What Do I Do If I Want Marriage But He Doesn’t?
From an early age, many women dream and fantasize about being married to the perfect guy. Then one day that guy comes along and you think the dream will come true. But then the guy tells you that he doesn’t want marriage. He may claim that he isn’t ready for marriage or he just doesn’t want to talk about it. Even in a good relationship, if you have your heart set on marriage but the guy that you love tells you that he doesn’t want to get married then you have a problem. An unwillingness to commit to marriage can leave a devastating hole in your relationship. It can end up being a contest of wills as you push to get him to change his mind and he resists. In the end, the issue can tear apart a perfectly good relationship. If you find yourself in this situation, you may ask “what do I do if I want marriage but he doesn’t”? Sadly, there is not one simple answer to solve the problem. It can be complex and you might not get what you want.
Why Doesn’t He Want Marriage
A marriage is a further commitment that, in all fairness, can be intimidating to some guys. Sometimes men are just comfortable with the things as they are. They don’t like to ‘rock the boat’ as the saying goes. Why mess up a good thing, right? So he is just content that the relationship remains as it is. By getting married, that creates more pressure and more responsibility which can jeopardize the relationship.
Another reason men don’t want to get married is fear. They are afraid that by getting married, they will be trapped and lose their freedom. Before marriage, they are just one person that is free to do as they please. They think that after marriage, they will have to check with you before they can do anything. All decisions now have to be submitted to the committee. And the committee has veto power.
Other men don’t want to get married because they don’t want to feel tied down to just one person. Somewhere in the back of their mind is the thought that if things don’t work out, they can always leave. It is much easier (and cheaper) getting out of a relationship than a marriage. Besides, you never know when someone better may come along. There will always be a few unscrupulous guys that are in a relationship but still want to play the field.
Lastly, some guys just want someone to take care of them without all of the commitments that go with it. They don’t want to return the favor, so to speak. The guys want someone to cook, clean, and take on all of the responsibilities of running a household. This leaves him free to do what he wants without any obligations. If you start nagging at him, he can always walk.
Convincing a Man to Marry
Convincing a man to marry you when he is inclined to do otherwise can be a lot like trying to convince a dog to suddenly start doing tricks. It isn’t impossible but can be close to it. You can still try to convince him but don’t expect a quick change of mind. Anyone who has their mind set on something is going to resist someone trying to change it. It is part of human nature. So if you want to try to convince your man to marry you, you had better get ready for a long haul. It could take months or even years to convince him. You can keep suggesting it but don’t push too hard. Don’t pressure him. Just periodically make it known that you still want marriage. If you know any couples who are happily married, you can use them as examples. Show him that marriage can be a wonderful thing. With a little patience, maybe he will come around.
Accepting Him As Is
Ultimately, you may have to face the fact that your guy just doesn’t want to be married. If this is so, you need to ask yourself if you can accept his decision or not. For instance, is he a wonderful guy who takes care of you? Is he supportive? Do you get along well? You may find that you have a really good guy that just doesn’t want to get married. If so, you need to think carefully about if that is enough. Do you love him enough that you can accept him and his decision? It is a difficult question that only you can answer.
Giving The Marriage Ultimatum
If after months or years of waiting and trying to change his mind, your frustration level may reach a breaking point. It may finally come down to you giving him an ultimatum. Either he marries you or the relationship is over. Now, for this to work, you have to consider and accept that he may call your bluff. He may still say no. If this is the case, you need to consider several things. One, that if you don’t break off the relationship, he will never take the threat seriously. It’s like crying wolf. You can threaten him again but by now he will know that you don’t mean to carry out your threat. The second thing to consider is that if he chose himself and his own selfish needs over you, he may not be the right guy for you to marry. If so, you will need to find someone else to have a future with. It is a hard truth but if you want to be in a happy marriage, then there really isn’t much choice.
Can You Live Without Marriage
Depending on how determined you are to be married, you should also consider that there are many couples who spend their entire lives dedicated to each other, even having children, you never get married. These couples live together, share their lives together, have a family, and act just like a married couple. All they are missing is the legal document. This is obviously enough for them. The question is, would it be enough for you? Could you live in a relationship that was, for all intents, just like a marriage? If that is enough for you, then that legal document may not be so important after all.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 5th, 2013 at 2:52 pm and is filed under Love. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.