’re in the same situation and feeling the same emotions that generations of young men and women have experienced. Separation and longing are timeless, while restlessness brought on by loneliness is just as timeless. That’s where the term “restless heart” came from. You’re feeling restless, because you’re separated from your boyfriend and lonely. There are other attractive guys around everywhere, so it seems like it might be better to just find another guy.
No matter what people tell you, people who are happily in a serious relationship are still going to find other people they meet attractive. Attraction doesn’t stop simply because you “find someone”. On the contrary, you decide to ignore that attraction because of the rewards that the relationship brings and your love for your boyfriend or girlfriend. So don’t kick yourself or think your strange for feeling attraction for other men you meet. That’s natural. What you do with those feelings is what’s important?
So, Confused, you have a decision to make. I can’t make it for you. You’ll have to search your heart and decide whether you love your boyfriend and want to stay with him despite the separation, or whether you would prefer to enjoy a summer with friends and other guys. In either case, be honest with yourself and understanding towards the feelings of your boyfriend. If you decide to break up, tell him your honest feelings. If you decide to stay with him, don’t torment him by telling him you’ve had your doubts. Make a decision and stick with the consequences of it.
If you do decide to stay with your boyfriend, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun this summer. Don’t stay home every night and lock yourself away from the world. You’re young and your summer should be carefree and fun. You don’t have to have a guy on your arm to enjoy time with your friends. Heck, you can have guys around without giving into temptation. There’s nothing wrong with a little flirtation, as long as you don’t do anything that’s going to hurt your serious boyfriend’s feelings. Assume whatever is said and done will get back to him, because it almost always does.
Long distance relationships stink. I’ve been in them before and they can be torture for both people. Consider that both of you are going through the torture together, so that’s a shared experience the two of you have, even if you aren’t together. But the two of you are real lucky, because your long-distance romance won’t be long distance for long. You’ll be back in one another’s arms next month.
My Best Regards,
Generally, it is easy to tell if you’re in a good relationship. You and your partner are happy, you spend time together (and apart) doing things you love, and your friends and family will talk about how wonderful the two of you are together. It can be easy to spot a solid partnership, but somewhat difficult to decide if you and your partner are in a bad relationship.
Six Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship
The following are six signs you’re in a bad relationship — it doesn’t mean you need to break up or confront your partner directly, but they are clues that something is not working the way it should.
I once had a girlfriend who would withhold affection or development of our relationship based on my behavior. She was “bargaining” with me — saying things like “I’ll move in with you if you lose fifteen pounds” or “We will have more sex after you graduate college because I’ll respect you more”. There is a big difference between making compromise (a healthy relationship trait) and being forced into a bargain. Bargaining is something you do at an antique store, not a tactic you use with a loved one. When a partner bargains with you, it can mean that they see you as a commodity and not a person. If your partner is constantly making bargains with you, you may consider countering their bargains with statements like “I’m happy the way I am, and I wish you were too”. This is a bit confrontational, but it may be the one thing that can save you from a bad relationship.
Constant criticism can be one of the many signs you’re in a bad relationship. It’s also a form of bullying, and in extreme cases can feel abusive and hurtful. Healthy partners want to lift each other up, not push one another down. If a partner criticizes you more than you think is necessary or normal, it could mean that he or she is holding you to an unfair standard — a fact that will only get worse as the relationship deepens. A partner who is “kind of a bully” today may end up being completely physically or emotionally abusive in the near future. This is one red flag that should be of great concern to you, as there is very little you can do to change a critical personality. Try expressing how your partner’s bullying makes you feel. If this doesn’t work, it may be time to pack your bags.
3. Lack of attention
You shouldn’t expect to be your partner’s whole world. No one wants to be the center of a lover’s attention 24 hours a day 7 days a week — but sometimes, lack of attention becomes a problem. I am guilty of treating one of my ex girlfriends this way. Something about our relationship was flawed — and she pointed out that when we were home alone, everything was perfect and I lavished attention on her. But as soon as we went to a party, or out to a bar or restaurant, I was talking to friends or even looking at other women. Looking back, I know that I was simply unhappy with this partner, and this unease was manifesting itself as a lack of attention. If your lover is inattentive, it could mean that they simply aren’t interested in a relationship with you, and are staying with you for a bad reason. Perhaps your partner doesn’t consider your presence in his or her life as anything but temporary. Let your partner know that you feel ignored, and if they are willing to work on the problem with you, congratulations — you have a healthy relationship.
4. The Family Connection
This one is simple — if your partner is reluctant to introduce you or involve you with his or her family, it is a plain sign that they have misgivings either about you or your relationship. A partner who is proud of his or her lover will be quick to show that person off and make their family proud. Of course, there could be mitigating circumstances. Before you jump the gun and decide that your partner simply doesn’t want them to meet the family, feel free to ask questions. Many people are ashamed of their family, and the opposite may be true — perhaps your partner wants to protect you from an overly critical parent or sibling, or perhaps there are deeper family issues that prevent a meeting from happening. Communication is the key here.
5. The ‘ex’ factor
We’ve all experienced it — a partner who is constantly comparing us to their last girlfriend or boyfriend. At first it may seem cute — you may be flattered that your partner thinks of you this much, or you may just write off the comparisons as a quirk of your partner’s personality. There’s a difference between sharing stories of past loves (we all do this) and literally comparing and contrasting your current lover with one of your ex’s. This constant comparison could be a sign that your lover isn’t over their last partner, or wants you to model yourself after an ex. This is a touchy subject, and is best approached gently — you can simply ask “Are you still in love with _____ ?” and the question alone should point out the problem.
Of course, the number one sign you’re in a bad relationship is any form of abuse. Abuse between partners can take many forms — emotional (withholding love), physical (hurting you physically), verbally (constant criticism and put downs), sexually (forcing you to do something sexual that you don’t want, or even withholding sex), and even financial (constantly borrowing money, stealing, dominating financial decisions) — and often the abusive partner doesn’t realize the extent of what they’re doing. If you truly feel you’re being abused, the only correct course of action is to put distance between yourself and your partner, and if necessary contact the authorities. At the very least, you may be saving someone in the future from being abused, or saving your own life. Remember, you are valuable, and you don’t need to attach yourself to someone who is going to hurt you.
Other Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship
There may be many other signs you’re in a bad relations outside of those listed here — but these six factors cover a lot of ground, and are unfortunately quite common. I can’t say it enough — communication is the key to turning a bad relationship into a healthy one, and many of the problems listed here can be fixed. Your relationship can grow, and in fact there must be communication in order for it to grow. Best of luck.
There are few things as comforting as a relationship where your partner is affectionate. Having someone who is affectionate towards you is soothing and reassuring, like living with a safety net. It just makes you feel loved and wanted. But not everyone is in a relationship where their partner displays their affection. For some people, it is just difficult to be so open about how they feel. Others just don’t know how. So if you are in a situation like this, you may need to know how to handle a relationship with someone who isn’t affectionate at all.
Why They Are Not Affectionate
So why is your significant other not affectionate? Have they always been this way? There are a couple of reasons why your partner may not be affectionate. If you fell in love with someone who has never shown much affection towards you, then what attracted you to them in the first place? If someone has never been affectionate but you want them to be, then good luck. Some people just aren’t naturally that way. It could be due to their upbringing (maybe no one was affectionate to them) or other early factors. Whatever the reasons, it’s part of their personality and they are not likely to change without an uphill battle.
Chances are the person that you love was probably affectionate when you first met them and has slowly changed throughout the relationship. This is common as people tend to get comfortable in a relationship. They think they no longer need to impress you so they become lax in their affections. As a relationship matures, you tend to run out of things to talk about and you lose that spark that is common in new relationships. When this happens, one or both of you may cease to be as affectionate.
Another reason for your partner to not be affectionate is if there are problems in the relationship. Maybe the two of you have been arguing a lot lately. Maybe they miss that new romance feeling and have decided to find it elsewhere. Perhaps your partner is bothered by troubles at work or finances. Real-world stress can be incredible distracting.
Increase The Affection In Your Relationship – Try To Spice Things Up
A good way to get your significant other to be affectionate is to spend some time working on your end of the relationship. One way to increase the affection in your relationship is to spice things up. Go away for the weekend. Pick a romantic spot, maybe a bed and breakfast somewhere or a nice resort. If you don’t want to spend a ton of money, try having a candlelight dinner at home. You can go all out with mood music and everything. If you don’t cook, order out and then bring it home and set it up. You can even go out to a romantic restaurant. The important thing is that it is just the two of you.
Another thing you can try is leaving small notes here and there for your partner to find. You can put them on the refrigerator the night before or on their pillow. You can even put them on the dashboard of their car. With today’s technology, you can even send a cute text message or pictures to their cellphone. They can be as innocent or as steamy as you want.
Time is a big killer on relationships. If your lifestyle is very busy, take time out to spend it with your partner. Go out to the movies or rent a dvd. If you have children, arrange a babysitter so that the two of you can have some alone time. The important thing is to do things together without the company of others. So don’t use it as an excuse to get together with friends.
Show Physical Affection
A physical tough is a great nonverbal way to express intimacy. That is what you are wanting them to do, isn’t it? So show them how. Give out hugs and kisses when you tell them hello or goodbye. If you go out somewhere, even just to the grocery store, try to hold their hand. Barring that, at least offer small touches on the shoulder or arm. Any little contact will help. If the two of you are sitting next to one another, like on the couch while watching television, sit close enough to touch them, even leaning on them. This kind of closeness will hopefully make them aware of how to display affection and get them to display their affection for you.
Try to show your appreciation for things that they do. Sure, when you have been in a relationship for awhile, you tend to take things for granted. That is likely the problem that you are experiencing. It is a common occurrence for you and your partner to develop an attitude of expectancy for things you want the other to do. You may want them to take out the trash, cook dinner, or fix the leaking faucet. So how can you expect them to be appreciative if you are not? Start saying things like ‘thank you’ and reinforcing it with a physical touch. Everyone likes to feel appreciated, after all. This creates something positive in your relationship and can deepen intimacy. If you are appreciative of the things that they do, then chances are that they will show their appreciation as well.
Be Aware Of Their Limits
Sometimes people are just naturally reserved. If is hard for them to express their feelings clearly, either verbally or physically. When trying to get your significant other to be affectionate, you should be aware of their limits. Just because you manage to get them to show their affections in private, don’t expect them to suddenly do it in public. Many people don’t like to reveal that side of themselves to anyone but that someone special. It is embarrassing. So when trying to get your partner to open up and be more affectionate, it is a good idea to know their limits.
If Everything Else Fails
Now all of these methods are geared to try to get your significant partner clues on how to be affectionate. It is sort of the ‘lead-by-example’ method. But what if it doesn’t work? What do you do if they still are not affectionate? Then your relationship is having some serious problems and it is time for a talk. You need to sit down with your partner and tell them that you want more affection in your relationship. Find out why they are not being affectionate? Is there something going on that you should know about? Is there something different that you could be doing? Communicate with your partner and try to get them to open up. If you have a healthy relationship, then you should be the one person out of everyone else that they should be able to open up to. If your partner just has trouble being affectionate, then take baby steps. Get them to do it a little at a time so long as there is some progress. But if your partner is unwilling to change or discuss it, then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. After all, a relationship based off of love needs affection from both parties or it is no longer a relationship but rather just a convenient arrangement.
Cute love quotes are adorable little sayings that you can share with someone special
(like your girlfriend). There are some that have been around for years and have even been quoted from famous people in history.
Cute love quotes
for your girlfriend often appear during holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and such. They can be on
greeting cards for anniversaries, birthdays, or just those that say that you care. So what are some cute love quotes? There are tons of cute love quotes that have been used throughout time. What we have done is gathered the top 50 cute love quotes and put them on the list below. The next time you want to add a little romance to your relationship, try using a cute love quote on that special person
(i.e. your girlfriend).
Here Are The Top 50 Cute Love Quotes
“If it is wrong to love you, then my heart just won’t let me be right”.
- “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
- “In your absence, my heart grows stronger. In your presence, I fall in love again.”
- “Love is waiting behind every corner.”
- “I love it when my heart smiles but when it does, it smiles because of you.”
- “Life is the flower and love is the honey.”
- “Think about it. There must be higher love. Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above. Without it, life is a wasted time. Look inside your heart. I’ll look inside mine.”
- “Love that we cannot have lasts the longest, is the strongest, and hurts the deepest.”
- “Loving is not just looking at each other. It is looking in the same direction.”
- “At the touch of love, everyone is a poet.”
- “Love is a game two people can play. You can both win and you can both lose your heart.”
- “To the world you might be one person. But to one person you might be the world.”
- “It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.”
- “Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.”
- “With love and patience, nothing is impossible.”
- “Love is not a weakness. It is strong. Only the sacrament of marriage can contain it.”
- “Love is not finding someone to live with. It is finding someone you can’t live without.”
- “Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.”
- “If I had roses for every time I thought of you, I’d be picking roses for a lifetime.”
- “In dreams and in love, there are no impossibilities.”
- “You are my strength but loving you is my biggest weakness.”
- “Other men see angles but I have seen thee and thou art enough.”
- “Let’s commit the perfect crime. I’ll steal your heart and you’ll steal mine.”
- “If a kiss was a raindrop, I’d send you a shower. If a hug was a second, I’d send you an hour. If a smile was water I’d send you the sea. If you needed love, I’d send you me.”
- “There are only two times I want to be with you…Now and forever.”
- “I miss you a little, I guess you could say. A little too much, a little too often. A little more each day.”
- “Sometimes I wonder if love is worth fighting for. Then I think of you, and I am ready for war.”
- “Everyone has their own reason for waking up in the morning. Mine is you.”
- “Just the thought of being with you tomorrow is enough to get me through the day.”
- “You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince.”
- “A man wants a woman to be his first love.
A woman wants a man to be her last.”
- “Sitting next to you doing absolutely nothing means absolutely everything to me.”
- “I love you not because I need you. I need you because I love you.”
- “Our love is like the wind. I can’t see it but I can feel it.”
- “She said to him “I am afraid of falling”. He said “I have wings…”
- “One person all by themselves is nothing. Two people together are everything.”
- “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life. That word is love.”
- “No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.”
- “If this is a crush, then I don’t know if I can handle the real thing if it happens.”
- “Love is the master key that can open the gates of happiness.”
- “Love is like smiling. It never fades and is contagious.”
- “Anyone can be passionate. But it takes real lovers to be silly.”
- “All that I love loses half its pleasure when you are not there.”
- “Your prince will one day come. He may not ride a white horse or live in a big castle but he will love you and only you.”
- “Some gifts are big. Others are small. But the ones that come from the heart are the best gifts of all.”
- “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”
- “The best things in life aren’t things.”
- “Love is one of the bravest traits you can have.”
- “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”
- “Love is like a pair of socks. You gotta have two and they gotta match.”
- Falling in Love with a Friend
Fun Questions to Ask Friends
Love Quotes and Sayings
Love and Sex Quotations
- How to Cast Love
- What Men Want in a
- How to Know if
Someone Is Your Soulmate
I’m writing to you today because of the problem that just recently came up again.
I have been with someone recently for a matter of a few months. We are intimate with each other, but do practice safe sex (condom). The issue here is that after recently speaking to her about not wanted to continue having relations, she has told me that she randomly took a pregnancy test 4 days ago with a positive result, yet as of today resulted in a miscarriage. She says she is going to the doctor in a few days to have it checked out to be for sure. She claims she believes it was a miscarriage because the bleeding was early (say a day or two) and that the cramping was very extreme with discharge.
My concern is that she had once also said that she was pregnant when another “emotional episode” had come up before. After it being resolved she “happened” to take the test again and it was negative. My question being, is it possible this is just being made up to trap me in, or could this just be coincidence once again? Is there anyways that I can tell on my own if she’s truly pregnant, for my concern is that I could be lied to because of the fact she knows more about pregnancy than I do… please help…
Dear Concerned Boyfriend,
I can see why you’re concerned. If you’re girlfriend was making up the story of a pregnancy to keep you around, she wouldn’t be the first woman to do so. That being said, it’s hard to say that that’s what is going on in this case. Her description of possible miscarriage seems to correlate with what we know about first term miscarriages.
Activities which increase the risk of miscarriage are smoking and taking cocaine, but even then, the chances are still relatively small that a miscarriage will occur. Miscarriages do happen in the early parts of a pregnancy, and the symptoms you described represent symptoms of a miscarriage. So it becomes a matter of whether you trust your girlfriend to tell you the truth about what is happening to her body.
Sometimes, stress can cause a woman to be late in her period. This might be the stresses of a breakup or the stresses of worrying about being pregnant. Stress, though, is not going to cause an inaccurate pregnancy test. So if she were telling you that she was late on her period but a pregnancy test wasn’t showing anything, you could at least take a middle stance that her body is playing tricks on her. As stated, you either have to believe she’s telling the truth or you have to suspect that she’s lying.
Making up a story about a pregnancy to keep a boyfriend in a relationship is a stalling tactic, buying time to turn the relationship around. If she’s not pregnant, then lying about it is only going to last for so long. Eventually, she’ll have to claim she had a miscarriage or an abortion. In the first case, you’ll largely have to trust her.
One thing, though: it’s a little odd that a woman would “randomly” take a pregnancy test. She either suspected she was pregnant, despite using protection, or she was hoping she was pregnant, to keep you around. The very act of a “random pregnancy test” seems suspicious to me of her motives. Since you know the situation better than I do, analyse the random pregnancy test and decide whether that constitutes a suspicious action on her part.
The fact that you don’t entirely trust your girlfriend makes me think that she might have told other stories that make you suspect her motives. You know your girlfriend better than I do, so you’ll ultimately have to decide whether she can be trusted. Analyse the situation and use common sense and your experiences with her to determine. You’ll never know for sure, which makes this even harder to deal with.
You mentioned that you did not want to have relations with her any longer. When you think your girlfriend is pregnant, you are faced with the possibility that you will have a child with this woman. You might think about marriage or a lifelong relationship with this person. Even if you decide that isn’t the case, you’re going to be dealing with this woman for the rest of your life, through a child and child support. So this gives you an opportunity to look at the cold hard facts of your relationship and decide whether you want to be tied to this person for the remainder of your life.
It sounds to me like you’ve decided that you don’t want your girlfriend in your life anymore, for whatever personal reasons you might have. If so, then the miscarriage, as terrible as it is, is an opportunity for you to start at square one with your girlfriend. So now’s the time to decide whether you want to stay in or out of this relationship. A callous person would say you are free and clear…for the moment.
If you have doubts about binding yourself to your girlfriend for life (through a child), I would suggest you avoid having sexual relations with her again. If you suspect that she is not being truthful with you to keep you around, I would suggest even more strongly that you avoid sex with this woman. Sometimes, someone desperate to keep the other in the relationship will take steps to try to get pregnant or try to get the other person pregnant, so the two are bound together. If you can’t trust your girlfriend, you can’t trust that she won’t try to do this through a number of means: bad condom, persuade you to have sex with no condom, more sex when she’s particularly fertile and even dirtier tactics I won’t get into here.
So, in the end, it really doesn’t matter whether your girlfriend is lying about a miscarriage, because it’s going to be very hard for you to prove that happened. What matters is she isn’t pregnant and you apparently don’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore.
If so, try to be understanding about her emotional state. Assume she did go through a miscarriage and act accordingly, comforting her and “being there for her” emotionally. But do not let that comforting turn into a sexual encounter, because that could lead you to the same scenario again.
When you want to express your love for your partner, buying an expensive gift is not always the best tactic. Sure, people appreciate “stuff” — but giving a gift that comes from the heart means so much more than a store bought expression of your affection. I’ve found that a love poem, no matter how cheesy, is the best way to tell someone exactly how you feel.
Writing Love Poem Tactics
There are so many different styles of poetry these days that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to compose your love poem. Classic love poetry can appear in the form of a classical sonnet, a free verse rambling expression of your feelings, even a silly haiku. The key is to be honest and specific. Here are some writing love poem tactics that will get you into a Shakespeare state of mind.
Writing Plain Prose
When I want to write a love poem, I start out writing plain prose — think of it like a journal entry. Write a few paragraphs as quickly as you can without thinking — how does your love make you feel? What are some memories you cherish? Try and describe your first date or your first impression of your partner. Be specific and detailed — the more you get on paper now, the easier your poem will come to you.
Love Poem First Draft
After you’ve finished your “love poem first draft”, go over it with a critical eye. Can you find any weak verbs, any cliches, any boring pronouns? Replace these weak points with stronger language. For instance, if you originally wrote “I thought you were so pretty”, you might consider something along the lines of “Your eyes glowed like tiny fires” or “You danced around my mind like a sleepwalker”. The more creative and odd you are with your language, the better your poem will express your true emotions. Once you start to revise your language, the poem will begin to take shape.
Writing A Rhyming Love Poem
If you’re interested in writing a rhyming love poem, remember to avoid plain or boring rhyme. Rhyming “love” with “dove” is predictable and boring — try rhymes made up of multiple syllables, like “tender” and “slender” or try avoiding end rhymes altogether — instead using “internal rhyme”, where words in the lines of the poem rhyme with one another. Take your partner’s taste into account — if your lover is traditional, aim for a traditional sonnet. If you are in a relationship with a more avant garde individual, avoid rhyme altogether and write a free verse love poem, where rhyme takes a back seat to language.
Revise Your Love Poem
Someone famous once said that “poems are never written, they are rewritten” — this means that the more you revise, the stronger the love poem will be. Constantly revise your love poem, making weak moments strong with engaging language and interesting wordplay. One good tactic would be to include three solid metaphors for your relationship or your feelings. Things that come in threes are naturally appealing to us as humans — why, we don’t know, but writers have been using the “rule of three” for centuries. You can also use these three metaphors as a structure for your poem — one at the beginning, one at the end, and the final metaphor somewhere in the middle of the love poem.
Presenting Your Love Poem
Once you have a solid version of your love poem, I would suggest hand writing it. A typed poem is not as personal, and your partner will cherish your original words in your own handwriting. Consider putting your poem in a frame, to preserve it and to allow your partner to display it for everyone to see.
When its time to present your love poem to your lover, don’t be shy — light a candle, sit facing one another, and read the poem out loud.
The most important thing to remember when writing the love poem is not to judge your feelings or your words.Let the writing flow out of your hand, not erasing or revising too soon. The truth will come out of you, if you have true feelings for this person. You can always revise after you’ve written — its important to get it all off your chest at once.
Advice About Love Poems
Some final words of advice about love poems:
You don’t have to rhyme. Many famous and powerful poets didn’t feel the “need” to rhyme, and their love poems are just as beautiful.
Read other love poems by poets who are more practiced than you — don’t copy them or rip them off, but use them as inspiration.
If your words come from the heart, it doesn’t matter how “good” the love poem is, your lover will appreciate this unique and precious gesture.
The next time you have a gift giving opportunity, consider writing a love poem. Jewelry, lingerie, and other expensive items are all great gifts, but a love poem written from the heart will prove to your partner that you are truly in love, and will create a memory that the two of you can share forever.
We’ve all done it — looked through the personal ads in the local newspaper or online, “just to see” what’s out there. There’s no shame in using a personal ad service to seek out a date. Meeting people in a bar or at a club can be frustrating for some people — loud music, drunk people … it all adds up to frustration. However, personal ads can frustrate people too. Acronyms — those little codes that people insert in their personal ads to convey who they are and what they’re looking for. You may open up the personal ad pages and see something like “SWJM NK seeks SWJF or SWF NK for LTR WTR”.
Personal Ad Abbreviations
Sometimes browsing through personal ads feels more like cracking the Da Vinci code than looking for a date.
Remember that these abbreviations can appear anywhere in a personal ad, they are most commonly found in the ad’s “headline” — so having an understanding of these terms will save you time and effort when searching through online or print personals for a specific type of person.
- 420: This means the ad writer is a marijuana smoker, or into the cannabis lifestyle
- A: Asian
- AL: Animal lover
- AT: “All that” — a slang term that means the owner of the ad thinks they are “the complete package”. Look out for the ego here.
- B: Black
- BB: Bodybuilder
- BBW: Big beautiful woman — meaning an overweight woman. This can also mean Big breasted woman, though if you’re not interested in overweight women, assume it means the first
- B/D: Bondage / Domination — this person is into alternative sexual roleplaying involving bondage and submission/domination
- BHM: Big handsome man — the male version of BBW
- Bi: Bi-Sexual
- C: Couple — refers to a couple looking for additional sexual partners. Confusingly enough, this can also mean Cute or Christian. Best to use context clues here.
- CD: Crossdresser
- D: Divorced
- D/D Free: Drug and Disease Free — originally found in gay personals, it has made its way into hetero personals as well
- DL: Downlow — this means the ad writer wants to keep this relationship “on the downlow”, or “private”
- DTE: Down to Earth — implies a relaxed personality
- F: Female
- FA: Fat Acceptance — can mean that the writer of the ad does not mind overweight partners or that they are overweight themselves
- FS: Financially Secure — also known as Financially Stable. Its easy to mix this one up with SF (see below)
- FWB: Friend with Benefits — the ad writer is looking for a “friend” they can have sex with, not a boyfriend or long term relationship
- G: Gay
- H: Hispanic
- HWP: Height / Weight Proportional — this implies that the ad writer is “normal sized” or is seeking a “normal sized” person, as opposed to a BBW or BHM
- I: Indian
- IPT: Is Partial To — usually comes before a designation like BBW or HF to indicate a preference but not a requirement for dating
- ISO: In Search Of — can also mean Is Seeking Out — this is a formal way of indicating what type of person the ad writer is interested in
- J: Jewish
- K: Kids — can be altered with the addition of an “N” to mean “No Kids” (see NK below)
- L: Lesbian — this sometimes also means Latino, although to avoid confusion, even Latinos use H for Hispanic
- LDR: Long Distance Relationship
- LS: Legally Separated
- LTR: Long Term Relationship
- LD: Light Drinker
- M: Male — unless you are reading personal ads for swingers, in which case it can mean Married
- ND: Non-Drinker
- NK: No Kids
- NM: Not Married or even Never Married
- NS: Non-Smoker
- NSA: No Strings Attached — similar to FWB above, the ad writer is looking for sex only
- P: Professional
- S: Single
- Tina: Beware of this one — the ad writer is looking for a partner to use methamphetamine with
- VGL: “Very good looking” — self explanatory and egotistical
- W: White or Widowed — the context of the ad will tell you which exactly this stands for
- WAA: Will Answer All — usually seen as a sign of desperation, this means the ad writer will answer all responses to his or her ad
- WE: Well endowed — does not only refer to the size of a man’s penis, but can also imply that a woman has large breasts
- Wi: Widowed
- WLTM: Would Like To Meet
- WTR: Willing to Relocate
- X: Extreme — implies that out of the ordinary sexual exploits are acceptable, or that someone lives an “extreme” lifestyle
- Y: You (Your)
These are just a few of the thousands of potential personal ad acronyms. If you find one you simply can’t interpret, try seaching online or asking a friend that you trust.
When it is time to write your own ad, the most important thing you should do is to be honest. If you’re married and looking for a secret sexual partner, you can easily notate this information by writing “DL” or “NSA” in your ad. If you’re overweight or strangely proportioned, you’ll only get into an embarrassing situation if you write “VGL” or “AT” in your description. The simplest and most effective personal ads list basic information about your race, your age range, and some very basic likes and dislikes. For example, if you’re a Hispanic male with kids looking for a long term long distance relationship with a white female with no kids, your ad would look something like this — HMK ISO LTLDR WF NK. In fifteen letters, you’ve communicated enough information to narrow the search for those who may be looking for someone like you — or not looking for someone like you. Another benefit to writing this kind of ad is that you save on the cost of the ad. Personal ads, like classified ads, do charge a basic rate, but also charge by number of words or even letters. Use appropriate and honest acronyms to save yourself some money, and your potential partners a lot of time.
People these days are extremely busy. They have their careers, finances, family, and other aspects of their personal lives that they have to take care of. It leaves little time for getting out there on the club or bar scene and socializing for the perfect mate. So many people are even fed up with browsing the local night life areas and meeting one wrong person after another.
It is little wonder that online dating is so popular. Instead of taking a half an hour to work up the nerve to go talk to someone who looks interesting (and who may turn out to be completely incompatible), you can browse hundreds of profiles online and send out a dozen emails to some likely candidates. There are many online dating sites out there and it is easy to sign up at any one of them. But do online dating sites work? Are they capable of turning out results? And can you really find love online? Here are some of the positive aspects of online dating services.
Online Dating Convenience
One of the biggest positive aspects of online dating services is their convenience. You can browse through profiles at your leisure, in the comfort of your own home, without the hassle of having to go out looking your best and nervously walking up to a stranger. Think about it. How many times have you approached someone at a club to talk to them only to find out that they are not the least bit interesting? Online dating services eliminates that with profiles of their members. By providing profiles (and assuming that they are true) you can immediately check out the people who might be right for you without wasting a lot of time.
Another convenience of online dating services is time. Not everyone has a lot of time to date around trying to find that someone special. By using an online dating service, you can browse, send out emails, and chat with people when you have the time.
Large Numbers to Choose From
When you are at a bar or a club, how many people there are you really going to feel a connection with? Maybe a half dozen? When using online dating services, you have hundreds of potential candidates available to browse through. That is a pretty large playing field. You can do searches for people nearest to you or at least in your area. If you are not bothered by a long distance relationship or of even moving closer to a suitable mate, then you can search outside your area. Your perfect soulmate could be hundreds of miles away, you know.
Creating Your Online Dating Profile
One of the best things about using an internet dating service is creating your online dating profile. You can take as much time as you need to make a profile that pictures you in the best possible way. You don’t have to worry about getting tongue-tied or being put on the spot without a snappy comeback. It is easy to make yourself sound good in your profile.
If you are not sure what to write, get some friends to help or read what others have written on their profiles. A bit of advice to writing a good profile is to not overload it with every little piece of information about you. You want to have something to talk about during emails and chats with other members. After all, the fun part of dating is that ‘getting to know you’ period. Make them work a little for it. Also, you don’t want to put too much info on your profile due to the threat of identity thieves and stalkers. However you do your profile, this is your chance to make yourself sound as interesting as possible in order to draw in potential partners.
You Have To Work At It
So do online dating services work? Yes, but you have to really work at it. Dating online is much different than in person. You can start and end a simple conversation face to face in a few minutes that could take a week online. Also, subtle body language, physical cues, and variance in speech is completely lost in emails. You have to write exactly what you say or feel or else risk the other person misunderstanding part of it.
You also can’t just sit back and wait for online members to contact you. For one thing, there is no guarantee that they will contact you. Most dating sites have a tag on your profile stating when you were last online. People browsing the dating sites usually like to contact members who have been recently active. So if you want people to contact you, you need to be active. Another thing is that if you sit back and wait, you have no control over the type of people who will contact you. Don’t wait around for the loonies (and they are out there). Go do your own browsing and find someone that interests you.
How Many Online Dating Services Are On The Internet?
There are literally hundred of online dating services and they vary greatly. Some services are free and do not screen their members for accuracy and background. Other sites are paid memberships and do a thorough screening. There are also sites that cater to single professionals, alternative lifestyles, casual dating, potential marriages, and anything dealing with some kind of relationship. Here is a quick list of some of the more popular online dating services.
- Yahoo Personals
Check here for more dating articles.
If you are a member of an online dating site, then a good online profile is essential to attracting someone’s interests. A good profile must contain all the pertinent information about yourself such as age, what you like, what you don’t like, smoking or not, and drinking or non-drinking. It must tell enough about what kind of person you are that someone with similar interests will want to make contact with you.
There are a lot of really bad dating site profiles out there. They might be cheesy (“Sleeping Beauty seeks her Prince Charming to carry her away”) to just downright creepy (“My soul dwells in darkness. Come share the night with me”). Sure, not everyone can put together a sentence in an elegant and poetical way. But you do want to catch some good potential matches, right? The best way to do that is to have a good, solid profile. But not everyone knows how to write good online dating profiles. What do you put in them? What should you say about yourself? Let’s review a few strategies.
It’s Advertising, Baby!
Try to look at online dating from a business point of view. If you were a company trying to attract ‘customers’, you would want your profile page to paint you in the best possible way. Think of it like advertising. Poor advertising is not going to attract any customers. Customers are only going to check out a product that is properly advertised. This is the same thing that you want your profile page to do. It must be interesting enough and informative enough to cause someone to say “Hey, I like the sound of this. I want to read more about this person”. So it is not a good idea to be skimpy with your profile page.
Basic Information You Should Include in Onine Dating Profiles
Most dating sites are going to want the same type of information. They want you physical description such as age, height, weight, etc. Then there are usually a series of questions such as qualities you are looking for in a person, good qualities about yourself, romantic things you like to do, hobbies, favorite food, and things that you do not like. This is all basic information you should include in online dating profiles so that a person can look at your profile and see if they might be compatible with you at the first level.
Some questions can provide you the opportunity to talk more about yourself. You might be asked to describe your idea of a perfect date or the perfect special person you are looking for. Even if you are not comfortable writing long answers, don’t just put down one word answers such as yes and no. Elaborate a little more on these types of questions. It is an opportunity for someone to gauge what kind of person you are and will help with screening potential candidates.
How Much Is Too Much?
You can go too far when writing an online dating profile. People want to know what you do for a living, your hobbies, and how you like to spend your free time. What they don’t want to read is a long drawn out account of your last doctor visit or how think green coke bottles are so much more interesting than clear coke bottles. Too much of that sort of thing will send most likely matches running for the hills. You don’t want to put so much information in there that a person can read it and find out everything there is to know about you. An online profile is not a biographical novel. You want to put just enough detail in there about yourself to pique someone’s curiosity. One of the best parts of getting to know someone is in slowly finding out more about them through conversation. So put enough info into the profile but no too much.
Honesty is the most important aspect of an online dating profile. There are far too many people out there with profiles that are, at the least, exaggerated to a great degree. Others are just flat out lying. Not being truthful is very counter-productive to attracting a good match during online dating. It is far too easy to include false information and inaccurate photos to make yourself seem more interesting. This is only going to come back and bite you in the long run. For one thing, if your photos are not accurate, then the two of you can never meet. If your information is false (like you are a multi-millionaire CEO but in reality you are a truck driver) sooner or later the other person is going to find out and when they do, good luck hanging onto that relationship. Honesty is always the best advice. Besides, you want someone to fall for the real you, not something you are not.
The final strategy on how to write good online dating profiles is to review what you have written. After the profile is completed but before you submit it, you should look it over. Make sure that it sounds good, has enough information about yourself that someone might find appealing, and has a current photo taken within the last few months. If you are not sure whether it is good enough, get some friends to read it or look at some of the other profiles all over the internet and compare them to yours. Remember that this is like advertising and you want to attract as many compatible matches as possible.
Dating for single parents can be complicated and nerve-wracking. You have so much more responsibilities than you did before you had children. It’s not just about you anymore. When you are considering dating, you not only need to choose someone right for you but someone right for your children.In the good old days before the Internet, single parents had to rely on hiring a babysitter and going out to mingle and meet people. Nowadays, with online dating such a big thing, it is much more convenient for single parents to find someone.
However, when you put your profile out there for the public to see, it opens you up to some risk such as online predators, identity thieves, and the like. The question: is online dating appropriate for single parents? The answer: Yes, as long as you are careful and responsible about exposing your children to the public. Single parents should not be restricted from dating. They have as much right to try to find romance as anyone who doesn’t have children. But if single parents want to try online dating, here are some things to keep in mind.
Why Online Dating Is Good For Single Parents
One of the main reasons why online dating is appropriate for single parents is because of convenience. You don’t have to go through the hassle of finding the right babysitter and scheduling in order to meet other single adults. Also, babysitters charge for their time so if you want to go out a lot, it’s going to cost you. Being gone every weekend night also takes you away from your children on the best nights to be doing something with them. Online dating can eliminate much of this because you can meet people from the comfort of your home without ever having to go out. Eventually, of course, you will want to go out and meet someone but you will also be more available to your kids.
Another problem with traditional dating and socializing is that you can’t stay out too late and you have to be home at the time you said you would be. Rarely can babysitters stay all night and most don’t want to. Also, your children, especially if they are young, will feel more comfortable with you at home at a decent hour.
Online Dating Is Full Of Other Single Parents
Another good point about online dating is that it is full of other single parents. Once you become a parent, dating is difficult and there are plenty of other single parents out there who know exactly how you feel. Online dating is just a good option as many single parents have discovered. Having children while dating can often be seen as baggage by people without children. It really limits the number of possible matches a single parent can find. When browsing profiles single parents will often look for other single parents. Online dating sites will include whether or not you have any children. It just cuts through a lot of dating’s ‘red tape’.
Be Open About Yourself As A Parent
Honesty and openness are the best options when dating online as a single parent. You don’t want to hide the fact that you have children. The other person needs to know and you need to know if they are okay with that. You definitely don’t want to get involved in an online romance and then lose the person because you lied to them about having children.
As a single parent, you should also be honest and straightforward about how you parent your kids. You should let the other person know how much television you let your kids watch, what you let them eat, discipline methods, how you like to spend time with your kids, and so on. If you let your kids eat a lot of sweets, then a dentist may not be your perfect someone. You are looking for a good match, after all.
How To Protect Your Kids
Online dating does have its own risks and if you are a single parent, then it is not just you that could be in danger. Online dating provides a natural hunting ground for predators so you need to be careful. Protecting your children should be your number one priority. One of the most important things you can do is not include details about your children in your online profile. It is okay to indicate that you have children and how many but do not give names and ages on a publicly-viewed profile. And never, ever, post photos of your kids on an online profile.
Another important thing to remember is don’t introduce your kids to someone you met online until after a few dates. You should be very comfortable with the person first before you start revealing too many details about your kids. Never mention what school they go to, what park they play at, or if they go to any extra activities such as dance or karate.
You should make sure the person you meet online is more interested in you than your children. If they keep asking too many questions about your kids or they seem overly anxious to meet them, then get out of that relationship immediately.
Also, you should never put yourself and dating first. Your first responsibility should be as a parent. Your kids need you more than another adult does. Yes, you should still take care of your own needs but do it in moderation and in a responsible way. And listen to your kids. If they don’t like someone that you met online, there might be a reason why. Kids can sometimes be more observant than adults.
And lastly about protecting your kids while dating online, listen to your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right or you are getting strange vibes from a person you met online, then trust your feelings.
By John Clifton
Would you please help me. My girlfriend says she loves me MTD. It’s a heartfelt feeling, and she claims I’ll know when I feel it. But it’s driving me crazy. Do you know what MTD means? Thank you.
There are any number of meanings for the “MTD” acronym, so you’re going to have to figure out what the likeliest possible meaning of M.T.D. means. I’ll give you the top options and try to work through how these might apply to the concept of “being in love”.
Month To Date – In the business world, MTD almost always stands for “Month to Date”, such as sales month-to-date, profits month-to-date, expenses month-to-date and so on. Unless the two of you have been dating only this month or your girlfriend has a career in the business world, I’m not sure whether the term would apply to being in love with one another. Especially when she tells you that you’ll eventually feel it yourself.
Mentally Transmitted Disease – The top definition for MTD on “Urban Dictionary”, a resource which gives informal definitions to a lot of slang terms, says that the acronym stands for “Mentally Transmitted Disease”. That is, when you come to believe something that others don’t respect, you can be said to have contracted a mentally transmitted disease. The example on UrbanDictionary uses someone going to church as an example, and “getting religion” as a mentally transmitted disease.
In that context, some cynics might consider “falling in love” a kind of mentally transmitted disease between two people. When your girlfriend says you’ll know it when you feel it, she might be saying that you’ll eventually get this same mentally transmitted disease from her. But that interpretation doesn’t fit perfectly the information you’ve given. You might consider this meaning yourself and see whether it fits within the wider context of your relationship. Is your girlfriend the type who might be embarrassed or uncomfortable suggesting she’s fallen in love, or comfortable (as someone with more experience in these matters) telling you that you’ll eventually do the same? If so, this might fit.
Mouth To Dick – Almost as popular a pick on Urban Dictionary is “mouth to dick”, as in “mtd action”. I think you can pretty much figure this one out, so I won’t get too graphic. Once again, if you can fit this into the context of your private conversations and your girlfriend is comfortable with casual vulgarity, it might fit. But I’m thinking it’s about 99% this won’t fit what she’s saying.
Maximum Tolerated Dose – Minimal Toxic Dose – Minimum Tolerated Dose – These terms all come from the medical profession. They simply mean the amount of a drug or medicine you’re allowed to take, according to a physician’s orders. With that in mind, any of these terms might suggest she’s feeling the “maximum tolerated dose” of love, but it doesn’t make much sense in the context of saying you’ll feel it eventually, too.
MySpace Transmitted Disease – This one is also prominent on Urban Dictionary, but doesn’t seem to fit. It’s about a type of girl who likes to be watched on Myspace through her webcam.
So What Does MTD Mean?
There you have it, to the best of my knowledge. None of these fit perfectly, but there’s one or two possibilities. You might consider asking other friends in your circle what “MTD” stands for, in case there’s a local slang term or in-joke that might not be found on the internet. Assuming that doesn’t yield anything, if your girlfriend your girlfriend has whom you know and trust, you might ask her what MTD stands for. This circle of friends might have a texting term between them with its own unique meaning.
Finally, if this mystery is bothering you too much, consider asking your girlfriend sometime what “MTD” stands for. Sometimes, being straightforward is the best idea. Honesty is the best policy and all that. This reminds me of a tv episode I saw once where a guy couldn’t remember the name of a woman he once knew on the street, but he asked her out anyway. They date several times and it’s going great, but he can’t remember her name to save his life. After waiting way too long, she eventually figures out that he doesn’t know her name and walks out on him.
That probably won’t happen to you, but being direct might save you a lot of time and mental energy deciphering your girlfriend’s slang.
I am 41 years old, never married, great career, and for the most part, happy with life. That being said, I am very lonely while midlife crisis is hitting me pretty hard lately. The last two women I dated had everything a person could want. They we’re kind, smart, funny, highly educated, very attractive, and they both wanted (I didn’t date both at the same time) to take our relationship to the next level (Marriage/Living together) but I just wasn’t in love with them. I have always compared every girl I have dated to my first love, which I dated 17 years ago, only for a one year and have not seen her since we broke up. I googled her recently and found she belonged to a networking website (not a dating site) that I happen to be a member. I tried to contact her through this site, thinking it was a safe way to contact her considering that no email addresses are exchanged unless the person agrees to exchange addresses but no response. We we’re pretty good friends when we dated and only broke up because we both moved to pursue our dreams. That’s why I am a little surprise that I got no response. I thought I would have gotten something from her? Thanks for the email but I am married or get lost, you we’re a jerk but no response is killing me.
Here’s my question; why does this bother me so much? Should I settle and get back with one of the girls I mentioned? All the men I know think I am crazy for not marrying one those girls and that they would do anything just to date them.
First of all, there’s a lot to cover in this question: mid-life crisis, lost girlfriends, commitment and the idea of being in love. So I’ll start with your question and move on from there.
It sounds like you never moved on and you never got closure with the old girlfriend. It’s always good to have closure in these situations, but if that doesn’t happen naturally, you have to do it yourself. The two of you moved to pursue your dreams, suggesting you might have been leaving college and were certainly leaving for careers in two different places. I’m guessing you must have not wanted it to end, or you had basic regrets about letting it end at the time. Whatever the case, the fact that she doesn’t reply should tell you all you need to know.
People do things because they want to. Your ex didn’t reply to your social message because she doesn’t want you in her life. If people don’t answer their telephone when you call or don’t accept your invitations to dinner, they are telling you they don’t want you around. It’s the same when they don’t take the two seconds to accept you as a friend on a social media website. There are a hundred different reasons for this, but there’s no reason to go down the list. You have to realise that she doesn’t owe you an explanation why. Her obligations to that relationship ended 17 years ago. Maybe she’s happily married and isn’t comfortable renewing a friendship with an old boyfriend. Maybe her memories of your parting aren’t as happy. Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want to renew your friendship and has every right not to. Take her silence as a chance for closure,
Besides, the woman you knew doesn’t exist anymore. You’ve probably changed a lot in the past 17 years. While you probably don’t have a lot of the cares and responsibilities of your standard “married with 2.3 kids” 41-year old male, you’re still probably a lot different from the carefree college (or just out of college) kid you were when you were 24. The fact that you’re having a mid-life crisis is testament to that. You have to worry about your health. The aches and pains come more often and stay around longer. You have a lot more job responsibilities. The stress of living 41 years and the baggage of 20 years of failed relationships probably weigh a little heavier than they did back in the day. Long story short, you aren’t the same guy you were 17 years ago.
She isn’t either. A lot of the favorite things you remember about her are probably gone, too. You have to remember that she’s lived 17 years of life, too. She’s gone through a lot of living since then. I’m guessing that involves virtually half her life and most of her adult life. The memories you have of your relationship are probably of a carefree time when “being in love” was newer and affected you greater. The two of you were young and full of life and had the world in the palm of your hands. It sounds like a magical time, but that particular magic was gone as soon as you split to pursue your dreams. Most of us have one of those relationships in our life and those memories will be something we cherish when we’re in our dotage. But there are other magical relationships in this world, too.
So remember with the women you date these days, you’ve been comparing them to a girl that doesn’t exist anymore. You’re comparing women that are closer to your age to a woman in her early 20′s, I imagine. That’s a large part of having a mid-life crisis. You are transitioning to a time when you’re no longer a kid and you’re more a part of the older generation. That’s hard to stomach. That’s one reason a lot of 40-something men end up dating a 20 year old, or wanting to. It helps them feel young again or capture some of the magic of their youth. But that’s seldom going to work. In your case, the 20-year old you want to date just so happens to be a woman from your past.
Why Settle for an Ex?
Finally, to answer your question about settling. If you feel like you’re settling, that’s not a good way to start a marriage. So if you feel life you’re settling, certainly don’t get married to the woman. That’s not fair to her, because you go in with reservations that shouldn’t be there. You and not your buddies have to be content with the relationship.
That doesn’t mean you should entirely forget the notion of rekindling your romances with one of these more recent dating partners, but only if you want to. Once you sort through your old feelings with the ex from so long ago and you sort through your midlife crisis, you might start to see life from a different light.
For instance, I mentioned that there are other kinds of magic in the world. One of those is the magic of the next generation. Children are a renewal of life. You see something of your own youth in your children and it helps you to recapture some of the magic that was your childhood. Also, you share a bond with a woman, because the two of you made this child. And you’ll never love another person more than you love your children.
That being said, marriage and children isn’t for everybody. You might be one of those men who simply never marries. That’s perfectly valid, too. If you don’t feel like marriage and children is for you, then the worst thing you can do is to jump into something where you negatively affect the lives of so many others.
And what about “being in love”? Well, that comes in a lot of different forms. If by being in love you mean the kind of intense and euphoric love that kids often experience, that might never happen again, either (though it might). The thing is, romances are like snowflakes: each one is different. Once you embrace that idea, you won’t be comparing your current girlfriend to all the other girlfriends you’ve had – and especially your first love. There’s only one first love. So with the women you date now, embrace the fact that she’s different and love her on her own terms. It still might not work out, but at least your relationship is succeeding or failing on its own merits.
- John Clifton
Men spend more time wondering what women want from them than most women would believe. The stereotype about men suggests that they are unthinking uncaring oafs who mostly think about sex and sports. While there is some truth to our obsession with physical love and physical competition, we are much more layered than this – as suggested by what we really want in a woman.
What Men Look For In A Woman
In no particular order, here are 4 things that explain what men look for in a woman. You might also be interested in
what women want in a man.
Let’s not pretend that its just men who are looking for a capable and attentive sexual partner. We would be doing women an injustice if we didn’t give them credit for their sensual side. Men want a partner who will be willing to share her affection physically without intimidating him. I have seen it happen – some women simply look too intense or “hot” for men to approach. Sociologists tell us this could be because men are concerned about their ability to “please” these women in bed. To that end, there is something to be said for “dressing down” and being yourself. Some ways to show a man you’re interested in providing the physical attention he wants is through subtle gestures and touching. Graze his arm with your hand, let your hips touch casually, or just outright put your hand on his face – playfully. The point of subtle touch is to make him think it was casual, so don’t be too serious about it. By allowing for casual touch, you’ll be planting a seed in his mind. Besides, you can find out if you even like touching him long before committing to a date. Don’t be intimidated by men’s desire for good sex – after all, isn’t it one of your desires, too?
Thank God there is no ideal physical appearance, no perfect female standard to adhere to. Social scientists have tried to describe the “perfect” body, telling us that men look for things like the “70% ratio” of waist to hips (a nearly impossible feat), or perfect facial symmetry, something that you’re either born with or not. Rather than try to squeeze your body into someone else’s idea of beauty, it is more important to maintain your health, take care of yourself, and practice good hygiene. Most men I talk to say that women stand out for simple reasons – some men look for red hair, still others are after an attractive smile. The one thing I don’t hear is that men get out a tape measure and calculate waist to hip ratios or distance between eyes, etc. Men will either be attracted to a woman initially, or they won’t. By paying attention to your health (eating fruits and vegetables, trying to stay within a healthy weight range) and practicing basic hygiene (brushing your teeth, keeping your hair clean) you will do yourself and your potential dates a favor. Whether or not a man is attracted to you is out of your hands. The best you can do is prepare yourself – and by the way, keeping your body healthy is a good idea in general. A healthy body is a happy body, and good general health leads to good mental health. You have no say in whether or not a man is attracted to you, but you do have control over your health.
The word “trust” here refers not just to a man’s ability to trust that you won’t cheat on him, but his ability to come to you for his emotional needs. All people require trust before they’re willing to share with someone on a deep level – the kind of level that is healthy for a relationship. If a man thinks you’ll listen to his problems and immediately rush off to the internet to Twitter all your friends about it, he won’t have that sense of trust necessary to really develop a relationship. In fact, a lack of trust can lead to some really unhealthy partnering. A many may be willing, for instance, to have sex with you or flirt with you, but a perceived lack of trust will keep him from really connecting with his partner. You will become, pardon the expression, a “booty call” – not because he’s a jerk, but because he doesn’t trust you enough to move the relationship into the next phase. Here is another way in which you and your potential man are similar; you both need trust to make a relationship work. How do you show that you are trustworthy? Avoid gossiping to him about your friends. It may seem fun, and yes its necessary to blow off steam, but it will teach him another important lesson – that you are untrustworthy.
Sense of Humor
Men and women both need humor in their lives to stay happy. Humor is also a great icebreaker in many different difficult situations. How many times has a simple joke turned an awkward first date into a relaxed good time, or how often have you used humor to “disarm” someone you’ve been attracted to? There will most certainly come times in your relationship that a good joke will keep a minor disagreement from becoming a full fledged argument. Humor works because it breaks down our sense of ourselves, relaxes us physically (laughter being the best medicine), and shows people around us that we have a playful and friendly side. Men want a woman with a sense of humor for the same reason women want the same thing in a man – humor keeps our mood bright, and can even ignite passion. It turns out, laughter is also one of the best aphrodisiacs, and men will find your sense of humor, no matter how goofy or corny, a serious
Desired Girlfriend Traits
No two men are alike, and the desired girlfriend traits will differ from man to man. However, you can bet that some combination of the above features will attract just about any man. Interestingly enough, all four of the above are healthy pursuits that men and women share – what woman doesn’t want to have a quality sexual life, a healthy body, a sense of humor, or the ability to share deeply with their partner? As it turns out, men and women are more similar than Cosmo would lead us to believe.
Most likely, matchmaking has been around as long as society itself. Some people enter the “business” of matchmaking because they are tired of hearing about their friends’ horrible dating episodes. Casual matchmaking is a constant pursuit — who among us doesn’t occasionally size up a few of our friends and ask “Why don’t they get together?” Besides being fun and beneficial to your social group, matchmaking can be a profitable and exciting business venture, if you have the skills and the desire to do it.
Some people seem to have a natural gift for pairing up their friends. These people usually have lots of experience, good and bad, in the dating world, and are very sensitive to things like personality type, communication skills, and the general likes and dislikes of their social group. Most matchmaking starts out non professional — a single girl gets a suggestion from her friend that she ought to go out with so-and-so, or that her and the neighborhood mailman would make a great pair. After this fledgling matchmaker successfully pairs off a few people, they become interested in full time matchmaking.
Becoming A Professional Matchmaker
There is only one organization that trains people in becoming a professional matchmaker. The Matchmaking Institute was created in 2003 in order to “set a code of ethics and strict quality standards in the matchmaking industry”. They provide training and even certification for wannabe matchmakers, and once certified they provide lists of potential clients as well as a support group of fellow matchmakers and industry professionals.
The Matchmaking Institute
The Matchmaking Institute exists to fill a void in the industry — there is no regulation or government control over matchmaking, and this has lead to some difficulties with matchmaking services in the past. Some of you may have tried matchmaking services yourself, and been scared away by inappropriate matches. Still others have tried online dating services and seen few matches, or glaringly bad ones that led to dating horror stories. The problem is usually that private matchmaking services are run by people more interested in turning a profit than in making legitimate couple matches. There was a time when anyone with a spreadsheet and a telephone could advertise “matchmaking” services — they take your money, print out a random list of potential matches, and you’re on your own. Sure, there are some legitimate matchmakers operating without The Matchmaking Institute’s certification, but when a matchmaker is certified, you can be sure they meet certain standards, and have been properly trained in the subtle art of creating strong romantic partnerships.
Student of the Matchmaking Institute
Students of the Matchmaking Institute learn about all aspects of the business, from the history of matchmaking to the all important code of ethics. Along the way, students learn about business models — how to succesfully operate a business out of their own home, how to create lasting couples while still putting money in their pocket. They learn interviewing techniques, what to look for when interviewing clients and how to fine tune their skills of perception. There’s even a unit on “working with difficult clients” and conflict resolution — as all matchmakers, no matter how skilled or qualified, will run into difficulties when dealing with the general public. Most importantly, students of the Matchmaking Institute will walk away with a certificate proving they have been trained in their unique art, and possess the skills necessary to match you with someone you can love.
Outside of the certification realm, it is possible to become a succesful matchmaker. You don’t need to attend courses or hang a certificate on your wall if you believe you are well qualified and can handle running a home business. Start simply — put together a short list of a few friends interested in dating. Explain to them that you want to help them find a match, and set up a client relationship, clearly outlining any fee you want to charge, the process of matchmaking you plan to pursue, and their recourse if they are unhappy with your services. You may also want to let them know that you are not a certified matchmaker, but are interested in learning the skill and believe you have what it takes to find their one true love. Once you have a client or two set up, create a database, listing details of their personality, what they may be looking for in a partner, and what kind of relationship they’re look for — remember, some people may just want to find casual dating partners, while others may be looking for marriage potential.
Surely in your social network there will be people who match your initial client base. Explain to these potential mates the entirety of the process — that you want to interview them and determine if they would make a good match for any of your clients. It is important to match their personality, likes and dislikes, and what sort of relationship they’re interested in with those of your clients. This may be the most difficult part, as these friends of yours may not have come to you looking for help. This is where your skills become important — simply matching people by one or two interests will usually result in a negative result. The more intuitive you are, the deeper your interview material goes, and the better suited you are to the “sport” of matchmaking, the more succesful you will be.
Certification From The Matchmaking Institute
It is a good idea to receive proper certification from the Matchmaking Institute if you find you are good at the matchmaking game. You will be part of a network of certified matchmakers who can support and assist you in your quest, and your client base will be more likely to trust your judgement. If you enjoy working with people, are tired of the grind of working in an office cubicle, or are just looking for a way to make some extra cash, matchmaking could be the game for you. Make sure you are a good judge of character, have a flexible schedule and good personal skills, and that you may be willing to eventually pursue certification. With luck, you may one day call yourself a professional matchmaker.
There is an old saying that you cannot tell your heart who they should fall in love with. Sometimes, despite all the warnings in your head, you may find yourself falling
in love with a man who is already married. You might know that he was married at the time or you might not. Married men are often the subject of some admiration from other women. Perhaps it is the idea of forbidden fruit. You want what you cannot have. Maybe it is just that he seems like such a great guy and is easy to fall in love with. Every year, women make this mistake and a mistake it is. Falling in love with a married man can have some severe social consequences. It can leads to heartache, frustration, and can even break up a good marriage. If you are involved in a situation like this, you may need to ask someone “what do I do if I have fallen in love with a married man”? The answer is to proceed carefully and consider your decisions before you act on them.
Is It Love Or Infatuation
Let’s say that you think that the guy at work is handsome, funny, and sensitive. He is incredibly easy to like. In fact, he is the perfect guy. You might have even started having fantasies about him. The only problem is he is married. But you still can’t help feeling an attraction to him. Ask yourself this: is it love or it is infatuation? A simple crush can often be mistaken for love. Infatuation is a strong emotion so it is easy to confuse the two. Yet how can you actually love someone unless you really know them and how can you really know them if you just see them at work and not in a social sense? To love someone is to know their good qualities as well as their bad qualities. You don’t want any surprises. It is difficult to know everything about someone unless you are already in a relationship with that person. So that is something you need to consider to figure out if you are truly in love or just infatuated.
Does He Know
This is very important because whether he knows or not determines how you proceed. If he does not know how you feel, then you need to consider if you should tell him or not. Do you think he might feel the same way? Do you think he might love you? You should only admit how you feel if you think there is a good chance that they might feel the same way about you. If the guy that you are in love with is happily married to a wonderful woman, then you should just keep your feelings to yourself and consider it as one of life’s unfair tragedies. If, on the other hand, the man’s marriage is rocky and you think the two of you share a connection, then you might consider opening up to him about your feelings.
To Pursue Or Not To Pursue
This is the toughest dilemma in falling in love with a married man. Should you pursue the affair? You need to be honest with yourself. An affair with a married man is adultery. Are you the type of person that can live with that kind of blame? Can you be a homewrecker? If the answer is no, then you should not pursue the relationship, even if the man is interested in you. If he has an unstable marriage, then wait and see if he separates or divorces her. Should that occur, then he is fair game.
If you are the type of person that has no problem being “the other woman”, then you should pursue the affair if he is interested and if he is not satisfied in his marriage.
How Does He Treat You
If you want to date a married man, what do you want to gain from the affair? Are you hoping to have a future with this man or are you just wanting to have fun? More importantly is, if you are already having an affair, how does he treat you? A married man may treat you better than his wife. He may be kind, considerate, and respectful. He may talk about leaving his wife and taking the relationship with you public. He may actually be that perfect guy that you thought he would be. But not all men are interested in a serious relationship. Some married men just want to satisfy their own needs and no matter what they tell you, they have no intention of ever leaving their wives. If you are in a relationship with a married man and you want to get something positive out of it, you need to be careful that the attraction is more than just physical and that you are not just being used.
Loving a Married Man – the Consequences of Forbidden Love
Before you go out and pursue a relationship with a married man, you need to be aware of the consequences. For one, you could be setting yourself up for a lot of heartache and anguish. If you really like the guy but he ends up using you, you are going to feel hurt and rejected. Or you may not get a chance to date him. he may spurn your affections and remain loyal to his wife. This can be equally devastating, not to mention embarrassing.
Another point to consider is that if people find out you may be labeled with many negative words such as “tramp”, “homewrecker” and other less than polite titles. This can cause no end of public shame not just to you but to those you associate with such as friends and family.
By pursing a relationship with a married man, you could break apart a marriage, even a stable one. This could cause you to receive threats from jealous wives or even, if he decides to end it, the man you were dating.
And if you love a married man but he is unwilling to leave his wife and family, then you may have to reconcile with the fact that you have to share him with another woman. This in itself can lead to jealousy and resentment because he is choosing his first love, his wife, over you. So before you share your feelings with that handsome married guy, know what you are getting yourself into.
I am typing this from my girlfriend’s email. I need some advice or some answers. I am a 47 year old man who is in love with a 22 year old woman and I love her to death. I am married. There have been problems in the marriage, but the affair brought all the problems out.
My wife hired private investigators to watch me. She cut my credit cards off two times. She had me in jail 2 times. She has taken my money. She watched my phone on the computer to see who I was talking to. She put recorders in my truck. She changed the locks on the house. She threw my clothes out of the house – every single piece of clothing that was in my closet. When she did that, I had to get an apartment.
Can you help me?
We here at AskDeb are not entirely equipped to handle this kind of question. You should talk to a professional who can help you with your problems. First, you need to talk to a lawyer to know what your rights are. Whether you were having an affair on your wife or not, you have rights. A good divorce lawyer will know what those rights are.
Second, talk to a professional counseling service. Regardless of how unique you believe your situation is, a trained veteran marriage counselor has seen your situation before – and probably many times. Here is a list of websites where you can start to get the help you need.
Marriage Counselors and Family Therapists – Discusses what to look for in a marriage therapist and offers a director of marriage counselors by state.
National Board For Certified Counselors – Put your city and state and click boxes to indicate what you desire counseling for and this site offers trained therapists in your local area.
Cornell Lawyer Director – A directory of legal advisers and lawyers put together by the Cornell Law School in New York City, New York.
Divorce Magazine – Another directory of divorce attorneys for those needing a good lawyer.
The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy – This is a trade organization for marriage and family therapists, where you can get information on divorce or your local marriage therapists.
Though I would take anything said from a divorce community with a grain of salt, if you feel the need to talk to others who are going through a divorce or have recently done so, these are a couple of divorce support online communities: Divorce Support Forum and Divorce & Separation Support. Once again, use these communities to blow off steam and get a little empathy, but don’t use these as a substitute for professional counseling assistance.
From an early age, many women dream and fantasize about being married to the perfect guy. Then one day that guy comes along and you think the dream will come true. But then the guy tells you that he doesn’t want marriage. He may claim that he isn’t ready for marriage or he just doesn’t want to talk about it. Even in a good relationship, if you have your heart set on marriage but the guy that you love tells you that he doesn’t want to get married then you have a problem. An unwillingness to commit to marriage can leave a devastating hole in your relationship. It can end up being a contest of wills as you push to get him to change his mind and he resists. In the end, the issue can tear apart a perfectly good relationship. If you find yourself in this situation, you may ask “what do I do if I want marriage but he doesn’t”? Sadly, there is not one simple answer to solve the problem. It can be complex and you might not get what you want.
Why Doesn’t He Want Marriage
A marriage is a further commitment that, in all fairness, can be intimidating to some guys. Sometimes men are just comfortable with the things as they are. They don’t like to ‘rock the boat’ as the saying goes. Why mess up a good thing, right? So he is just content that the relationship remains as it is. By getting married, that creates more pressure and more responsibility which can jeopardize the relationship.
Another reason men don’t want to get married is fear. They are afraid that by getting married, they will be trapped and lose their freedom. Before marriage, they are just one person that is free to do as they please. They think that after marriage, they will have to check with you before they can do anything. All decisions now have to be submitted to the committee. And the committee has veto power.
Other men don’t want to get married because they don’t want to feel tied down to just one person. Somewhere in the back of their mind is the thought that if things don’t work out, they can always leave. It is much easier (and cheaper) getting out of a relationship than a marriage. Besides, you never know when someone better may come along. There will always be a few unscrupulous guys that are in a relationship but still want to play the field.
Lastly, some guys just want someone to take care of them without all of the commitments that go with it. They don’t want to return the favor, so to speak. The guys want someone to cook, clean, and take on all of the responsibilities of running a household. This leaves him free to do what he wants without any obligations. If you start nagging at him, he can always walk.
Convincing a Man to Marry
Convincing a man to marry you when he is inclined to do otherwise can be a lot like trying to convince a dog to suddenly start doing tricks. It isn’t impossible but can be close to it. You can still try to convince him but don’t expect a quick change of mind. Anyone who has their mind set on something is going to resist someone trying to change it. It is part of human nature. So if you want to try to convince your man to marry you, you had better get ready for a long haul. It could take months or even years to convince him. You can keep suggesting it but don’t push too hard. Don’t pressure him. Just periodically make it known that you still want marriage. If you know any couples who are happily married, you can use them as examples. Show him that marriage can be a wonderful thing. With a little patience, maybe he will come around.
Accepting Him As Is
Ultimately, you may have to face the fact that your guy just doesn’t want to be married. If this is so, you need to ask yourself if you can accept his decision or not. For instance, is he a wonderful guy who takes care of you? Is he supportive? Do you get along well? You may find that you have a really good guy that just doesn’t want to get married. If so, you need to think carefully about if that is enough. Do you love him enough that you can accept him and his decision? It is a difficult question that only you can answer.
Giving The Marriage Ultimatum
If after months or years of waiting and trying to change his mind, your frustration level may reach a breaking point. It may finally come down to you giving him an ultimatum. Either he marries you or the relationship is over. Now, for this to work, you have to consider and accept that he may call your bluff. He may still say no. If this is the case, you need to consider several things. One, that if you don’t break off the relationship, he will never take the threat seriously. It’s like crying wolf. You can threaten him again but by now he will know that you don’t mean to carry out your threat. The second thing to consider is that if he chose himself and his own selfish needs over you, he may not be the right guy for you to marry. If so, you will need to find someone else to have a future with. It is a hard truth but if you want to be in a happy marriage, then there really isn’t much choice.
Can You Live Without Marriage
Depending on how determined you are to be married, you should also consider that there are many couples who spend their entire lives dedicated to each other, even having children, you never get married. These couples live together, share their lives together, have a family, and act just like a married couple. All they are missing is the legal document. This is obviously enough for them. The question is, would it be enough for you? Could you live in a relationship that was, for all intents, just like a marriage? If that is enough for you, then that legal document may not be so important after all.
At the beginning of a healthy marriage, there is a lot of excitement and new experiences. It can be thrilling being a new couple. But as the years go on, the excitement starts to ebb. The thrill diminishes. You have spent so much time together that you know everything there is to know about one another. Inevitably, your marriage becomes boring. It happens in almost every marriage. You no longer go out to dinner or to the movies. You are no longer excited to see each other at the end of the day when you come home from work. You probably haven’t gone out dancing at a club since the Bee Gees were popular. The spark is gone and all that is left is boredom.
Boredom is dangerous. It can kill a marriage faster than you can say “divorce court”. Couples often fall into the same routine of work, eat, sleep, repeat. Between careers and children, a marriage can become stale and stagnant. So how do you handle boredom in your marriage? What can you do to revive it? Assuming that you love your spouse and you want to stay married to them, boredom is an obstacle that you must overcome if you want to keep a healthy and positive marriage.
Why Boredom Is Bad In a Marriage
Remember all the good times you use to have? Remember laughing as the two of you held hands? How long has it been since you did that? Boredom can strangle a marriage. It can shut down the paths of communication between you and your spouse and if the two of you are not talking, that is a serious problem. When you are bored in your marriage, you tend to withdraw from the other person. You start to spend less time together and more time on yourself. Boredom can cause you to invest less time and energy into your marriage. Your spouse is no longer seen as your partner and loved one but instead as another fixture that is seen everyday, like a road sign that you pass every morning on your way to work. After awhile, you stop noticing it.
A boring marriage has no passion. You tend to argue more about trivial things. You no longer want to do the same routine with each other such as sitting on the couch and watching the same television programs. A common danger in a boring marriage is that one spouse may decide to seek excitement elsewhere. This is where many extra-marital affairs come in. You rarely find a cheating spouse who has a happy and fulfilling marriage. If they did, they would not be trying to rekindle that old spark elsewhere.
How To Make Your Marriage More Exciting
You don’t have to give up on a marriage that is no longer exciting. A boring marriage is salvageable. All it takes is a little effort on your part to rekindle the passion and thrill. A good place to start is to remember the things that the two of you use to do together. Start by going out on a date and by that I mean a real date, not pulling through the drive-thru at some fast-food chain and taking it home to sit in front of the television. No, I mean a real date where the two of you get dressed up and go out to someplace romantic that you have never been to before. Find a babysitter for the kids if you need to and spend some time alone.
Try to set aside one night a month just for the two of you. You can go to the movies, go out for a stroll through the park or along the beach, or something special. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy as long as you spend it together. Again, find a sitter for the kids. Some people may feel a little guilty about leaving the kids behind but if you devote enough time every other day of the month to them, then you owe it to your marriage to devote some time to yourselves.
Try learning a new skill or talent together. You can take up dance lessons together such as ballroom dancing or modern dance. If the two of you are health conscious, you can start a work out routine together. Maybe go jogging. The two of you can take a class and learn something new. You might take classes in rock climbing, roller blading, horseback riding, or anything else. I know of one couple that, to add excitement to their marriage, took motorcycle classes together and now ride their Harleys on the weekend. As long as you find it exciting and it is new, go for it.
An excellent way to break the boredom is to take a trip together. This can be anything from a planned vacation to an overnight trip somewhere. Getting out of the house and away from everyday issues for awhile can be rejuvenating. It gives you a chance to talk and appreciate one another without the pressure from daily problems.
Don’t stop being supportive of each other. Urge each other on in various decisions and undertakings. One way to do this is compliments. Compliments are always appreciated, no matter how long you have been married. Giving your spouse a compliment makes them feel good about themselves and can lead to a compliment in return.
Being physically affectionate is another great way to spark excitement in the marriage. Nothing is more intimate than a touch. You can give your spouse backrubs, foot massages, or just cuddle up next to them. Try to extend physical contact when the two of you are out in public. Hold hands or occasionally reach out and tough their arm. By establishing a physical contact, you are establishing an intimate link with your spouse.
Start a new hobby together. Quit wasting so much time sitting at home and doing nothing. Too much of that leads to boring lives. Pick a hobby or a project and do it together. This could be anything from remodeling an old bedroom to building a new deck. Gardening is a good hobby that the two of you could share. You might also do something artistic or for the community.
There are many other things that you can try to do to bring back the excitement in a marriage. It is up to you to find common ground. The key is that as long as it is something new that you can share with each other, it can keep your marriage alive and healthy.
There is an age old question that haunts most of us men looking to attract women. Even more important than what we should wear, or how we should behave in a flirting situation, is this simple age old query.
Characteristics Women Find Appealing In A Man?
While no one could possibly answer this question with anything resembling a complete answer, there are tips from psychologists and advice writers, as well as from everyday women themselves, that can give us (mostly clueless) men an insight into the female mind. Its not such a scary place to be after all.
“What women want in a man” can be generalized into these four categories that explaim characteristics women find appealing in man.
Most men either have no confidence, or carry around a false sense of confidence in an attempt to impress women. Women, just like men, want to see “real confidence” in a man’s behavior and attitude, and are sensitive to true confidence versus false bravado. Even if you can fake your confidence at first, any woman you attract and begin spending time with will learn your “true colors” with time – usually it doesn’t take very long. Having confidence is about more than thinking you’re attractive, or believing that you can achieve certain goals. A confident man will share his opinions without being argumentative, doesn’t mind an intellectual debate, is open to new ideas, and doesn’t constantly ask if “everything’s alright”. Carry this confidence into the bedroom – don’t ask if she’s having a good time or if you’re a good enough lover, simply assume you are and let her make the final decision. Most women react to confidence the way most men react to large breasts – it could be the most attractive thing about men to many women. In fact, true confidence will seep into the other areas of your life, and pretty much ensure that the other three categories listed here will be met.
Showing affection is not a matter of physical contact or emotional connection alone, but a complex mix of the two. Just like men, women want to know that they are appreciated, and this comes through affection and closeness as much as it does through any other aspect of a relationship. Take the time to learn a woman’s likes and dislikes, and cater your actions to these things. This doesn’t mean compromising your own taste — okay, so it does sometimes, but not all the time. An example of a small gesture that shows affection would be something like what happened on my first date with my current girlfriend. We were on a walk around the town square, and could only scrape together enough money for one glass of wine to share between the two of us. She mentioned a preference for Chardonnay, a wine that I usually detest. Though I wanted to order the heftiest and most expensive pinot noir on the menu, I compromised and shared her Chardonnay with her. I smiled through the pain and could tell she really appreciated it. Affection is also shown in bigger gestures, including public affection like holding her hand to show you’re proud of her. Any pains you take to show true affection will be well rewarded, and your woman will feel special and appreciated.
We live in an age where women can be truly independent – it is no longer true that a man must provide everything for his woman. Most of my girlfriends make more money than I do – what can I say, I’m just a humble internet freelancer. But providing “security” means more than bringing home the bacon, or standing up for her honor. A woman wants to know that her partner is going to work at least as hard as she is to get the good things in life. If you wait tables two days a week and spend the rest of your time playing video games, you don’t make a very likely partner long term. Paying your bills and being financially honest with a woman are two other great tactics to proving you are stable and can help provide security to your relationship. Especially now, with the economy in a nosedive and not likely to get much better for a few years, it is important for your potential dating partner to know you’re going to pull your weight. Even though most women don’t need to simply take money from their men anymore, its vital for a man to prove that he can provide when called upon. Buy dinner as often as you can, give her little gifts, and put your nose to the grind at work. Your potential partners will appreciate the show of security, and your confidence will get a big boost.
Women are often stereotyped as “emotional” creatures – the truth is that all people are emotional, male and female. If you weren’t an emotional guy, you wouldn’t be reading this article right now – you wouldn’t be at all concerned with a woman’s feelings. Being “understanding” means providing a shoulder to cry on, honest advice and support during tough times, and sometimes just the ability to have a quiet night in when your partner is feeling down or sick or just plain tired. It is easy for us as men to overlook the little things that add up to being labeled “understanding” – if your girlfriend is feeling moody, consider curling up under a blanket and watching her favorite trashy TV show. If she is fighting with her friend, be a sounding board for her concerns without adding too much of our own opinion, unless she asks for it. When the two of you have a fight, and you most certainly will at some point, listen to her complaints and concerns, and respond honestly. Understanding is a vital part of a successful romantic relationship, and one that we men struggle with the most.
Remember that every woman is different, and most women wouldn’t appreciate their desires being generalized according to the above four guidelines. These are just meant to be brainstorms for men who are completely confused about women’s desires. No human being is the same as any other – and you will no doubt find women who AREN’T looking for “security” or a man who is “understanding”. However, making yourself sensitive and open to being confident, showing affection, providing a certain amount of security for a woman, and trying to be emotionally open and understanding can only make you a better and more interesting man – and hopefully, a more appealing love partner.
Romance is not dead. In fact, with the economy in the state it is currently in no doubt you find your wallet is much lighter than in years past. Romance doesn’t have to mean champagne and pearls — sometimes, a simple expression of love through words is more meaningful than the most expensive diamond or night on the town.
The best kind of romance is the kind that has no purpose. Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day or an anniversary to express your love, try writing your lover a letter that expresses your feelings “just because”. Many people are scared to attempt a love letter, fearing that they don’t have the writing skills or the creativity necessary to compose a worthy epistle. It doesn’t have to be difficult.
Writing Love Letter Dos & Dont’s
How do you write a love letter? Here are some valuable writing love letter dos & dont’sto help you on your way.
1. DO Read Examples of Classic Love Letters
Your local library has stacks of books full of examples of classic love letters. A great place to start is books of collected letters from soldiers fighting abroad to their lovers back in the states. These men (and women) had nothing but words to maintain their romantic contact, and because of this great burden they were truly inspired and composed some of the most beautiful letters ever writtten. Look for Love Letters of the Civil War for classic and heady romantic letters to model your writing after. Another great title is Love Letters in the Sands of Time, a collection of letters back and forth between lovers during World War Two. There is nothing wrong with looking for inspiration in the words of those that came before you — just be sure not to plagiarize. If you’re having a really tough time getting started, consider including a quote from a classic love letter, making sure you give credit where credit is due. You might say “A soldier in the Civil War once wrote to his lover: It is almost impossible to sleep because of my thoughts of you” and go on from there. Your love will appreciate your romantic spirit, and will not accuse you of plagiarism — you’re merely reflecting the feelings of another lover from a time past. Using classic love letters as a kind of “draft” for your own letter is a tried and true technique.
2. DON’T be too sexually explicit
A love letter can include a touch of erotic language, but it is easy to cross the line into pornography. There is a time and a place for bedroom talk — and it is in the bedroom, not in a love letter. A better way to express your affection is to use feeling words, words that come from the heart. Instead of describing the sexual things you want to do with your partner, consider digging into your brain and figuring out why you want to do these things. Describe a physical aspect of your partner that turns you on, and the more detail the better. Of course, all rules were meant to be broken, and it is possible you and your partner have the kind of relationship that would allow for a slightly raunchy letter. However, in most cases you should err on the side of romance. Remember that romance and sex are two seperate but related things. Its perfectly fine to be turned on by your lover, but it will be more meaningful if you explain why you feel the way you do rather than detail a sexual exploit or fantasy.
3. DO use nice stationary and present your letter in a romantic way
Sometimes the presentation of your love letter is more important than the words within. Especially if you’re nervous about your writing ability, buy special paper and write with a nice pen. Yes, it may be a bit expensive, but it is still cheaper than expensive gifts. I find that cream colored paper and thick black ink are the most romantic and expressive colors — but be creative. Remembering that this is a love letter, think of the colors your partner likes best, and compose your letter accordingly. When it is time to share your note with your lover, consider one of two very romantic options. Reading your letter aloud creates a sense of closeness and intimacy that your partner will not soon forget. Mood lighting, soft music, a nice bottle of wine that you both enjoy, or just a romantic setting can increase the impact of your words tenfold. Alternatively, if you’re too nervous to read or want to surprise your partner, you can hide the love letter in a place you know your partner will find it. Everyone loves a surprise, and a surprise that includes passionate words and true feelings will have even more impact. You could take it one step further and set up a kind of “treasure hunt” — leave little notes like “Look under your pillow” which lead to other clues (in somewhat romantic places — don’t hide your love letter under the sink) will show your lover that you put thought into this experience, and add an element of fun. You might even be able to rig it so that the final clue leads to you, sitting with your letter in hand and a candle burning. Presentation can be key in how your partner receives the message. Be creative.
4. DON’T take the easy way out
Your love letter should be somewhat lengthy, and if not long it must at least completely express your feelings. If you’re having difficulty composing a complete expression of love, try these tips. List the qualities in your partner that make them stand out in the crowd. If you love her long red hair, tell her so, and consider turning it into a metaphor — “Your hair burns like a fire in my memory” or something along these lines. It may sound cliche, but trust me — your partner will appreciate it, and at worst you can share an intimate giggle session with your romantic partner. Tell your partner how he or she completes you, how they fit in your life. We all remember the time before we were with our partner — how lonely we were, or a specific way in which our lives were incomplete. In a similar vein, you can describe your first meeting or your first date, and how it changed your life or your attitude. Recall some romantic or unique moments you shared. I once had a lover who got terribly sick on our first date, and I ended up sitting up with her all night, getting her water or pressing a cool cloth on the back of her neck. Though it may have been embarassing for her at the time, it ended up being a hilarious and romantic memory that we both cherish to this day. Finally, explain how much you miss your partner when you’re apart. Everyone wants to be missed. Be careful not to sound too needy, but be sure to fully express yourself. You may be upset later if you don’t give it your all — write, revise, revise again until your letter perfectly expresses your feelings. Then be prepared to share your letter.
Writing Love Letters
Writing love letters is a cheap (or even free) and a very romantic way of sharing love between you and your partner. Your lover may even be inspired to write a letter back — imagine the impact a dual set of love letters will have on your lover. Don’t forget to sign and date your letter to make it a keepsake, something your partner will want to keep forever. Don’t be shy; remember that romance is the key to keeping a relationship close, and write from the heart.
As I’ve already covered in my article on knowing when to kiss, a kiss can make or break a relationship, even after the first few kisses are out of the way and you’ve built up a trust and a rhythm with your partner, kissing can influence your lover’s positive or negative perception of the relationship. Many people are nervous about kissing, assuming they don’t have the proper technique or that their partner has high expectations for their kiss, and just the stress of worry about a kiss can cause all sorts of nasty side effects, from sweaty palms to stiff lips.
Great Kissing Tips
So many people are obsessed with the question of how to be a great kisser. Here are some great kissing tips on expressing your attraction through kissing.
Stressing out about a kiss will only impair your kissing abilities. Remember that a kiss is an expression of emotion and even love, and as such it should be done with ease, and come naturally. Tensing up your body, and thus your mouth, will have nothing but a negative impact on your kiss, and most likely your partner will be able to read your tension and interpret it any number of bad ways. Maybe your date will think you’re not truly interested in kissing, or have little experience at it, or even worse, that you don’t know how to kiss. This could be the difference between a second date and a future blow off.
2. Freshen your breath
If there is a strong attraction between you and your partner, the relative freshness of your breath will probably not be as important as you think. Still, having fresh breath and clean teeth will give you that last little bit of confidence that could mean the difference between a sloppy attempt and a successful kiss. Prepare ahead of time – pack breath freshening gum that isn’t too sweet or fruit flavored, and you may even consider a travel sized toothbrush and a quick trip to the bathroom before potential kissing. If your date is taking place over a meal, you may want to avoid food that is too poisonous to your breath, especially if your date is avoiding it too. In other words, if your date is eating a salad or a mild soup, don’t order curry or garlicy foods. In the future, when the two of you have a stronger connection, you can probably get away with a lot more in terms of the freshness of your breath and your mouth, but at the beginning of a relationship it would be best to keep a super clean mouth environment.
3. Be sure your date wants a kiss
There is nothing more awkward or embarrassing than leaning in for a kiss only to be rejected on the spot. While it is not wise to come out and ask directly “Do you want to kiss me?”, there are subtle clues you can look for that indicate eagerness for a kiss. Everyone is different, so take stock of your date’s personality and behaviors and decide if a kiss is warranted. For my part, if I notice a woman is really “relaxed” on our date, not guarding herself from physical contact like handholding or brushing my hand on her face, she is most likely expecting a kiss. Behaviors that indicate it may be too soon for a kiss include nervous movements, lack of eye contact, or general disinterest in the date. Worst case scenario – you could offend your date by “going in for the kill” too soon, and you may come away with a slap to the face or some other expression of anger. Avoid this embarrassment by ensuring your date is ready to share a kiss with you before you make your move.
4. Get your mouth and lips ready
Besides the freshness of your breath, there are other ways to “set your mouth” to prepare for a kiss. Eventually, when you’re used to kissing your partner or kissing in general, you won’t have to make a conscious effort to prepare your mouth, but if you’re nervous and want to make sure your kiss is a success, there is a short checklist for mouth prep. Your lips should be slightly moist – not wet, but not dry – and slightly apart. For first kisses that aren’t full of passion, avoid contacting your date’s lips with your teeth – later, when the two of you are more intimate, you can try gentle nibbles on his or her lips, but for now, keep your teeth out of the way. Don’t tense up your lips, but at the same time, don’t open your mouth too wide. With your eyes slightly open (to gauge your date’s desire to kiss you), lean in with your head at an angle and try to make contact with their lips. Congratulations, you’ve achieved an appropriate and sweet kiss.
5. Don’t overdo it
There is a tempo and a method to kissing. It is not something that can be taught outright – the best I can do is give you suggestions and guidelines – but it is also an event that has its limits. Before you slip your partner the proverbial tongue, try a simple kiss with lips slightly parted. After a few kisses, and probably after a few dates, your partner will most likely initiate tongue contact. One benefit of this method is that it takes the pressure off of you to decide when to take the plunge into “French kissing”, however your partner may take your waiting as a sign that you’re not interested. The key is to always pay attention to your date’s body language and subtle clues. Just as you will know when it is time for your first kiss, you will most likely know when it is time for your first “passionate” kiss. Follow your date’s body language, and you will bought yourself a nice piece of insurance against embarrassment or offense.
You can read all the kissing methods guides you want, and still blow it when it comes time for the big event. As with any valuable pursuit, practicing kissing makes one “perfect”. If the attraction exists between you and your potential lover, the kiss will be worth it, and there is almost nothing you can do wrong. Don’t be embarrassed if your date wants to give you suggestions on your kissing technique – it just means they want to enjoy kissing you, and want to do it more in the future. Remember the five guidelines above, and most importantly, have fun. A kiss is one of the most intimate things we can share with someone, and should be pleasurable and not stress inducing. Have fun.
Besides the kiss you share on your wedding day, there is no more kiss in a relationship more important than the first. Some people don’t know if they’re truly attracted to a person until they share a kiss. Think of the classic Betty Everett song from the 60s “Its in his kiss” — “If you wanna know / if he loves you so / its in his kiss”.
Timing Your First Kiss
Before you begin timing your first kiss, slow down and think about the idea of a kiss. It is a very intimate way of showing affection, and some people are more reluctant to touch lips or tongues than they are to engage in other sexual activity.
History of Kissing
There is a stigma involved in kissing that goes back to ancient times. The history of kissing begins with the first recorded mention of a kiss is in Vedic texts from India about 3500 years ago, and scientists tell us that as much as 95% of the human population, no matter the society, engages in kissing.
The scientific journal Evolutionary Psychology set out to take stock of kissing and kissers, and found that as many as 66 percent of women had at one time or another rejected a romantic partner because of a “bad kiss”. The number is similar for men, at about 57 percent. According to Professor Gordon Gallup, one of the researchers involved in the magazine’s study of kissing conducted at SUNY-Albany, “At the moment of the kiss, there’s a very complicated exchange of information … that may tap into underlying evolved mechanisms that clue us in on whether we’re genetically compatible.” In other words, a single kiss can be a deal breaker (or a deal maker) at the very start of a relationship.
Back to the question of when you should share your first kiss with your new lover – unfortunately, as with everything in love, there is no right or wrong answer. Some people want to get the kiss out of the way as soon as possible, and I have even been rejected for not kissing a woman soon enough. For people like this, who are eager to kiss, it is most likely a way for them to judge if they even want to see you again, or perhaps it has something to do with Professor Gallup’s genetic compatability factor, something unconscious that they feel they need to do in order to establish compatability.
Still others hold off on the kiss until they make other value judgements – and many of these are on the ‘shallow’ side. Some partners want to get a look at your teeth, or get close enough to make sure you don’t have terrible breath. If you’re a smoker, its likely that some people will write you off immediately, while others will be willing to look past this – if they’re sincerely attracted. Some may not be shallow at all, but will avoid kissing to early because they are wary of “jumping the gun” or giving too much away too soon.
Men And Women Often Kiss For Different Reasons
It is important to remember, too, that men and women often kiss for different reasons. In general, it has been established that men kiss either to gain greater physical intimacy (the old “trying to get in your pants” tactic) or to apologize (the classic “kiss and make up” tactic). Women are far more likely to use a kiss as a “test” for a potential mate. Thinking back to “Its In His Kiss” – remember that its not in “his eyes” or “his size”, no no, its in his kiss. Women are also known to use a lover’s kiss to judge their interest in the relationship. If the kissing is falling out of frequency or intimacy, something may be wrong with the relationship.
Men and women generally use different kissing techniques as well. In general, men prefer the open mouthed kiss with tongue contact, most likely because they are using the kiss to try to increase the physical intimacy with their date. On the other hand, women prefer frequent kisses, and expect kissing to maintain its passion over the entire course of a relationship, while it seems men lose interest in kissing in a relatively short amount of time. If you really want to impress your date, act outside of these “gender expectations” – if you’re a woman, go in for a big open mouthed kiss, or hold off for a couple of dates and really drive your date wild. If you’re a man, consider short and sweet kisses, without much mouth opening or tongue contact, and your date will think you’re sensitive and compassionate.
First Kiss On The First Date
Taking this all into account, you really must decide for yourself when it is time to share your first kiss. These days, it seems most people (men and women) expect the first kiss to come on the first date. The best way to judge is to use your senses – does your date smile into your eyes, lean in for physical contact, or give any physical clue that he or she wants to kiss you? If you feel the “kissing” vibe, I say you should go for it. After all, you don’t want to waste too many dates (or too much time and money) on someone you’re not compatible with.
A kiss can make or break a potential relationship, and any one action that could keep you from a second or third date should be given the appropriate amount of consideration. You might want to match your first kiss to your partner’s personality type. In general, quiet people will not react well to over the top kisses, while loud and vivacious personalities will think your sweet peck is too much like kissing their brother or sister. While rules are meant to be broken, these guidelines should at least help ease your mind when its time to go in for the first smooch.
Relax, enjoy yourself, and remember that if your date rejects you based on a single kiss, maybe they weren’t worth your time to begin with. The important thing is to practice your kissing technique, so that in the future you’ll be better prepared to share this all important first moment with someone you are genuinely interested in.
Jealousy is the green monster that can tear a person apart. Everyone knows some story about a couple who broke up because one or both parties were jealous. If unchecked, jealousy can take over your relationship. You get to the point where you are paranoid because you don’t trust your partner. You have to know where they are, what they are doing, and (most importantly) who they are with. If you are having a problem with jealousy and you want to learn to control it, here are some useful steps you can try.
Jealousy Starts With You
For people who suffer from jealousy, they have to understand that it all starts in your head. You are the one making yourself jealous, not anybody else. Jealousy is not something that someone gives you. It is not something that you find one day. Jealousy comes about because of your own feelings.
Reasons for Jealousy
Most of the time, people are jealous because of low self-esteem. They have a low opinion of themselves and they think that someone they love will leave them for someone better. This brings on feelings of jealousy at their partner every time that person does something or talks to someone that might take away their attention.
Another reason for a person being jealous is that perhaps they were cheated on in a past relationship. This is a bit easier to understand. If you were hurt once, then it is only natural that you wouldn’t want to get hurt again. Thus, the feelings of jealousy at certain times when you think your relationship might be in jeopardy.
Finally, you might have good reason to be jealous. Your current partner might have cheated on you at some point. It would be understandable to be jealous of them because you are afraid they might cheat again. However, learning not be jealous in cases like this can be difficult but just as important. Being jealous and paranoid all the time is unhealthy but mentally and physically. You need to learn to deal with it better for your own health reasons, not for anybody else’s sake.
Communicating Your Feelings
Every solid relationship needs to be built on communication. You have to communicate how you are feeling to your partner. You cannot rely on them to guess as to what you are feeling. Nine times out of ten they will either guess wrong or not notice that anything is wrong at all.
If some action that your partner takes makes you jealous, you need to tell them. Don’t just get mad and clam up. This solves nothing. Even if your partner has done nothing wrong, you need to inform them that what they did made you jealous. You need to understand that this is a problem that you are working on but in the meantime, your partner could take measures to avoid the behavior until such time as you feel okay with it.
Learn To Trust
If you don’t trust your partner, then you don’t have a good foundation for a relationship. Besides loving someone, you need to be able to trust them. If they tell you something, such as where they are going and who they are going with, you need to be able to trust that they are telling you the truth.
If you are having jealousy issues, then this is a good place to start practicing. When your partner does something or tells you something, instead of questioning them or grilling them for details, let it go. Try to assume that they just told you the truth. Once you do this a couple of times, it should get easier.
On the flipside, trusting someone means that they need to be trustworthy. If your partner has been caught in lies before or at least omitted important information (such as who they were with), then it makes it harder to trust them. If your partner has proven to be untrustworthy then you have a whole new problem on your hands.
Don’t Be Controlling
Many people who suffer from jealousy tend to be very controlling. You want to make all the decisions in a relationship and control everything that your partner does. Here is a tip: being a control freak will only drive the person you love away. There is only so much a person can take before they start to stand up for themselves and say ‘no’.
Start out by letting your partner make some of the decisions. Whether important ones such as financial matters or insignificant ones such as where to go eat out, give them some free rein. Putting the breaks on your control issues will get you to relax and make your partner fell like their decisions matter.
Build Up Your Self Esteem
This is the big one. As long as your self-esteem is at a sub-level, you will continue to wrestle with jealousy and other issues. Building your self-esteem is one of the harder things to do. It helps if you have someone bragging on you or giving you compliments all the time. But if you are doing it yourself, then you just have to brag on yourself.
When you do things, like maybe tasks around the house or your duties at work, step back and evaluate what you are doing. Did you do the job to the best of your ability? If so, then try to feel good about how well you did. Give yourself a little pat on the back every time you do something well. If no one else is going to do it, it might as well be you.
Another thing to do to build up your self-esteem is to try something new. Pick up a new hobby, learn a new recipe, try on new and different clothes. Learning something new builds confidence. Confidence leads to higher self-esteem.
Think Of Their Feelings
Have you ever thought about how your jealousy makes your partner feel? Every time you grill them about where they have been or who they were talking to, have you ever thought about how it makes them feel? They likely are hurt by accusations and being the target of your jealousy.
Being in a relationship with a jealous person is no fun. It can lead to your partner feeling frustrated, stressed out, and tired. They may get to the point where they anticipate your jealousy and become paranoid themselves. Being jealous just isn’t healthy for either party in a relationship.
Before you blow up and put your partner through your version of the Inquisition, stop and think about how you are making them feel.
Try To Relax and Think Positive
Positive thoughts are the key. People who think negative thoughts always assume the worst is going to happen. If you are a negative person, you are naturally going to think that your partner is being unfaithful. You are going to think that they will leave you for someone better. This is what negative thoughts do.
Try to think in a positive way. Think of the best outcomes in your relationship. Assume that your partner is where they say they are. Assume that they are with who they say they are with. Try to believe that your relationship is solid and that your partner is faithful to you.
You may think this is a bit naïve but it is just an exercise to put yourself in the best frame of mind and to get you to relax. If you are relaxed, then your partner will feel it, too and your relationship will be easier. If you are paranoid, negative, and uptight all the time, it will be reflected in your relationship.
Get Some Help
Some people just can’t do it alone. It doesn’t mean that you are weak or that you may be riddled with insecurities. It just means that you likely don’t possess the right knowledge and skills to get over your jealousy all by yourself.
If you are having trouble coping with jealousy and it is wreaking havoc on your relationships, then try getting some professional help. You can go to a counselor or even a psychiatrist to discuss your problems with jealousy. They can help you by giving you cognitive exercises to do and help you build your confidence. Getting professional help may be the best (and last) option for people who want to learn to have healthy relationships and to trust their partners.
Online dating is very popular today. In a world that is addicted to the latest gizmos and technology, it is just a natural evolution. Plus, it is so easy and convenient to browse through all the many different profiles and photos to find that perfect match. But sometimes not all is as it seems. Sometimes you pay for a membership to a site only to have it disappear along with your money. At other times, you may meet people who profess their love for you only to have them steal your savings and leave you in the poor house. These are called scams and they are very dangerous.
Online dating sites come with their share of risks. Ideally you want a reliable site that screens all their members but that is not always possible. Sometimes you just can’t be sure of a site. Are internet and matching sites scams? How do you protect yourself? Can you identify a site if it is a scam?
Look For Warning Signs
When trying to decide if an online dating site is a scam, there are some warning signs that you can watch for. The most obvious are sites with a membership fee that asks for a credit card before you have even filled out your profile. This is a sure sign that not everything is on the up and up. Another thing to look out for is sites that look like they were thrown together in a hurry. A reliable dating site should be well organized and easy to navigate. If you have a hard time trying to make sense of the sites design or it just looks like a jumbled mess, chances are it’s a scam.
When checking out dating sites, look at the photos. If all the women are young and hot and say that they are all online now, then it is not just a simple dating site. Many prostitutes advertise their profiles on online sites because it is a good way to meet clients. It is also safer than being on the streets. If the site does not have any ‘normal-looking’ people, then it is one to avoid.
Review The Site Thoroughly
Before signing up on any dating site, you should review it thoroughly. Any reputable site should have some reviews about it from consumer sites and/or customer reviews. The best and most reliable sites have been around for awhile and will have several reviews. If all the reviews you find are negative with allegations of taking money and not rendering services, the site is untrustworthy. What is worse is if you can’t find any reviews at all. That means the site hasn’t been around long enough to garner any reviews and hasn’t advertised. That is a bad sign. Companies that put up new dating sites always advertise the site ahead of time in order to draw customers. So there should be write-ups about any new site if it is reliable.
Examples Of Internet Dating Scams
Some examples of internet dating scams include a type that has become more frequent: online mail-order bride scams. The most notable are the Russian mail-order brides. What happens is a young Russian lady will contact a target which is gentleman from a first world country such as the United States or Britain. The man is usually, but not always, older and financially well off. Most often the target will be gullible from the attractions of a younger and beautiful woman. The scam will involve the woman wanting to leave her country to come meet the man but has no money for travel or a visa. They will try to coax money out of the target. Once they receive any money, they may either disappear and the man never hears from them again or something will ‘happen’ and the woman is unable to make it and will need more money. The idea is to get as much money out of the target before quitting the scam.
Another type of scam site is the pornographic site that is disguised as a singles dating site. This site targets men and will feature profiles of beautiful women. The site has a membership fee in order to make contact with any of the beautiful ladies. The idea is to keep the man paying that monthly fee by keeping his interests in the women through emails and chats. Under no circumstance will the man ever meet the women for they usually don’t exist.
The Scam Artist
When discussing whether internet dating and matching sites are scams, one thing that should be mentioned is the con artist. This is an individual that acts as a member on the site. They have no association with the company that owns the dating site and they act separately operating their own personal scam. In much the same way as the mail-order bride sites, the con artist’s intentions are to milk you of as much money as possible before disappearing. Often the person will start out by just making contact and talking to their intended victim. Sooner or later, something will come up and the con artist will ask their victim for money. It could be so the two can meet or it might be for some medical emergency. If the con artist is really slick, he can manipulate it in a way so that you feel obligated to offer them money (either out of a desire to meet or maybe out of sympathy). The con artist will take that money and something else will happen so that they will ask you for more money. When they feel they have gotten all they can possibly get from you, they disappear. Women in particular have been the victims of such scams from men claiming that they loved them.
What Not To Do
Here are some things that you should always keep in mind when involved with online dating sites.
- Unless the site is 100% free, stick to reputable pay sites that have been around for awhile and have positive reviews.
- Beware of anyone who quickly claims to have fallen in love with you after only a couple of emails. Either a stalker or con artist.
- Never send anyone money that you have recently met online, whether they are in another country or your own.
- If someone loves you enough, they will find a way to come see you. Do not pay for someone’s travel expenses or visas.
- Never, ever give out personal information online such as home phone number or physical address.
The dating scene can be confusing and tiresome. These days people are so busy with running their lives and careers that it can leave very little time for finding romance. In order to help them out, there are many dating services available, both online and offline. One of the largest offline dating services is Great Expectations.
Great Expectations has over 30 years of experience in the dating industry. They have over 50 locations nationwide and even have a website to help you connect to people in your area. They advertise personal service that specializes in single professionals. But with all of the online dating sites, how is Great Expectations different from Internet dating? Do they provide the same service? Let’s take a look at some of the differences between Great Expectations and Internet dating.
When checking out online dating sites, you are going to come across free sites and paid membership sites. Generally, the paid sites are the ones that are going to have people who are a bit more serious about finding the right someone. They all charge a monthly membership in the ballpark of around $25 to $35 a month. New members might qualify for a discounted trial membership that expires after the first month. You have to pay the membership fees every month to keep your profile but once you find someone (or are not satisfied with the services), you can drop the membership.
Great Expectations’ membership fees are set up a little differently. The client has several packages to choose from, anywhere from a one year package and up. The price for these packages must be paid up front. A one year membership runs around $3,000 while a 3-year membership will cost you around $5,000. If you take the membership fees of an online dating site and multiplied it by 12 months, you are looking at around the same amount of money. The difference is, you have to pay Great Expectations membership fees all at once and there are no refunds if you decide to cancel your membership after a few months.
Most Internet dating sites use marketing tools to create traffic to their sites. This creates a higher volume of people who might look at your profile. But many times, that is all the management a dating site will do for you. The free sites do nothing to help you out with finding someone. Your profile is out there and it is up to you to find a compatible match. The online sites with paid memberships will usually offer more services in finding a match for you. But all of their management is done through emails and over the Internet.
Great Expectations advertises a more personal touch. When you sign up as a member for Great Expectations, you will meet one of their counselors face to face. They will screen you to make sure that all of you information is accurate and valid. They don’t want anyone being dishonest about their availability. Once your membership fees are paid, the staff at Great Expectations will do a video interview of you to put on your online profile along with current photos. That is another thing Great Expectations does; they maintain current photos of all their members. Other online dating sites may have photos of someone from a few years beck when they were 30 pounds lighter.
Local Area Versus Nationwide
With Internet dating sites, you can usually browse through the other members from all over the country. You can always do a search for people in your area but you have access to the rest of the nation. You may even find your perfect match but they may be on the opposite coast.
Great Expectations will search within your designated area to try to find a match for you. They will try to make the connection as close as conveniently possible. The company advertises social events for their clients to get together and mingle. Thus far, it seems they try to keep from creating a long-distance relationship between clients.
There are a lot of Internet dating sites that let in anyone without doing a proper background check. You might find anyone from Bigfoot, Quasimodo, or The Missing Link posting a profile that could say just about anything. The paid sites are a little better about screening, though.
Great Expectations apparently do a rigorous screening on all their applicants. The screening is to do a criminal background check, credit check, and to verify the client’s personal information. Since they meet with their clients face to face, it is easy to tell if there is any misleading info about gender, looks, or anything else visually apparent.
It needs to be mentioned that Great Expectations has received more than their share of customer complaints. They have ranged from accusations of hidden fees to services not the same as those advertised.
The main complaint seems to be the amount of hidden fees imposed on their clients. In several cases, after customers paid for their upfront membership fees (which ranged in the thousands), the customers were then told they could not access the company’s website until they paid another fee of several hundred dollars. There is another fee for the video and photos used for the customer’s profile which they do not tell you until after you have paid the initial membership fees.
Also, there have been allegations of the company illegally charging customer’s credit cards, not offering refunds, and falsely advertising about other customers’ professions on their profiles. So in short, if you want to consider using a dating service, there might be some hesitation before you decide to become a member of Great Expectations.
So let’s say that you have met this really great girl. You like being with her, you have a lot of fun together, everything appears to be going well. Then she sees you talking to another girl and whammo! The green-eyed monster rears its head. Congratulations, dude, you have a jealous girlfriend. Jealousy has been ruining relationships since the beginning of civilization (and maybe even before).
There are numerous stories, movies, and plays that center on this destructive emotion. It is a part of being human and at some point in their life everyone feels the stab. But what do you do if you have a wonderful girl but her jealousy causes all sorts of problems? You can’t go out with your friends because she is jealous that you will meet someone else. You can’t have any friends who are women nor can you talk to a woman because your girlfriend is jealous. You don’t want to lose this great girlfriend but you don’t know how much more you can take. How do you handle a jealous girlfriend? Let’s first look at what makes girls jealous.
Why Are Girlfriends Jealous
The main reason most girls are jealous is low self-esteem, insecurities, and lack of trust. Anyone can experience jealousy. Your girl may be smart and beautiful and seem to have everything going for her yet still have insecurities about your relationship. Maybe she had a bad experience with a past boyfriend. Perhaps he cheated on her and she was really hurt over it. That would certainly cause problems of self-esteem.
One main reason girls tend to get jealous is over other girls, particularly ex girlfriends. They are worried that other girls might have something that they do not. Your girlfriend may feel that you could find other girls prettier, funnier, or smarter than she is. She may also be wondering if you still have feelings for your ex. All of these thoughts will lead to the fear that she could lose you. So if you and your ex have remained friends, then this can be a big problem with a jealous girlfriend.
Girls who have had a difficult time growing up tend to have insecurities about relationships. Most of our insecurities are leftovers from our childhood years anyway. If she was picked on, made fun of, or teased a lot, that is enough to leave a few emotional scars. If she was ever betrayed by anyone she really trusted (like a best friend suddenly turning on her) that would certainly cause problems of self-esteem.
Another reason for relationship insecurities could stem from her parents if they had a troubled marriage. Sometimes as girls grow up and their father cheats on their mother, it can make a negative impression on them about men and trust. As a child they think that if their father, who is suppose to fill a protective role, could cheat, then any guy is capable of it. Irrational, yes, but that is the human psyche for you.
So once you can figure out why she is jealous, you can understand where she is coming from. If you understand it, then you can better deal with it.
What You Can Do To Make a Girlfriend Less Jealous
Dealing with a jealous girlfriend can be pretty tough so you should try not to give her any excuse to be jealous. One big thing is not to look at other girls. Sure, there is no harm in looking. Everybody does it. But if you are walking along with your girlfriend on your arm and you give another lovely lady ‘the eye’ then you are just causing trouble for yourself. At the very least, be discreet and respect your girlfriend enough not to do it when they are around.
If you have several friends who happen to be women, you might need to spend less time with them until you and your girlfriend can manage to get over the jealousy issues. This can be a tough call and your friends may not like it but if you feel that your girlfriend is worth the effort, then you should try to make her happy. Just don’t let it be permanent. True friends are hard to find and you risk hurting them by suddenly excluding them.
Don’t Lie To Your Girlfriend!
Unless you want to destroy any trust that you might have built up with her, always be honest. If you lie to her about having lunch with some friends or co-workers (a couple of whom happen to be women) and she catches you at it, there is going to be you-know-what to pay. Always tell her the truth, even if it gets you in trouble. It is better to get in trouble with the truth than a lie.
Be patient with your girlfriend. Don’t get mad and yell or berate her every time she gets jealous. This compounds the problem. When you get mad at her jealousy, then it makes her insecurities worse and thus her fears of losing you get worse. So what happens? It fuels the jealousy. Remember, this is a human emotion that is hard to control. No one likes to be jealous. It is not a good feeling. So be patient with her and let her know that you understand her problem.
Talk Things Over
I have said this before and it applies here as well. The key to any healthy relationship is communication. Keep those lines open between you and your girlfriend. You need to be able to talk openly about her problem. If she refuses to talk about it, then you will never find a solution to deal with it and it will continue to cast a shadow over your relationship. By talking about it, you can acknowledge that you know she cannot help it and she can understand how her jealousy makes you feel. Communication can reinforce to her that you are being faithful and that you are not doing anything that she should be jealous about.
Help Your Girlfriend With Her Self-Esteem
If you have a jealous girlfriend, one thing you can do to help her overcome the problem is to help her with her insecurities and self-esteem. You can do this by being affectionate towards her and giving her positive attention. Compliment her whenever you can to help build her self-esteem. Show her that you appreciate her and that she is special to you. Over time, she may come to realize that she has your loyalty and that you are serious about staying in this relationship. When she has had time to work on her confidence and self-esteem, you may find that she is no longer as jealous as she once was.
I have a question for you. There’s a girl that I meet almost everyday in my music class. Usually we keep “pulling each others legs”. We never talk personal, though, and neither of us have asked each others’ phone number or mail id. I’m starting to like this girl a lot and feel interested in a long term relationship.
I missed the class for a few days. Then when I turned up, I didn’t speak to her, just to check what reaction she would give. She herself came and asked me why I’m not talking and why I was absent. Then that day, surprisingly, she asked if she would drop me at home in her bike and asked where I live.
I usually walk to the classes. I asked, like, whether she would really drop me and made a funny comment that I need to be dropped at some place that’s only 300 miles from here. She smiled and left.
Again, the next day, she asked me the same question and I responded like “Ok, would you drop me”, and then she said, “I’m tired and I can’t today.”
So why did this girl ask me then in the first place. Are there any signs I can read from her behaviour. Is she just pulling my leg and how can I respond the next time. Usually I try to play the cocky and funny with her.
First of all, it sounds like you’re playing it right, if you are joking with one another and you’re playing it cocky. Women like funny men, and they especially like confident men. Confidence is a very masculine quality. It’s also not a bad thing that you immediately give into her request to take you home on her bike, since women like a challenge, too. I certainly wouldn’t play it too cool, being standoffish too long, because she might get the wrong signals or she might think you’re playing with her mind and resent it. Being a challenge and playing it too cool is a fine line, though.
As far as why she asked to take you home and then said she was tired, that’s a whole different story. It does kind of sound like she was wanting to see your reaction, to see if you were into her, then decided to back off when she realized you weren’t going to turn her down again. The question might have been a test to see how you reacted to the question a second time, or she might have thought since you answered with a joke the first time that this was simply a new in-joke between the two of you. I’m assuming this is a young woman, so they’re particularly unpredictable. Some women (of all ages) like to test their men, but this happens even more so with teenage and younger women. That’s because they tend to be more insecure. The fact that she keeps asking to give you a ride seems like a good sign to me, but you might go through your second conversation to see if there was something said that caused her to back off. If so, avoid that topic again.
So how do you know if she just likes flirting or she’s into you?
Here are a number of ways you might figure out if she’s really flirting with you or not. Women have specific signals they send when they’re flirting. Any one can be chalked up to coincidence or idiosyncratic behavior. And some women like to flirt for the sake of flirting, wanting nothing more than a little attention. But if she is exhibiting a good number of the behaviors below, there’s a good sign she’s digging you.
Does she smile at you?
Does she keeps walking by or goes out of her way to talk to you?
Does she draws attention to her mouth? That is, running her finger across her lips or applying lip balm.
Does she isolate herself with you?
Does she mimic your body movements? Mimicry of your manners and body movements is a sign she digs you and is paying attention to you.
Does she play with her hair?
Does she touch you on the elbow, arm or shoulder?
Does she make eye contact with you?
Does she enter your personal space?
Does she approach you to talk?
A couple of these already apply, but it’s hard to say how she feels about you without seeing other behaviors. Take out the obvious two (approaching you to talk, going out of her way) and focus on the other eight mannerisms. Read these and try to figure out what she’s thinking.
How do you reply the next time she offers to give a ride?
You might joke with her about not giving you a ride the last time. “I would say yes, but yes doesn’t get me anywhere.” Or you might answer her question with a question, laughingly asking her if she feels like giving you a ride today. Don’t make insinuations, though, just make light of the situation and show her you find her behavior amusing. Whether she wants you as a friend or boyfriend, the fact the two of you can joke with one another is clearly an attraction to her. So don’t get heavy and keep it light.
If she says she doesn’t feel like it again, give her some wiggle room by telling her, “I’d like to see your bike” and maybe even follow up with, “I’d like to see you handle your bike.” That kind of stuff adds a little mystery to your reply, because she has to ask herself if you’re really into her or if you just want to see her bike. That might intrigue her enough to actually take you home, because your interest in getting a ride seems conditional on being interested in her ride and isn’t completely open-ended, like you’re just saying yes to spend more time with her. You’re a guy and guys are expected to be interested in that stuff, so you’re being masculine, too. You’re also showing that you’re interested in learning a little bit more about her, but in a cool way.
And if she pulls back and keeps it at the same level, you’ll have to decide what your next step is. Generally, if a woman is interested, they’ll let you know. I’m definitely not saying to hold back and let her come to you, because that’s a traditionally feminine trait. Once again, women like confident men. So keep the channel of communication open, keep her laughing, stay cocky and confident and don’t act like her refusal to take you home bothers you in the least. Let it roll off your back, because that’s what confident men do. And if it seems right, ask her about giving you a ride again. You might even lead with wanting to see her bike, or you might tell her you want to drive it yourself. That should get a reaction.
Enjoy the flirtation and hope it works out for you. You seem like a good pair.
It happens all the time. You are good friends with a person; you hang out with them all the time, and gradually you realize that you are falling in love with them. What do you do? How do you handle falling in love with a friend? Will it ruin the friendship? These are common questions that everyone must answer. You can’t help falling in love with people. It happens naturally of its own accord. If you were friends first, it just means that the two of you are compatible. But friendships can be hard to come by. So is it worth the risk?
Is Friendship A Good Foundation for Love?
The best relationships are those that start out as a friendship. It is much different from a relationship that started out with infatuation and desire. If the two of you can get together, have enough in common that you can talk and know what the other is thinking, friendship is a good foundation for love.
What Will Falling In Love With A Friend Change?
If you’re wondering “What Will Falling In Love With A Friend Change?” there’s no easy answer but there are things you should consider. You have to realize what you are risking if you try to get closer to a friend. You are risking the friendship itself and the possibility of losing someone that you really care about because of your feelings. The friend that you are falling in love with may not feel the same way about you and by confessing your feelings of love, it may create an awkward situation. Simply put, you could lose a friend. So before you go and confront this person and jeopardize everything, make sure that your feelings are genuine.
Where Should I Get Advice About Love and Friendship?
When considering how to handle falling in love with a friend, you might want to
seek outside advice. Strong emotions can really jumble up your thoughts so that you can’t think straight. If you think you are falling in love with your friend and don’t know how to proceed, talk to someone about it. Your friends are, of course, your first and best option. If your friends know you and this other person well enough, they can give you advice that is in your best interests. The drawback to asking your friends is that they might blab to the person that you are falling in love with. This can be good and bad. It can be good because you can go through a third party and find out how the other person feels. The bad is that you may not be ready to let the other person know how you feel. A friend may also have additional suggestions to help you answer “Where should I get advice about love and friendship?”.
Another source for advice would be your parents. They have the benefit of more experience over you and your friends and they can give you advice that may or may not be what you want to hear but will be what is best for you in the long run.
How Do I Tell A Friend I’m Falling In Love With Them?
This is the hard part about falling in love with your friend. How do I tell a friend I’m falling in love with them? For that matter, should I tell them? If by now you have analyzed your feelings and gotten advice, it is time to make the decision. You can choose to not tell them and try to go on as things are. This could work, at least for awhile, as long as you can control your feelings. Or the pressure could just build up as you delay the inevitable.
Assuming you decide to tell your friend that you are falling in love with them, honesty and being straight-forward is always best. Get together with your friend, just the two of you, and go somewhere private. Don’t make your big confession in front of all of your friends in the middle of a party. Start out by telling them how much you value your friendship together but that recently you have started to have deeper feelings for them. Tell them that because of who they are, you couldn’t help falling in love with them. Then ask them if they feel the same way about you. Also be sure to tell them that you value their friendship and that you don’t want to jeopardize it. Most importantly, try not to babble. Give your friend time to respond and listen to what they have to say.
What If Your Friend Loves Someone Else?
Real life is not like the movies. You can’t expect to get the guy just because the audience is rooting for you. Sometimes that other person is already in another relationship and there is nothing you can do about it. If your friend is in a
good relationship with a person that loves and respects them, then what kind of friend are you if you try to break them up for your own selfish needs? You are supposed to be their friend, remember? So what if your friend loves someone else? Our advice is that you should continue to support your friend and admire them from the sidelines. However, if the relationship goes sour, you will be in a prime spot to jump in.
Can You Still Be Friends After You’ve Fallen In Love?
That is the whole trick. Can you still be friends after you’ve fallen in love? It depends entirely on you and the strength of the friendship. Sometimes people cannot handle the awkwardness and the friendship dissolves. Other people who can manage to get past the confession still manage to be friends. Remaining friends after a failed confession of love is one of the most mature things you can do in your life. Don’t throw away your friendship if you can help it. Try to come to terms with your feelings and hopefully your friend will consider them a complement. After all, a true friend is hard to come by.