Spending quality time with your wife is important for the health of your marriage. But before you can spend “quality time”, you have to make certain you’re spending enough time with your wife, period. When you’re working to support a family and taking the time away from work to relieve stress, it can be hard to find the time to spend with our spouse and children. Often, you have to deal with people all day and the last thing you want to do when you get home is to spend time with your wife. At least, that thought has probably gone through your head at one time or another.
If you’re reading this article, though, you have recognized that life isn’t only about work and relieving the stresses of work. The best parts of life is the time we spend with our friends and loved ones, so we need to find the necessary time to spend with them. When you start looking over your daily schedule, though, you’ll start to realise there’s plenty of ways we can manage our time to spend more time with our loved ones.
Time Management Tips
Here’s a few time management tips for guys who want to spend more time with their wives.
1. Play Fewer Video Games
If you’re a guy in the under 40 category, you probably grew up playing video games and you find the XBOX 360 or Wii to be a good stress reliever. The problem is, video games aren’t a very social hobby and they consume huge blocks of time. While video games are fun, they are a pretty empty experience from a social point-of-view. So try to limit the time you spend in front of a video game console, because these devices are no friend of the happy family.
when you feel stress, sit down when you get in from work and play for a while. Just don’t let 30 minutes turn into 3 hours. Try to limit your video game time to times when the wife and kids aren’t around the house. Consider playing video games with the kids, but limit the time you do this to 30 minutes or so. Otherwise, you’re setting a bad example for the children, who are likely to learn the lesson that playing an immersive video game is more fun and more important than spending time with your spouse.
2. Limit Your Online Time
People who don’t spend much time on video games might be spending that slack time on the internet. I love the worldwide web, but the internet is one of the great time wasters ever invented. You can surf the net looking at videos, checking out your social networking website pages, emailing, looking at your auctions on ebay, reading about some obscure subject on Wikipedia, checking out cool artwork, looking up music videos or old tv clips on Youtube, and that’s just the stuff you wouldn’t mind your wife knowing that you do online.
Long story short, you can kill all evening if you enjoy surfing the internet. So limit your virtual time, especially when the wife is in the house. If you enjoy spending hours online, you have to know that most of this time is fruitless and wasted.
3. Watch Less Television
You might see a pattern developing here. Instead of spending time with your wife, you’re spending time with machines. While computers and tvs are great for entertainment, they really don’t fill our need for social interaction. The irony of social networking sites is that we aren’t really getting to know people very well, and the time we are interacting socially online is time spent away from social interaction with our family. But even as addictive as the internet can be, more people spend more time focusing on their tv than they do their computer. If you watch television several hours a night, then you can cut out a lot of that watching and spend more time with your wife.
Have certain shows you watch. Don’t watch television when those certain shows aren’t on. When you are watching the tv, try to make it something that your wife also will enjoy. If it’s a television show that you both enjoy, you’ll be able to talk about it later on and relate to one another. The two of you can comment while you’re watching about what you’re seeing. It can be a bonding experience.
Ultimately, though, you need to turn the television off at some point. Turn the tv off so the two of you can focus on each other for a little while. If you’re used to having the television on from the time you come home from work until the time you go to bed at night, then it might seem strange at first to switch the tv off. But if you try it, you’ll be rewarded.
Things To Do With Your Wife
Here are things to do with your wife besides watching television.
1. Help Her Cook Dinner
A common routine is for a man to come home from work and sit down in front of the tv (either to watch television or playing video games) while the wife cooks dinner. This is common, even in households where the wife also has a full-time job. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Turn the television off and go into the kitchen and help your wife cook dinner. Become her assistant cook.
Sure, you make things a little easier on her. But this also gives you time to interact with your wife and talk about your days. It’s an informal conversation while you cook the bread or set the table for dinner, and it naturally leads into the dinner conversation to come. You show that you’re interested in spending more time with her, and you’re more invested in the meal she cooked.
2. Take Time To Talk
Along those same lines, make certain the two of you have time to talk during the week. This might be serious talk, not-so-serious talk or just joking around. Whatever it is, the two of you have “quality time” together. Women like to talk about their lives, so take the time to listen to what she has to say and take a little interest in what’s going on in her life. You stay on the same page and hopefully don’t get on each others’ nerves.
Don’t feel the need to be “opinionated” when you talk to your wife, either. Guys naturally assume that women want them to weigh in with their opinion when they’re talking about whatever is on their minds, but often they just want to be heard. Often, if you give your opinion, it kills the conversation. Instead of a conversation, it becomes a debate or a “how-to” lecture. Take time to let your wife speak her mind. Then and only then should you add your two cents worth.
3. Hire a House Cleaner
This may not be feasible for someone in the current economic downturn or if the two of you are younger, but for couples that have a certain level of financial stability, you can free up a lot of time by “outsourcing” some of your house-cleaning needs to someone else. Instead of you and her cleaning the whole time you’re at the house, or staying on your children to do the same, or simply living in a mess, some of the chores are given to professionals and you have more time to spend with the wife.
4. Plan Your Weekends
Plan ahead for your weekend activities. Instead of lounging around the house all Saturday with nothing to do, plan excursions or activities with your wife on the weekend. When the two of you take time to plan your weekend, this is going to give you the chance to get more creative, because you can actually research things to do together. Also, there will naturally be the time you spend together planning your weekend.
It doesn’t have to be “dinner and a movie”. Planning your weekend allows you to go to talk about going on a day-trip, head out to the zoo or share time together in an art museum. All of these things do one thing that the standard trip to your favorite restaurant or movie theater doesn’t exactly do: it gives you some new subject to talk about. One thing about spending time with your wife is that the two of you often know what each other is going to say and to think, so sharing new experiences on the weekend will be stimulating, because you might not necessarily know what the other’s reaction will be.
Spending More Time With Your Wife By Changing Your Work Habits
Spending more time with your wife by changing your work habits can have an noticeble impact in your marriage. Here are some simple ideas you can follow in order to spend more time with your wife.
1. Leave Work Earlier
If you leave work late all the time, set aside days when you make certain you leave work the minute work is over. One unintended side effect is that you’ll probably notice you’re more productive at work that day, because you know that you have a set time you’re leaving. You can get as much work done when you stay on the ball all day and focus on your job, than if you plan on staying late to get the same work done.
Also, consider asking your boss about coming in an hour earlier to work and leaving an hour earlier in the afternoon. This might not work for all jobs, but I’ve known some employers who find these arrangements perfectly acceptable, as long as you work the hours and you remain as productive. This dovetails into the next point.
2. Avoid Rush Hour
Commute to work earlier in the morning to avoid rush hour traffic. You get to work earlier. You get started with your work when there are fewer distractions. You get finished sooner, and you go home sooner (hopefully also avoiding rush hour in the afternoon). This gives you more time in the afternoon and evening to spend with your wife.
3. Stop Daydreaming
It’s easy to get bored at work and start daydreaming. But if you can eliminate long periods of daydreaming while at work, you’ll be more efficient in your job and ready to get to the house as soon as your shift is over. The same goes for when you are at the house, when daydreaming cuts into even more of the time you could be spending with your wife.
I came to the conclusion as a hormonally challenged teenage girls really don’t like sex. When I was 14 that was awkwardly normal without question. Girls acted this way; boys took it for granted. All the dating and effort I put in through high school and college solidified this as fact. Sure I heard about the “rumor” that a girl “somewhere” liked sex, but in the dozens of girls I ever dated this mystery girl never appeared. In the reality of my life and experiences, “horny” girls don’t exist. It’s a myth to me.
If girls liked sex as much as guys, why isn’t it obvious, expected, and normal like it is for guys? Girls are the V hole gate keepers, not the ones chasing down dudes for physical necessity. Yes or No. Maybe maybe Not. They decide, not guys.
I’ve since learned this is based on scientific fact. Go figure: just past the girl’s hole there are no nerve endings to feel anything inside. Nothing. Imagine a guy’s penis with no nerve endings. How satisfying would sex be for him? That’s what it’s like inside the V of girls.
Now you know why size doesn’t matter to a girl. They can’t feel anything inside anyway.
I’m 46 and have been married for 16 years. We have sex practically every day and she says she likes it but in the very back of my mind is this doubt. Will I ever truly believe that women can like sex as much as a man??? Or is my childhood imprint irreversible?
46 & Confused
Dear 46 & Confused,
The great majority of women will say they enjoy sex, but they enjoy it in different ways than men do. Because of the way they view sex and enjoy sex, women are able to “go longer without sex” or “take it or leave it”. That doesn’t mean women don’t enjoy sex. They just aren’t men.
For women, sex has a more emotional aspect. With guys, it’s mostly a physiological need that comes from the biological need to propagate. Combine that with the fact that it’s really pleasurable and no wonder guys think about sex 90% of the time (according to one study). Most women crave sex like men do, but only when there’s an emotional quality to it. They don’t crave sex simply to be next to a warm body.
The fact that men have biological needs different than women certainly creates a dynamic where women traditionally hold the keys to the kingdom. If guys had their way down through the ages and women craved sex enough to jump into bed at the first opportunity (the first guy passing by), then sex in the age of no decent birth control would leave women pregnant all their lives and families so large that the father’s couldn’t support them. Women traditionally have needed more restraint, so men would know they were the father of the children they were raising and the population wouldn’t spiral out of control.
Do Teenage Girls Like Sex?
By the way, I wouldn’t put a whole lot of stock into what 14-year old girls were saying about sex when you were a child. Girls, even in our crazy modern age, are raised to believe sex is bad and girls who have multiple lovers and who crave sex are bad girls. Teen girls, especially 30 years ago when you were a teenager, were likely to say they didn’t like sex, because that’s what they were supposed to say. Given that they were likely about as ignorant about their sexual needs as you were about sex at that age, it’s no wonder they would play it safe and tell you and the other boys and their friends what they were expected to say. You should know better than to take everything a 16-year old says as the absolute end-all, be-all truth.
If Women Don’t Enjoy Sex, Then…
Think about this: if women didn’t enjoy the physical part of sex, the sex toy industry wouldn’t be thriving the way it is. There’s a lot of evidence that women don’t always buy sex toys for the sake of their men, but to enjoy themselves on their own. If women didn’t receive pleasure from sex, there would be no such thing as women pleasuring themselves with sex toys. There just wouldn’t be.
While you’re no doubt onto something about the nerve endings in a woman’s “v”, studies show they have a lot of nerve endings in the clitoris. That’s why women love a man who gives oral sex, because many women are going to receive a whole lot more pleasure from oral sex than from coital sex. Watch one porn video to see that women trying to reach climax generally masturbate their clitoris.
Which brings us to another point. Women may not have the same pleasure points as men, but they do have them. That’s why women enjoy foreplay more than men do. Oftentimes, that’s when the women’s pleasure points are most stimulated during sex. Also, women tend to take a lot longer to orgasm than men, who can usually do it in about 2 minutes. Few women reach climax in two minutes. So when a man engages in extended foreplay with their female lover and isn’t afraid to perform a little oral sex or some other form of clitoral stimulation, women are more likely to enjoy the sex with men.
So Does My Wife Really Enjoy Sex?
Finally, let’s talk about your wife. I wouldn’t doubt you wife when she says she enjoys sex. In fact, her enjoyment of sex perfectly falls in line with what I’ve discussed above. If your wife is emotionally engaged in your marriage and the two of you share a real emotional connection, she’s very likely to enjoy the sex the two of you have.
Does your wife enjoy sex the same way you do? Of course not. She’s a woman. Men and women are different, which is why men and women are so fascinated with one another.
So women have buttons. They just have different buttons than men do. That might be hard for a man to understand, because to men, sex is largely a physical act that one can enjoy without any emotional attachment whatsoever. (I know a guy’s going to write in an say that guys have emotional needs in bed, too, but guys know what I mean.) Sex is all about physical pleasure for a man. Women, on the other hand, enjoy sex, but in several different ways – which brings me to a story.
Tiresias Answers a Question About Sex
One day, Zeus and Hera had an argument about which gender enjoyed the pleasures of sex more. Zeus said that women enjoyed sex more. Hera argued that men enjoyed sexual pleasures the most.
To end the dispute, the two sought out Tiresias. Some years before, Tiresias had been cursed to be a woman. He had lived as a woman for seven years, and even bore children as a woman. Because Tiresias had had sex as both a man and a women, the two gods knew he was uniquely qualified to answer the question.
Tiresias replied that women enjoyed sex ten times more than men, because with men, “Of ten parts a man enjoys one only”.
So you see?
It’s possible your wife enjoys sex as much or even more than you do, because she enjoys it in many ways other than simple, straightforward vaginal sex. Sexual pleasure for women might be like the blind person whose other senses become much more acute, because they cannot rely on the sense of sight. Studies show that a blind person’s brain literally rewires itself to make use of the unused sight portions of the brain, allowing the blind to use their other senses better.
Women are wired differently, but that does not mean they have no wires. Remember that the next time you pleasure your wife.
Valentine’s Day is a daunting holiday for most people. Everyone wants to have a “Valentine” – someone to share this special romantic holiday with. At the same time, Valentine’s Day is a dread worthy pressure filled day of expectations and heightened emotion. It is easy to make plans for Valentine’s Day that are either too over the top or a big disappointment.
What are some ways to celebrate Valentines Day?
Cheap Valentine’s Day Ideas
Celebrating Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to mean emptying your bank account. Many men and women dread February 14th because they feel like they have to act like romance robots, handing over candy and flowers or expensive gifts just because the calendar says so. Sometimes sharing an inexpensive romantic moment means more than spending your hard earned cash on lingerie your girlfriend will wear once and then bury in the back of her closet.
- Make breakfast for your partner and serve it to them in bed. The classic “breakfast in bed” routine will set a gentle romantic tone for the day, and can be done relatively inexpensively, using items you already have in the kitchen.
- Copy a famous love poem onto your lover’s mirror so that when they wake up and head to the bathroom, they’ll be reminded how you feel. Consider a selection from one of Shakespeare’s sonnets, or even compose your own diatribe. Just remember to write it in something that’s easily washable, and take the initiative to clean it off yourself when the time comes.
- Surprise your date at work on their lunch hour with a simple picnic lunch and a collection of flowers – avoid roses, as they’ve become quite cliché on Valentine’s day. A selection of cheeses, some bread and fruit, and sparkling flavored water make a light and healthy lunch that won’t break your budget.
Romantic Valentine’s Day Dates
If you (or your lover) is the old fashioned type who expects high romance on St. Valentine’s Day, ignoring the day or trying to celebrate it on the cheap could be disastrous for your relationship. You don’t want resentment to crop up later. A few ideas for a romantic Valentine’s date:
- Consider cooking a meal that the two of you can share full of various aphrodisiacs. Some foods considered to be aphrodisiacs are oysters (which increase testosterone production in men and are visually suggestive), pumpkin (for some reason the scent of pumpkin is the biggest “turn on” scent for both men and women), chocolate (which contains theobromide, a chemical that is both a stimulant and an aphrodisiac), truffles (the fungus, not the chocolate concoction), and asparagus. Let your lover know the exact nature of these special ingredients to plant the romantic seed.
- To get out of your everyday routine, you can take your date to a bed and breakfast for a quick getaway. Chances are, there’s one near enough to your home that traveling time would be minimal. Check out BnBFinder.com to make your search easier – they have the largest searchable database of bed and breakfast locations as well as reviews and detailed info on bed and breakfast hotels.
- There is nothing more romantic than a classic opera or piece of musical theatre. Even if you and your date are not normally fans of live theatrical performances, spending one night out of the year in an unfamiliar and romantic setting will spark romance. Look for operas with love themes – you shouldn’t have trouble, as this type of performance is normally put on by theatre companies around Valentine’s Day. The opera La Boheme is a classic love story, but just about any musical will do – from West Side Story to Rent, love and romance is a major theme in theatre.
- If you really want to go all out, plan ahead and set up a romantic getaway to the islands. Valentine’s day comes in the middle of the winter, and most areas of the US will be shrouded in snow and ice – the perfect time to take your date to a tropical location. Contact a travel agent and inquire about Valentine’s Day getaway specials – February is the “off” season for resorts and hotels in the Caribbean, and these locations almost all offer specials during the month of February, many even offer specific Valentine’s Day packages filled with champagne toasts, dinners at the beach, helicopter rides, and romantic suites. You’ll really surprise your partner when you tell them where you’ll be going for Valentine’s Day. Just make sure they have the ability to take time off, or run the trip by them ahead of time.
Valentine’s Day Alternatives
Many people are Valentine’s Day scrooges – either they have had a negative experience in the past, or they don’t like the commercialism surrounding the holiday. Perhaps you and your partner simply aren’t the “romantic” type. If you still want to honor your relationship, consider these alternatives to traditional Valentine’s Day celebrations.
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen. It may not seem like the most romantic thing to share with your lover, but that’s just the point isn’t it. Soup kitchens need volunteers year round, and we could all benefit from offering our help free of charge. Your partner will appreciate your charitable nature, and you may find (as others have) that volunteering in a setting like this is actually fun. You and your lover will meet new people, serve your community, and spend time together all at once.
- Send “just friends” Valentine’s cards. Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate love, and the way I see it there are more kinds of love than just eroticism. Spend the week before Valentine’s Day with your partner making Valentine’s cards for friends and family. Handmade cards will mean more to those who get them, and you and your date will have a good time staying in, cutting out multi colored hearts and writing personalized messages. You can spend the time learning about each other’s friends and family – ask your date who “Uncle Earl” is, and try to explain your weird friend who works at the bakery on the corner. Getting to know each other doesn’t have to mean sharing a bottle of wine at a fancy French bistro.
- Make V-Day resolutions. Why should New Years Day have all the fun? If you and your date don’t want to spend the night out on St. Valentine’s Day, you can stay in, have a simple meal, and share that all important relationship talk you’ve been needing to have. During your talk, decide on some things that need to change in your relationship – maybe you need to share more physical intimacy, or need to be more open with one another. Whatever the resolution, promise it to one another, and keep the promise. Your partner will think your “Valentine’s Day Resolutions” idea is creative and thoughtful, and your relationship can only improve.
All people are subject to different factors that determine what will turn them on. Scientists refer to these factors as “biological imperatives” – they can be related to physical appearance, emotions, or even deep seated sexual desires or “fetishes”. It is impossible to know exactly what will turn someone on without a deep understanding of their character and personality, but there are some basic guidelines – based on their gender – to help you in your pursuit of their attraction.
What Are Some Ways To Turn A Woman On?
Not surprisingly, women generally respond to what is known as “mental foreplay” even more than they tend to react to physical touching.
To turn a woman on, you should try psychological arousal combined with the physical touches they love. Activities that initiate emotion, like anxiety, jealousy, a little healthy bit of fear, and of course laughter or a good old fashioned adrenaline rush are all perfect ways to get her mind in the mood. Her body will follow suit. Consider a scary or sad movie, or a trip to the local pet shelter (finding a “no kill” shelter will keep her from moving from compassion to depression) to incite a mental state that will lead you to the bedroom.
Nothing turns a woman off faster than faking emotion. There’s an old cliché that says that men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. Sure, this is a little bit too easy of an answer, but there is wisdom to it. If a woman feels genuinely loved and desired, her body will respond. Send her emails “just because” that tell your true feelings, even if it’s a simple “I like your smile” or “I loved that dress you wore the other night”. Give of yourself freely and generously, and your sincere affection will do wonders for creating passion and keeping it alive.
Women and men both want the undivided attention of their lover – but women even more so. Properly set the stage when you are alone together and she will be happy in your arms. Turn off the television, even if it’s a good game or a movie you love, and for God’s sake stop reaching for the cell phone. Give your special moments together the privacy they deserve. This way she’ll feel safe and comfortable – a bonus to this technique is that she’ll feel much more uninhibited. Let the woman set the pace of the physical action, and your attention will be properly rewarded every time.
What Are Some Ways To Turn A Guy On?
Men, it turns out, are not as uncomplicated as popular media would have us believe. It isn’t all about big breasts, full figures, and thick lips – in fact, men are just as complex in their turn ons as women. Here are a few general ideas on what turns men on, besides the obvious “tits and ass”.
Good posture is important in a man’s attraction to a woman. Standing tall says you exercise often, take care of your body, and are confident in the way you look. When a woman is proud of her figure, it makes men take notice as well. Remember that your confidence will inspire our attraction.
Men often flaunt their favorite sports teams – I have not one but two ratty Astros hats that proves my allegiance to everyone’s favorite perennial doghouse dwellers. For some reason, we like when women wear ballcaps. For some of us, it is proof that a woman won’t mind curling up on the couch rooting for our new favorite team (read: her favorite team). The ballcap look sends other messages about her personality: she’s “sporty”, comfortable in her own skin, and perhaps the the team she pulls for can reveal a lot about her too. As an Astros fan, I know I’m in for a feisty relationship when I see a Cubs hat. Rivalry in a relationship is healthy, and her loyalty to a cursed ballclub means she’s loyal and has a sense of humor.
Sweet Smelling Hair
It isn’t just visual aspects of a woman that turn men on. Sure, most of us like large breasts and nice figures, but we can be just as turned on by scent. Be creative – all girls have their favorite perfumes and lotions, but there must be something evolutionary in our attraction to good smelling hair. Freshly washed hair on my pillow in the morning is a reminder of why I am attracted to her to begin with – she’s sweet, clean, and more than a little bit sexy.
Its not always wise to walk into the bedroom in something slinky and silky, or tiny and revealing. The look that makes men comfortable in the boudoir is the classic soft rock video vixen – boy’s boxers with the waistband rolled down and a t-shirt that fits just right, bonus points if its my t-shirt or (drool) an old dress shirt of mine. It is curious that men don’t want constant exposure to sexy lingerie, but it is easier for us to be casual and relaxed when the woman is the same way. Treat your man to a sensual treat you’ll both enjoy – a relaxed set of undies.
Okay so this one’s not a huge surprise, but it may be important for women to occasionally make a dumb move or two. Why? Well – its true that men like smart women, but there’s a small part of a man’s (already small) brain that wants her to have the occasional brainfart. If she shows us that she may not know everything, it reinforces a feeling inside a man’s head that he is necessary to her life, that she trusts him, and it satisfies a man desire to help. Also, when a woman screws up, it gives us “permission” to blow it every now and then too – really takes the pressure of perfection off.
Sexy Tips & Advice
Men and women can’t be totally pegged based on their gender alone, but the sexy tips & advice above are as close as you can get to across the board turn ons without stereotyping an entire race. Remember that above all it is important to be yourself, as no one wants to pair themselves off with someone fake.
For more information about some ways to turn a woman on, read:
Relationships are not all about physical love. In fact, communication is widely accepted to be the key to a long lasting and healthy relationship. The best way to let someone know how you feel is to simply say how you feel. Though many of us feel as though we don’t have the words to express such emotions, this is a hangup we’ll just have to get over if we want to talk to our partner about our emotions. Simply saying “words can’t express how I feel about you” won’t work more than about once.
What are some sweet things to say to a girlfriend or boyfriend?
Here are ten guidelines to sweet talk – these are ten tried and true categories of vocal flirting with some suggestions to make them personal or more meaningful.
1. Use a cute nickname in everyday conversation with your lover
It may seem cheesy to you, but using nicknames with one another implies familiarity and a level of comfort that is incredibly good for a relationship. Your nickname can be something generic, like “sweety” or “baby”, or a name based on an inside joke that only the two of you share. Its also good to mix up your nicknames, as it is possible to desensitize your partner to a specific nickname, or just plain drive them crazy. Try to stay away from names that might be hurtful, or names that point out a flaw that a partner might be sensitive about.
2. Say how happy you are to be around your boyfriend or girlfriend
Reminding a lover that you are glad to be with them is a can’t miss technique for expressing your feelings. Too often we forget the simple pleasures of just being with another – or maybe your partner thinks you are getting bored with the relationship. Sometimes all it takes to assuage this kind of fear is a reminder of how you really feel. You can simpy say “I’m so happy to be with you today”, or “I love the time we spend together”, and no doubt it will be appreciated. This is another flirting technique that can be overdone, like the nickname, so use this line sparingly.
3. Talk about how you met and why it was special
The more specific you are the better when remembering your first date, your first meeting, and why that was a special time in your life. My girlfriend and I often talk about how we were supposed to go to a concert put on by a band we both love, and met before the show for a couple of drinks. We ended up talking all night and completely forgetting about the concert. This is a simple and sweet story that we share, and not only does it remind us of how much we’re attracted to each other, but it puts a smile on our faces and can let other people know what kind of couple we are.
4. Tell your lover how much they mean to you
Another category that requires specificity. Simply saying “You mean so much to me” won’t be enough. Get to the heart of your feelings and tell your partner what qualities they have that make your relationship truly meaningful. It can be something as simple as the silly jokes you tell one another that take the edge off a bad day, or something as deep as the special bond you feel with him or her. There’s never a bad time to remind a lover how meaningful your relationship is.
5. Tell your partner how beautiful you think they are
As with most of the categories on this list, mention individual and targeted things about your boyfriend or girlfriend’s physical appearance that you like. It may be best to steer clear of the typical “You have a great butt” or “You have nice eyes” in favor of more unique compliments. Talk about how your girlfriend’s butt looks in her jeans, or how your boyfriend’s eyes make him look kind of thoughtful. You know your partner best . . . tailor your compliment to their personality.
6. Talk about much you love cuddling or being physical with your partner
This one’s easy. While you’re enjoying a moment of closeness together, talk about how special it makes you feel to be held, or to put your arms around your partner. This will emphasize the moment, and make it more memorable. An added bonus – your partner won’t think you’re all about physical love, and will appreciate your kindness and sincerity.
7. Describe how much you like your lovers voice
Maybe your boyfriend’s voice really gets you “in the mood”, or your girlfriend has the cutest giggle that you just love to elicit. Tell your partner exactly what it is about their voice or their laugh that drives you wild, and you’re likely to hear even more of it in the future.
8. Tell your partner how perfect a couple you two make
To ensure your relationship will last, make sure your partner knows that you feel like something close to “the perfect couple”. You can go too far with this one, as everyone knows that perfection is a dangerous and impossible goal, but you can mention details about your partnership that make it work so well.
9. Say that you love your partner’s smile
A smile is an intimate thing to share with someone, especially when you find yourselves “smiling into each other’s eyes”. Reward your lover’s smile with a nice compliment about the shape of his or her mouth, or a comment on how that smile makes you feel inside, and you will reinforce the importance of facial flirting in your partnership.
10. Say a simple “I love you” every day
This one’s self explanatory. Remind your partner of your love at least once a day, and mean it.
Remember that being unique and honest is the most important. It is necessary to express your love simply – the classic “I love you” – but it is just as necessary to specify and quantify this love. The more creative you are, the better the payoff for your compliment or comment.
Love spells have been around for centuries. They have appeared in all manner of stories, faerytales, and folklore. Witches of old have always traditionally cast love spells. We have all heard tales of young men who would travel to the witches hut far in the woods to purchase such spells. The spells have been everything from a bubbling potion to the burning of candles but the intended results are the same.
Most people have scoffed at the idea of magic and incantations. The idea of using some sort of voodoo to get a person to fall in love with you may seem ridiculous but there are many who still practice the art. You do not necessarily have to be a modern day Wiccan or witch to do it. Sometimes you may just need a little help in the love department and decide to try a love spell. But how do you cast love spells? Do you need any specific tools? Here are some quick steps in how to cast love spells.
Wiccans and Witches Love Witchcraft
Before using any love witchcraft, the number one rule is not to hurt anyone. Wiccans and witches believe that anything that you do to others will be visited back on you. If your intentions are good, then good karma will be sent to you. If your intentions are bad, then bad karma will come knocking. Casting a love spell to open someone (including yourself) up to love is okay. Casting a love spell on a specific person to bind them to you is highly unwise. So before you cast any love spells, make sure your intentions are good ones.
The Best Time to Cast A Love Spell
Spells are closely tied to the cycles of the moon. Different phases of the moon will have different effects on spells such as increasing or decreasing their potency. If you cast a love spell during the waning moon will apparently decrease the spells effect. This phase of the moon is actually better for breaking up a love affair, remove obstacles, and drive away unwanted people.
The best phase of the moon in which to cast a love spell is during the waxing moon. This is the time for love spells, spells for success, and spells for fertility. You can also cast love spells during the full moon because that is the most powerful phase. Spells cast during a full moon will instigate an immediate change or a sense of urgency.
Materials for Casting Love Spells
Now that you know when to cast a love spell and under the right conditions, you need to know the proper materials for casting love spells. You will need the following:
- A white candle
- A candle in your favorite color
- Two candle holders
- A piece of cloth, preferably red or pink
- A piece of red ribbon
- A piece of red chalk
How To Cast The Love Spell
After checking your intentions and gathering your materials, you are ready. But how do you cast love spells? There are many ways to do it. The method we are using is for a simple love spell that will open you up and make you more receptive to the love of others.
Take the piece of cloth and lay it before you. The first thing to do is to meditate and prepare. Think of your perfect partner. Think of their physical, emotional, and spiritual qualities. Once you have them firmly in mind then release all thoughts of that person. Get rid of all thoughts of that person and slowly clear your mind.
Once all thoughts of your perfect partner are gone from your mind, then you are ready. Open your spirit up to love by holding the candle of your favorite color. While holding the candle, speak aloud listing all the qualities about yourself that you want to bring into a relationship with your future partner.
Once you are done listing your qualities, place the candle on the piece of cloth before you.
Next pick up the white candle. While holding it, speak aloud listing all the qualities that you are looking for in a partner. Concentrate more on their emotional and spiritual traits instead of superficial ones. After you finish that, take the red ribbon and make it into a heart shape. Place the heart-shaped ribbon around both of the candles. You should start this love spell during a new moon and each day meditate on the relationship that you desire. Everyday, move the candles a little closer to each other. By the time the full moon comes around the candles should be touching one another. When the candles finally touch, take the red chalk and draw another heart around the both the candles and the ribbon. Speak your intentions while doing this and it will seal the spell.
It is important to make yourself accessible to other people during the course of the spell. You should go out and be social. The spell is supposed to open you up to the possibility of love and it cannot do that if you stay in your room all the time. It may take awhile for the spell to work but do not despair. For a spell to be successful, you need to be disciplined, meditate daily, and stay focused.
You are looking for a new job and have either received an offer or you are expecting one. How do you negotiate a salary for a new job?
Do Your Market Research Before You Negotiate a Salary for a New Job
- It is important to perform market research to find out how much the job you are considering is worth. It is also important to find out how much you are worth professionally. Cbsalary.com, payscale.com, and salary.com are some good sites to help determine the value of a job and the value of you as a professional.
- Make sure you know what aspects of a job are important to you. Salary, company culture, benefits, the job itself, etc.
- Know your needs, expectations, and bottom line and stick to your guns. If you know what you want ahead of time, you will not make the mistake of accepting a position that does not meet your needs, expectations, and bottom line.
Important Things To Remember While Negotiating a Salary for a New Job
- Do not bring up compensation until the employer makes you an offer. If the employer asks about your salary requirements, you can say that your requirements are open and dependent upon the overall compensation package, job responsibilities, etc. If the employer insists on a salary requirement, you can give them a salary range with information you gathered from your market research.
- You do not need to accept or reject an offer right away. I would suggest saying that you need to think it over after you receive any offer. Sometimes this small tactic is enough to get you an increase in the offer without you even asking.
- Bring copies of your market research with you.
- I would suggest writing out your salary proposal and bringing it with you to your in person salary negotiation meeting or having it with you for your telephone salary negotiation meeting in order to negotiate your salary the way you initially planned to.
- Review your offer carefully and make sure it details all the conditions of your pay. Ask about what perks are offered including benefits, flex time, telecommuting, sign on bonus, paid vacation, paid time off, paid parking, gas reimbursement, public transportation reimbursement, company cell phone or cell phone reimbursement, company laptop, etc. Make sure you consider all the perks offered along with the salary offer.
- Do not be afraid to decline a position if it does not meet your needs, expectations, and bottom line. If you are not willing to work for an employer at the salary offered, thank the employer and politely walk away. If the employer is really interested in you, they will contact you again and be willing to negotiate. There is always a risk however that you will lose the offer, but if the offer does not meet your expectations, bottom line, and needs, then you can find one that does with another employer.
- Make sure you agree on when performance reviews will take place to review your salary, based on your proficiency and performance level before you sign an offer.
Incorrect Things To Do While Negotiating a Salary for a New Job
- Do not act too eager. Always remain calm and try to keep the ball in your court.
- Do not make demands, threats, or ultimatums. If you do this, your offer is likely to be rescinded.
- Do not bring up other offers you may currently have or compare the employer’s offer to another one. This will lead to bad feelings and resentment.
When it comes to the belief in modern day magic and spells, there are two camps; the believers and the skeptics. The skeptics do not believe in the hocus pocus and practices of today’s pagans and witches. In turn, the pagans and witches accept magic as readily as we accept the belief that gas prices will be higher in another month.
Spells for love, success, luck, and a number of others that are beneficial are still performed by witches, although they claim to be white witches and their spells are harmless. Love spells are as popular as ever and are some of the easier spells one can cast. Beginners can do it or you can pay a professional witch to do it for you. But do love spells really work? Or are they just as the skeptics claim; a lot of mumbo-jumbo? If you are seeking love and you want some additional help in that department, here is some information you might find helpful before you get your chalk and candles.
What Love Spells Don’t Do
The days of spells that specifically target a person to bind them to the spellcaster’s will are over. Or they may still exist only in the latest online rpg. Today’s spells do not twist another’s willpower and freedom. They do not put the target in a trance or force them to do anything that would normally be against their better judgment.
So love spells do not target individuals. That would be in violation of one of the rules in witch etiquette. The rule states: Do not bind another being unless you are willing to be bound. So you cannot use a spell to get that hot guy in the office next to you to fall in love with you.
Why Love Spells Don’t Work
Even witches and magic practitioners agree that spells do not always work. Sometimes they may not work they way that you want them to. One of the main reasons that spells don’t work is because of belief. Do you really believe in magic? Belief is very important for anything to work. If you have to do a project at work, it is much harder if you do not believe that you can do it. If you are playing a round of golf and you do not believe that you are very good, you will likely play a lousy game. Belief is essential if you want something to work.
So let’s say that you do believe in magic or are at least willing to give it a shot. Why won’t a spell work? It could be several things. One of them is concentration. It takes practice and experience to attain the level of concentration needed to enable a spell to work. Spells have to have energy built up in them and then released at just the right time. If you do not have the proper frame of mind, you can’t do it.
Motivation is another cause for love spells not working. You need to do some deep inner thinking before casting a love spell. Ask yourself why you are casting it. Are you seeking to hurt someone else? Are you trying to bind someone to you? Or is it truly to find love? Only when your motivation is true will the spell succeed. Selfish, greedy, or hurtful motivations are counter-productive to love spells and are a sure-fire way to get them to fail.
Timing and energy are other reasons for the failure of a love spell. Cycles of the moon play a big factor in practicing magic, particularly love spells. When the moon is waning, it is at its least power which means there is less power to draw on for the spell. If you want to cast a powerful love spell, you should wait until the moon if full and at its peak.
In love spells, part of the energy also comes from within you. You need to feel vibrant and full of energy when casting love spells. If you are sick, tired, or just don’t feel like you have much energy, then the spell will be a very weak one (if it works at all).
Why Love Spells Work
Practitioners of magic swear that if done properly using positive energy, love spells do work. When the witch or caster has enough energy, the moon is in the right phase, and their motivation is good, the spell has a likely chance of success.
One thing to help a love spell is to make a list of what type of person you are looking for. Without naming a specific someone, give details with pros and cons, likes and dislikes. This narrows down the focus of the spell and allows the energy to find someone that matches what you are looking for.
Now if you do not really believe in magic but are seeking love and willing to give it a shot, there are some things you need to keep in mind. The first is that love comes naturally. Everyone, at some point in their life, will likely find love. But first you have to love yourself. If you do not like yourself, this creates negative energy that disrupts what you are trying to accomplish.
Witches say that love spells work for those who really want to find love. If you are just messing around, you won’t get the best results. But if you are really sincere about finding love, and think about how much you want it when you cast the spell, then it will likely be successful.
Lastly, you need to prepare yourself for love. This means that you have to do some of the work. You can’t expect a spell to do everything. Clean yourself up some. Pay attention to your appearance. Buy some new clothes that will catch someone’s attention. If your hair is a mess, go get it styled. Start wearing a different perfume. If you want to have people over to your place, make sure it is clean so it will impress them. It is hard to find a soulmate if you live in a dump. Do yourself a favor and get yourself together in order to make the love spell work easier.
Have you ever met someone that you had an instant connection with? They were easy to be with and you felt like you could share anything with them. Maybe you felt like you had met before. If you have ever encountered anyone like that, chances were they were a soulmate. Some people spend their entire lives looking for one. The fortunate find theirs and spend the rest of their lives together. Finding your soulmate can be an exhilarating experience while losing them can be devastating. But how do you know if someone is your soulmate? You are likely to meet numerous people in your life that feel an attraction to. Does that mean that they are a soulmate or is it just a normal infatuation? Before you decide, you need to know what a soulmate is.
What Is A Soulmate?
A soulmate is the twin to your soul. It is your perfect partner, one whom you feel a deeper connection to than anyone else. You can also call it true love. Some people have different beliefs about a soulmate. Some people believe that a soulmate is a lover from a previous life. Others think that a soulmate is a piece of your soul that was palced within another person. That is why you spend your life looking for the other half. Whatever you happen to believe, a soulmate is more than just simple physical attraction. It goes deep and can make you more complete than any crush or infatuation.
Do You Just Have One Soulmate?
Chances are there is more than one soulmate out there for you. You are attracted to different people for different reasons and the odds are there is going to be several people who share the same traits as you. These people you will feel closer to. So don’t worry that you have never found (or even lost) your one soulmate. There are many people that might fit the bill.
How Can You Tell If Someone Is Your Soulmate?
Is that person you met last night your soulmate? You both connected so well and you feel comfortable with them so they could be, right? But how do you know? Well, that is the real trick. You don’t know. It could take years before you find out if someone is your soulmate or not. This is why so many people who are obsessed with finding their soulmate miss out on opportunities. They think there will be a lightning bolt that comes down to point their true love out to them. If they don’t get that jolt of instant love that is so popular in movies and romance novels, then they keep looking. By doing this, they could actually miss out on a meaningful relationship. They might even miss their soulmate. So you can never really tell.
Do You Like The Same Things?
Even though there is not a flashing neon sign pointing out your soulmate, there are some clues and indicators that the person you are interested in may be the one you are looking for. One good indicator is whether you like the same things. Similar interests are good clues that a person is your soulmate. This doesn’t mean that if you both like pizza then you are soulmates. Almost everyone likes pizza. But if both of you like the same odd things, such as broccoli and anchovies pizza (hey, its just an example) then that is a big indicator that you are both compatible.
How Comfortable Are You With Them?
Many times when you first meet someone you are interested in, you may feel nervous and have trouble acting like yourself when they are around. If you are with your soulmate, you may not feel nervous at all. It may feel very comfortable or almost familiar. You may find that you don’t have to act a certain way to impress them. Many people who claim they have found their soulmate say that they never once felt nervous or awkward in the other’s presence. It was as if they had been together for a lot longer.
Do You Feel You Could Tell Them Your Deepest Secrets?
Trust is always an issue in any relationship. You may love someone but you might not be able to trust them with everything. You might feel that you have to keep secrets from them. If you should ever be so lucky as to find a soulmate, you will find that you feel as if you can tell them anything. All of your hopes, dreams, and even your deepest secrets should find a safe haven with a soulmate. If you can have complete trust of the person that you are with, then they are a good candidate for your true love.
Finding Your Soulmate?
How do you find your soulmate? It can be like the hunt for the holy grail. You can keep searching and searching and never find it. But have you ever heard the expression that when you are actively looking for love you never find it but when you are not looking for love, that is when it finds you. Sometimes finding your soulmate is like that. Sure, you can go out to the clubs and social events and go through candidates like a line at the buffet. But you can’t force it to happen. Yet at the same time, you can’t be a shut-in who is waiting for fate to do all the work. If you never go out to meet people, you will never meet your true love. Don’t sit around being lonely and waiting to be rescued by your true love. To find your soulmate, you need to be happy on your own. If you are desparate, then it is too easy to mistake infatuation for true love. So you have to get out there and meet people but don’t scrutinize each and every person trying to find that perfect match. It is better to just relax, have fun, and take joy from the people that you do meet. Sooner or later, your soulmate may come along.
Learning how to find your soulmate is like learning how to be
happy – it’s difficult to explain. Telling someone how to find their
perfect romantic partner is elusive, because everyone has a different
idea what perfect is going to be. Searching for a romance that blends
excitement, understanding, and sexual chemistry requires a certain
amount of luck. But there are certain ways you can prepare yourself for
a soulmate, as well as attract the perfect friend and lover for you.
First, if you don’t know what a soulmate is, you won’t know that you
have one, when you are lucky in love. You might go into each
relationship thinking this is the one or this is going to be perfect,
only to be disappointed. Or you might have the misfortune of falling for
someone who isn’t good for you, but tries to gain your affection or
sense of obligation by throwing out words and phrases like “love”, “true
love”, and “soulmate”.
So before we discuss finding your soulmate, let’s discuss the
whole concept of a “soul mate”.
Are There Such Things as “Soulmates”?
Absolutely. In your time on this Earth, you’ve seen people who just
were made for each other. You’ve seen those couples who seem to have no
daylight between them, but not in a bad way. This couple’s personalities
were made to fit together. They make a good team, covering up each
other’s weaknesses, magnifying each other’s strengths, and seem to have
similar attitudes about everything else.
How Do I Know If He/She Is a Soulmate?
That’s a tough one, but I would say, most of the time, you just know.
If I were going to describe what a soul mate is, I would suggest that it
starts with a person you feel comfortable with, but at the same time you
feel stimulated by. There are plenty of people of people you feel
comfortable hanging out with, like your buddies or that friend of the
opposite sex you just aren’t attracted to. That doesn’t make them your
soulmate. At the same time, you’ll meet plenty of members of the
opposite sex whom you’re attracted to or whom you have tremendous sexual
chemistry with, but the two of you aren’t exactly compatible when sex
A soulmate fills the role of friend and lover perfectly. You can be
yourself around this person, and being yourself seems to really turn
this person on. At the same time, this person seems genuine and
comfortable around you, but you’re still highly attracted to him or her.
But that’s only the start of being soulmates.
Do Soulmates Argue and Fight?
Of course, all couples argue and fight, but soulmates are also
friends. Two people that have that passionate, love/hate relationship
are not soulmates. They’re just two people who enjoy living life like a
reality show, having blow-ups and make-ups to give their life a little
of that Hollywood ambiance. They like drama, and they probably like
melodrama. Now that’s perfectly alright, if both those people want to
live that way (and they can keep their fights legal), but they are not
seeking soulmates, whether they call each other that or not.
A soulmate is on your side. He or she has your back. A soulmate is
nurturing and open. While the two of you might have lingering issues
like any other couple, those issues are not an every day, festering
bundle of resentments. They do not turn into tempestuous fights and
arguments. Passive-aggressive behavior is not a trait of a soulmate.
With a pair of soulmates, the two of you really do enjoy each other’s
company, and want to nurture and support one another.
If you’ve been around a while, you realize by now there are all kinds
of love. But love with a soulmate also include affection and endearment.
Does Everyone Have Just One Soulmate?
Most people are lucky to find one soulmate in a lifetime, and many
people never do. But it’s more than likely you have more than one
soulmate out there. The only problem is, the world is such a large place
and there are so many people in it, you might not ever find that person
who is perfect for you. And if you have a soulmate and lose them to bad
fortune somehow, you might not ever find another one.
That doesn’t mean you won’t ever be happy. You can find people you
have affection for. You can find people you love. You can even find
people who’ll love you back. But the two of you won’t be that “perfect
Soulmates, Relationships and Growth
This means that soulmates should stay together, because you’ll never
be happier. But if you do lose your soulmate for some reason – as they
say, growing up is growing apart – that doesn’t mean you should lose
hope you’ll find another.
The fallacy of thinking there’s only one soulmate for everyone is
this idea that people are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. If you lose
that one piece of the puzzle, none of the others in the set will fit
together. People aren’t as rigid and unyielding as puzzle pieces,
though. People can adapt to all kinds of new situations and, sometimes,
that adaption helps us grow and become a better person. The second
soulmate may not be quite the same as the first, but then, we aren’t the
same person we were, either.
These are just a few of the traits of being a soulmate:
- Soulmates are honest and open with each other.
- Soulmates enjoy spending time together. This often (but not
always) means they share many of the same likes/dislikes.
- A soul mate understands when you’re hurting.
- A soul mate makes us a better person.
- A soul mate heals our longstanding emotional wounds.
- A soul mate makes you feel like the romance is a team, not a
pair of competitors.
- A soul mate makes us trust them, and helps you trust yourself.
- Soulmates take joy in each other’s accomplishments.
- Both soul mates give to the relationship.
Again, you can live in a beautiful relationship and not be soulmates.
People make the mistake of turning away from potentially healthy
relationships, because they don’t think the person is perfect. And as I
mentioned earlier, some people love drama in their romances. They thrive
on the love/hate relationship. Get two people who share that view and
they might have great chemistry, though it drives everyone around them
What Soulmates are Not
Often, if you have a soulmate, you know it without having to ask
yourself. Still, everyone wants a soulmate, so it’s easy to fool
yourself into thinking you have a soulmate, when it’s something else you
have. If your partner tries to keep you in the relationship by claiming
you are soulmates, test their actions against these traits. If your
relationship resembles these descriptions below, your boyfriend,
girlfriend or spouse is not your soulmate.
- Life with a soulmate is not a constant battle.
- With soul mates, “who’s right” isn’t an issue.
- Arguments are rare between two soulmates.
- A soulmate doesn’t make psychological scars worse.
- Soulmates don’t criticize in order to gain control.
- Abuse, either emotional or physical, doesn’t happen with
- Intimidation or manipulation are not the traits of soulmates.
Don’t get me wrong: there is no “ideal” marriage or romance. Soulmates have
arguments. Soulmates have lingering issues. Soulmates don’t always have
the same likes and dislikes, or at least don’t share exactly the same
likes and dislikes. The two of you are not a mirror image of one
another, though often, because of your tendency to see things the same
way, your friends might come to think you are.
With soulmates, your relationship is one based mostly on honesty,
trust, affinity for one another, empathy for one another, joy, synergy,
and comfort. At the same time, being soulmates isn’t boring or
passionless. That’s a whole different type of marriage or relationship,
based on being comfortable with one another. Once again, friends might
mistake the two, viewing from the outside.
Soulmates in Love
Instead, soulmates are able to combine this idea of partnership,
teamwork, giving, and common goals, and still have a passionate romance.
It sounds perfect, which is why every lover wants a soulmate. Life with
a soulmate isn’t paradise, but it’s close enough that you won’t mind
most of the time.
How to Find a Soulmate
So let’s get to advice for one of the hardest things to do in the
world: finding your soulmate. These tips and suggestions aren’t going to
tell you where you need to go or what you need to say to pick up your
perfect mate – that’s going to be different for each person. Instead,
I’ll give you a guide for connecting with a soul partner. Finding the
perfect love has a lot to do with being the perfect soulmate material.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #1 – Understand Yourself
Before you find the perfect mate for yourself, you have to know who
you are. You have to know the kind of guy or girl you’re searching for.
Who’s going to make you happy? What type of traits do you want in a
girlfriend or boyfriend? Put the shoe on the other foot: which of your
traits do you want to be “perfect” for someone of the opposite sex?
Too many people settle for whoever they start dating. Maybe they
don’t think they can find someone else. Maybe they haven’t had a lot of
luck in love, so they stay with the first person of the opposite sex who
pays them attention. That’s not likely to help you find a soulmate. You
have to know what you stand for, know what you want, and then start
finding that person.
What do you want your life to be about? Fun and excitement? Sports
and thrill-seeking? Travel and entertainment? Devotion to a cause?
Devotion to your faith? Devotion to your church? Do you want to devote
yourself to a life of learning? The pursuit of money or influence? Do
you want a corner office? Do you want to retire by the time you’re 40?
Once you have an idea what you want out of life, you can start to
understand yourself, and understand where your soul-mate would fit into
that life. A lot of people reevaluate these questions every 5 years or
so, which is why people grow apart in relationships and marriages. But
if you are walking around trying to find a soulmate, you don’t even know
what you’re searching for.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #2 – Be the Person You Would Want to
Next, start to work on self-improvement. Be the type of person people fall in
love with. What is it about you that someone would love? If you love
that part of yourself, you probably want your soulmate to love that part
of you, too.
What part of you do you think another person wouldn’t find that
attractive, or could be improved? Start to work on that aspect of your
life or personality. If you think you need a better job or education, go
back to school or start applying for better jobs. If you don’t think
you’re physically attractive enough, go to the gym, get in shape, and
start to pay closer attention to your fashion sense. If you don’t think
you’re giving enough, or you’ve got rough edges that turn people off and
push them away, then start to improve your “personality habits”. These
can be improved, if you want to improve them.
Even if you think you’re a great guy or girl to be around, find
something to improve and work on it. No one is perfect, and you should
always be trying to improve in some way. If nothing else,
self-evaluation is good for you.
How to Find Your Soulmate Suggestion #3 – Be Patient
While you’re searching for this soulmate, maintain your patience.
This might happen tomorrow, or it might never happen. That’s scary to
hear, but it’s true. There’s a certain factor of luck or destiny that
goes with finding your soul-mate. Stay patient; it’s either going to
happen or it isn’t. But don’t lose faith, because it could happen the
next time you go to the grocery store.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #4 – Keep an Open Mind
Here’s where things get complicated. You remember when I suggested
you get in your mind the traits and personality quirks you expect to
find in a soulmate? I guarantee you, when you find this person, there’s
going to be some part of their personality that’s going to surprise you.
You would never have imagined your soulmate having this quirk or
characteristic, but you’re going to find this trait adorable. That’s the
way love works.
The point being, don’t be searching for the perfect person. No one is
perfect. In fact, we often fall in love with a person because of some
flaw or imperfections. Philosophers have talked about this. It’s often
that trait that stands out about this person, which makes them different
than everybody else you’ve ever met. So keep an open mind, because
everything else about this person might be perfect for you.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #5 – Accept People For Who They Are
This next suggestion goes hand-in-hand with the last one. Accept your
love partner for who he or she is. If you try to change your soulmate,
you’re falling into the “what soulmates are not” category. If there are
too many things about this person that annoy you, then either you or
your partner isn’t soulmate material. More than likely, if you’re the
type who lives to find faults in others, you’ll never find a soulmate.
That’s just not what it’s about.
Instead, accept your partner for who he or she is. This is the person
you love. Try to take this love at face value and see where it takes
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #6 – Love this Person
This next tip should come easy: love with an open heart. Don’t attach
conditions to your love. Don’t love only if this person changes their
life for you. Don’t love only if he or she changes all their hobbies, or
stops talking to friends or family. These are attempts by you to control
the other person, and that’s not what a soulmate does. The soulmate is a
partner, not a tyrant. On the other hand, if your partner is trying to
control you, they aren’t a soulmate. They have to give willingly, and
you have to give willingly.
Soulmate Tip #7 – Trust this Person
Trusting another person in love is hard to do, if you’ve ever had
that trust abused before. But if you want a soulmate, you have to give
this person love unconditionally. “Unconditionally” means not holding
back. Not holding back means you have to trust that your love is going
to be received and requited.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #8 – Weather the Storms
Just because you and your romantic partner have a fight, that doesn’t
mean you aren’t soulmates and it’s all over. I hope that isn’t the
impression I made. Even the best of love is complicated.
Every relationship has its problems. Maybe the two of you are great
together, and you’re great when it’s just the two of you. But maybe you
have family members who don’t want to see the two of you together. Maybe
you have family members who would love to see you two together, but make
your life miserable in other ways.
Maybe you have a long distance relationship, or the two of you have
money worries. Maybe one or both of you are working a job you hate.
Maybe the two of you don’t have time to enjoy the hobbies you enjoyed
together before. Maybe having kids makes it hard to find time to be “soulmates”
like you were at one time.
Life is difficult, under the best of circumstances. Life is going to
have challenges, whether you have a soulmate or not. Everyone has phases
where things get crazy, but those phases usually end. The two of you are
there for one another in the bad times, and not just the good. So don’t
bail out when you feel a little turbulence.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #9 – Don’t Take Soulmates for Granted
Remember, this is your soulmate. Appreciate what you have and
understand that most people aren’t as lucky as you are. Many people fall
in love, but few people find a true soulmate. Do stop, take a deep
breath, and realize every once in a while that the two of you have
something special. If he or she seems to have forgotten, too, do
something to remind them about how special the two of you are.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #10 – Enjoy Each Other’s Company
Also remember to have fun. Having a soulmate means you are sharing
everything with your best friend. That should be a lot of fun. The two
of you should laugh and enjoy being in each other’s company. Soulmates
get the best of both worlds – a great romance and a great friendship.
Both of those should be exciting and joyful.
Advice for Finding Your Soulmate – Don’t Give Up
If you haven’t found your soulmate yet, don’t give up. You never know
when love is going to walk in the door. There’s no magic formula for how
to find a soulmate, but when you do find your soulmate, there is a world
of ways to make the most of your good fortune. Good luck.
As wonderful as it is to be in a romantic relationship, there are times when all of us are “alone”. Being single is both a blessing and a curse, as is being in a relationship. It is impossible to imagine a person who never lives a single day without a lover — even the most attractive Don Juan will have a dry spell or two. It is important to appreciate the the advantages of being single, just as it is important to appreciate your life in a relationship.
What Are The Advantages Of Being Single?
To understand the advantages of being single, we must understand the sometimes negative aspects of romance.
When you’re dating someone, your time and money are spent cultivating that relationship. Male or female, regardless of who pays for dates, being in a romantic partnership can be very expensive. Men and women seem to feel the need to make themselves beautiful with cosmetic products, new clothing, even fancy cars or apartments in order to make themselves more attractive to their partner. This is all well and good, but if you don’t make much money or are between jobs, a romance can literally bankrupt you. An advantage of being single is enjoying the frugal life you can live. Women — skimp on the makeup and perfume. It can be a very freeing experience to go out of your house “just as you are”. Men — take yourSELF out for a steak dinner. Even if you order a more expensive cut of meat or a slightly nicer bottle of wine, the bill will still be half has expensive as it would be with a partner. Take the money you save as a single person and stick it in a savings account or a financial investment — you’ll need it as soon as you get involved in your next romance.
Benefits Of Being Single
One of the benefits of being single is indepence. Quite often, boyfriends and girlfriends feel the need to be accountable to their partner for their actions. How many times have you had to call and update your lover as to your whereabouts, your plans for the evening, or just exactly where you were last night? While this need to be in constant contact with a lover is not healthy, it is very common. Having responsability for your self is a good benefit of being single — no one will call and want to know why you spent six hours at the bar throwing darts, or why you and your girlfriends walked around the mall for the entire afternoon. In short — you can do what you want, when you want to do it, without having to fess up to anyone later. There’s no asking for permission, no guilt to deal with later, and no feelings of remorse to ruin your night out with friends. We all love the responsibilities that come with love, but enjoy the benefits, being single can be a time for you to enjoy your self. There will be plenty of time for guilt later.
One of the first things sacrificed when you enter into a romanctic relationship is time spent with your friends. Think back to your last serious love affair — how many of your friends complained that they didn’t see you as much anymore, or that you were spending all your time with your new lover? Being single means having all the time in the world to develop those important friendships that will be with you your whole life. A girlfriend or boyfriend may come and go, but your friends will always be there for you, and using your single time to cultivate their friendships will pay off in dividends the next time your heart gets broken.
Enjoy The Single Life
By examining some of the drawback of being in a relationship you can learn to enjoy the single life. Another aspect of a relationship is that you lose time to develop your own interests and well being. It seems that every time I get into a relationship, I work out less, I read less, and self improvement gets put on the back burner, or even worse, gets tossed out the window altogether. If you find yourself suddenly single, take the time that you would normally spend with a lover and use it to make yourself even more attractive. Take a college course, read that long novel you’ve been staring at in the bookstore window, do some yoga, go on a diet — anything to make yourself a better person. Not only will you be better of for it, but you may find that this increase in your charisma will attract potential future partners. Working out, increasing your brain power, etc. will only make you more attractive to potential mates. Of course, this means that eventually you’ll give up these new pursuits — but the improvement you gain while single can’t be taken away. Being single is the perfect time to work on the most important person in your life: you.
Being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Casual dating is a vital part of your development — believe it or not, it is possible to date without the serious commitments that get in the way of your life. In other words, being single frees you up to date a variety of people. You might consider dating someone you would never think of as a “partner” — you never know what you can learn about yourself and other people by expanding your horizons. By taking a variety of people out on casual dates, you’ll expand your future pool of romantic partners, and at very least you can make some new friends. Dating new people also opens up new activities, things you may have never tried or even considered. I once went on a casual date with a girl from Ethiopia who wanted to take me to an authentic Ethiopian restaurant. This is not a type of food I would normally seek out, but I found out that I LOVE Ethiopian food. I now seek out Ethiopian restaurants in every city I visit. This is just one small example — perhaps you’ll take a very adventurous friend out on a date, and he or she will want to go sky diving or take a hot air balloon ride. The adrenalin rush will not only increase the sparks between the two of you, but its good for your mental health and well being. Being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely — it can simply mean a wider scope of potential partners.
Last but not least another advantage of being single is that it’s a million times less stressful than being in a serious relationship. Many of our relationships cause stress, and stress is just plain awful for our physical and mental health, causing depression, changes in blood pressure, a weakened immune system, and all sorts of potential nasty side effects. The single life is a relatively stress free life. You can enjoy your time alone, lounge around the house naked, take part in your favorite activities without wondering if your partner is enjoying it, and just generally relax. People pay good money to therapists and gyms to avoid stress, when simply living the single life can do much to relieve stress.
There is nothing wrong with having a serious romantic partner. In fact, I firmly believe that healthy relationships are the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. But its just as important to recognize when we need to be single, and to acknowledge the positive side of the single life. The next time you find yourself “alone” consider this — you’re never alone if you’ve got yourself, and being single can be the best way to really learn who you are. So cheer up — all is not lost just because you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Now — I’m off to go bowling with my buddies, but first I have to call my girlfriend and make sure its okay. Man, this single life is looking better and better all the time…
So you find yourself single — alone and with no prospects for dating. This is a common problem — some people find that after a divorce they don’t know any single people. Married couples, after all, tend to hang out with other married couples. Perhaps you’ve moved to a new town and don’t know many people. Its also possible that you’ve exhausted the dating pool in your social group and haven’t yet found that perfect match. Its time to move on and meet new singles.
I have so many friends who have recently moved on from long term relationships, and most of them are chasing the same old singles scene — getting drunk at the bar and stumbling home with whoever agrees to talk to them or buy them a drink. When these relationships don’t work out, as is often the case, I hear the same question again and again — “Where can I meet other singles?”.
Eight Good Places To Meet Singles
The possibilities for meeting new people are endless. Here are eight good places to meet singles where you can start looking for like minded singles.
Volunteering your time at the charity of your choice serves two purposes. Not only will you be giving back to your community, but you’ll be meeting like minded people, many of whom may be out of a relationship or actively looking for a new one. Soup kitchens, food banks, church sponsored thrift stores, the local YMCA — there are likely dozens and dozens of volunteer opportunities near your home, all of which need service work, and all of which are stocked with people who have at least one thing in common with you.
2. Community theatre
Maybe you’ve always fancied yourself an actor — the local community theatre is always looking for “new blood” to audition for their performances. If acting isn’t in your blood, perhaps you would be interested in building sets or costume design or even helping at their box office. Community theatre groups depend on volunteer work to stay afloat, as they make very little money from ticket sales and can usually afford to pay only a few high ranking members, if any at all. Plus, there are tons of other volunteers at these groups, people of all ages and walks of life who share a common love for the theatre. Working alongside someone, whether it is sawing boards, tearing tickets, or auditioning, is a wonderful and creative way to get to know them without the pressure of “cruising” a bar or restaurant.
3. Wine tastings
Americans are becoming more and more interested in wine, and restaurants are starting to host wine tastings to stir up interest in their wine lists and to make a little money while they’re at it. These events are usually inexpensive, quite casual, and full of people looking to make social connections. Besides the opportunity to taste new and exciting wines, you can meet people who share your love of wine. Think of the wine tasting as a chance to communicate with people you don’t know, but may be interested in knowing, without the pressure of being hit on. After all, wine is a social experience, and who can blame you for striking up a conversation with the attractive person sitting next to you?
4. Book clubs
Check your local libraries and coffee shops for posting on book clubs. These clubs encourage discussion and sharing, a great way to meet new people without feeling like you’re stalking them, and during the discussion of a novel you can learn a lot about a person’s tastes, political leanings, and other personality facets without having to pry. If you’re the intellectual type, you know that most of the people at your book club are right up your alley. Readers almost always get along with other readers.
5. Have a singles party
Though this may sound a bit bold, it can be easy and you can set up a relaxed atmosphere where people don’t feel pressued to “hook up”. The simplest way to throw a singles party would be to get a couple of your single friends or coworkers together, and have each of them invite two people. Those two people can then each invite a couple of people and so on. Sooner than you think, your home (or your friend’s home) will be full of people who haven’t met before, but will certainly be relaxed enough to communicate with another. You could even combine your party with any of the other ideas listed here — consider having a “singles wine tasting” party or a “singles book club” event. Be creative, and try to invite people who you think will get along on some level.
6. Play a sport
Get out in nature and join a sports team at a local park or gym. Not only will your body be healthier for it, but you’re very likely to meet people that you will have at least the love of sports in common with. Most larger cities have soccer tournaments, softballl leagues, volleyball matches, or some sort of sport that is free or cheap to join and a blast to play. Getting all sweaty and worked up around a bunch of like minded singles is a great way to break the ice with them.
7. Go to a high school or college reunion
If you’re like me, you’ve got a school reunion coming up — who knows what has become of your old friends from your school days? That nerdy kid with buck teeth may be an engineer for NASA with a gym membership and a good orthodontist, and he may be looking for a potential mate. At very least, meeting up with old friends will probably lead to forming new social groups — surely your BFF from high school has a couple of single friends that you could be matched up with. You can relive old memories and look for dates all at the same time.
8. Start a new job
While it isn’t always the best idea to form an office romance, starting a new job can kickstart a new life. Perhaps you’ll make more money, perhaps you won’t, but you’re sure to meet new people and make new contacts. Increasing the size of your circle of friends can only increase the likelihood that you’ll meet someone special.
Meeting Other Single People
There are plenty more places for meeting other single people. You can brainstorm based on this handful of ideas and come up with your own — the main idea is to think outside the box. Meeting other single people by going to bars and dance clubs can be grueling, expensive, and a big waste of time — the quality of people you meet at places like this isn’t always the highest. If its time to meet someone new, and if you’re willing to put a little effort into it, meeting singles is as easy as walking out your front door.
How to Copyright a Book
The best news for new authors is that your book or other literary work is copyrighted as soon as you put the words on paper. The Copyright Amendment Act of 1989 states that even unofficially copyrighted creative works have a built-in “copyright” affect allowing the author to claim their originality without all the red tape. So your book or other written document is automatically copyrighted as soon as you write it.
The easy way to claim your creative rights to your work (allowed under the 1989 amendment) is simply to put the symbol (c) on the work followed by the year it was written and the name of the author. This symbol shows that your work is original and you own it.
If you want something a little more official, a copyright from the US government is not all that difficult to get. There are basically only two steps to copyrighting your document.
1. Complete Form TX
To file an official copyright, stating officially that your work is your original property, there is a little bit of paperwork that must be filed with the U.S. Copyright Office in Washington, D.C. When you file that form, you’ll also be required to pay a small registration fee. A simple way to get hold of that form is to visit the US copyright website to download the form for free. Form TX contains all the instructions you need to fill out the paperwork and send it in to the proper authorities.
Be aware that Form TX isn’t the proper copyright form for everything that can be copyrighted. Form TX covers books of all kinds, including novels, fiction, nonfiction, poetry, textbooks, directories, reference books, catalogs, some software programs, advertising copy, and some forms of music. The full details on exactly what can be copyrighted using Form TX are at the website given above.
Other types of writing require other forms. For example, if you plan on publishing your work in serial form (or as a periodical publication) you’ll need to use Form SE.
2. File the paperwork at the right time
The good news is that the “right time” is pretty much whatever time you decide. If you choose to file your paperwork before your writing is published, you can do so, but be aware that you’ll have to refile for copyright if you want to protect a published version. In the case of an unpublished manuscript, you’ll only need to send in one copy of the unpublished writing along with your completed paperwork and your fee.
If you want to save money, and plan to publish your writing, just wait to file the copyright paperwork until after you publish. That’ll save you at least one copyright fee.
If you are copyrighting a published document, you’ll need to send two copies of your book or manuscript to the copyright office along with your completed paperwork and fee. When copyrighting a published piece, you must send in professionally bound copies, as published, and not photocopies of the original.
Tips About Copyright
Interestingly enough, you are not allowed to copyright a book’s title. The title of the book is not considered part of the creative work, considering most titles are only a few words long and don’t really constitute a unique creative decision. Think of the trouble it would cause authors if titles of copyrighted works could not be re-used. The copyright only applies to the information or writing contained in the piece you’re copyrighting — in other words, you copyright the specific words you use, the order you use them in, and the way you use them (your style).
Basically, when you copyright a document, you’re protecting how the information is written down, not the information contained in the book.
The Dangers of Not Securing a Copyright
If you write a creative work and you do not file proper copyright registration with the appropriate copyright office, the main penalty is the limitation to the amount of damages you can sue for in the case of copyright infringement. Yes, your work is automatically protected as soon as you create it, but the damages you can seek will be extremely limited. There have been civil cases for copyright infringement valued at $30,000 per infringing act (each printed version of a copyright infringement earns the original author a cool thirty grand) or as much as $150,000 per each willful act of copyright infringement, which is usually limited to a single act of copyrighting. The only way to have access to these highest level of financial rewards is by copyrighting with the proper authorities.
How Long Does My Copyright Last?
All works created after 1978 can be copyrighted for the author’s lifetime plus an additional 70 years. After that time elapses, the copyright is up for bidding, though in most cases (with big name books) the author’s estate will continue to control copyright for years after the original expiration. This is another great reason to secure a copyright — you want to create long lasting evidence of your creation, and assuming a simple copyright without filing for it can only last as long as you’re alive. As an added bonus, U.S. Copyright law is recognized in seventy different countries around the world — we even allow people from any country in the world to file for a U.S. copyright protection with the Copyright Office at the Library of Congress. United States copyright law is far reaching.
How to Give Proper Credit
Be aware that under certain circumstances, you may have to give partial credit for your copyrighted work to an employer or higher up, especially if you’re publishing work that was part of a school curriculum or was work you researched for your job. This really applies to teachers for the most part — but anyone who wants to publish something that was first developed in a work situation, you’ll need to give your employer or other administrator a notice of credit in your publication. Work that is covered under these circumstances is called “work for hire”, and could be considered property of your employer.
Many times, teachers or professors end up publishing material that they first covered in a class setting, such as part of a lesson plan. The school they work for technically owns that lesson plan, so partial credit must be made to that school. Don’t worry, you can still copyright your work even if it is “work for hire”. If the work you’re copyrighting was ever within the scope of your job, you must give proper credit. Luckily, there’s a section on the various copyright forms that is designed for this function.
For new authors just getting started in their literary and creative careers, getting an official copyright is an important rite of passage. Authors usually do this after finishing their first long piece of creative work, or to mark their first big publication. Whatever your reason for getting a copyright on your book, securing official rights to your document is a painless process of paperwork and filing.
- Book Publishing
- How to Write a Screenplay
- How to Sell a Screenplay
- How to Become a Speechwriter
- How to Become a Better Writer
- How to Publish a Short Story
- Blogs for Writers
Cruise ships are often populated with happy couples celebrating their honeymoon, an important anniversary, or just enjoying a vacation away from land, taking in all that the ocean has to offer. It can be difficult for someone without a romantic partner to relax and enjoy their cruise, what with all the romance, hand holding, and pairing off that goes down. In fact, it would be easy to become bitter as a single person on a cruise ship — “Everyone else has a lover, why don’t I?”
If you’re not in a relationship and love the idea of going on an ocean cruise, consider taking a singles cruise. There are more and more cruises aimed at singles every year, meaning your options for cruise destinations, activities, and ports of call are nearly endless.
Going On A Singles Cruise
Going on a single cruise is just like any themed cruise — think of a Disney cruise aimed at children and families, or a gambling cruise set up for people who enjoy gaming — a singles cruise is designed with the single person in mind. Generally, single people over the age of 21 will have the best time on a cruise ship, and most singles cruises are limited to adults of drinking age and older. After all, it wouldn’t be much of a singles cruise if you couldn’t sit at the bar and mingle.
Single Cruise Activities
On a singles cruise, the cruise directors go out of their way to provide activities that will be interesting to singles and will give you the most opportunities to meet new people. You’ll get to participate3 in single cruise activities without worrying about if someone is married or involved in a relationship, meeting and greeting potential romantic interests is easier and takes place in a more relaxed environment. You will usually find multiple private and public singles “meet and greet” type events, where food and drinks are set out, music will be playing, and hundreds of singles just like yourself are waiting to meet. Cocktail mixers are a cruise ship stand-by, and a singles cruise will host many of these, naturally. You can also expect to attend “lectures” on topics like “How to meet the perfect man” or “What to say on your first date”. Theme parties and costume parties are a common icebreaker on singles cruises, as hiding behind a mask or a costume allows you a great degree of freedom — think of the romantic first meeting of Romeo and Juliet at a masquerade ball.
An interesting feature of the singles cruise is the pre-cruise activities. Starting about two months before your cruise, it is common for a cruise ship company to operate a message board online where you can “meet up” with other cruise attendees beforehand. For those of you that don’t want to walk onto the ship knowing exactly no one, this message board (open only to people attending your specific cruise) is a great way to get a jump start on making new friendships. Also, you’ll have the opportunity to arrive at the city where you’ll be departing a few days early (normally with a discounted hotel rate) to meet up with other cruise ship patrons, have dinner, and maybe spark some early romance. All of these activities have grown out of the singles cruise industry — cruise directors have found that these activities work to loosen up their cruise patrons, and pre-cruise meetings and message boards have become something of a standard.
A sampling of some actual upcoming singles cruises may help you decide if this is your kind of scene. Carnival Fun Ships seem to offer the most number of exclusive singles cruises, ranging from 3 night weekend getaways to the Bahamas all the way up to 14 day adventures in the Mediterranean. Upcoming cruises depart from Ft. Lauderdale (with stops in Cuba, Jamaica, and Mexico), Miami (stopping in Puerto Rico, St. John, and St. Thomas), and even New York City (with stops in the beautiful Turks and Caicos). There is more to a single’s cruise than bars and mixers — with stops at beautiful tropical locations, you’re free to explore exotic beaches, shop duty free in locations like Belize and Costa Rica, and take part in water adventures like Windsurfing and Kayaking.
Amenities In A Singles Cruise
Unless otherwise noted in the cruise contract, you will most likely be charged an additional fee for the singles services. While the standard amenities in a singles cruise will be provided, you should check with the cruise company to see if you will be paying for your food and drink (this differs from cruise to cruise and from ship to ship) or any other amenities you may need along the way. Also, unless you specify that you want a single room (and pay for the privelege), you will most likely be paired up with a single person of the same gender for the duration of the cruise. Luckily, some of the better amenities in a singles cruise offer some kind of “roommate matching” service, so that you don’t end up with someone you can’t stand.
The typical age range for singles cruises is between 30 and 50 — this may be due to the cost of a cruise, as singles in their 20s most likely can’t afford such a vacation. However, there will always be a variety of ages present on any cruise, and if you’re concerned about the age group on the cruise of your choice, simply ask the cruise organizer, and he or she can fill you in or direct you to a better option for your age.
If you’re interested in same sex relationships, there are gay and lesbian cruises offered, though your options will be more limited that heterosexual singles cruises. Again, talk to the cruise organizer for more information and to find the option that’s best for you.
If you’re single and in the market for a unique vacation, consider taking a singles cruise. These cruises are specifically aimed at groups of unmarried people looking to make friends or find a lasting love connection. Don’t forget about the singles-specific events and activities, the games, speed dating events, dance lessons, and parties you’ll attend while on the cruise — all designed for singles. Who knows — you may meet the partner of your dreams on the high seas.
Most people who tend to be shy are those who have had bad experiences or lack self esteem. This can be due from being talked down to, a bad experience with a stranger, or harshly punished as a child. Other people have been shy since birth and lack the confidence needed to step out of their shell. They feel as if they are being watched every move they make and do not want to be embarrassed by their actions be it verbal or physical. Some people live their whole life this way and the negative frame of mind and the scariness of getting over their shyness progresses with time.
Overcoming Shyness Tips & Advice
Being shy can be cute for a child, but as you grow up it will inhibit what you are willing to do as an adult and even go as far as inhibiting what you will be able to accomplish. Although it will be harder said then done, here are some overcoming shyness tips & advice.
Recognize Your Strengths
You have many and probably do not realize it. Many shy people tend to look at themselves in a more negative light and feel as if people can see right through them. The important thing to realize is that most people concentrate on themselves and their faults and do not look for faults in others. As self centered as that may sound, this also should provide some relief. They are looking at their own faults and not your own. Do not focus on any weaknesses you may have.
Practice Talking To Yourself in a Mirror
It is crucial to be able to talk to others and talking to yourself in a mirror can help. Have a conversations with yourself. Even go as far as practicing different conversations starters that you can try. Also practice standing straight and looking into the mirror as you talk. Body language goes a long way and you want to look interested in the person you are talking to.
Talk to Others
This may be hard but there really is no way around it. Initiate some conversation. A great way of doing this is “Hi, how is your day going?” Little did you know, the person you just asked had a great day and is bursting at the seams to tell you about it. Try this a couple times each day until you are comfortable. Engaging in conversations is the best way to get over your shyness.
Be engaged in what others are saying and express that through your body language and by saying simple things such as “Really?” “Wow!” or other things that show that you are interested. Looking at the floor or shuffling your feet because you feel embarrassed is only going to turn off the person you are talking to.
You Are Not Alone
Many others feel the same way you do, even worse. Isn’t it much easier to be in a room full of people knowing that half of them are just as shy? It should be, and it should be comforting as well. Many others face the same issues you may and if you can step out of the box and show them it is possible to overcome shyness you will have made some friends and have made some progress as well.
Practice, Practice, Practice
The most important thing that can do is practice these steps. There are so many ways to overcome being shy, but the most important is to be yourself and like yourself for who you are. Many others will like you as well as you become less insecure and more confident. Confident people stand out and are liked by their peers. Being liked also boosts self esteem, which in turn makes you more confident and less shy. See where this is going?
Although shyness is very common, it can also do more harm than good. There is nothing really positive that comes from being shy. You will notice that talking to others and feeling more secure about yourself will bring about positive things. It will also have a tendency to have a snowball effect or in other words, as things get better and you become more confident, it will only continue to do so until you are brimming with confidence. So go get in front of a mirror and start practicing and try to start a conversation with the first person you see. You will see a difference.
Younger guys who are dating often don’t have a whole lot of extra money to spend. Some of these guys want to be romantic with their date or girlfriend, or at least feel the need to be romantic. If you’re looking for ways to be romantic and not spend a whole lot of money, here are some ideas that will keep her guessing while you’re saving money.
Romance Without Spending Money
I write this for guys, but these ideas apply to you girls out there who want some romance without spending money on romantic moments, too. All you women out there should feel free to get ideas from the article below, too.
- Don’t Create Big Expectations – First of all, don’t create expectations from the beginning that you’re going to spend big amounts of money on your date or partner. Guys often make the mistake of sending whole bouquets of flowers when they first start dating, but do not doubt that is a mistake. First of all, she may think you’re desperate for her approval, instead of trying to be romantic. Second, she comes to expect big batches of flowers, and probably more and more as time goes by. If you want to send a token of your affection, send one flower. One rose is just as romantic and probably more romantic than a dozen roses. You can work up to the dozen roses and two dozen roses and three dozen roses later, when you have more money.
- Cook Her Dinner – There’s nothing more romantic for a woman to have a guy wait on her. Cooking her a meal is a lot cheaper than going out to a nice restaurant, and you are putting out a lot of effort just for her. If you have the skills to cook for a woman and make a tasty meal, this is a romantic situation. You have more privacy. You can add candlelight and the appropriate romantic foods. Throw in a less expensive bottle of wine and you have the perfect evening. Speaking of wine, that reminds me of something.
- Don’t Order Alcohol – If you go out to a restaurant, it’s a classic mistake to order alcohol. Spirits are supposed to be mood-lifters, cutting the edge off of nervousness and letting you be less inhibited. The thing is, you probably need a few inhibitions on a first date, and alcohol is crazy expensive in restaurants. If you have a few drinks, you’re likely to say something or do something that is not going to be romantic. Alcohol and romance do not necessarily go together, and certainly they don’t go together cheaply. Besides, a part of romance is expectation of what’s to come, and having a healthy level of butterflies is a good part of those expectations. Alcohol gets rid of the butterflies.
- Less Is More – Keep your girlfriend wanting more. If things go well, it’s natural to want early dates to last all night. But don’t go on a long date when you first start dating. If you keep her wanting more, that will keep her in anticipation of the next date and the date after that. Besides, shorter dates are cheaper dates.
- Avoid Talking About Money on a Date – One last thing about saving money in your relationship. When you want to be romantic without spending lots of money, you have to be a bit like a magician. That is, your date shouldn’t “see the strings”, so to speak. Create the illusion that you’re being romantic cheaply because you want to be romantic, not because you want to be cheap. Don’t talk about money and don’t brag about saving money in front of your date. The less said about finances, the better.
Inexpensive And Romantic Date Ideas
There’s never “nothing to do”. When you don’t have a lot of money and you don’t want the same old date, that’s when you have to get creative. Here are all kinds of inexpensive and romantic date ideas.
- Thrift Dating – Have a dating game. Agree to go to a local thrift store at the start of your date. Each of you buy one item of clothing for less than $5 or $10 and agree to wear it on the date. This will be fun, a little romantic and certainly different. The shopping experience creates camaraderie and lets your date know that you’re not taking things too seriously.
- Night Time Picnic – If the weather is good and you know of a safe place for some stargazing at night, go for the night time picnic. Spread out a blanket for the two of you to sit on, bring along some cheese and crackers and sit under the stars together. Your local park or lake are appropriate settings. So is a local outdoor free concert or play.
- Living Room Picnic – Couples end up staying at home a lot when they don’t have money. If you’re in the same dreary setting, then do something to make the setting a little less dreary. Spread out the blanket and have a home picnic in your living room. People who can’t go out for a concert or stand-up act can rent a concert video or comic DVD and pretend they went out on the town to see a show. If you really want to trick things up, combine this with the next romantic idea.
- Home Spa – We all like to be pampered. There are few women I know that don’t like the spa treatment. Unfortunately, spas tend to be expensive. That’s where the “home spa treatment” comes into play. Get a home spa kit and treat your girlfriend to a night a her masseur. Look for “home spa kit” or shiatsu massage kits in your local bath & body type stores.
- Nostalgia Trip – Go back to the place you went on your first date. Remind her that you remember your first date and how magical it was. A nostalgia trip is great if you do it only every so often, because it shows you have fond memories of your past without dwelling too much on it. A little nostalgia is romantic. You might even play “your old song” that the two of you shared on the way to the restaurant. Since you were younger and likelier had less money when you started dating, this has the added advantage that the restaurant should be cheaper. Ignore this suggestion is you spent a lot on the first date.
- Celebrate Your Romance and Give Her a Gift – Buy her an inexpensive gift or a card to celebrate your romance. This doesn’t have to be for a holiday or anniversary, and in fact this works better when it’s not. You’ll surprise her with a surprise celebration and gift. Once again, the gift doesn’t have to be expensive, either. The idea that you give her a token of your affection for no other reason than to “celebrate your love” is more romantic than giving gifts according to some time table. Once again, being romantic is about exceeding her expectations. She expects one thing from you and you give her more. She’ll appreciate that more than just another expensive gift.
This topic is a little bit more interesting because there is not a right or wrong answer. You will ultimately do the most cheesy thing you can think of because you know your girlfriend will see past the cheesiness and really appreciate what you have done. So we will discuss things you need to consider to really pull this off and look like a gentleman.
Planning a Romantic Meal
So, first things first. If you are planning a romantic meal for your girlfriend it is essential to know what her favorite dishes are. Make sure to think of a few and the reason is that you may not be experienced enough to cook lobster, but you may be able to boil noodles right? Hopefully you see the picture I am trying to paint here. It is important that you do not get over your head and you do something that is within your limits. This is not to say that you should not challenge yourself, but make sure you skim through a cookbook or a recipe online and realize the commitment needed to prepare that dish.
Now that you know what you are going to cook, it is time to plan the day. If you have an upcoming anniversary, use that. Or, if you two have a regular date night then that would be perfect as well. This is the time that you need to also decide if the event will be a surprise or not. If so, then you will need to figure out a way to get her out of the house. You will want to make sure that she will be gone long enough for you to go to the store, prep your dish, prepare the dish, and set the table and present. In my previous experience, I made fettuccine alfredo and needed about 2 hours or so. That allowed me enough time to prep the cheese, boil the noodles, fry the chicken, and make my own cheese sauce.
Preparing a Romantic Dish
On the day you are preparing the romantic dish. Find a way to get her out of the house. And do anything possible to get her out without being overly suspicious. Tell her to go shopping or go see some friends. You can even pull a double whammy and send her out to get pampered at a local spa. Once she is gone, then you really need to focus on what you are doing. Read the instructions on the recipe carefully and do EXACTLY what it says. If you are cooking meat, make sure the chicken or poker is up to temperature. We are not trying to make anyone sick. Provided no other natural disaster occurs, you should be ok. After that and depending on the complexity of your dish, you can then set the table. Everyone is slightly different and so you may want candles or flowers or a combination of both. If you can time it right, have the food on the table when she walks in. She will be very surprised and more or less at the fact that you can cook something outside the microwave!
If you can not manage to surprise her with the event, you can ask her to join you and help cook. This is a really great bonding tool between a couple and can make you two very close. However you decided to do it, this is really a situation where “the thought counts” and she will be happy that you did this no matter the outcome.
Whether you are looking to spice up your current relationship or solidify a newly forming romantic courtship, knowing how to plan a romantic dinner for two can help you. It does not have to be complicated or even expensive. The key to planning a successful dinner is knowing your mate and planning accordingly.
Some people like to get away for dinner and try out a new restaurant. If you are taking this route, be sure to talk to some people who have actually eaten there before. Otherwise you may go through the trouble of planning your date and ending up at a place that is disappointing. There are many online resources available to help you find the right restaurant. Sites like 10 best offer the top ten restaurants in your area with user reviews. Yahoo Local also has similar reviews for you to check out.
It is nice to hire a limo on such a special occasion, if you can afford it. At the very least, rent a nice car for the evening to show your date how special he or she is. Plan an activity for after dinner like a romantic stroll through a local park. Take advantage of whatever special places your area has to offer. This is the best time to relate your feelings of affection to your mate. Take the time to talk about your relationship and plans for the future. Don’t miss the perfect opportunity to share your feelings with the one you love.
After your walk, ask your date in if appropriate. Have some wind and fruit waiting along with mood lighting and soft music. A flower arrangement is also excellent for setting a romantic mood. Spend some intimate time together on the sofa, or better yet, in the bedroom. Make this night one that she will never forget by sharing your feelings and your love.
While eating out is the easiest way to plan a romantic dinner for two, eating in also has its appeal. This is especially good when you have a tight budget but want to really impress your love. Cooking for someone is a nurturing activity that shows you care. It is best to plan a simple no-fail meal to ensure all goes well. The perfect menu may be a simple vegetable quiche with fruit and wine. Whatever you choose, pay attention to your date’s tastes and show him or her you have been paying attention to what they like.
You can create a sense of excitement and anticipation by sending a little note with flowers to your date, inviting them to dinner. A written invitation will create more excitement than a phone call. You can even send the invitation by email, but be sure to ask for a read receipt so you know your date received the invitation. Be creative and mention that this is a romantic dinner for two. Leave the details to his or her imagination but be sure to tell him or her to dress up. Your love will arrive excited and anticipating the pleasures to come.
Prepare five items that need very little fuss. An easy-to-prepare appetizer might include Italian bread with dipping oil or stuffed mushrooms. However, try to avoid cooking with garlic on a romantic evening. Nothing is worse than bad breath in an intimate setting!
Make a raspberry vinaigrette salad with dried cranberries and walnuts. Cook a vegetable quiche with asparagus, tomatoes and basil. Prepare some sour dough dinner rolls or rice pilaf to accompany the quiche. Have some strawberries dipped in chocolate ready for desert. Just be sure to try out the recipes ahead of time to be sure you can pull it off on the big night. Keep portions small since a full stomach can make you sleepy and put a damper on the evening.
Also be sure to brew a top quality coffee for your date if that is what she likes. Coffee is excellent for stimulating conversation and extending the date into a night together. Tea is a good alternative if your date does not like coffee. Have wine or her favorite alcoholic beverage available. Alcohol lightens the mood and helps you both loosen up enough to talk about your deepest feelings.
Set the table with linens and use cloth napkins. Do not forget the candles. Spend the extra money for some hand crafted candles and place them in crystal holders. She will be able to tell that you went all out. Use your best dishes. If you have nothing suitable, go out and get it.
When eating in, mood is everything. You will want the lighting to be low. Small white Christmas lights strung about the room are a nice touch. Candles here and there are good as well, but do not over do it. A fire would certainly spoil any romantic mood that you may be creating.
In the winter, light the fireplace for a romantic glow. Consider eating picnic style in front of the fireplace instead of at the table. Throw down a thick, soft blanket and a few pillows. This informal setting is perfect for sharing feelings and food.
Take some time to think in advance about some fun conversational topics for your date. Not every moment can be serious and heartfelt. Try to have some fun and be flirtatious. Ask your date to tell you something new that they have never told anyone. Offer something of the same yourself. Deepen your connection by finding out new things about each other.
Music is another important aspect. You simply cannot go wrong with Barry White. Choose soft music that appeals to your mate. If you know she likes classical, be sure have it easily available to offer. Don’t forget to turn off the phone and any other device that might interrupt your time together. By taking the time to attend to every little detail, you will be showing your date how much you care.
A healthy relationship is a paradox. Many people are plenty happy in relationships that are not “healthy” by definition — victims of abuse, for instance, are often reluctant to leave their abuser. This may be an extreme case, but it is a clear illustration of my point. Not all couples who are willing to fight to stay in a relationship are involved in something you can call healthy.
Seven Ways To Develop Healthy Relationships
A relationship is considered “healthy” if the two partners support one another and at the same time exist as individuals. It would be impossible to define a healthy relationship exactly, as no two people can ever share the same kind of healthy love — differences in political alignment, gender identity, and sexual desire mean that no two healthy combinations are the same. However, below are seven was to develop healthy relationships. These guidelines have been suggested by and agreed upon by therapists and relationship experts.
1. Spend “quality time” together
There is no better way to develop the love between you and your partner than to share time together. Whether you go to a movie, have a romantic dinner, take walks together, go to sporting events — whatever it is, experiencing things together will increase the bond that you already have. How can you make memories with your partner without sharing your time? Quality time also extends to the bedroom. Many relationships grow unhealthy because of a lack of sexual intimacy. You may find that a night of watching a romantic movie with a bottle of wine inspires the two of you to head to the bedroom — go with these feelings. Intimate time together is healthy, especially when both partners share in the excitement of physical love.
2. Make your own happiness
As important as together time is, too often we blame our partner for our unhappiness, saying that we don’t have enough time for ourself. Remember that you are responsible for making yourself happy. If your partner wants to stay in on a Saturday afternoon and read the paper, while you really want to take a walk or see a movie, it is ultimately your fault if you cave and do what your partner wants to do. Remember that you don’t have to do what your partner wants to do — you are individuals, and your relationship will survive a little time apart. Yes, spending time together is imporant, but not every waking moment. As a matter of fact, time spent developing your own interests and improving yourself will have a very positive impact on your relationship with your partner — you’ll have more to talk about, and will maintain individual identities.
When our ego gets in the way, it is easy to forget that we all make mistakes. It is important to admit when you are wrong, and to tell your partner you’re sorry. Sometimes something as simple as an apology can go incredibly far in developing a healthy relationship, and when one partner apologizes for mistakes, it encourages the other to do the same. Healthy relationships include the occasional mistake, but the two simple words “I’m sorry” can clear up all the anger and resentment, and even lead to greater closeness between partners.
No two partners will agree on everything. The taboo topics of politics and religion will no doubt come up during the course of any healthy relationship, and it is unlikely that you and your partner will agree one hundred percent. Rather than see this as a weakness, use it as a jumping off point for communication. Having a healthy relationship means learning about your differences, and growing by sharing your different points of view. A healthy relationship includes some butting of heads, but instead of arguing or becoming angry, teach each other something. This is also a great way to spend time together — a friendly debate.
5. Keep commitments
Too often, our busy lives get in the way of our plans and dates, or miscommunication leads to broken commitments. By keeping your plans (“Let’s meet for dinner at 6:00 at Stella’s restaurant) you show your partner that you respect their time and care for them, and you can avoid petty arguing and disagreements. In the same way, when you commit to heavier things, like not cheating on your partner or not drinking too much, you show that you respect your partner’s opinions and want to maintain some integrity in the relationship. Sure, sometimes plans will get broken or mistakes will be made — but try your best to keep your word, and your relationship will be healthier for it.
6. Be honest
Most of us try to protect other people’s feelings — we are taught this strategy from birth. Unfortunately, in order to protect other people, we often feel we have to lie. Any lie, no matter how small, can chip away at a healthy relationship. Total honesty in all things will not only prove your love to your partner, but will make the relationship easier in the long run. If you hate Chinese food, why should you lie and tell your partner that you love it? You’ll just end up resenting your many nights at his or her favorite Chinese place, and this resentment will grow into something larger. Honesty about the big things is important too — if you’re not ready for the next phase of your relationship (say, getting engaged) then you must be honest, otherwise your relationship is doomed to fail. There is no greater sign of respect and love than complete honesty.
7. Appreciate your partner
When I do something small, like make my partner breakfast or get up in the middle of the night to get her a glass of water, she always shows her appreciation, even if it is just a simple “Thank you”. Likewise, when she helps me out, I remember to show my gratitude. While you may not consider it “ungrateful” to not say “Thank you” or “I love you” after the smallest of favors, your partner may slowly turn this lack of appreciation into a deep resentment, or may stop helping you at all. A healthy relationship is one in which even the smallest of actions is rewarded with love and respect, and sprinkling a liberal amount of gratitutde into your daily life can only improve your mood and the love between you and your partner.
There are many more little things that go along with a healthy relationship — but any couple that tries hard to follow these seven guideleines every day will be well on their way to forming a successful partnership. What is a healthy relationship? One in which neither partner disappears under the weight of the relationship, and both partners continue to grow.
Many of us who aren’t in a relationship, and many of us who are, need to learn relationship skills. The bottom line is that we must learn “how to love”, as cliche as it sounds. Another cliche that is often quoted goes something like this — “You’ll never learn another until you can love yourself”.
All these cliches sound pretty and are probably solid advice, but how can we put them into practice and devolop relationship skills? If we want to develop a strong relationship with a partner, what can we do to learn to love? In other words, how do you cultivate good relationship skills?
5 Steps To The True Meaning Of Love
I believe there are 5 steps that you can take now to teach yourself the true meaning of love — and practicing these steps can only improve the quality of your life and your relationship skills — as a bonus, you will learn to appreciate your friends and loved ones along the way.
1. Slow down
The first step in understanding love and cultivating good relationship skill is putting on the brakes. In the age of Google and instant gratification, it can be easy to overlook the simple pleasures of life simply because we’re moving to fast to appreciate them. There will be many times in your relationship when things are not moving at a break neck pace — and this is for the best. “Slowing down” can be applied to your sexual pursuits, your intellectual interests, and even the way you appreciate art, food, drink, and just about everything else in life. Rushing into and through a relationship makes about as much sense as a thirty minute tour of the Louvre museum. It has been said that you could spend a week at the Louvre and still not take in all that famous museum has to offer, and a similar statement can be made about people and things in your life. Take a moment to appreciate the view out your window — really look at the trees, the clouds, even the shapes of your neighbor’s house for thirty minutes. Notice how different your opinion of the outside world is just after half an hour of really looking. If this is true of a window view, won’t it be true of a person? Slowing down will enrich your life, lower your blood pressure, and improve your enjoyment of everyday things, big and small.
2. Practice not judging others
None of us appreciate being judged by others. We are all human, and we all have faults as well as good qualities. By avoiding judgement in your daily life now, you will cultivate a positive attitude and a lack of judgement in your future relationships. A good friend of mine recently started working with the mentally disabled — this is a person who has been guilty of making snap judgements in the past which kept her in a sour mood, not to mention that she missed out on some amazing relationships just because of prejudice. She wasn’t terribly excited to work with handicapped people, but went into the job with a positive attitude, mostly so she could maintain employment. She has made great friends with many of her patients, and has learned some incredible life lessons and relationship skills from them. This exposure to people whom she would normally judge has improved her mood, her attitude towards life, and the relationships she’s made in her personal life in unimaginable ways. She has become a happy person with solid friendships and a healthy love relationship. This is just one example — all of us could benefit from avoiding snap judgements — which are so easy to make, but also quite poisonous to our mental health and well-being.
3. Learn to pay attention
A combination of the first two cultivation techniques would be to simply pay attention. Slowing down and avoiding judgement will focus your attention on what is important in your life. Paying attention is an important relationship skill, for sure, but also a vital communication & relationship skill. How many times have you had a conversation with someone that seemed one sided, and how did it make you feel to be ignored? The old cliche says that “Listen” and “Silent” are made up of the same letters — and you may groan at the saccharine nature of this adage, but it is so very true. The next time you have a conversation, be it with a stranger or an old friend, take the time to really listen to what they have to say. Avoid assumin you know what they’re going to say next — this is not only disrespectful but can limit your experience of others — and instead take in every word. Wisdom can come from the strangest and simplest of dialogues, and by learning to pay attention now, you build up a great deal of patience which your next romantic partner will truly appreciate.
4. Start putting others before yourself
St. Francis of Assisi was a 13th century friar who became the patron saint of animals, among other things. His wisdom can be boiled down to a simple phrase — it is better to comfort than to be comforted. There is nothing that warms the soul more than offering assistance to others, be it a friendly ear, a hug, a charitable donation, a meal cooked and served to friends, or any kind of service work. When you put someone else before yourself, in reality you’re doing yourself a bigger favor than you’re doing them. Substance abuse recovery programs focus on this as a means of true recovery, and refer to it as “service work”. If a hardcore alcoholic can put down the bottle simply by serving others and putting other people’s needs before their own, surely your problems can be dealt with in a similar manner. If you learn now to consider your own needs and interests a little less than the needs and interests of others, you will be building up a real treasure — a stockpile of joy that you can depend on in your own time of need.
5. Teach yourself to say “No”
We all have let people walk all over us. No one wants to be a doormat, or be involved in a relationship with a pushover. Learning to love, and cultivating good relationship skills, means understanding your own place in your life. While our last lesson in cultivation taught us to put others first, we must learn that there is a limit to our giving. Some people hunt out those of us that give freely in order to take advantage of our charity, and forming a relationship with an emotional poacher will only lead to unhappiness. Setting limits in our relationships means learning to love and trust ourselves — and often, we will be unable to ask for the help we need if we are constantly thinking of someone before ourself. There is a delicate balance between giving freely and thinking of our own needs. This is the trickiest relationship skill to master, but perhaps the most rewarding. A partner who recognizes that we respect ourselves will likewise be more likely to respect us.
Cultivating good relationship skills is a daily task, and one that should last our entire lives. Remember that you’re learning these skills not just for yourself but for your future partner. The word “love” can seem vague, and vague emotions are weak ones. If you practice these 5 relationship skills, your definition of love will be concrete and recognizable, and your relationships will blossom as a result.
Have you ever known a relationship that didn’t have problems? It might have been one of yours or someone else’s, like a friend’s, that you watched from the sidelines. Even the best relationships have problems (even if you are unaware of them). They can be frustrating, cause a lot of tension, and if left unchecked can build to even bigger problems. So how do you handle problems in a relationship?
I had some friends who seemed to be the perfect couple. They were always smiling and laughing and seemed to be a great match. I didn’t find out until years later that they were in counseling to save their marriage. So anyone can have problems. This is the first thing that you need to accept. The troubles may come from a number of things such as problems at work, financial, commitment, and even deeper, personal problems. No one is perfect. Once you accept this, you can start to figure out how to fix a problem in a relationship.
Nature Of Relationship Problems
So what kind of problems are you having in a relationship? This is important in figuring out how to handle them. For instance, are the two of you arguing a lot? Are you spending too much time apart? Is he not talking to you or not showing much affection? Does he want to go out with his friends a couple of nights a week? These are all common problems that, with enough dedication and the right solution, you can work them out. However, if the nature of the problem is more serious, such as physical violence or infidelity, that is a whole different ballgame and one that you need to seriously consider if it is worth sticking around to fix. Violence and infidelity are two things that can cause irrepairable damage to a relationship. These types of problems are difficult to overcome and if they happen once they will likely happen again. These types of problems, however, should be discussed in another article.
What Is The Cause Of Relationship Problems
Handling a problem in a relationship is tricky. However, every problem in a relationship has a cause. You just have to find it. First thing you should do is to try to analyze yourself. This will include your role and your actions in the relationship. How do you treat the other person? Are you respectful to them? Do you give them positive attention or do you boss them around? The cause of the problems could be something that you are doing. On the other hand, it may be something that the other person is doing to cause the issues.
There are other common causes to relationship problems. These include things like finances, jealousy, peer influence, disapproval of parents and in-laws, personal habits, and a dozen other things. Whatever the cause may be, it is important for the future of your relationship to identify it.
Talk It Over
Hopefully you can figure out the source of your relationship problems. But even if you do not, you can still try to solve the problem. The first thing you should do (and it is probably the best thing to do) is to talk about the problem with your significant other. Tell them what is bothering you about the relationship. This gives you the chance to express and communicate that you are not happy with the situation in the relationship. But don’t just be centered on yourself. A relationship’s problems cannot be fixed from just one side. Ask your partner what about the relationship may be bothering them or what they are unhappy with. If you do not communicate, then you will never be able to handle problems in a relationship.
Sometimes talking with one another is not enough. Your opinions may be too strong and neither of you will concede or compromise. If this happens, you may need the advice of a counselor. A counselor provides a neutral, unbiased opinion of what they see as the problem (or problems) with your relationship. As a professional, they are skilled as getting to the root of the problem and giving advice on what the two of you can do to save your relationship.
Counseling only works if both parties are willing to take it seriously. If one of you does not wish to see a counselor or only does so grudgingly to make the other happy, then the professional advice is not likely to work.
Get Some Advice From Friends
No one knows you better than your friends. Often friends are standing aside and watching as problems develop. Like a counselor, friends can sometimes give you advice from a different perspective. This may be harder if your friends are close to both you and your partner. They may feel reluctant to be honest in their opinions because they do not want to cause any more rifts in your relationship. The reverse is also true for friends who are loyal only to you and who may hold some sort of grudge against your partner. They may be just as likely to give you negative advice that is not helpful. So be careful before asking advice from friends. Even though they may give you advice on what they think you should do to handle relationship problems, it may not be the right advice for you.
How To Keep From Having Relationship Problems
The best way to handle problems in a relationship is to curb any problems before they occur. How can you do this? By keeping an open communication between you and your partner. If something bothers you, don’t let it go in the hopes that things will get better over time. You should always voice your concerns at the time that the happen. By letting things go, the problems could continue or get worse. You partner may be unaware that there are problems. By communicating, both of you will always know what the other is feeling.
The other way to keep from having problems is to make sure that you devote enough time to a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you should become obsessive. Everyone needs space, even in a good relationship. But if you or your partner is not devoting enough time together, then problems will arise. Spend quality time together, do things that you both will enjoy, and every once in awhile do something special just for your partner. So if problems should arise, don’t give any reason for problems to continue.
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 7 months, but he is visiting his dad in Minnesota. This is his first serious relationship and my second. Things were great before he left, but now I think my feelings have changed.
At first when he was gone it was horrible, I was on the verge of crying all the time and didn’t wanna do anything. I felt empty and lifeless. He calls almost everyday. We’re trying really hard to make it work out. But i’m not sure if the feelings I have for him are anything more than friendship.
I still miss him, but the idea of being single sounds kinda nice. I don’t know if I love him the way I thought I once did. I’ve been finding other guys more attractive. I actually had a dream about another guy the other night (not a sex dream, but a romantic kinda dream). I don’t wanna hurt him, the idea of it makes me sick.
I just don’t know if it’s fair that he loves me so much and I don’t know if I feel the same way. He’s so committed to making everything work out. It seems like my mind is kinda playing a trick on me though. I feel sick when I think about hurting him, and I can’t bring myself to talk to him about it because it might hurt him. Every night i find myself waiting for him to call.
It’s like my body loves and misses him terribly but my mind isn’t so sure. He loves me so much, always trying to do whatever he can to make sure I’m happy. He sends letters and gifts. He’s so perfect; I don’t know why I feel this way. I have no idea what I should do. Break up with him or wait out the summer? Or are these feelings normal when in a long distance relationship?
Any advice you can give me would be appreciated.
Those are pretty common emotions to go through in a long-distance relationship. People can be “perfect for one another”, but that chemistry doesn’t work very well when you don’t ever see one another. He’s not there and you’re feeling lonely, so it’s natural to be looking around at other guys. Your mind is playing tricks on you, because your life probably seems like it did back when you were single. You don’t have a guy around, so you start to notice other guys.
I’m assuming the two of you are pretty young, so I imagine “losing a summer” where your friends are going out with boys and having a good time seems like quite a sacrifice. You have a long life ahead of you, though, so don’t necessarily let a temporary separation cause you to call it off with a guy you have a good relationship with. In a little bit of no time, he’ll be back in town and you can enjoy life together once again. You’re lucky, because this isn’t a permanent long distance relationship, but a temporary situation.
Having already been in one serious relationship, you’re probably assuming you have a little more perspective on “love” and “serious relationships” than your boyfriend does, since this is your first. You’ve seen one come and go, and you probably don’t want to put your boyfriend through an awful experience similar to the one you’ve already been through. That shows you are a caring person who doesn’t want to do your guy wrong. Of course, that can’t be the only reason or even the main reason you stay in a relationship, because it won’t be good for anyone if you aren’t committed to the relationship. So you have to weigh all the factors and decide what is best for you: once that decision is made, you have to weigh all the factors and decide what is best for your boyfriend.
You have two options that a loving girlfriend has. One, you can stay together and gut it out through the summer, hoping it’s as great as you remember when he returns to you. If that’s the case, never say anything of your doubts, because that will hurt your boyfriend’s feelings and possibly cause jealousy issues that could damage the relationship.
Two, you can decide you don’t love your boyfriend like you thought you did, and you can break up with him in order to spend time meeting other guys this summer. In that case, be as honest and upfront as possible, while understanding that he’s going to feel hurt and perhaps even anger. If this is his first time in a serious relationship, then it’s going to hit him particularly hard, just as I’m sure it did you.
As you’re probably starting to figure out, serious relationships can be awfully complicated and confusing. Sometimes “being serious” sounds like the best thing in the world; sometimes, being serious can be terribly inconvenient.
There are trade-offs for everything we do in life. No matter what you do, you could always be another place doing something different, having different experiences. As we get older, we learn a little bit better (if we’re lucky) what it is we want and need in life, so those choices can become a little easier. But by going in one direction, you choose not to go in a number of other directions. By choosing any one boyfriend, you choose not to be with any number of other potential boyfriends.
As they say, you can’t have everything in life. Trouble generally starts when you try to have everything. In this case, it’s going out with other guys this summer while your boyfriend is out of town, while hoping that your serious relationship will go back to the way it was when he returns. Eventually, he’ll learn what happened and you’ll realise that you really can’t have everything in life.
That’s a theoretical situation, of course, and I don’t want to imply that’s what you are considering. My point is, you have a choice to make. You’re in the same situation and feeling the same emotions that generations of young men and women have experienced. Separation and longing are timeless, while restlessness brought on by loneliness is just as timeless. That’s where the term “restless heart” came from. You’re feeling restless, because you’re separated from your boyfriend and lonely. There are other attractive guys around everywhere, so it seems like it might be better to just find another guy.
No matter what people tell you, people who are happily in a serious relationship are still going to find other people they meet attractive. Attraction doesn’t stop simply because you “find someone”. On the contrary, you decide to ignore that attraction because of the rewards that the relationship brings and your love for your boyfriend or girlfriend. So don’t kick yourself or think your strange for feeling attraction for other men you meet. That’s natural. What you do with those feelings is what’s important?
So, Confused, you have a decision to make. I can’t make it for you. You’ll have to search your heart and decide whether you love your boyfriend and want to stay with him despite the separation, or whether you would prefer to enjoy a summer with friends and other guys. In either case, be honest with yourself and understanding towards the feelings of your boyfriend. If you decide to break up, tell him your honest feelings. If you decide to stay with him, don’t torment him by telling him you’ve had your doubts. Make a decision and stick with the consequences of it.
If you do decide to stay with your boyfriend, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun this summer. Don’t stay home every night and lock yourself away from the world. You’re young and your summer should be carefree and fun. You don’t have to have a guy on your arm to enjoy time with your friends. Heck, you can have guys around without giving into temptation. There’s nothing wrong with a little flirtation, as long as you don’t do anything that’s going to hurt your serious boyfriend’s feelings. Assume whatever is said and done will get back to him, because it almost always does.
Long distance relationships stink. I’ve been in them before and they can be torture for both people. Consider that both of you are going through the torture together, so that’s a shared experience the two of you have, even if you aren’t together. But the two of you are real lucky, because your long-distance romance won’t be long distance for long. You’ll be back in one another’s arms next month.
My Best Regards,
Generally, it is easy to tell if you’re in a good relationship. You and your partner are happy, you spend time together (and apart) doing things you love, and your friends and family will talk about how wonderful the two of you are together. It can be easy to spot a solid partnership, but somewhat difficult to decide if you and your partner are in a bad relationship.
Six Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship
The following are six signs you’re in a bad relationship — it doesn’t mean you need to break up or confront your partner directly, but they are clues that something is not working the way it should.
I once had a girlfriend who would withhold affection or development of our relationship based on my behavior. She was “bargaining” with me — saying things like “I’ll move in with you if you lose fifteen pounds” or “We will have more sex after you graduate college because I’ll respect you more”. There is a big difference between making compromise (a healthy relationship trait) and being forced into a bargain. Bargaining is something you do at an antique store, not a tactic you use with a loved one. When a partner bargains with you, it can mean that they see you as a commodity and not a person. If your partner is constantly making bargains with you, you may consider countering their bargains with statements like “I’m happy the way I am, and I wish you were too”. This is a bit confrontational, but it may be the one thing that can save you from a bad relationship.
Constant criticism can be one of the many signs you’re in a bad relationship. It’s also a form of bullying, and in extreme cases can feel abusive and hurtful. Healthy partners want to lift each other up, not push one another down. If a partner criticizes you more than you think is necessary or normal, it could mean that he or she is holding you to an unfair standard — a fact that will only get worse as the relationship deepens. A partner who is “kind of a bully” today may end up being completely physically or emotionally abusive in the near future. This is one red flag that should be of great concern to you, as there is very little you can do to change a critical personality. Try expressing how your partner’s bullying makes you feel. If this doesn’t work, it may be time to pack your bags.
3. Lack of attention
You shouldn’t expect to be your partner’s whole world. No one wants to be the center of a lover’s attention 24 hours a day 7 days a week — but sometimes, lack of attention becomes a problem. I am guilty of treating one of my ex girlfriends this way. Something about our relationship was flawed — and she pointed out that when we were home alone, everything was perfect and I lavished attention on her. But as soon as we went to a party, or out to a bar or restaurant, I was talking to friends or even looking at other women. Looking back, I know that I was simply unhappy with this partner, and this unease was manifesting itself as a lack of attention. If your lover is inattentive, it could mean that they simply aren’t interested in a relationship with you, and are staying with you for a bad reason. Perhaps your partner doesn’t consider your presence in his or her life as anything but temporary. Let your partner know that you feel ignored, and if they are willing to work on the problem with you, congratulations — you have a healthy relationship.
4. The Family Connection
This one is simple — if your partner is reluctant to introduce you or involve you with his or her family, it is a plain sign that they have misgivings either about you or your relationship. A partner who is proud of his or her lover will be quick to show that person off and make their family proud. Of course, there could be mitigating circumstances. Before you jump the gun and decide that your partner simply doesn’t want them to meet the family, feel free to ask questions. Many people are ashamed of their family, and the opposite may be true — perhaps your partner wants to protect you from an overly critical parent or sibling, or perhaps there are deeper family issues that prevent a meeting from happening. Communication is the key here.
5. The ‘ex’ factor
We’ve all experienced it — a partner who is constantly comparing us to their last girlfriend or boyfriend. At first it may seem cute — you may be flattered that your partner thinks of you this much, or you may just write off the comparisons as a quirk of your partner’s personality. There’s a difference between sharing stories of past loves (we all do this) and literally comparing and contrasting your current lover with one of your ex’s. This constant comparison could be a sign that your lover isn’t over their last partner, or wants you to model yourself after an ex. This is a touchy subject, and is best approached gently — you can simply ask “Are you still in love with _____ ?” and the question alone should point out the problem.
Of course, the number one sign you’re in a bad relationship is any form of abuse. Abuse between partners can take many forms — emotional (withholding love), physical (hurting you physically), verbally (constant criticism and put downs), sexually (forcing you to do something sexual that you don’t want, or even withholding sex), and even financial (constantly borrowing money, stealing, dominating financial decisions) — and often the abusive partner doesn’t realize the extent of what they’re doing. If you truly feel you’re being abused, the only correct course of action is to put distance between yourself and your partner, and if necessary contact the authorities. At the very least, you may be saving someone in the future from being abused, or saving your own life. Remember, you are valuable, and you don’t need to attach yourself to someone who is going to hurt you.
Other Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship
There may be many other signs you’re in a bad relations outside of those listed here — but these six factors cover a lot of ground, and are unfortunately quite common. I can’t say it enough — communication is the key to turning a bad relationship into a healthy one, and many of the problems listed here can be fixed. Your relationship can grow, and in fact there must be communication in order for it to grow. Best of luck.
There are few things as comforting as a relationship where your partner is affectionate. Having someone who is affectionate towards you is soothing and reassuring, like living with a safety net. It just makes you feel loved and wanted. But not everyone is in a relationship where their partner displays their affection. For some people, it is just difficult to be so open about how they feel. Others just don’t know how. So if you are in a situation like this, you may need to know how to handle a relationship with someone who isn’t affectionate at all.
Why They Are Not Affectionate
So why is your significant other not affectionate? Have they always been this way? There are a couple of reasons why your partner may not be affectionate. If you fell in love with someone who has never shown much affection towards you, then what attracted you to them in the first place? If someone has never been affectionate but you want them to be, then good luck. Some people just aren’t naturally that way. It could be due to their upbringing (maybe no one was affectionate to them) or other early factors. Whatever the reasons, it’s part of their personality and they are not likely to change without an uphill battle.
Chances are the person that you love was probably affectionate when you first met them and has slowly changed throughout the relationship. This is common as people tend to get comfortable in a relationship. They think they no longer need to impress you so they become lax in their affections. As a relationship matures, you tend to run out of things to talk about and you lose that spark that is common in new relationships. When this happens, one or both of you may cease to be as affectionate.
Another reason for your partner to not be affectionate is if there are problems in the relationship. Maybe the two of you have been arguing a lot lately. Maybe they miss that new romance feeling and have decided to find it elsewhere. Perhaps your partner is bothered by troubles at work or finances. Real-world stress can be incredible distracting.
Increase The Affection In Your Relationship – Try To Spice Things Up
A good way to get your significant other to be affectionate is to spend some time working on your end of the relationship. One way to increase the affection in your relationship is to spice things up. Go away for the weekend. Pick a romantic spot, maybe a bed and breakfast somewhere or a nice resort. If you don’t want to spend a ton of money, try having a candlelight dinner at home. You can go all out with mood music and everything. If you don’t cook, order out and then bring it home and set it up. You can even go out to a romantic restaurant. The important thing is that it is just the two of you.
Another thing you can try is leaving small notes here and there for your partner to find. You can put them on the refrigerator the night before or on their pillow. You can even put them on the dashboard of their car. With today’s technology, you can even send a cute text message or pictures to their cellphone. They can be as innocent or as steamy as you want.
Time is a big killer on relationships. If your lifestyle is very busy, take time out to spend it with your partner. Go out to the movies or rent a dvd. If you have children, arrange a babysitter so that the two of you can have some alone time. The important thing is to do things together without the company of others. So don’t use it as an excuse to get together with friends.
Show Physical Affection
A physical tough is a great nonverbal way to express intimacy. That is what you are wanting them to do, isn’t it? So show them how. Give out hugs and kisses when you tell them hello or goodbye. If you go out somewhere, even just to the grocery store, try to hold their hand. Barring that, at least offer small touches on the shoulder or arm. Any little contact will help. If the two of you are sitting next to one another, like on the couch while watching television, sit close enough to touch them, even leaning on them. This kind of closeness will hopefully make them aware of how to display affection and get them to display their affection for you.
Try to show your appreciation for things that they do. Sure, when you have been in a relationship for awhile, you tend to take things for granted. That is likely the problem that you are experiencing. It is a common occurrence for you and your partner to develop an attitude of expectancy for things you want the other to do. You may want them to take out the trash, cook dinner, or fix the leaking faucet. So how can you expect them to be appreciative if you are not? Start saying things like ‘thank you’ and reinforcing it with a physical touch. Everyone likes to feel appreciated, after all. This creates something positive in your relationship and can deepen intimacy. If you are appreciative of the things that they do, then chances are that they will show their appreciation as well.
Be Aware Of Their Limits
Sometimes people are just naturally reserved. If is hard for them to express their feelings clearly, either verbally or physically. When trying to get your significant other to be affectionate, you should be aware of their limits. Just because you manage to get them to show their affections in private, don’t expect them to suddenly do it in public. Many people don’t like to reveal that side of themselves to anyone but that someone special. It is embarrassing. So when trying to get your partner to open up and be more affectionate, it is a good idea to know their limits.
If Everything Else Fails
Now all of these methods are geared to try to get your significant partner clues on how to be affectionate. It is sort of the ‘lead-by-example’ method. But what if it doesn’t work? What do you do if they still are not affectionate? Then your relationship is having some serious problems and it is time for a talk. You need to sit down with your partner and tell them that you want more affection in your relationship. Find out why they are not being affectionate? Is there something going on that you should know about? Is there something different that you could be doing? Communicate with your partner and try to get them to open up. If you have a healthy relationship, then you should be the one person out of everyone else that they should be able to open up to. If your partner just has trouble being affectionate, then take baby steps. Get them to do it a little at a time so long as there is some progress. But if your partner is unwilling to change or discuss it, then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. After all, a relationship based off of love needs affection from both parties or it is no longer a relationship but rather just a convenient arrangement.
Cute love quotes are adorable little sayings that you can share with someone special
(like your girlfriend). There are some that have been around for years and have even been quoted from famous people in history.
Cute love quotes
for your girlfriend often appear during holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and such. They can be on
greeting cards for anniversaries, birthdays, or just those that say that you care. So what are some cute love quotes? There are tons of cute love quotes that have been used throughout time. What we have done is gathered the top 50 cute love quotes and put them on the list below. The next time you want to add a little romance to your relationship, try using a cute love quote on that special person
(i.e. your girlfriend).
Here Are The Top 50 Cute Love Quotes
“If it is wrong to love you, then my heart just won’t let me be right”.
- “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
- “In your absence, my heart grows stronger. In your presence, I fall in love again.”
- “Love is waiting behind every corner.”
- “I love it when my heart smiles but when it does, it smiles because of you.”
- “Life is the flower and love is the honey.”
- “Think about it. There must be higher love. Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above. Without it, life is a wasted time. Look inside your heart. I’ll look inside mine.”
- “Love that we cannot have lasts the longest, is the strongest, and hurts the deepest.”
- “Loving is not just looking at each other. It is looking in the same direction.”
- “At the touch of love, everyone is a poet.”
- “Love is a game two people can play. You can both win and you can both lose your heart.”
- “To the world you might be one person. But to one person you might be the world.”
- “It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.”
- “Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.”
- “With love and patience, nothing is impossible.”
- “Love is not a weakness. It is strong. Only the sacrament of marriage can contain it.”
- “Love is not finding someone to live with. It is finding someone you can’t live without.”
- “Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.”
- “If I had roses for every time I thought of you, I’d be picking roses for a lifetime.”
- “In dreams and in love, there are no impossibilities.”
- “You are my strength but loving you is my biggest weakness.”
- “Other men see angles but I have seen thee and thou art enough.”
- “Let’s commit the perfect crime. I’ll steal your heart and you’ll steal mine.”
- “If a kiss was a raindrop, I’d send you a shower. If a hug was a second, I’d send you an hour. If a smile was water I’d send you the sea. If you needed love, I’d send you me.”
- “There are only two times I want to be with you…Now and forever.”
- “I miss you a little, I guess you could say. A little too much, a little too often. A little more each day.”
- “Sometimes I wonder if love is worth fighting for. Then I think of you, and I am ready for war.”
- “Everyone has their own reason for waking up in the morning. Mine is you.”
- “Just the thought of being with you tomorrow is enough to get me through the day.”
- “You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince.”
- “A man wants a woman to be his first love.
A woman wants a man to be her last.”
- “Sitting next to you doing absolutely nothing means absolutely everything to me.”
- “I love you not because I need you. I need you because I love you.”
- “Our love is like the wind. I can’t see it but I can feel it.”
- “She said to him “I am afraid of falling”. He said “I have wings…”
- “One person all by themselves is nothing. Two people together are everything.”
- “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life. That word is love.”
- “No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.”
- “If this is a crush, then I don’t know if I can handle the real thing if it happens.”
- “Love is the master key that can open the gates of happiness.”
- “Love is like smiling. It never fades and is contagious.”
- “Anyone can be passionate. But it takes real lovers to be silly.”
- “All that I love loses half its pleasure when you are not there.”
- “Your prince will one day come. He may not ride a white horse or live in a big castle but he will love you and only you.”
- “Some gifts are big. Others are small. But the ones that come from the heart are the best gifts of all.”
- “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”
- “The best things in life aren’t things.”
- “Love is one of the bravest traits you can have.”
- “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”
- “Love is like a pair of socks. You gotta have two and they gotta match.”
- Falling in Love with a Friend
Fun Questions to Ask Friends
Love Quotes and Sayings
Love and Sex Quotations
- How to Cast Love
- What Men Want in a
- How to Know if
Someone Is Your Soulmate
I’m writing to you today because of the problem that just recently came up again.
I have been with someone recently for a matter of a few months. We are intimate with each other, but do practice safe sex (condom). The issue here is that after recently speaking to her about not wanted to continue having relations, she has told me that she randomly took a pregnancy test 4 days ago with a positive result, yet as of today resulted in a miscarriage. She says she is going to the doctor in a few days to have it checked out to be for sure. She claims she believes it was a miscarriage because the bleeding was early (say a day or two) and that the cramping was very extreme with discharge.
My concern is that she had once also said that she was pregnant when another “emotional episode” had come up before. After it being resolved she “happened” to take the test again and it was negative. My question being, is it possible this is just being made up to trap me in, or could this just be coincidence once again? Is there anyways that I can tell on my own if she’s truly pregnant, for my concern is that I could be lied to because of the fact she knows more about pregnancy than I do… please help…
Dear Concerned Boyfriend,
I can see why you’re concerned. If you’re girlfriend was making up the story of a pregnancy to keep you around, she wouldn’t be the first woman to do so. That being said, it’s hard to say that that’s what is going on in this case. Her description of possible miscarriage seems to correlate with what we know about first term miscarriages.
Activities which increase the risk of miscarriage are smoking and taking cocaine, but even then, the chances are still relatively small that a miscarriage will occur. Miscarriages do happen in the early parts of a pregnancy, and the symptoms you described represent symptoms of a miscarriage. So it becomes a matter of whether you trust your girlfriend to tell you the truth about what is happening to her body.
Sometimes, stress can cause a woman to be late in her period. This might be the stresses of a breakup or the stresses of worrying about being pregnant. Stress, though, is not going to cause an inaccurate pregnancy test. So if she were telling you that she was late on her period but a pregnancy test wasn’t showing anything, you could at least take a middle stance that her body is playing tricks on her. As stated, you either have to believe she’s telling the truth or you have to suspect that she’s lying.
Making up a story about a pregnancy to keep a boyfriend in a relationship is a stalling tactic, buying time to turn the relationship around. If she’s not pregnant, then lying about it is only going to last for so long. Eventually, she’ll have to claim she had a miscarriage or an abortion. In the first case, you’ll largely have to trust her.
One thing, though: it’s a little odd that a woman would “randomly” take a pregnancy test. She either suspected she was pregnant, despite using protection, or she was hoping she was pregnant, to keep you around. The very act of a “random pregnancy test” seems suspicious to me of her motives. Since you know the situation better than I do, analyse the random pregnancy test and decide whether that constitutes a suspicious action on her part.
The fact that you don’t entirely trust your girlfriend makes me think that she might have told other stories that make you suspect her motives. You know your girlfriend better than I do, so you’ll ultimately have to decide whether she can be trusted. Analyse the situation and use common sense and your experiences with her to determine. You’ll never know for sure, which makes this even harder to deal with.
You mentioned that you did not want to have relations with her any longer. When you think your girlfriend is pregnant, you are faced with the possibility that you will have a child with this woman. You might think about marriage or a lifelong relationship with this person. Even if you decide that isn’t the case, you’re going to be dealing with this woman for the rest of your life, through a child and child support. So this gives you an opportunity to look at the cold hard facts of your relationship and decide whether you want to be tied to this person for the remainder of your life.
It sounds to me like you’ve decided that you don’t want your girlfriend in your life anymore, for whatever personal reasons you might have. If so, then the miscarriage, as terrible as it is, is an opportunity for you to start at square one with your girlfriend. So now’s the time to decide whether you want to stay in or out of this relationship. A callous person would say you are free and clear…for the moment.
If you have doubts about binding yourself to your girlfriend for life (through a child), I would suggest you avoid having sexual relations with her again. If you suspect that she is not being truthful with you to keep you around, I would suggest even more strongly that you avoid sex with this woman. Sometimes, someone desperate to keep the other in the relationship will take steps to try to get pregnant or try to get the other person pregnant, so the two are bound together. If you can’t trust your girlfriend, you can’t trust that she won’t try to do this through a number of means: bad condom, persuade you to have sex with no condom, more sex when she’s particularly fertile and even dirtier tactics I won’t get into here.
So, in the end, it really doesn’t matter whether your girlfriend is lying about a miscarriage, because it’s going to be very hard for you to prove that happened. What matters is she isn’t pregnant and you apparently don’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore.
If so, try to be understanding about her emotional state. Assume she did go through a miscarriage and act accordingly, comforting her and “being there for her” emotionally. But do not let that comforting turn into a sexual encounter, because that could lead you to the same scenario again.
When you want to express your love for your partner, buying an expensive gift is not always the best tactic. Sure, people appreciate “stuff” — but giving a gift that comes from the heart means so much more than a store bought expression of your affection. I’ve found that a love poem, no matter how cheesy, is the best way to tell someone exactly how you feel.
Writing Love Poem Tactics
There are so many different styles of poetry these days that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to compose your love poem. Classic love poetry can appear in the form of a classical sonnet, a free verse rambling expression of your feelings, even a silly haiku. The key is to be honest and specific. Here are some writing love poem tactics that will get you into a Shakespeare state of mind.
Writing Plain Prose
When I want to write a love poem, I start out writing plain prose — think of it like a journal entry. Write a few paragraphs as quickly as you can without thinking — how does your love make you feel? What are some memories you cherish? Try and describe your first date or your first impression of your partner. Be specific and detailed — the more you get on paper now, the easier your poem will come to you.
Love Poem First Draft
After you’ve finished your “love poem first draft”, go over it with a critical eye. Can you find any weak verbs, any cliches, any boring pronouns? Replace these weak points with stronger language. For instance, if you originally wrote “I thought you were so pretty”, you might consider something along the lines of “Your eyes glowed like tiny fires” or “You danced around my mind like a sleepwalker”. The more creative and odd you are with your language, the better your poem will express your true emotions. Once you start to revise your language, the poem will begin to take shape.
Writing A Rhyming Love Poem
If you’re interested in writing a rhyming love poem, remember to avoid plain or boring rhyme. Rhyming “love” with “dove” is predictable and boring — try rhymes made up of multiple syllables, like “tender” and “slender” or try avoiding end rhymes altogether — instead using “internal rhyme”, where words in the lines of the poem rhyme with one another. Take your partner’s taste into account — if your lover is traditional, aim for a traditional sonnet. If you are in a relationship with a more avant garde individual, avoid rhyme altogether and write a free verse love poem, where rhyme takes a back seat to language.
Revise Your Love Poem
Someone famous once said that “poems are never written, they are rewritten” — this means that the more you revise, the stronger the love poem will be. Constantly revise your love poem, making weak moments strong with engaging language and interesting wordplay. One good tactic would be to include three solid metaphors for your relationship or your feelings. Things that come in threes are naturally appealing to us as humans — why, we don’t know, but writers have been using the “rule of three” for centuries. You can also use these three metaphors as a structure for your poem — one at the beginning, one at the end, and the final metaphor somewhere in the middle of the love poem.
Presenting Your Love Poem
Once you have a solid version of your love poem, I would suggest hand writing it. A typed poem is not as personal, and your partner will cherish your original words in your own handwriting. Consider putting your poem in a frame, to preserve it and to allow your partner to display it for everyone to see.
When its time to present your love poem to your lover, don’t be shy — light a candle, sit facing one another, and read the poem out loud.
The most important thing to remember when writing the love poem is not to judge your feelings or your words.Let the writing flow out of your hand, not erasing or revising too soon. The truth will come out of you, if you have true feelings for this person. You can always revise after you’ve written — its important to get it all off your chest at once.
Advice About Love Poems
Some final words of advice about love poems:
You don’t have to rhyme. Many famous and powerful poets didn’t feel the “need” to rhyme, and their love poems are just as beautiful.
Read other love poems by poets who are more practiced than you — don’t copy them or rip them off, but use them as inspiration.
If your words come from the heart, it doesn’t matter how “good” the love poem is, your lover will appreciate this unique and precious gesture.
The next time you have a gift giving opportunity, consider writing a love poem. Jewelry, lingerie, and other expensive items are all great gifts, but a love poem written from the heart will prove to your partner that you are truly in love, and will create a memory that the two of you can share forever.
We’ve all done it — looked through the personal ads in the local newspaper or online, “just to see” what’s out there. There’s no shame in using a personal ad service to seek out a date. Meeting people in a bar or at a club can be frustrating — loud music, drunk people, cover charges, it all adds up to real confusion and frustration. Unfortunately, there’s a facet of personal ads that frustrates people to. Acronyms — those little codes that people insert in their personal ads to convey who they are and what they’re looking for. You may open up the personal ad pages and see something like “SWJM NK seeks SWJF or SWF NK for LTR WTR”.
Personal Ad Abbreviations
Sometimes browsing through personal ads feels more like cracking the Da Vinci code than looking for a date. Not only will I show you a list of common personal ad acronyms and personal ad abbreviations, but I’ll throw in a short guide to writing your own personal ad for good measure.
Remember that these abbreviations can appear anywhere in a personal ad, they are most commonly found in the ad’s “headline” — so having an understanding of these terms will save you time and effort when searching through online or print personals for a specific type of person.
- 420: This means the ad writer is a marijuana smoker, or into the cannabis lifestyle
- A: Asian
- AL: Animal lover
- AT: “All that” — a slang term that means the owner of the ad thinks they are “the complete package”. Look out for the ego here.
- B: Black
- BB: Bodybuilder
- BBW: Big beautiful woman — meaning an overweight woman. This can also mean Big breasted woman, though if you’re not interested in overweight women, assume it means the first
- B/D: Bondage / Domination — this person is into alternative sexual roleplaying involving bondage and submission/domination
- BHM: Big handsome man — the male version of BBW
- Bi: Bi-Sexual
- C: Couple — refers to a couple looking for additional sexual partners. Confusingly enough, this can also mean Cute or Christian. Best to use context clues here.
- CD: Crossdresser
- D: Divorced
- D/D Free: Drug and Disease Free — originally found in gay personals, it has made its way into hetero personals as well
- DL: Downlow — this means the ad writer wants to keep this relationship “on the downlow”, or “private”
- DTE: Down to Earth — implies a relaxed personality
- F: Female
- FA: Fat Acceptance — can mean that the writer of the ad does not mind overweight partners or that they are overweight themselves
- FS: Financially Secure — also known as Financially Stable. Its easy to mix this one up with SF (see below)
- FWB: Friend with Benefits — the ad writer is looking for a “friend” they can have sex with, not a boyfriend or long term relationship
- G: Gay
- H: Hispanic
- HWP: Height / Weight Proportional — this implies that the ad writer is “normal sized” or is seeking a “normal sized” person, as opposed to a BBW or BHM
- I: Indian
- IPT: Is Partial To — usually comes before a designation like BBW or HF to indicate a preference but not a requirement for dating
- ISO: In Search Of — can also mean Is Seeking Out — this is a formal way of indicating what type of person the ad writer is interested in
- J: Jewish
- K: Kids — can be altered with the addition of an “N” to mean “No Kids” (see NK below)
- L: Lesbian — this sometimes also means Latino, although to avoid confusion, even Latinos use H for Hispanic
- LDR: Long Distance Relationship
- LS: Legally Separated
- LTR: Long Term Relationship
- LD: Light Drinker
- M: Male — unless you are reading personal ads for swingers, in which case it can mean Married
- ND: Non-Drinker
- NK: No Kids
- NM: Not Married or even Never Married
- NS: Non-Smoker
- NSA: No Strings Attached — similar to FWB above, the ad writer is looking for sex only
- P: Professional
- S: Single
- Tina: Beware of this one — the ad writer is looking for a partner to use methamphetamine with
- VGL: “Very good looking” — self explanatory and egotistical
- W: White or Widowed — the context of the ad will tell you which exactly this stands for
- WAA: Will Answer All — usually seen as a sign of desperation, this means the ad writer will answer all responses to his or her ad
- WE: Well endowed — does not only refer to the size of a man’s penis, but can also imply that a woman has large breasts
- Wi: Widowed
- WLTM: Would Like To Meet
- WTR: Willing to Relocate
- X: Extreme — implies that out of the ordinary sexual exploits are acceptable, or that someone lives an “extreme” lifestyle
- Y: You (Your)
These are just a few of the thousands of potential personal ad acronyms. If you find one you simply can’t interpret, try seaching online or asking a friend that you trust.
When its time to write your own ad, the most important thing you can do is to be honest. If you’re married and looking for a secret sexual partner, you can easily notate this information by writing “DL” or “NSA” in your ad. If you’re overweight or strangely proportioned, you’ll only get into an embarassing situation if you write “VGL” or “AT” in your description. The simplest and most effective personal ads list basic information about your race, your age range, and some very basic likes and dislikes. For example, if you’re a Hispanic male with kids looking for a long term long distance relationship with a white female with no kids, your ad would look something like this — HMK ISO LTLDR WF NK. In fifteen letters, you’ve communicate enough information to narrow the search for those who may be looking for someone like you — or not looking for someone like you. Another benefit to writing this kind of ad is that you save on the cost of the ad. Personal ads, like classified ads, do charge a basic rate, but also charge by number of words or even letters. Use appropriate and honest acronyms to save yourself some money, and your potential partners a lot of time.
People these days are extremely busy. They have their careers, finances, family, and other aspects of their personal lives that they have to take care of. It leaves little time for getting out there on the club or bar scene and socializing for the perfect mate. So many people are even fed up with browsing the local night life areas and meeting one wrong person after another.
It is little wonder that online dating is so popular. Instead of taking a half an hour to work up the nerve to go talk to someone who looks interesting (and who may turn out to be completely incompatible), you can browse hundreds of profiles online and send out a dozen emails to some likely candidates. There are many online dating sites out there and it is easy to sign up at any one of them. But do online dating sites work? Are they capable of turning out results? And can you really find love online? Here are some of the positive aspects of online dating services.
Online Dating Convenience
One of the biggest positive aspects of online dating services is their convenience. You can browse through profiles at your leisure, in the comfort of your own home, without the hassle of having to go out looking your best and nervously walking up to a stranger. Think about it. How many times have you approached someone at a club to talk to them only to find out that they are not the least bit interesting? Online dating services eliminates that with profiles of their members. By providing profiles (and assuming that they are true) you can immediately check out the people who might be right for you without wasting a lot of time.
Another convenience of online dating services is time. Not everyone has a lot of time to date around trying to find that someone special. By using an online dating service, you can browse, send out emails, and chat with people when you have the time.
Large Numbers to Choose From
When you are at a bar or a club, how many people there are you really going to feel a connection with? Maybe a half dozen? When using online dating services, you have hundreds of potential candidates available to browse through. That is a pretty large playing field. You can do searches for people nearest to you or at least in your area. If you are not bothered by a long distance relationship or of even moving closer to a suitable mate, then you can search outside your area. Your perfect soulmate could be hundreds of miles away, you know.
Creating Your Online Dating Profile
One of the best things about using an internet dating service is creating your online dating profile. You can take as much time as you need to make a profile that pictures you in the best possible way. You don’t have to worry about getting tongue-tied or being put on the spot without a snappy comeback. It is easy to make yourself sound good in your profile.
If you are not sure what to write, get some friends to help or read what others have written on their profiles. A bit of advice to writing a good profile is to not overload it with every little piece of information about you. You want to have something to talk about during emails and chats with other members. After all, the fun part of dating is that ‘getting to know you’ period. Make them work a little for it. Also, you don’t want to put too much info on your profile due to the threat of identity thieves and stalkers. However you do your profile, this is your chance to make yourself sound as interesting as possible in order to draw in potential partners.
You Have To Work At It
So do online dating services work? Yes, but you have to really work at it. Dating online is much different than in person. You can start and end a simple conversation face to face in a few minutes that could take a week online. Also, subtle body language, physical cues, and variance in speech is completely lost in emails. You have to write exactly what you say or feel or else risk the other person misunderstanding part of it.
You also can’t just sit back and wait for online members to contact you. For one thing, there is no guarantee that they will contact you. Most dating sites have a tag on your profile stating when you were last online. People browsing the dating sites usually like to contact members who have been recently active. So if you want people to contact you, you need to be active. Another thing is that if you sit back and wait, you have no control over the type of people who will contact you. Don’t wait around for the loonies (and they are out there). Go do your own browsing and find someone that interests you.
How Many Online Dating Services Are On The Internet?
There are literally hundred of online dating services and they vary greatly. Some services are free and do not screen their members for accuracy and background. Other sites are paid memberships and do a thorough screening. There are also sites that cater to single professionals, alternative lifestyles, casual dating, potential marriages, and anything dealing with some kind of relationship. Here is a quick list of some of the more popular online dating services.
- Yahoo Personals
Check here for more dating articles.
If you are a member of an online dating site, then a good online profile is essential to attracting someone’s interests. A good profile must contain all the pertinent information about yourself such as age, what you like, what you don’t like, smoking or not, and drinking or non-drinking. It must tell enough about what kind of person you are that someone with similar interests will want to make contact with you.
There are a lot of really bad dating site profiles out there. They might be cheesy (“Sleeping Beauty seeks her Prince Charming to carry her away”) to just downright creepy (“My soul dwells in darkness. Come share the night with me”). Sure, not everyone can put together a sentence in an elegant and poetical way. But you do want to catch some good potential matches, right? The best way to do that is to have a good, solid profile. But not everyone knows how to write good online dating profiles. What do you put in them? What should you say about yourself? Let’s review a few strategies.
It’s Advertising, Baby!
Try to look at online dating from a business point of view. If you were a company trying to attract ‘customers’, you would want your profile page to paint you in the best possible way. Think of it like advertising. Poor advertising is not going to attract any customers. Customers are only going to check out a product that is properly advertised. This is the same thing that you want your profile page to do. It must be interesting enough and informative enough to cause someone to say “Hey, I like the sound of this. I want to read more about this person”. So it is not a good idea to be skimpy with your profile page.
Basic Information You Should Include in Onine Dating Profiles
Most dating sites are going to want the same type of information. They want you physical description such as age, height, weight, etc. Then there are usually a series of questions such as qualities you are looking for in a person, good qualities about yourself, romantic things you like to do, hobbies, favorite food, and things that you do not like. This is all basic information you should include in online dating profiles so that a person can look at your profile and see if they might be compatible with you at the first level.
Some questions can provide you the opportunity to talk more about yourself. You might be asked to describe your idea of a perfect date or the perfect special person you are looking for. Even if you are not comfortable writing long answers, don’t just put down one word answers such as yes and no. Elaborate a little more on these types of questions. It is an opportunity for someone to gauge what kind of person you are and will help with screening potential candidates.
How Much Is Too Much?
You can go too far when writing an online dating profile. People want to know what you do for a living, your hobbies, and how you like to spend your free time. What they don’t want to read is a long drawn out account of your last doctor visit or how think green coke bottles are so much more interesting than clear coke bottles. Too much of that sort of thing will send most likely matches running for the hills. You don’t want to put so much information in there that a person can read it and find out everything there is to know about you. An online profile is not a biographical novel. You want to put just enough detail in there about yourself to pique someone’s curiosity. One of the best parts of getting to know someone is in slowly finding out more about them through conversation. So put enough info into the profile but no too much.
Honesty is the most important aspect of an online dating profile. There are far too many people out there with profiles that are, at the least, exaggerated to a great degree. Others are just flat out lying. Not being truthful is very counter-productive to attracting a good match during online dating. It is far too easy to include false information and inaccurate photos to make yourself seem more interesting. This is only going to come back and bite you in the long run. For one thing, if your photos are not accurate, then the two of you can never meet. If your information is false (like you are a multi-millionaire CEO but in reality you are a truck driver) sooner or later the other person is going to find out and when they do, good luck hanging onto that relationship. Honesty is always the best advice. Besides, you want someone to fall for the real you, not something you are not.
The final strategy on how to write good online dating profiles is to review what you have written. After the profile is completed but before you submit it, you should look it over. Make sure that it sounds good, has enough information about yourself that someone might find appealing, and has a current photo taken within the last few months. If you are not sure whether it is good enough, get some friends to read it or look at some of the other profiles all over the internet and compare them to yours. Remember that this is like advertising and you want to attract as many compatible matches as possible.
Dating for single parents can be complicated and nerve-wracking. You have so much more responsibilities than you did before you had children. It’s not just about you anymore. When you are considering dating, you not only need to choose someone right for you but someone right for your children.In the good old days before the Internet, single parents had to rely on hiring a babysitter and going out to mingle and meet people. Nowadays, with online dating such a big thing, it is much more convenient for single parents to find someone.
However, when you put your profile out there for the public to see, it opens you up to some risk such as online predators, identity thieves, and the like. The question: is online dating appropriate for single parents? The answer: Yes, as long as you are careful and responsible about exposing your children to the public. Single parents should not be restricted from dating. They have as much right to try to find romance as anyone who doesn’t have children. But if single parents want to try online dating, here are some things to keep in mind.
Why Online Dating Is Good For Single Parents
One of the main reasons why online dating is appropriate for single parents is because of convenience. You don’t have to go through the hassle of finding the right babysitter and scheduling in order to meet other single adults. Also, babysitters charge for their time so if you want to go out a lot, it’s going to cost you. Being gone every weekend night also takes you away from your children on the best nights to be doing something with them. Online dating can eliminate much of this because you can meet people from the comfort of your home without ever having to go out. Eventually, of course, you will want to go out and meet someone but you will also be more available to your kids.
Another problem with traditional dating and socializing is that you can’t stay out too late and you have to be home at the time you said you would be. Rarely can babysitters stay all night and most don’t want to. Also, your children, especially if they are young, will feel more comfortable with you at home at a decent hour.
Online Dating Is Full Of Other Single Parents
Another good point about online dating is that it is full of other single parents. Once you become a parent, dating is difficult and there are plenty of other single parents out there who know exactly how you feel. Online dating is just a good option as many single parents have discovered. Having children while dating can often be seen as baggage by people without children. It really limits the number of possible matches a single parent can find. When browsing profiles single parents will often look for other single parents. Online dating sites will include whether or not you have any children. It just cuts through a lot of dating’s ‘red tape’.
Be Open About Yourself As A Parent
Honesty and openness are the best options when dating online as a single parent. You don’t want to hide the fact that you have children. The other person needs to know and you need to know if they are okay with that. You definitely don’t want to get involved in an online romance and then lose the person because you lied to them about having children.
As a single parent, you should also be honest and straightforward about how you parent your kids. You should let the other person know how much television you let your kids watch, what you let them eat, discipline methods, how you like to spend time with your kids, and so on. If you let your kids eat a lot of sweets, then a dentist may not be your perfect someone. You are looking for a good match, after all.
How To Protect Your Kids
Online dating does have its own risks and if you are a single parent, then it is not just you that could be in danger. Online dating provides a natural hunting ground for predators so you need to be careful. Protecting your children should be your number one priority. One of the most important things you can do is not include details about your children in your online profile. It is okay to indicate that you have children and how many but do not give names and ages on a publicly-viewed profile. And never, ever, post photos of your kids on an online profile.
Another important thing to remember is don’t introduce your kids to someone you met online until after a few dates. You should be very comfortable with the person first before you start revealing too many details about your kids. Never mention what school they go to, what park they play at, or if they go to any extra activities such as dance or karate.
You should make sure the person you meet online is more interested in you than your children. If they keep asking too many questions about your kids or they seem overly anxious to meet them, then get out of that relationship immediately.
Also, you should never put yourself and dating first. Your first responsibility should be as a parent. Your kids need you more than another adult does. Yes, you should still take care of your own needs but do it in moderation and in a responsible way. And listen to your kids. If they don’t like someone that you met online, there might be a reason why. Kids can sometimes be more observant than adults.
And lastly about protecting your kids while dating online, listen to your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right or you are getting strange vibes from a person you met online, then trust your feelings.
By John Clifton
Would you please help me. My girlfriend says she loves me MTD. It’s a heartfelt feeling, and she claims I’ll know when I feel it. But it’s driving me crazy. Do you know what MTD means? Thank you.
There are any number of meanings for the “MTD” acronym, so you’re going to have to figure out what the likeliest possible meaning of M.T.D. means. I’ll give you the top options and try to work through how these might apply to the concept of “being in love”.
Month To Date – In the business world, MTD almost always stands for “Month to Date”, such as sales month-to-date, profits month-to-date, expenses month-to-date and so on. Unless the two of you have been dating only this month or your girlfriend has a career in the business world, I’m not sure whether the term would apply to being in love with one another. Especially when she tells you that you’ll eventually feel it yourself.
Mentally Transmitted Disease – The top definition for MTD on “Urban Dictionary”, a resource which gives informal definitions to a lot of slang terms, says that the acronym stands for “Mentally Transmitted Disease”. That is, when you come to believe something that others don’t respect, you can be said to have contracted a mentally transmitted disease. The example on UrbanDictionary uses someone going to church as an example, and “getting religion” as a mentally transmitted disease.
In that context, some cynics might consider “falling in love” a kind of mentally transmitted disease between two people. When your girlfriend says you’ll know it when you feel it, she might be saying that you’ll eventually get this same mentally transmitted disease from her. But that interpretation doesn’t fit perfectly the information you’ve given. You might consider this meaning yourself and see whether it fits within the wider context of your relationship. Is your girlfriend the type who might be embarrassed or uncomfortable suggesting she’s fallen in love, or comfortable (as someone with more experience in these matters) telling you that you’ll eventually do the same? If so, this might fit.
Mouth To Dick – Almost as popular a pick on Urban Dictionary is “mouth to dick”, as in “mtd action”. I think you can pretty much figure this one out, so I won’t get too graphic. Once again, if you can fit this into the context of your private conversations and your girlfriend is comfortable with casual vulgarity, it might fit. But I’m thinking it’s about 99% this won’t fit what she’s saying.
Maximum Tolerated Dose – Minimal Toxic Dose – Minimum Tolerated Dose – These terms all come from the medical profession. They simply mean the amount of a drug or medicine you’re allowed to take, according to a physician’s orders. With that in mind, any of these terms might suggest she’s feeling the “maximum tolerated dose” of love, but it doesn’t make much sense in the context of saying you’ll feel it eventually, too.
MySpace Transmitted Disease – This one is also prominent on Urban Dictionary, but doesn’t seem to fit. It’s about a type of girl who likes to be watched on Myspace through her webcam.
So What Does MTD Mean?
There you have it, to the best of my knowledge. None of these fit perfectly, but there’s one or two possibilities. You might consider asking other friends in your circle what “MTD” stands for, in case there’s a local slang term or in-joke that might not be found on the internet. Assuming that doesn’t yield anything, if your girlfriend your girlfriend has whom you know and trust, you might ask her what MTD stands for. This circle of friends might have a texting term between them with its own unique meaning.
Finally, if this mystery is bothering you too much, consider asking your girlfriend sometime what “MTD” stands for. Sometimes, being straightforward is the best idea. Honesty is the best policy and all that. This reminds me of a tv episode I saw once where a guy couldn’t remember the name of a woman he once knew on the street, but he asked her out anyway. They date several times and it’s going great, but he can’t remember her name to save his life. After waiting way too long, she eventually figures out that he doesn’t know her name and walks out on him.
That probably won’t happen to you, but being direct might save you a lot of time and mental energy deciphering your girlfriend’s slang.
I am 41 years old, never married, great career, and for the most part, happy with life. That being said, I am very lonely while midlife crisis is hitting me pretty hard lately. The last two women I dated had everything a person could want. They we’re kind, smart, funny, highly educated, very attractive, and they both wanted (I didn’t date both at the same time) to take our relationship to the next level (Marriage/Living together) but I just wasn’t in love with them. I have always compared every girl I have dated to my first love, which I dated 17 years ago, only for a one year and have not seen her since we broke up. I googled her recently and found she belonged to a networking website (not a dating site) that I happen to be a member. I tried to contact her through this site, thinking it was a safe way to contact her considering that no email addresses are exchanged unless the person agrees to exchange addresses but no response. We we’re pretty good friends when we dated and only broke up because we both moved to pursue our dreams. That’s why I am a little surprise that I got no response. I thought I would have gotten something from her? Thanks for the email but I am married or get lost, you we’re a jerk but no response is killing me.
Here’s my question; why does this bother me so much? Should I settle and get back with one of the girls I mentioned? All the men I know think I am crazy for not marrying one those girls and that they would do anything just to date them.
First of all, there’s a lot to cover in this question: mid-life crisis, lost girlfriends, commitment and the idea of being in love. So I’ll start with your question and move on from there.
It sounds like you never moved on and you never got closure with the old girlfriend. It’s always good to have closure in these situations, but if that doesn’t happen naturally, you have to do it yourself. The two of you moved to pursue your dreams, suggesting you might have been leaving college and were certainly leaving for careers in two different places. I’m guessing you must have not wanted it to end, or you had basic regrets about letting it end at the time. Whatever the case, the fact that she doesn’t reply should tell you all you need to know.
People do things because they want to. Your ex didn’t reply to your social message because she doesn’t want you in her life. If people don’t answer their telephone when you call or don’t accept your invitations to dinner, they are telling you they don’t want you around. It’s the same when they don’t take the two seconds to accept you as a friend on a social media website. There are a hundred different reasons for this, but there’s no reason to go down the list. You have to realise that she doesn’t owe you an explanation why. Her obligations to that relationship ended 17 years ago. Maybe she’s happily married and isn’t comfortable renewing a friendship with an old boyfriend. Maybe her memories of your parting aren’t as happy. Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want to renew your friendship and has every right not to. Take her silence as a chance for closure,
Besides, the woman you knew doesn’t exist anymore. You’ve probably changed a lot in the past 17 years. While you probably don’t have a lot of the cares and responsibilities of your standard “married with 2.3 kids” 41-year old male, you’re still probably a lot different from the carefree college (or just out of college) kid you were when you were 24. The fact that you’re having a mid-life crisis is testament to that. You have to worry about your health. The aches and pains come more often and stay around longer. You have a lot more job responsibilities. The stress of living 41 years and the baggage of 20 years of failed relationships probably weigh a little heavier than they did back in the day. Long story short, you aren’t the same guy you were 17 years ago.
She isn’t either. A lot of the favorite things you remember about her are probably gone, too. You have to remember that she’s lived 17 years of life, too. She’s gone through a lot of living since then. I’m guessing that involves virtually half her life and most of her adult life. The memories you have of your relationship are probably of a carefree time when “being in love” was newer and affected you greater. The two of you were young and full of life and had the world in the palm of your hands. It sounds like a magical time, but that particular magic was gone as soon as you split to pursue your dreams. Most of us have one of those relationships in our life and those memories will be something we cherish when we’re in our dotage. But there are other magical relationships in this world, too.
So remember with the women you date these days, you’ve been comparing them to a girl that doesn’t exist anymore. You’re comparing women that are closer to your age to a woman in her early 20′s, I imagine. That’s a large part of having a mid-life crisis. You are transitioning to a time when you’re no longer a kid and you’re more a part of the older generation. That’s hard to stomach. That’s one reason a lot of 40-something men end up dating a 20 year old, or wanting to. It helps them feel young again or capture some of the magic of their youth. But that’s seldom going to work. In your case, the 20-year old you want to date just so happens to be a woman from your past.
Why Settle for an Ex?
Finally, to answer your question about settling. If you feel like you’re settling, that’s not a good way to start a marriage. So if you feel life you’re settling, certainly don’t get married to the woman. That’s not fair to her, because you go in with reservations that shouldn’t be there. You and not your buddies have to be content with the relationship.
That doesn’t mean you should entirely forget the notion of rekindling your romances with one of these more recent dating partners, but only if you want to. Once you sort through your old feelings with the ex from so long ago and you sort through your midlife crisis, you might start to see life from a different light.
For instance, I mentioned that there are other kinds of magic in the world. One of those is the magic of the next generation. Children are a renewal of life. You see something of your own youth in your children and it helps you to recapture some of the magic that was your childhood. Also, you share a bond with a woman, because the two of you made this child. And you’ll never love another person more than you love your children.
That being said, marriage and children isn’t for everybody. You might be one of those men who simply never marries. That’s perfectly valid, too. If you don’t feel like marriage and children is for you, then the worst thing you can do is to jump into something where you negatively affect the lives of so many others.
And what about “being in love”? Well, that comes in a lot of different forms. If by being in love you mean the kind of intense and euphoric love that kids often experience, that might never happen again, either (though it might). The thing is, romances are like snowflakes: each one is different. Once you embrace that idea, you won’t be comparing your current girlfriend to all the other girlfriends you’ve had – and especially your first love. There’s only one first love. So with the women you date now, embrace the fact that she’s different and love her on her own terms. It still might not work out, but at least your relationship is succeeding or failing on its own merits.
- John Clifton
Men spend more time wondering what women want from them than most women would believe. The stereotype about men suggests that they are unthinking uncaring oafs who mostly think about sex and sports. While there is some truth to our obsession with physical love and physical competition, we are much more layered than this – as suggested by what we really want in a woman.
What Men Look For In A Woman
In no particular order, here are 4 things that explain what men look for in a woman. You might also be interested in
what women want in a man.
Let’s not pretend that its just men who are looking for a capable and attentive sexual partner. We would be doing women an injustice if we didn’t give them credit for their sensual side. Men want a partner who will be willing to share her affection physically without intimidating him. I have seen it happen – some women simply look too intense or “hot” for men to approach. Sociologists tell us this could be because men are concerned about their ability to “please” these women in bed. To that end, there is something to be said for “dressing down” and being yourself. Some ways to show a man you’re interested in providing the physical attention he wants is through subtle gestures and touching. Graze his arm with your hand, let your hips touch casually, or just outright put your hand on his face – playfully. The point of subtle touch is to make him think it was casual, so don’t be too serious about it. By allowing for casual touch, you’ll be planting a seed in his mind. Besides, you can find out if you even like touching him long before committing to a date. Don’t be intimidated by men’s desire for good sex – after all, isn’t it one of your desires, too?
Thank God there is no ideal physical appearance, no perfect female standard to adhere to. Social scientists have tried to describe the “perfect” body, telling us that men look for things like the “70% ratio” of waist to hips (a nearly impossible feat), or perfect facial symmetry, something that you’re either born with or not. Rather than try to squeeze your body into someone else’s idea of beauty, it is more important to maintain your health, take care of yourself, and practice good hygiene. Most men I talk to say that women stand out for simple reasons – some men look for red hair, still others are after an attractive smile. The one thing I don’t hear is that men get out a tape measure and calculate waist to hip ratios or distance between eyes, etc. Men will either be attracted to a woman initially, or they won’t. By paying attention to your health (eating fruits and vegetables, trying to stay within a healthy weight range) and practicing basic hygiene (brushing your teeth, keeping your hair clean) you will do yourself and your potential dates a favor. Whether or not a man is attracted to you is out of your hands. The best you can do is prepare yourself – and by the way, keeping your body healthy is a good idea in general. A healthy body is a happy body, and good general health leads to good mental health. You have no say in whether or not a man is attracted to you, but you do have control over your health.
The word “trust” here refers not just to a man’s ability to trust that you won’t cheat on him, but his ability to come to you for his emotional needs. All people require trust before they’re willing to share with someone on a deep level – the kind of level that is healthy for a relationship. If a man thinks you’ll listen to his problems and immediately rush off to the internet to Twitter all your friends about it, he won’t have that sense of trust necessary to really develop a relationship. In fact, a lack of trust can lead to some really unhealthy partnering. A many may be willing, for instance, to have sex with you or flirt with you, but a perceived lack of trust will keep him from really connecting with his partner. You will become, pardon the expression, a “booty call” – not because he’s a jerk, but because he doesn’t trust you enough to move the relationship into the next phase. Here is another way in which you and your potential man are similar; you both need trust to make a relationship work. How do you show that you are trustworthy? Avoid gossiping to him about your friends. It may seem fun, and yes its necessary to blow off steam, but it will teach him another important lesson – that you are untrustworthy.
Sense of Humor
Men and women both need humor in their lives to stay happy. Humor is also a great icebreaker in many different difficult situations. How many times has a simple joke turned an awkward first date into a relaxed good time, or how often have you used humor to “disarm” someone you’ve been attracted to? There will most certainly come times in your relationship that a good joke will keep a minor disagreement from becoming a full fledged argument. Humor works because it breaks down our sense of ourselves, relaxes us physically (laughter being the best medicine), and shows people around us that we have a playful and friendly side. Men want a woman with a sense of humor for the same reason women want the same thing in a man – humor keeps our mood bright, and can even ignite passion. It turns out, laughter is also one of the best aphrodisiacs, and men will find your sense of humor, no matter how goofy or corny, a serious
Desired Girlfriend Traits
No two men are alike, and the desired girlfriend traits will differ from man to man. However, you can bet that some combination of the above features will attract just about any man. Interestingly enough, all four of the above are healthy pursuits that men and women share – what woman doesn’t want to have a quality sexual life, a healthy body, a sense of humor, or the ability to share deeply with their partner? As it turns out, men and women are more similar than Cosmo would lead us to believe.
Most likely, matchmaking has been around as long as society itself. Some people enter the “business” of matchmaking because they are tired of hearing about their friends’ horrible dating episodes. Casual matchmaking is a constant pursuit — who among us doesn’t occasionally size up a few of our friends and ask “Why don’t they get together?” Besides being fun and beneficial to your social group, matchmaking can be a profitable and exciting business venture, if you have the skills and the desire to do it.
Some people seem to have a natural gift for pairing up their friends. These people usually have lots of experience, good and bad, in the dating world, and are very sensitive to things like personality type, communication skills, and the general likes and dislikes of their social group. Most matchmaking starts out non professional — a single girl gets a suggestion from her friend that she ought to go out with so-and-so, or that her and the neighborhood mailman would make a great pair. After this fledgling matchmaker successfully pairs off a few people, they become interested in full time matchmaking.
Becoming A Professional Matchmaker
There is only one organization that trains people in becoming a professional matchmaker. The Matchmaking Institute was created in 2003 in order to “set a code of ethics and strict quality standards in the matchmaking industry”. They provide training and even certification for wannabe matchmakers, and once certified they provide lists of potential clients as well as a support group of fellow matchmakers and industry professionals.
The Matchmaking Institute
The Matchmaking Institute exists to fill a void in the industry — there is no regulation or government control over matchmaking, and this has lead to some difficulties with matchmaking services in the past. Some of you may have tried matchmaking services yourself, and been scared away by inappropriate matches. Still others have tried online dating services and seen few matches, or glaringly bad ones that led to dating horror stories. The problem is usually that private matchmaking services are run by people more interested in turning a profit than in making legitimate couple matches. There was a time when anyone with a spreadsheet and a telephone could advertise “matchmaking” services — they take your money, print out a random list of potential matches, and you’re on your own. Sure, there are some legitimate matchmakers operating without The Matchmaking Institute’s certification, but when a matchmaker is certified, you can be sure they meet certain standards, and have been properly trained in the subtle art of creating strong romantic partnerships.
Student of the Matchmaking Institute
Students of the Matchmaking Institute learn about all aspects of the business, from the history of matchmaking to the all important code of ethics. Along the way, students learn about business models — how to succesfully operate a business out of their own home, how to create lasting couples while still putting money in their pocket. They learn interviewing techniques, what to look for when interviewing clients and how to fine tune their skills of perception. There’s even a unit on “working with difficult clients” and conflict resolution — as all matchmakers, no matter how skilled or qualified, will run into difficulties when dealing with the general public. Most importantly, students of the Matchmaking Institute will walk away with a certificate proving they have been trained in their unique art, and possess the skills necessary to match you with someone you can love.
Outside of the certification realm, it is possible to become a succesful matchmaker. You don’t need to attend courses or hang a certificate on your wall if you believe you are well qualified and can handle running a home business. Start simply — put together a short list of a few friends interested in dating. Explain to them that you want to help them find a match, and set up a client relationship, clearly outlining any fee you want to charge, the process of matchmaking you plan to pursue, and their recourse if they are unhappy with your services. You may also want to let them know that you are not a certified matchmaker, but are interested in learning the skill and believe you have what it takes to find their one true love. Once you have a client or two set up, create a database, listing details of their personality, what they may be looking for in a partner, and what kind of relationship they’re look for — remember, some people may just want to find casual dating partners, while others may be looking for marriage potential.
Surely in your social network there will be people who match your initial client base. Explain to these potential mates the entirety of the process — that you want to interview them and determine if they would make a good match for any of your clients. It is important to match their personality, likes and dislikes, and what sort of relationship they’re interested in with those of your clients. This may be the most difficult part, as these friends of yours may not have come to you looking for help. This is where your skills become important — simply matching people by one or two interests will usually result in a negative result. The more intuitive you are, the deeper your interview material goes, and the better suited you are to the “sport” of matchmaking, the more succesful you will be.
Certification From The Matchmaking Institute
It is a good idea to receive proper certification from the Matchmaking Institute if you find you are good at the matchmaking game. You will be part of a network of certified matchmakers who can support and assist you in your quest, and your client base will be more likely to trust your judgement. If you enjoy working with people, are tired of the grind of working in an office cubicle, or are just looking for a way to make some extra cash, matchmaking could be the game for you. Make sure you are a good judge of character, have a flexible schedule and good personal skills, and that you may be willing to eventually pursue certification. With luck, you may one day call yourself a professional matchmaker.
Whenever I mention Forex trading to someone, the first question I’m usually asked is, “What the heck is Forex trading?” Well, I’m prepared to answer that question right from the beginning: Forex trading–also known as the foreign exchange market or FX–involves the buying of one nation’s currency and the selling of another nation’s currency. These units of currency are always expressed in pairs, such as EUR/USD for the Euro and the US Dollar. The currency being purchased will be listed first, while the currency being sold is listed second.
Forex trading usually revolves around the world’s major currencies, with more than 80 percent of the market devoted to the Australian Dollar (AUD), British Pound (GBP), Canadian Dollar (CAD), Euro (EUR), Japanese Yen (JPY), Swiss Franc (CHF) and the US Dollar (USD). Trading takes place 24 hours a day, as one session begins when another one ends. Major trading centers are located in London (the largest), Tokyo, New York, Singapore and Hong Kong, although others do exist. Trading is closed on the weekends.
While the average person can participate in Forex trading, the majority of the moves are made by major players such as governments, corporations, and investment banking institutions. Leading currency traders include: Deutsche Bank, Barclays Capital, UBS AG, Royal Bank of Scotland, Citi, Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, HSBC, and Lehman Brothers. There’s a lot of money to be made, and the daily turnover is over $3 trillion (with a 41% increase between 2007 and 2008, alone).
Many savvy investors find Forex trading preferable to that of the traditional stock market. The usual reasons given are twofold:
- Simplicity – Okay, Forex trading isn’t exactly simple, but there are a lot fewer commodities to keep track of. If you combine the New York Stock Exchange and the NASDAQ, there are over 8,000 stocks to monitor and analyze. With the foreign exchange market, there are only four major currencies and thirty-four second tier currencies. 38 is a lot more manageable of a number than 8,000.
- Stability – As you probably know, the traditional stock markets are prone to wild swings due to fluctuating interest rates and the general Bear/Bull mentality; this isn’t the case with Forex trading. If one currency isn’t performing up to expectations, the trader can always look to make a profit with another one.
Forex Trading Terms
- Bid Price – The price at which a buyer is willing to purchase a currency. Always expressed as a 5 digit number.
- Ask Price – The price at which a seller is willing to sell a currency. Always expressed as a 5 digit number.
- Spread – The difference between the bid price and ask price.
- Margin – Collateral for a position. This comes into play when the market moves in a downward direction and the forex trader requires additional funds. This is done by requesting a “margin call.”
- Long Position – The trader buys a currency at a certain price, expecting to sell it later at a higher price.
- Short Position – The trader sells a currency with the expectation of buying it back later at a lower price.
- Spot – A two-day delivery transaction which indicates a direct exchange of currencies.
- Forward – In this style of exchange, money does not change hands until an agreed-upon date in the future.
- Future – Currency which matures at a future date and usually carries a three-month contract.
- Swap – The swap is the most common type of forward transaction. In these cases, two parties agree to swap currencies and then swap them again at a future date.
Forex Trading Participants
There are a wide range of Forex trading participants, meaning those who actively buy and sell currency on the foreign exchange market. Keep in mind that the Forex is divided into multiple levels of access, with the top level only being accessible by the inter-bank market and its collection of the world‘s largest investment banking firms (which accounts for 53% of all transactions). Forex participants include:
- Hedge Funds – These investors speculate on the movement of a currency. A very powerful investment group which controls billions of dollars in equity (with access to billions more).
- Banks – Each day, large banks may trade billions of dollars of currency. Some of this is done on behalf of the bank, while the rest may be done on behalf of customers.
- Central Banks – These are the banks which trade on behalf of their own nation. They often have target rates for their own currency and seek to control factors such as interest rates, money supply and inflation.
- Commercial Companies – These are often companies seeking foreign currency in order to pay for goods or services.
- Non-Bank Foreign Exchange Companies – Offer international payments and the exchange of currency to private companies and individuals.
- Investment Management Firms – These are firms which manage accounts such as endowments or pension funds for their customers.
- Money Transfer Companies – These are companies such as Western Union which assist economic immigrants in transferring money back to their native countries.
- Retail Foreign Exchange Brokers – These individuals or firms make Forex investments on behalf of their customers. In the past, it wasn’t uncommon for brokers to trade against their clients, but this is quickly becoming less common thanks to policies such as NDD (No Dealing Desk) and STP (Straight Through Processing).
So what determines Forex rates? Well, there are actually three major factors in the movement of Forex rates. These include:
- Political conditions
- Markey psychology
- Economic factors (such as a government budget deficit)
Online Forex Trading
Before you begin your online Forex trading career, here are a few things you might want to consider:
- Know Your Diagrams – Diagrams and currency charts are used by investors to analyze market conditions, recognize behavior patterns and create forecasts. Numerous types of charts exist, and it’s important to at least understand how one of these works before you begin your online Forex trading. This will allow you to analyze trades and market movement over the course of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks or months.
- Get A Broker – You’ll need to obtain the services of a broker in order to take advantage of online Forex trading. Every broker is different, and it’s important to find one you feel comfortable with. Always examine their record before beginning a relationship, as this will allow you to see how they’ve done on the Forex market over the years. If their performance has traditionally been poor, it might be advisable to seek the services of another Forex broker.
- Mock Accounts – Once upon a time, it was sink or swim when it came to online Forex trading. Now, potential traders can access mock accounts which allow them to trade for free and learn how the system works. This is an excellent way to test out what you know–and what you think you know–without losing a bundle of real money. When you feel comfortable, then you can jump in with the big boys.
- Live Trading – Success isn’t guaranteed when it comes to live online Forex trading. If you make a profit right out of the gate, try not to get too cocky; you’ll probably be brought back to Earth soon enough. If, however, you’re experiencing losses from the beginning, try not to lose your patience. Examine your Forex losses and try to determine if you made a mistake or the market simply made a move beyond your ability to predict. Remember: you’re in this for the long haul, so don’t get easily discouraged.
- Automatic Trading – You can also purchase automatic trading software which will make trades on your behalf. You input certain parameters, and the software does the rest. You can set it in the morning before you go to work, and then check back when you get home to see how much money you’ve made (or lost).
- Remember The Advantages – Online Forex trading can seem complicated to the beginner, but keep the following encouraging news in mind: Forex offers quick trade executions and low commissions, plus the addition of margin loans allow Forex traders to operate at far more than the limiting 2:1 margin of the traditional stock market.
I hope this article on Forex trading has been of some assistance. Forex trading is an exciting way to make money, and it’s a shame that most people aren’t even aware that it exists. Here at AskDeb.com, we’ve got a whole section devoted to Forex trading, so feel free to look around and read our other articles. For that matter, you might also want to look at some of our helpful advice and answers on life, love, and health.
“Forex Trading” is the common name given to the foreign exchange, or for.ex, market. Forex trading has become one of the fastest-growing forms of investment from 2004 to the present, full of both opportunties and perils for the investor. The Forex Market or “foreign exchange market” is a 24 hour market where currencies of the world’s nations are traded. Foreign currencies are continuously being bought and sold across the Forex market by banks, brokerage firms, and individuals. As these currencies are traded, global markets and investment values increase or decrease in value based upon the movement of the currency. Similar to the stock market, the value of global currencies can change depending on real world events.
The need for nations to exchange currencies is the primary reason for the Forex market. The Foreign Exchange Market is the largest financial market in the world, larger than even the New York Stock Exchange and similar stock markets in other countries. Most nations have vast numbers of banks and investment firms, corporate buyers and sellers. These currency institutions all do business on the Forex market. A unique aspect of the market is that there is no central marketplace to conduct business. You do not have to get dressed and go somewhere in order to trade. All currency trading is conducted electronically via computer networks between traders all over the world. The market never closes, so you can go online at any time of day or night and trade currency. Since all the major financial cities such as New York, Zurich, and Tokyo are all in different time zones, there is always a lot of activity going on at any time. That means you can get a night’s rest and wake up to new foreign market conditions.
History Of Forex Trading
At the end of World War II, the Western nations helped to create the Bretton Woods Agreement. This agreement set the exchange value of all currencies in terms of the U.S. dollar. At the time the U.S. dollar was set to the current gold standard, which was $35 per ounce. Since the global economy after the war was in such turmoil (Europe in particular), the goal of the agreement was to help stabilize the world economy as a whole and avoid the political and social turmoil (and revolutions) that followed World War I. This worked well for a generation, but the global economy changed and the agreement became outdated and restrictive.
After years of speculation that it would happen, the Bretton Woods Agreement was ended in 1971 and the foundation of today’s currency market was established, with the United States in the lead. The currency market continued to evolve, but the arrival of the internet allowed for a much more rapid way for the foreign exchange market to conduct business. Suddenly, currency trading was so much simpler. Also, the increased practice of depositing U.S. currency in foreign banks helped to stimulate the Forex market. Today, the Forex market averages over $3 trillion a day in transactions.
What Is The Forex Market
The Forex market works basically like this. You purchase currency from one nation and use currency from another nation to pay for it. Where your profit comes from is from the difference in value of the currency, which occurs when their are inefficiences in the way currency pairs are figured. This is your return on your trade. The process of making money by exploiting an inefficiency in the exchange price of two currencies is called “Forex arbitrage”. Arbitrage traders actually help correct the market by exposing these inefficiencies and make a nice sum of money doing so. Forex arbitrage situations are usually quite temporary, and a forex trader must have real-time forex market numbers and the computers to calculate Forex inefficiency to take advantage of this temporary arbitrage situation.
Here is an example. Let’s say you decide to buy the European dollar. You will need currency from another nation to do it so let’s say you use the American dollar for the purchase. If you purchased the Euro dollar with an American dollar and then the value of the Euro dollar went up in comparison to the American dollar, then you wind up making a profit, simply because your currency is worth more. Simple, right? But you only make a profit if the currency goes up. Otherwise, if it goes down in value, you end up losing money. Forex Trading is a zero-sum game. That is, trading is like a mathematical equation: both sides of the ledger must cancel out. If you make a million dollars in Forex arbitrage, someone else must lose a million dollars. This means you have to be on top of your game when trading in the Foreign Exchange Market.
How To Trade on the Forex Market
There are actually three ways that banks, corporations and individuals trade on the Forex market. There is the spot market, the forwards market and the futures market. The spot market is where currency is bought and sold at its current price. The spot market always has been the largest of the three markets. The forward and futures markets deal in contracts that represent claims to a certain currency type, a specific price per unit and a future date for settlement. The futures market used to be the most popular market, because it was available to individual investors for a longer period of time. But the rise of electronic trading changed all of that. Most of the time when someone refers to the Forex market, they are actually referring to the spot market. The forwards and futures markets are the preferred markets for some companies that need to hedge their foreign exchange risks out to a specific date in the future.
Reasons For Trading on the Forex
Trading on the Forex market comes with many benefits. The main reason is that, unlike the stock market, the Forex market conducts business 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It never shuts down, never closes, and can always be accessed. The Forex market is a 100% liquid market that makes trading currency extremely easy. They are no assets that one has to sell before they can trade. It is already broken down into cash.
Forex Trading Volatility
Another benefit of Forex trading is that the market is highly volatile. This means that it can rise and fall very quickly, offering profits within minutes of trading or you can lose all of your money just as quickly. The good news is that experienced traders have tools available to them, such as software, to minimize the risk. This allows you to have the ability to still make a profit even in a falling market.
How Is Forex Different From Trading Stocks
While trading on the Forex may seem a lot like trading in stocks, there are some significant differences. Because of these differences, traders intent on making purchases on the Forex need to try a different approach than the one they would normally use for other markets.
The main difference is the time-frame. The Forex market never closes. There is always activity during the week, due to differing time zones and even on the weekends as well. Some specific markets may be open 24-hours, but due to the fact that most traders in that particular region are going to be resting, their volume at any other time but during the day is very low.
There are also no exchanges in Forex trading. Futures is sort of like a form of “exchange”, but most of the transactions these days takes place on the spot market. Large Forex transactions are done by banks trading with each other on behalf of their customers, or even corporations dealing in trades of up to several million dollars. When individual traders conduct transactions on the market, often they go through a broker.
Since there is no technical exchange in the Forex Market, there is a difference in how trading is actually done. In the stock market, an order is submitted to a broker, who makes the trade with another broker or even through an exchange. In the spot market of the Forex, most of the trading is actually done directly with a broker. That means the broker is the acting second party in the trade. There is no middle man.
Finally, when dealing with brokers on the Forex market, they often do not charge a brokerage fee like they do in the stock market. The broker instead is going to make his profit by turning around and making the spread between the bid and offer prices – calculating the spread between the two down to the lowest fraction is called “pips”.
Before Trading On The Forex Market
Even though all of this may sound simple, there are some things to be aware of. The Forex market may be open to anyone with Internet access, but before you log on to trade you should learn how elements such as a country’s monetary policy, trade policies, and world news can affect exchange rates. An experienced trader will have a good understanding of the technical side of trading, have some proven strategies, and ways of minimizing risk. If you have never traded on the Forex before, a reputable broker is a must. Always go with a broker who is backed by a major bank.
Qualified brokers will provide real-time quotes and operate with good trade execution software. In the U.S., you can choose a broker who is a certified member of the National Futures Association to conduct your business. Beware of “forex scams” and brokers who charge a fee. If you are charged a fee for your Foreign Exchange Market transactions, that is a sign the broker isn’t confident in his ability to make money from pips. Beware of forex brokers who promise unbelievable sounding windfalls, too.
Besides Forex scam artists, you need to be aware how quickly the currency market can rise and fall. The Forex market can suffer quick and severe changes within just a few seconds based on real world events. For example, war has always been a major factor is currency rates. When there is the threat of war, it can have an immediate effect on the Forex market. This is just the volatile nature of the market that makes it so risky and can be a good way to lose all of your money if you are not careful. At the same time, the market volatility of Forex trading makes it possible for the wise Forex trader to make a lot of money in a short period of time.
Forex training is a good idea for anyone new to the currency exchange markets. Not only is there a huge potential for the loss of your capital, there are plenty of financial tools that are unqie to Forex. Training online to learn the ins and outs of Forex trading is offered for free all over the web. Below are a few of the most popular free Forex training sites, along with a review and links to other Forex trading training outlets.
Baby Pips Free Forex Trading
Baby Pips is not against using a bit of humor to teach potential Forex traders the basics of currency exchange. Users register for free Forex trading training, and start with a $10,000 practice account. The Forex training at Baby Pips centers on a basic concept — “Make pips, Keep pips, Repeat.” Baby Pips offers users a “school curriculum” style of Forex trading training — users progress through different “grades” as they learn how to use Forex. Starting in Pre-school (“Forex basics”), users move up through Kindergarten (“Different types of charts”), and eventually make it all the way to college, where they learn about more complex issues such as “US Dollar Index” and the impact of “Trading news” on the Forex market. This familiar progression makes it easy for users to know where they’re at in their Forex trading training plan, and is further evidence of the attitude at Baby Pips. These guys don’t take the market too seriously, making it seem like an easier world to break in to. When was the last time you laughed out loud during a discussion of Fibonacci ratios and the golden mean? The writers and site admins at Baby Pips blog regularly right on the Baby Pips home page, making their advice and encouragement easily accessible to site users. There is also a very active Forum community at Baby Pips, and a huge glossary of Forex trading terms known as the “Forexpedia“.
Some traders won’t like the humorous interface between the user and the training, and still others may be too far advanced in their understanding of financial markets for Baby Pips to do much good. But those people interested in jumping into the Forex market who have little or no experience in markets should point their browsers to Baby Pips — free Forex training with a sense of humor.
Free Forex Trading at Forexopia
Forexopia takes its free Forex trading training a bit more seriously than the folks at Baby Pips — but their huge training archive and easy to use site will please the customers who raise an eyebrow at Baby Pip’s silly attitude.
The free Forex training at Forexopia takes a bare bones approach to teaching an understanding of the currency exchange market. Users move through three categories (“Basic”, “Intermediate”, and “Advanced”) while making use of various “financial tools and calculators” and reference materials related to Forex. They have a vast archive of “training lessons” available to use at any time once you’ve registered, and run a unique little feature on their homepage that highlights “recently viewed” Forex training lessons. This is good for a quick “pop quiz” or “cram” session to sharpen your skills.
As mentioned before, the web site is laid out in a user friendly fashion — the site doesn’t have the distracting colors and images plastered all over the front page as with other free Forex training sites. The easy to use Forex guide here will be an asset to future traders of any skill level.
Online Forex Training at Forextips
Forextips provides online forex training using a video interface. There are plenty of other materials at the forextips website, but the section I’m highlighting here will be particularly useful to people who learn better by watching and listening that simply reading words on a page. The videos loaded quickly for me, even using a temporary dialup connection that wasn’t exactly “lightning fast”.
There are currently over two dozen videos, with new Forex training videos being added weekly. The videos cover everything from a basic “Intro to Forex” and a solid lesson on “Charting software” all the way to “Us Dollar vs Swiss” and “Euro downtrend”. On the downside, the videos seemed aimed at someone with a solid understanding of investment markets — this wouldn’t be the best site for someone brand new to market trading.
If you’re looking for some fairly advanced advice on the Forex market, and free Forex training through videos, you could do no better than the Forex training site at forextips.com
Forex Training Materials at Forex Online Learning
Forex Online Learning is not the prettiest website — in fact, the user interface can be downright ugly at times. However, the Forex training materials are easy to understand, and the training revolves around the disply of images, charts, and situations that you will actually run into while trading with “real money”. Reading the charts at Forex Online Learning will get you used to the actual materials used at most online Forex trading sites, preparing you for the real game even better than video display websites. The Forex glossary here is equal in scope to the glossaries at other sites, but the site’s combination of graphic material, text, and video will give you the option of learning the way you want to.
Though there are plenty of good things to say about this free Forex training site, there are some reasons to be wary. First of all, there are tons of popups offering everything from subscriptions to the Wall Street Journal to “free credit checks” and other spam. Also, I’d be wary of any financial training site that just happened to also offer “cash advances” to their customers. Though you can train for free with Forex Online Learning, and the information there is accurate, check the site out first and be sure you’re comfortable with all the spamming and popup ads.
Forex trading training is more than just a good idea. If you want to have any chance of avoiding the loss of your capital investment, you should participate in some kind of free online Forex trading. Look for a site that offers an interface you like, a teaching system you’re comfortable with, and a solid reputation and membership.
Automated Forex trading appears to be the next big trend in currency exchange trading. Automated Forex system trading is just what it sounds like — a system for making exchanges on the Forex market without your constant supervision. Automated Forex systems work in many different ways, from e-mail commands sent to your supporting broker to trading platforms that allow you to automate activity with the click of a mouse. Automated Trading is simply a way for a trader to securely trade your account for you.
The benefits of using automated Forex trading are many — the most important are personaliztion and time saving. What is the fun of making money through currency exchange if you’re glued to your computer all day, using a system or application you don’t like?
Not only do automation systems offer you the ability to set up your own automated trade parameters, many of them give you several application or web based trading options. Some automated systems, like HyperOrder, offer you several well known trading platforms (TradeStation, MetaStock,etc) as well as the ability to collect trade orders from your email and send them directly to your broker. Set up your customized automation plan exactly how you want it. If you want further personalization, there are even so called “third party” automation systems that allow you to develop your own automated Forex trading system and apply it to any trading utility or website you choose. That makes the automated experience completely personal — not only can you personalize your automated trading system, but you can choose the application you use to track your system. If you have an affinity for a particular Forex broker or utility — you can use the GoForex third party automation system to trade on your own terms. Check it out at Go Forex.
Regardless of which automated Forex system you choose, you’ll be saving yourself time. We’ve all known day traders or stock hounds who spent most of the workday tied to the monitor, analyzing trends and making trades. Since Forex never closes, Forex traders often get caught up in trading all night, soaking up valuable time. Using automated Forex trading, you can spend less time with your Forex account, and more time enjoying family and friends.
However, automated trading of any kind can be dangerous. If you’re a greedy trader, you could set up automated trades that are high-profit and therefore often high-risk. These trades will be executed by the application until you personally change the system — take just a day or two off from closely monitoring your account, and you could miss a major trend that would have led to a better, or just safer, investment.
You should also be wary of certain automated Forex trading systems that offer “guarantees”. The automated Forex market reminds me of the huge market for “gambling systems” instruction manuals and eBooks. There are more automated Forex systems for sale than you can shake a Japanese candlestick at (sorry, just a little Forex joke). Many of these systems advertise returns for all their customers, “guaranteeing” success. However, if there were a system that could guarantee a positive return, every broker and investor in the world would be using it. The fact is, there is no way to guarantee profit in the Forex market. These guarantees target the opposite of the “greedy” crowd — people who can’t stomach the idea of even the slightest risk will jump at the chance to earn a guaranteed profit.
Is Automated Forex System Right For You?
So how do you know if automated Forex trading is for you? Because of the risk involved, some Forex traders are a better match for the automated lifestyle than others. Here are five signs that automated Forex systems are for you.
- You have risk tolerance. Automated Trading has its risks, too, so don’t bet the milk money, or Lactaid money for those who have a high risk tolerance but low lactose intolerance.
- You don’t want to spend all day watching the market, and all night researching. Automated Forex trading is a lot like letting someone else monitor the market for you — can you handle the idea of a virtual “third party” making trades from your account?. Trading any financial resource will require a lot of study and research time on your part, and depending on how you trade you may need to do ever more “bookwork”. Automated Trading can be trusted to do this “researching” for you, to some degree. The better automated Forex trading systems are based on better research and are more customer friendly. However, are you comfortable with the idea of doing less research in an attempt to earn more money?
- You’ll be trading at least $5,000. Most of the automated Forex trading systems require fairly frequent trading to work properly. If you don’t have at least $5,000 to dump into the market, you may not have enough capital to participate in all that the automated system has to offer.
- You’re looking for better than average returns on little work. If you set up your automated system correctly, this system will have the ability to earn high returns without the massive amount of time and effort that most traders are forced to put in to make proper trades.
- You want some insurance against poor trading. The fact is that some of you Forex traders just enjoy the act of trading, the excitement of the currency exchange market, and the potential high returns. If you choose to use an automated trading system to trade just a portion of your total account, you will have a “hedge” against failure. The portion of your investment controlled by an automated system improves the odds of success for your total account return.
If you’re going to use an automated Forex trading system, be sure you understand the risks along with the benefits. To avoid the standard pratfalls of automated trading, you should keep an eye on your account as often as is possible, avoid “greedy” trading, and hedge your investment. If properly designed and implemented, automated trading systems can be just as accurate as manual trading, with less effort and more time to enjoy yourself. Away from the computer.
“Why trade Forex”? That’s a question I get asked a lot, especially by those who are unaware of the foreign exchange market (also known as Forex, Spot, Spot FX, or FX). For those who already know how to trade Forex or are about to learn to trade Forex, the following information may already be known, but allow me to share it anyway for the benefit of those who are new to the foreign exchange market.
The Forex is a financial market which specializes in the trading of currencies from around the globe. During any transaction, one currency is bought while another is sold. This trading most often takes place with the help of a broker (or dealer). For the layman, think of trading on the Forex like buying stock in a particular country.
The entire market is run electronically, and there’s no central bank. The London market does the largest business, but a number of other markets are also available (New York, Tokyo, etc.). The Forex is open 24 hours a day, as one market is always opening when another one closes. It does shut down over the weekend, however.
In the early days, Forex trading was usually confined to bankers, governments and other large institutions. It cost millions to play the market, but the internet has allowed day traders and others to get involved in the exciting world of the foreign exchange market. These days, all you really need is a few extra dollars (or the currency of your choice) and a high-speed internet connection to get started.
Why Trade Forex?
Now that you know a little about what the Forex is, let’s address the nagging question of, “Why trade Forex?” This can often prove a major stumbling block for the uninitiated, as many wonder why this foreign exchange market would be preferable to the traditional stock market. The following items should provide a better understanding of the benefits of FX trading.
- It’s the largest financial market on the planet. Each day, a volume of over $4 trillion is traded, compared to the $25 billion of the New York Stock Exchange. That’s a difference of $3,975,000,000,000.
- The retail transaction costs are traditionally small, as low as 0.1 percent.
- With the exception of weekends, the Forex is open 24 hours a day.
- There are no commission fees, no government fees, no brokerage fees, no exchange fees and no clearing fees.
- You can trade directly with the market and cut out the middleman.
- Traders can determine their own lot sizes, which is a measure of how many units of currency you’re buying at one time.
- Traders can have millions of dollars in their accounts, or they can participate with as little as a few hundred bucks.
- Nobody can corner the market for long. The Forex is simply too huge.
- Due to the liquidity of the market, traders can also buy and sell at will.
- Combined together, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ have 8,000 stocks which can be traded. In the Forex, there are only a few dozen to keep track of.
- Starting up is simple. All you really need is a computer with a high-speed internet connection.
- Many online Forex brokers offer demo accounts so that customers can learn their way around the FX before trading for real money. This is especially helpful for learning the basics.
- Micro accounts allow traders to participate in the Forex with a deposit of only a few hundred dollars. The Mini account is larger, and it usually requires a deposit of at least $10,000.
Now that we’ve answered the question, “Why trade Forex?”, let’s take a basic look at how Forex trading works. It’s easier than you might imagine.
How To Trade Forex
The Forex market is all about the buying and selling of currency from various nations. Ultimately, you’ll want to buy a currency you expect to increase in value, while selling a currency you expect to drop in value.
Currency is always sold in pairs. You might see JPY/USD or USD/GBP. You’ll also see a number beside each pair, such as GBP/USD = 1.7600. The first currency listed is called the “base currency,” while the second currency listed is known as the “counter” or “quote” currency. When learning how to trade Forex, it’s crucial that you understand this basic terminology.
The number beside the two types of currency is the exchange rate. This tells you how many units of the quote currency you must spend to buy a unit of the base currency. In the example GBP/USD = 1.7600, you’ll need to spend 1.7600 US Dollars to buy one British pound. That’s simple enough, isn’t it? If you’re selling instead of buying, each British pound sold would get you 1.7600 US dollars.
If you’re selling, you’re hoping that the base currency will fall in value. This is known as taking the “short position.” If you’re buying, you’re hoping for the base currency to rise in value. This is known as taking the “long position” or “going long.” So remember: short equals sell and long equals buy. That’s one of the key ingredients to learning how to trade Forex.
When you learn to trade Forex, you should also be aware of the bid price, the ask price, and the spread. The bid price is what the dealer is willing to give for the base currency in exchange for the quote currency. The bid price is therefore what you will sell your currency for. When the dealer is looking to sell instead of buy, the ask price is what he’s offering in exchange for the quote currency. The spread is the difference between the ask price and the bid price.
There’s a whole lot more to absorb if you’re going to learn to trade Forex, but this should at least give you an idea of the basics. Once you have a firm foundation, building up a solid Forex account will be much easier.
Learn to Trade Forex
In order to learn to trade Forex, there are a number of simple tips I can offer. If you follow this advice, you’ll be much better equipped when it comes time to learn to trade Forex.
- Forex is not about getting rich quickly, especially if you’re starting out with a small account. It’s all about slow and steady growth. Anyone who promises that you’ll get rich quick is trying to scam you.
- Learn the basics of Forex. Don’t throw caution (and your money) to the wind. Take your time and learn the basics of Forex trading. This will pay dividends in the long run.
- Learn for yourself. Don’t follow the strategy laid out by someone else, as this will stunt your growth as a trader. It’s important to develop your own system of analysis and trading. Don’t be a sheep: Be a wolf.
- Beware of the experts. Another important lesson when you learn to trade Forex. Most experts are trying to sell you something, so they’ll say anything to close the deal. Don’t fall for it. If they were really that successful on the Forex market, they wouldn’t bother pimping an eBook.
- Watch out for losing streaks. If you get on a bad run, there’s nothing wrong with stepping away from the computer for a few days.
- Don’t abandon your strategy. If your strategy hits a rough patch, stick with it. Remember that you’re in this for the long haul.
- Don’t make trading too complicated. Figure out what works, and then forget about all the rest. When you learn to Forex trade, you’ll want to keep things as simple as possible.
- Trade only a single currency pair at a time. After time, you can then advance to trading two different pairs and so on.
- Learn one time frame. Concentrate on only one time frame at first, and learn about all its charts. Once you feel you’ve nailed it, then you can branch out to other time frames.
- Don’t place too many indicators on your chart. This can create both clutter and confusion. A good rule of thumb is to have no more than two indicators on your chart at any given time. When you learn to trade Forex, this tip will make your life a lot more simple.
Whether you’re looking for information about Forex software, Forex trading software or free Forex software, you’ve come to the right place. When reading this article, keep in mind that there are two major types of Forex trading software:
- Forex software which examines fluctuations in the market and tells you the best entry and exit points for an investment.
- Forex software which will determine the best entry and exit points for an investment, then place and close trade orders on your behalf. Many Forex investors are wary of this kind of software, as it sounds way too good to be true (and usually is).
Advantages of Forex Software
Sure, you can play the Forex market the old-fashioned way, but there are certain benefits to using the Forex trading software. What are they? Here are a few examples:
- Many Forex software systems can be tried for free on a one month trial basis. This allows the customer to see if he or she feels comfortable with the software and also to test whether or not it can help turn a profit.
- A wide range of Forex software exists, allowing the consumer to choose from many options.
- Each day, the software should be able to determine the currency rates for the foreign exchange market. Graphs can be created to show the user which currencies are rising and falling, and some Forex software can also analyze market data and make predictions based on that information.
- The best Forex trading software will also have multiple layers of security. This keeps the customer’s personal data safe and prevents hackers from causing chaos on the global market.
- Thanks to Forex software, an investor can now see all of the market conditions at the same time. This is especially useful in getting an overall view of the “big picture.”
- Forex software includes both charting software (for analysis) and trading software (for making transactions on the Forex market).
- Many Forex software products will also allow you to seek advice from trading experts. This is definitely something which should be taken advantage of.
Tips for Forex Trading Software
Whether you’ve already purchased Forex trading software or are just considering it, there are some things you need to keep in mind. Consider these tips for Forex trading software before investing too heavily on the market.
- Find the Forex software that’s right for you. Take time to read reviews from critics and customers alike before making a purchase. Try to find a product that closely mirrors your personal investment needs.
- Once you do purchase your Forex software, read the user’s manual so that you’ll understand all the available functions of the product. Remember: your money will be on the line later, so there’s no excuse for not understanding.
- Now that you understand what the product can do for you, try making some dry runs without investing real money. Some programs will allow you to do this now, while others might only allow you to do it before the purchase. Either way, it’s important to take the software out for a test spin before risking your money on the FX market.
- Beware of robot trading systems which promise profits with little or no effort. Basically, this type of software is designed to make Forex moves without your direct participation. You simply enter some parameters, and then let it work its magic. While you’re asleep or at work, the Forex software will be making moves on your behalf. While the makers of these products often promise huge profits, don’t fall for their sales pitches. If it was that easy, everyone would just sleep in and let a robot make them a millionaire.
Forex Software for Sale
If you’re interested in Forex software for sale, you’ll be glad to know that a wide variety of products are available. Below, I have included a few types of Forex software for sale, but a search of the internet will also reveal many more items.
- Ninja Trader – This Forex trading software also supports equities and futures. It has automation features, plus full system development and backtesting. Users will be able to simulate trades, perform market analysis, view advanced charts, and trade with over 100 brokerages throughout the world. According to reviews, Ninja Trader will not slow your computer to a crawl, and it works especially well with ZenFire. The user interface could be better, however, and at least one reviewer claimed that they needed to constantly refer to the user’s manual.
- CitiFX Pro – This is a complete toolkit for those interested in investing in the foreign exchange market. Multiple currencies can be easily compared, and users can add their own lines or notes. Streaming news feeds keep you informed of the latest information which might impact the market, and charts and graphs can also be created. When you’re ready to start trading, the software offers a wide range of order options, outstanding liquidity, trade executions with one click, and the ability to trade over 140 pairs of currency. It’s also reassuring to know that CitiFX has been a market leader for several decades. This is the same software which many governments, corporation and investment bankers use to make their fortunes on the foreign exchange market. Used in over 100 countries.
- APS – Short for Automatic Pattern Search, this Forex software also allows users to play the traditional stock market. The main feature of the software finds price patterns based on risk/reward parameters entered by the user (using a proprietary algorithm). And to make things even better, no tedious code writing is required. Code is automatically generated for use with Metastock, Tradestation, TeleChart or Wealth-Lab.
- NewsTrader Pro – Developed for Forex traders, this excellent software analyzes both current and historical currency prices. All major currency pairs are available, including USD/CAD, NZD/USD, GBP/USD, GBP/JPY, EUR/USD, EUR/JPY, AUD/USD, USD/JPY, and USD/CHF. Each time an economic release takes place, users will see a summary of the low pips, high pips, average pips per release, total range pips, the consensus number, actual number, and the difference between the two. A ton of charts are also available, including pip spike analysis and candlestick charts. Users can also select various timeframes to view closing prices: one minute, five minutes, ten minutes and fifteen minutes.
Free Forex Software
Some investors would prefer to use free Forex software rather than spend a bunch of money. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that approach, and a large variety of free Forex software exists. Here are a few examples to get you started, although you can find many more through a visit to Google.
- Novativa Streamster – Designed specifically for traders using Marketiva, this free Forex software will allow you to learn how to make trades via a virtual trading desk. Compatible with Windows 98/Me/2000/Xp/Vista, the software is a 458 KB file. News and discussion boards are available, as well as the latest updates of the foreign exchange market.
- Forex Strategy Builder – This free software uses historical Forex rates to simulate the trading process. Allows you to develop various FX strategies and test them out for free. When you feel comfortable with the process, then you can advance to real-world Forex trading. Besides being free, you don’t even have to register to take advantage of the service (which means no annoying emails in the future).
- Forex Market Hours Monitor – The free Forex software allows the user to track the FX market sessions as they occur around the globe in cities such as Tokyo, New York, London and Sydney.
If you’re going to trade on the foreign exchange market, it’s a good idea to invest in the best Forex software available. This might be automated Forex software, or it might be the kind which requires the user to do more of the work. Either way, it’ll be worth it in the long run.
But before you run out and purchase the first Forex software you set your eyes on, you may want to spend some time reading customer reviews. I’ve listed some of the best Forex software below, but different systems may appeal to different people. Some Forex software is nothing more than a scam, and I’d recommend visiting a site like ForexJustice.com to avoid these.
Two Types of Forex Software
There are two types of Forex software available to the public. Read this section carefully to determine which is the best Forex software for you.
One type of Forex trading software provides the user with “trading signals,” which usually take the form of entry and exit points for investments. While this type of software often works, it does require a greater amount of attention from the user. Since it’s more demanding, you might want to consider this type of Forex software only if you have a decent amount of time to commit each trading day.
The second type of Forex software determines the best entry and exit points for the investor, but it also goes an additional step and places trade orders on your behalf. This is what is known as automated Forex software, as it requires little participation from the customer. Just enter your desired parameters, and the software will do the rest. You’ll be trading even while at work or asleep.
When it comes to automated Forex software, many love the advantage of being able to trade 24 hours a day. The software never gets emotional, so you’ll never have to worry about it losing money for you due to distractions or distress. On the other hand, a power outage will turn off your automated Forex software until you manually restart it. Because of this, automated Forex software may be problematic for dial-up users. Many also point to the fact that automated Forex software sounds too good to be true; if it was as easy as advertised, everyone would be doing it.
In the end, you’ll have to judge for yourself whether or not to use automated Forex software. It’s a big decision, so take your time and don’t feel rushed. After all, you’ll eventually be wagering a decent amount of money on the performance of your Forex software.
Best Forex Software
After searching around the internet, I put together this list of some of the best Forex software. Some of these act as automated Forex software, while others require more time and effort from the owner. Either way, I hope whichever product you choose serves you well.
- Forex Maestro – Designed with a complex neural network and artificial intelligence, this software allows for deep calculations and precise, analytical testing of market movements. Mathematical formulas present you with the best possible trading scenarios, and the optimum entry and exit points for trading are determined for the customer. Other advantages include:
- Advanced software is designed to think like a human being, but without the emotional drawbacks.
- Software can quickly report on the best trading scripts.
- You don’t have to be a computer programmer in order to use the software.
- Full-time technical support is available.
- Impressive and documented track record.
- Neural network excels at making market calculations.
- Marl Doubling Stocks – An example of automated Forex software, Marl Doubling Stocks was developed by two Wall Street engineers with over a decade of experience. According to the information I read, one user made profits of over $30,000 using this Forex software.
The software can be utilized during any market session, and it will help you define conditions on gains and losses from tradable currencies. It examines all possible currencies and tells you which one gives the best chance of doubling the return on your investment. This is all made possible by a multi-factor algorithm used by the software. Customer support is also available, and they’ll happily help you with any troubles.
- Forex Miracle – Millions of copies have been sold, making it one of the best Forex software systems on the market. Each currency pair is analyzed, and their past price movement is instrumental in predicting future movements. It can also calculate the best entry point for a trade, and let you know which one has the highest probability of breaking out.
- FAP Turbo – Providing high prospects and strategic views of long and short term investments, FAP Turbo is cited by many as one of the best Forex software products currently available. Easy to understand instructions allow you to use the product quickly, and it includes an advanced trading algorithm to assist you. A video tutorial is available, and customer support is standing by to answer any and all questions. The software allows you to monitor more than 50 pairs of currency, plus chart price activities and live price movements.
- Day Trading Robot – On the first day that it was active, the Day Trading Robot was reported to have made $5820 on the Forex. It’s one of the best-selling examples of Forex online software, and it uses a complex algorithm to consider each rise and fall of the market. A dual mode parameter hides profits and stop losses from the brokers, so this helps eliminate any thought of cheating on their end. The system is user friendly, and each movement of the market results in tips and alerts being displayed for you. All major currency pairs are available for trade.
- Forex Megadroid – Another piece of automated Forex software, the Forex Megadroid allows users to trade on the Forex without a massive investment of time. Currently the only product of its kind on the market, it was created by Forex marketers John Grace and Albert Perrie. Their combined experience in the investment world totals over 38 years, so you can feel confident that the product was created by people who know the business. This is the first robot to use RCTPA technology (which stands for Reverse Correlated Time & Price Analysis). Potential customers can also trade on a demo account to try out the Forex Megadroid for themselves.
- eToro – Some of the best Forex software available, eToro requires a $50 deposit to get started. You can also download a copy for free and enjoy a trial period. Online tutorials are available, as well as unlimited practice modes, charts, graphs, updates, online forums and private chats. Their customer service is second to none, and most queries will be answered with a half hour. Offices are located in Australia, UK, and Canada.
Forex market trading requires a special set of skills and a knowledge of world events not necessary for the typical stock market “day trader”. With the increasingly widespread availability of electronic trading networks on the Internet, trading on the Forex capital markets is now more accessible than ever. The foreign exchange market, known as Forex, is mostly the domain of big names — government central branks and commercial or investment banks, hedge fund managers, and massive international conglomerates. At first glance, the presence of these heavyweights may be daunting to the individual investor. But the presence of these powerful entities and the mere size of the international currency market can work to the benefit of the individual trader.
Forex Market Hours
The Currency Forex Market hours will please most traders used to traditional stock trading. Unlike with stock markets, trading occurs all day long. Forex traders work 24-hours a day, five days a week. No more waiting to make trades after the weekend, or trading according to a market’s hours — the currency Forex market is never closed.
With a daily dollar volume of $3 trillion in 2007, according to the 2007 Triennial Central Bank Survey of Foreign Exchange and Derivative Market Activity, the Forex capital markets are the largest and most liquid markets in the world. The number of currencies traded during Forex market trading will ensure a high level of what currency traders call “volatility” on a day-to-day basis. In layman’s terms, this means there will always be currencies that are moving rapidly up or down, offering opportunities for profit (and of course for risk) to currency market traders. Thankfully, just like the more standard equity markets, Forex offers financial instruments to moderate risk for traders, and to allow the individual to profit in both rising and falling markets. Forex also allows highly leveraged (or “credit”) trading with low margin requirements — much lower than stock market trading. The best news of all for day traders used to the stock market, Forex market trading requires nodealing commission payments.
Many of the trading moves utilized in Forex capital markets, such as spread betting, forwards and futures, options, the spot market, and contracts for difference, are very similar to those used in more traditional stock trading markets. Since the “financial instruments” of the Forex capital markets tend to maintain minimum trade sizes relative to a base currency, the use of “margin trading” is absolutely essential for the person trading these instruments. For example, the spot market requires a minimum trade size of 100,000 units of the base currency. That’s a ton of margin.
Buying and Selling on Forex
When buying and selling on Forex, it is important to remember that currencies will always be priced by the pair. Every trade on the currency Forex market will result in the simultaneous purchase of one currency and the sale of another. This requires a sea change in the way a trader thinks about exchange — a very different mode of thinking than what a stock trader might be used to. While trading on the Forex market, you should execute a trade only at a time when you expect the currency you are buying to increase in value against the value of the currency you are selling. If the currency you are buying increases in value, you must sell the other currency back in order to lock in a profit. An open trade (also known as an open position) is a trade in which a trader has bought or sold a specific currency pair and has not sold or bought back the equivalent amount to close their trading position.
Forex Market Quotes
Forex market quotes always include a bid and an ask price. The bid is the price which the “market maker” is willing to pay to buy the base currency in exchange for the counter currency. The ask price is the price at which the “market maker” is willing to sell the base currency in exchange for the counter currency. This implies a difference in cost between the bid price and the ask prices — a number known in the Forex market as the “spread”. Therefore, currency traders must become familiar with the way in which currencies are quoted. The first currency in the pair is considered the base currency and the second is the counter or quote currency. Most of the time, the U.S. dollar is considered the base currency, and quotes are expressed in units of $1 US per unit of counter currency. This will be expressed in an easy to read code depending on the currencies involved — for example, USD/CAD or USD/JPY.
The cost a trader incurs to establish a position is determined by the spread, and prices are always quoted using five numbers, the final digit of which is referred to as a point or a “pip”. For example, if USD/JPY was quoted with a bid of 134.85 and an ask of 134.90, you can see the five points between bid and ask as the “cost of trading” this position. This means that from the very start, a currency trader must recover the cost of trading from his or her profits. This means making favorable moves in a given position just to break even.
Margin on the Forex
Trading in the Forex currency markets forces traders to think differently about margin as well. Margin on the Forex is not like a down payment on a future purchase of equity in the equity markets, but is an actual deposit to the trader’s Forex account that will cover the cost of any currency-trading losses in the future. Remember, this is done because of the high volume and high risk potentials on the Forex currency markets. A typical currency trading system will allow for a very high degree of leverage within margin requirements, up to a ratio of 100:1 or higher. The financial system you trade with will automatically calculate the funds necessary for current positions and will check for margin funds’ availability before executing a trade.
As is probably obvious by now, trading in Forex requires a slightly different way of thinking than the way required by equity markets. But because of the Forex market’s extreme liquidity, potential for high profits due to readily available leverage and easy trendspotting, the Forex currency market is hard to resist. The advanced trader, moving from the equity market to the currencuy market, will be excited by the trading and profit possibilites. With this kind of money making potential, however, comes a good deal of risk. Forex market traders should learn the available methods of risk management before jumping into the currency market.
Choosing the right Forex broker can mean the difference between earning money and losing money. It is that simple. When picking an online Forex broker, there are 5 “must have” qualities to look for — a quality financial institution, low spreads, tools and research, leverage options, and a variety of account types. There are so many trading Forex brokers, there’s no use in picking a broker at random. You must determine what kind of online Forex broker you’re looking to do business with, do some research, and match your interests with theirs.
Choosing the Right Forex Broker
Choosing the right Forex broker can be a daunting task which is why we’ve assembled this list of considerations to assist you.
Quality Institution – Unlike equity brokers, forex brokers are usually tied to large banks or lending institutions because of the large amounts of capital required (leverage they need to provide). Also, forex brokers should be registered with the Futures Commision Merchant (or FCM) and regulated by the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (or CFTC). You can find this and other financial information and statistics about a forex brokerage on its website or on the website of its parent company.
Low Spreads – The spread, calculated in units known as “pips”, is the difference between the price at which a currency can be purchased and the price at which it can be sold at any given point in time. Forex brokers don’t charge a commission, so this difference is how they make money. In comparing brokers, you will find that the difference in spreads in forex is as great as the difference in commissions in the stock arena. Remember, lower spreads save you money in the long term.
Extensive Tools and Research – Forex brokers offer a wide variety of different trading platforms for their clients – just like stock brokers or brokers in other financial markets. These trading platforms often feature real-time charts, technical analysis tools, real-time news and data, and even support for trading systems****. Before committing to any broker, be sure to request free trials from your online Forex broker to test different trading platforms. Brokers usually also provide technical and financial commentaries, economic calendars, and other research meant to give their customers insight into the world of Forex.
Wide Range of Leverage Options – “Leverage” is kind of like credit between you and your Forex broker. Leverage is the name of the game in Forex because the price deviations (the sources of profit) are merely fractions of a cent. Leverage, expressed as a ratio between total capital available to actual capital, is the amount of money a broker will lend you for trading. For example, a ratio of 100:1 means your broker would lend you $100 for every $1 of actual capital. Many brokerages offer as much as 250:1. Remember, lower leverage means lower risk of a margin call (when your forex broker adds more of your money to an account when it drops to a certain level), but lower leverage can also mean less bang for your buck. The opposite is also true — working with an online Forex broker willing to give you high leverage increases your chance of a margin call, but also increases your potential profit. If you have a limited supply of cash, make sure your online Forex broker offers high leverage. If capital is not a problem, any broker with a wide variety of leverage options should do. A variety of options lets you vary the amount of risk you are willing to take. For example, less leverage (and therefore less risk) may be preferable for highly volatile or unusual currency pairings.
Account Types – Many trading Forex brokers offer at least two different types of investment accounts. The smallest account is known as a “mini account”, and requires you to trade with a minimum of around $250. This account is usually offered with a high amount of leverage, which you will certainly need in order to make money with so small an initial investment. The standard account lets you trade at a variety of different leverages, but it requires a minimum initial capital of $2,000. Finally, there are the so called “premium accounts”, which often require significant amounts of capital at your first investment. These premium accounts let you use different amounts of leverage and often offer additional tools and services that smaller accounts don’t have access to. Make sure the online Forex broker you choose has the right leverage, tools, and services you need as it relates to your initial investment.
Watch out for certain sneaky or even unethical practices that some Forex brokers use. Not everyone in this business is honest. Specifically, be mindful of a broker’s margin rules and any rumors of “sniping”.
Strict Margin Rules – When you are trading with borrowed money, or leverage, your trading Forex broker has a say in how much risk your account should take. Remember that your broker can buy or sell when it deems it necessary — this can be a bad thing for you. Let’s say you have a margin account, and your investment takes a nose dive before rebounding to a new high. Working with a Forex broker who follows strict margin rules, even if you have enough cash to cover the crash this broker will likely liquidate your investment when it hits that low number. This action on their part can cost you plenty of money. Talk to potential trading Forex brokers in person or visit online discussion forums to find out who the honest brokers are. You have to do the footwork, there’s no other way around it.
Sniping — also known as “hunting”, this refers to the practice of prematurely buying or selling near preset value points. This is an underhanded behavior committed by some less than reputable brokers to increase their own profits. As a rule, no broker admits to committing acts of hunting, but rumors about certain brokers who have been “sniping” or hunting is common in online discussions and among Forex traders. The only way you can determine which brokers hunt and which brokers don’t is to talk to your fellow traders. Thankfully, the Internet has made communicating with Forex traders around the world as easy as logging onto a Forex discussion board. There is no blacklist or organization that reports sniping activity, so you’ll have to talk to other traders in person or visit online discussion forums to find out who the honest brokers are.
Is it true that the very first amendment proposed in the original Bill of Rights has never been ratified? I read about this on this article: http://enlargethehouse.blogtownhall.com/default.aspx
There are links on that page to supporting information, but this isn’t taught in the schools and the teachers don’t seem to know anything about it. The article also says the reason the amendment was never ratified is that it contains a defect!
Yes, “Amendment the First” existed and was never ratified. To ratify an amendment to the Constitution, you needed 3/4ths of the states to agree to the amendment. In those days, there were 14 states, so you needed 11 states to ratify for the amendment to become part of the Constitution. 10 states ratified. 1 state (Delaware) voted down “Amendment the First”. Three other states (Georgie, Connecticut, Massachusetts) chose not to vote on the proposed amendment, so “Amendment the First” did not have the votes to become a law.
Years later, Kansas would become the 11th state to ratify “Amendment the First”, but Kansas did not become a state until the 1850′s. By that time, the 3/4ths mandate had risen significantly due to the inclusion of so many new states, so having an 11th state ratify the proposed amendment did not meet the Constitutional requirements to make Amendment the First a law. The proposed amendment could still be ratified today, if enough states chose to do so. But with 50 states in the Union, the threshold to ratify “Amendment the First” now stands at 38 states. Therefore, 27 other states would need to ratify Amendment the First to make it a law.
This has happened before. The other of the original twelve proposed amendments that was not ratified at the time involved restricting the right of Congress to compensate themselves. This provision was eventually ratified in 1992 and became the 27th Amendment. So it’s possible that Amendment the First could be ratified sometime, but it’s unlikely given the large number of states that would need to take up the issue. This brings us to the question of why the proposed amendment has never been ratified in the past.
So why Was “Amendment the First” Not Ratified in 1789?
The original Constitutional process was a matter of intense debate and partisanship. Independence had been won only a few years before and the new American states were weakened by a weak currency and fractiousness between the states. Some leaders wanted a federal alliance and a central government to keep North America secure from the powerful European nations, while other leaders wanted no part of a federal government. To compromise, the states agreed to create a federal government, but limit its powers within a binding contract between the states, which became known as the Constitution. The Bill of Rights was a large part of that compromise.
When the Constitution was being debated, there were two major factions in the constitutional process: the Federalists and the Anti-Federalists. The Federalists supported a Constitution that would give the federal government certain powers. The Anti-Federalists wanted no Constitution, fearing it would disenfranchise the citizens of the country and give too much power to the President. The compromise the two sides came to was to create amendments to the Constitution that would specifically spell out the rights that the citizens of this country would have. Twelve amendments were proposed. Ten were ratified. These ten amendments became what we know as the “Bill of Rights”.
“Amendment the First” was the first proposed amendment, because the citizens of certain states (especially powerful New York) were opposed to congressional districts with more than 30,000 people. These people felt that local representation was important, so they wanted an amendment that assured their congressional districts would not be too large for them to remain in contact with their local representative. You also have to remember that communications were not nearly as efficient as they are now, so the 30,000 threshold took into account that their representative would be far away in a national capital (away from direct communication) much of the time and would be unlikely to travel to outlying communities when back in the home state, given it was more difficult to travel throughout a district in those days.
Still, Amendment the First did not receive the support to become a law. Instead, the constitutional representatives agreed that the issue would be negotiated in the 1st Congress. These men came up with a particular equation that would determine how congressional representation would be determined for well over the next century.
Apportionment and the First Proposed Amendment
The Apportionment Amendment (another way to say Amendment the First) called for no more than 30,000 voters per Congressional district, with the provision there would have to be at least 100 seats in the House of Representatives. If the population grew, that number would rise to 40,000 voters per district, but there would need to be at least 200 seats in the House of Representatives. Finally, there size of congressional districts could grow up to 50,000 voters per district if the population grew such that there were more than 200 seats in the House of Representatives. No other provisions were listed in Amendment the First. Since the amendment was not ratified, it became more a matter of tradition than law that congressional districts would be apportioned in this way. Today, each congressional district represents about 700,000 U.S. citizens.
The article you read took the most extreme interpretation of the appointment amendment. If you limited the number to 50,000, there would be over 6,000 members of the U.S. House of Representatives. But in the resulting language adopted in the documents on the Apportionment Amendment by James Madison and later the 1st Congress, they set a fill-in-the-blank algorithm by which the number of representatives would be determined as the population of the country naturally grew. That is, as the population grew by every 60,000 people, new seats would be added to the House of Representatives, with the understanding that the number represented would increase, as well. If you take the words of the Framers of the Constitution (who were following James Madison’s first proposal) as an algorithm, the number of members in the House of Representatives would be around 1,600 members. The 1st Senate would later propose their own language about apportionment, and their algorithm would provide for around 800 members of Congress.
Or you can assume a static number, which would increase the number of seats in the House to around 6,000 in the original proposed amendment or 5,000 in the law proposed by the first Senate. What you need to keep in mind, though, is that none of these proposals ever won enough support to become a law. There is nothing arcane or conspiratorial in this fact. When a proposed change doesn’t have enough support, it doesn’t become law.
Apportionment in the 20th Century
When the Republican-controlled House of Representatives chose to set the number of seats in the House of Representatives at 435 in 1910, there appears to have been an understanding that the rapid growth of the U.S. population threatened to create an unwieldy legislature. When the Republican-controlled Congress disregarded its constitutional duty to increase the seats of Congress in 1920, this appears to have been recognition of the same. Given that the constant increase in the number of representatives would tend to limit or “water down” the power of the representatives already in existence, there might well have been self-serving interests in their actions. There’s no doubt that Americans’ votes are not as represented in the House as they were when there were only 30,000 citizens per district.
In an age with better communications and speedier transit, I think it’s interesting to discuss whether having a larger House of Representatives would be a good thing or not. I can see arguments for both sides. The website you linked to in your question seems like a partisan Republican website, and it seems to be suggesting that something nefarious is going on to keep the citizens of this country from being properly represented. If so, it needs pointing out that both Democrat and Republican congresses have chosen not to increase the size of the House of Representatives, so this shouldn’t be seen through the spectrum of partisan politics. If anything, this is the politician class of both parties agreeing to keep power limited to a small number in both parties.
Here are a few of the obvious arguments.
Arguments For Having More Seats in the House of Representatives
- Better Representation – The fewer citizens represented by a congressman, the more responsive that congressman is likely to be to an individual constituent.
- Less Power For the Congressman – More seats in the House means each representative would be less powerful. This is like the argument made by the linked article: no oligarchs.
- Harder To Buy Off – Lobbyists would need to spread their campaign donations around to potentially 6,000 representatives, instead of 435. This might limit the power they have to influence large chunks of the representative class.
- More Citizens in the Process – With more seats, the ability for an average person to run for Congress would seem to be greater. This might introduce more talent into the process and perhaps these talented unknowns might rise through the party structure, when otherwise they might never come to politics.
Arguments Against Having More Seats in the House of Representatives
- Less Powerful Congressman – While your congressman is likely to be more responsive to your issues, that congressman would see his or her power watered down. Therefore, your representative would have less power in representing you.
- More Expensive Campaigns – With several thousand more political campaigns every two years, the money to fund those campaigns would sky-rocket. This might create politicians more beholden than ever to the fewer campaign donors they would have.
- Chaotic Political Scene – With up to 6,000 representatives, the House could become unwieldy and chaotic. Individual members wanting to stand out from the army of politicians would have to grandstand more in public, getting their face before the cameras.
- Bigger Government – There would simply be more politicians in Washington D.C. Each of these men and women would need to justify their continued role in the capital, so each would be championing their program. This would naturally lead to more proposed laws and a more active federal government.
There are a lot of other pros and cons to passing the Apportionment Amendment and increasing the size of the House of Representatives. This is largely academic, but it’s good for the voters to think about the nature of their representation. Thanks for the question and I hope you continue to read AskDeb.
Chocolate is as much a part of Valentine’s Day as roses and hearts. It has always been associated with that important day of romance. It comes from the common belief that chocolate is an aphrodisiac. The delicious taste and the heart packaging conjures up feelings of sensuality and love. Women (and some men) have been the recipients of chocolate for Valentine’s Day for generations. They are the next best thing to flowers and for those that really want to make a double impression, you can give chocolates AND flowers. Who could resist that, right?
So if you are shopping around for a box of those dark delectables, you may wonder ‘where can I order chocolate gifts for Valentine’s Day’? Valentine’s Day is a big industry and there are many companies out there who specialize in that special day. There are a lot of sources where you can order chocolate gifts. Depending on exactly what you need, you may have to order early to ensure you get what you want. For some great places to get chocolates for that special someone, go look at some of the places listed below.
Valentine Chocolate Gifts Websitses
The best place to find chocolate gifts for Valentine’s Day (and to find the best prices) is going to be the Internet. There are dozens of valentine chocolate gifts websites where you can order the right chocolate gift that would be perfect for that special person in your life. You can find anything from the standard box of chocolates, items such as roses and hearts that are made from chocolate, and specialty chocolates. Shipping is usually fast and efficient and you can always choose how you want it shipped. Here are a couple of good sites you can check out.
Wolds Finest Chocolate – Worlds Finest Chocolate has been in the business for 50 years and their diverse selection of chocolate gifts for Valentine’s Day. They have everything from chocolate covered raisins, almonds, dark mint chocolate, and chocolate bars. The gifts range in price from $11.50 to $45.00.
Godiva – The grandmother of all chocolate treats. Godiva offers a wide assortment of truffles and treats in a number of different packages. You can get baskets, gift boxes, and packs all with different assortments of chocolate truffles. Prices for chocolate gifts range from $8.50 to $200, with the average being around $60. Godiva tends to be pricier than other internet sites but the taste is really decadent.
Sees Candies – Sees Candies has a number of different types of candies and treats. Besides brittles, nuts, and toffees, they also have a decent selection of chocolates. These are more of the traditional boxes of assorted chocolates. They do a have several styles such as soft centers, nuts, buttercream, milk chocolate, and chews. Their prices range from $15 to $20.
Vosges Haute Chocolate – For a really elegant choice of chocolate gifts, look no further than Vosges Haute Chocolate. They are definitely the high fashion of the chocolate world. Vosges has some cool gift sets that come in these rich, dark violet packages with bow accents. A standard chocolate gift set is around $40 but they have the ultimate gift set that includes a bottle of champagne for around $300.
Valentine Day Cany Stores
If you don’t want to wait for a delivery or you are afraid the food delivery will arrive while that special someone is lurking around, you can always try a local candy store. Valentine’s Day is usually big business for such stores, especially the ones that make their own chocolate treats. If you are lucky enough to have a candy store nearby that specializes in gourmet chocolate, then you should have a pretty good selection to choose from. If they don’t do their own packaging for gift sets, you can always buy a nice box somewhere and put a bow on it. Besides convenience, another good thing about a local candy store is they are the best place to find freshly-dipped chocolate strawberries. At most of these places you can order early and they can have the chocolate gift ready for you in time for Valentine’s Day.
Flower boutiques are extremely busy around Valentine’s Day. It is their busiest time of year. A lot of them use the marketing ploy of offering not just flowers but chocolate gifts as well. Selection may not be as diverse as a candy store or online chocolate site but you can get the added punch of flowers along with it. If there are several flower stores in your area, call around and find out if they have any chocolate gifts and get the best prices. The advantage of going through a flower boutique is that they can always deliver it for you.
Walk In And Get It
And finally, I should mention this last bit because sometimes people wait too long and forget to order ahead of time. By then it is too late to get anything custom or shipped to you for Valentine’s Day. If you wait too long to get a chocolate gift for that special day, you had better go get it yourself. If you don’t and your significant other is expecting a gift, you had better be prepared to suffer the consequences. To avoid this, walk into any gift shop or supermarket and pick up something chocolaty.
What are America’s fattest states?
America is facing an obesity problem — some even call it an epidemic.
Overwhelmingly, the obesity problem pops up in the Southern states. Annually, a group called The Trust for America’s Health conducts a study into percentages of obese and overweight people, comparing geographical areas of the country and identifying the fattest states and regions.
The news is grim this year — not a single state grew LESS obese, though there were shifts in the dubious lineup of “fattest states”.
Adult obesity percentage actually rose in 23 states — this means that an unbelievable two thirds of adults in America are seriously overweight or obese.
What are the reasons for America’s weight troubles?
For one, the economy. When times are hard, people are more likely to go for the dollar menu at the local fast food joint than spend time shopping and preparing what seem to be more expensive foods. Also, the foods that are better for us, like organic meats and vegetables, are naturally more expensive. How much easier is it to buy a pack of prefabricated hamburger patties than to invest in organic ground beef?
While the nasty economy is doing its share to harm the nation’s health and health care statistics, many states have actually improved their nutritional standards in school lunches and raised their expectations in terms of exercise in school gyms, so it is unclear why these changes aren’t working.
There is a certain element of the American population that is sedentary — when was the last time you saw a crowd of kids playing baseball in the park? Our dependence on computers and other convenience electronics may be contributing. I work from home — which means I don’t even have to walk more than twenty feet to work. If we don’t get our country back on track in terms of exercise and diet, the number of obese people will surely continue to grow.
Which states are the fattest? The top three are no surprise — Mississippi, Georgia, and Arkansas. These states have been in the bottom three for years, with just their exact position changing. Eleven of the twenty five worst states in terms of obesity are in the South including the three mentioned — the others are Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee, and Oklahoma.
Rounding out the bottom twenty-five are DC, Delware, New Jersey, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, West Virignia, Virginia, New York, and Michigan.
As for the “healthy” states — Utah, Montana, and Minnesota. Other states that come in with decent scores are Colorado (with an active population committed to exercise), Oregon, California, and Maryland.
In general, states in the western part of the country and in New England rank lowest in the rankings for fattest states, while states in the South and the so called “Rust Belt” tend to rank highest. Interesting correlations between “blue” and “red” states and obesity levels are already being made, as are plenty of other red herrings that the news media can toss to the masses.
A yard is a great place for family fun. It’s a place for kids to play, for outdoor barbeques, and just a place to relax. But unless you like your neighbors staring at you and watching your every move, you will need to build a fence. A wooden fence is a means of keeping some privacy. It is also a means of keeping your children protected and preventing the dog from running all across the neighborhood. A wooden fence is also handy for keeping out unwanted pests such as stray animals.
How do you build or install a wooden fence? Do you need a crew of workers and a detailed set of diagrams? A wooden fence is not necessarily difficult to build. Anyone with the right tools can do it. You don’t even need to be an accomplished carpenter. All you need is the materials and a little do-it-yourself knowledge. If you have never built one before it may seem daunting but don’t worry. We’ll take you through all the steps to help you through it.
How Big Is The Yard
The first thing you need to know is how big your yard is. You can do this one of two ways. You can calculate the square footage by measuring two sides and multiplying them together. But the problem with this is that a wooden fence usually only has three sides because it connects with the corners of your house (in most cases). Probably the best way to measure the size of fence you need is to get a tape measure and measure the distance of each side of the yard where the fence is going to go. Add up all the measurements and that will be the total length of your wooden fence. Now your are ready to get your materials.
Wooden Fence Materials
There are many styles of wooden fences that you can build. For this article we are going to go with a standard wooden fence where all of the boards are on the same side. You can get everything you need at the local lumber yard or home improvement store. Take the measurement for your yard down to the store and have the salesman calculate for you the quantity of materials that you will need. You want to make sure that you get treated wooden boards so that they can stand up to the weather and not rot. Here is a list of the basic wooden fence materials.
- Treated Wooden Fence Posts
- 1×4 or 1×6 Treated Boards for the Fence Slats
- 2×4 Treated Boards for the Nailers
- Box of Nails or Screws
- Post Digger or Auger
- Bags of Cement
- Wooden Stakes
- Heavy String
Steps To Building A Wooden Fence
Once you get your materials back home, it is time to start construction. Here are some simple steps to building a wooden fence.
- The first step is to mark off where the fence posts will go. Start at one corner of your house and place a wooden stake where the first fence post will go. From there place fence posts at each corner of the fence. Next take the string and run it from each stake, tying it about a foot off the ground. Make sure the string is tight and isn’t slack or dragging the ground. The string will help you to keep the fence posts in alignment. Otherwise your fence may look like a curvy caterpillar. After you have the string stretched, set a stake next to the string every six to eight feet. Make sure that all of the posts are spaced evenly (although you may have to fudge a little bit on the corners next to the house).
- Next thing to do is start digging the holes for your fence post. There are two tools you can use. You can use a post hole digger which is a tool with two long handles that you dig into the ground to create a hole. Its simple and easy but take a lot of work. The other alternative is to use a hand-held auger. This device has a motor and a large screw-like digger that rotates into the ground to create a hole. If you don’t want to buy one, you can usually rent them from construction rental centers that have things like paint sprayers and such. Dig the post holes where the stakes are located. You want the hole to be anywhere from three to four feet deep, depending on how high you want your fence. You can use a shovel or the post digger to clean out the loose dirt form the holes.
- Once all of the holes are dug, it is time to set the posts. One at a time, place each post in the hole and use the level to make sure the fence post is straight and not leaning. Kick some dirt into the hole to hold the post and tamp it down using a pole. This will temporarily hold the post straight while you pour either gravel, dirt, or wet concrete into the hole. If you use concrete, you will need to wait for it to dry before you continue. It is important to make sure that each post is the same length in height. You don’t want the fence to resemble a rolling hill. An easy way to do this is to get a stick that is the same height that you want the posts to be and measure each posts. You may need to add more dirt into the hole before you set your post to make sure that it is level.
- After all of your fence posts are set into the ground, it is time to add the 2×4 nailers. A nailer is a board that stretches between each post and gives you something to nail the fence slats to. Depending on what kind of fence you are building will determine how many nailers you need to use. For a standard eight foot wooden fence, you need three nailers; one at the bottom about six inches from the ground, one in the middle, and one about six inches from the top. You can use nails or screws to attach the nailers to the posts.
- Now comes the easy part; adding the 1×4 (or 1×6) fence slats. For this step, you take each wooden slat and nail or screw it to each nailer. Use the level to make sure the slat is straight. Repeat this process for each wooden slat. It is a good idea to add two nails or screws in each spot where the nailer is located. Since wood expands when it is wet, do not butt each slat tightly against each other. You are not laying a floor. It is okay if there is a breadth of space between the slats. Some styles of fences have as much as a half an inch between each board so it is entirely up to you.
- Once you have your fence completed, you can even stain it or paint it. Staining is easy. Make sure you get an all-weather stain from the hardware store. All you do is use a brush to apply the stain and then use a rag to wipe it off. You can get stains in a variety of shades and colors.
If you decide to paint your fence, make sure that the paint is for outdoor use. If you try to use indoor paint, it will quickly peel off after being exposed to the elements. You will need to prime the fence first before you add the coat of paint. Once all of these steps are completed, you will have a nice privacy fence that you and your family can ejoy.
For more information about how to build or install a wooden fence, visit:
Every business and industry relies on strategic management to help fulfill a business’ goals and objectives. Strategic management oversees a company’s activities and develops tactics in order to plan projects, implement company policies, and allocate resources. It is an ongoing process that never stops and is always evolving to better guide a company toward its goals.
Throughout the years, there have been many different strategic management methods but few as widely used as Six Sigma. What is Six Sigma? Six Sigma is a strategic management process that was developed by Motorola. It is a data-driven approach to improve the output process by targeting and removing causes for defects in a business model. It is sort of like quality control but much more detailed. By implementing a set of quality control methods and creating a set of skilled personnel to watch over and troubleshoot the process, Six Sigma seeks to reduce costs while improving production. It is used around the world and is regarded as one of the major systems for TQM (Total Quality Management).
History and Development of the Six Sigma Strategy
The name Six Sigma is derived from the Greek letter sigma which is a standard deviation that measures variations within a statistical population or set of data. The theory of Six Sigma is that if there are six standard deviations between the process mean and the nearest specification limit, then there should be no items that do not meet the specifications or objectives of a process. These standard deviations are measured in sigma units. Six Sigma’s main purpose is to deliver high performance while keeping the number of defects and cost down.
The specific elements of the Six Sigma were first developed by Bill Smith at Motorola in 1986. Six Sigma was originally developed as a set of practices that were used in manufacturing processes to eliminate defects. However, its application was expanded to be used in other types of businesses. One of the things that make Six Sigma so popular is that by using this methodology, processes that operate over the short term are assumed to produce long-term defect levels below 3.4 defects per million opportunities (DPMO). So the overall goal of Six Sigma is to improve all processes to that level of quality or better.
The Six Sigma process draws its inspiration from earlier quality management systems such as quality control, TQM, and Zero Defects. Like earlier quality management systems, Six Sigma has some of the same standards. Six Sigma uses continuous efforts to achieve stable and predictable process results and reduce unacceptable variation. The methodology states that all manufacturing and business processes have characteristics that can be measured, analyzed, improved and controlled.
For any quality management process to work effectively, there must be commitment from the entire business, particularly from all management levels.
While Six Sigma shares all of those traits with other methodology systems, it has other factors which are different. It focuses strongly on achieving measurable and quantifiable financial returns from any project that uses this method. Six Sigma also emphasizes strong and passionate management leadership and support. It sets up an infrasctructure of specialists within the Six Sigma system to lead and oversee the implementation fo the Six Sigma methodology. These specialists are referred to as “Champions”, “Black Belts”, and so on. And finally, Six Sigma emphasizes making decisions based on verifiable data rather than guesses and hunches.
Some of the companies that used the Six Sigma methodology early on and showed some success from it application were Honeywell Industries and General Electric. Their much-publicized success with this system prompted other companies to jump on th ebandwagon. By the late 1990s, about two-thirds of the Fortune 500 companies began using Six Sigma.
Six Sigma Methodology
The Six Sigma system uses two key methodologies: DMAIC and DMADV (I’ll explain what these mean in a moment). DMAIC is used for an existing process. DMADV is used when creating a new product or process. DMADV is the preferred method for new projects because the results are more predictable and produces a higher quality product.
DMAIC follows these five steps:
- Define goals to improve the overall process between your company strategy and your customer’s demands.
- Measure your current processes and collect relevant data. This data is then used as a baseline for future comparisons.
- Analyze the data to inspect cause and effect relationships within the process. It is important to understand this relationship so that you can keep your companies strategy in line with your customer’s demands.
- Improve the process based on the data. It is important to constantly improve and alter the process to fit the current situations by using different techniques. One technique that is often used is Design of Experiments which can help to test a hypothesis.
- Control is important because you must control and correct any variances to avoid defects and prevent the loss of quality. A common thing to do is to set up pilot runs to study process capability and production transition.
DMADV is the second methodology and uses these five basic steps:
- Define goals that are consistent between your business strategy and customer demands.
- Measure and identify characteristics for CTQ’s (which stands for Critical To Quality). These should consist of production processes, the capabilities producing a product, and risks.
- Analyze and evaluate to develop alternative designs, choosing the best design for the overall process.
- Design the details in order to optimize the design features. You should plan for design verifications and alternatives. This may require you to run simulations
- Verify the design. This includes setting up pilot runs and running a short production to verify that the design works. Afterwards, you can handover the design to process owners.
Statistics of the Six Sigma Strategy
At the heart of the Six Sigma methodology is statistics. Statistics of all the data in a particular process are analyzed and reviewed using analysis tools and techniques. Six Sigma focuses on using the results of this collected data to solve problems and design an approach that will lower variations and defects. While Six Sigma uses statistics and data to interpret the best methods to be used, you only need the basic statistical tools and analysis methods to complete it.
Hierarchy Implement Roles
One of the key factors of the Six Sigma methodology is the unique management levels. Other quality management systems before Sigma Six utilized management that was either relegated to the production floor or to management in a separate department. Six Sigma uses a management hierarchy based on ranking levels of the martial arts. These levels cut out a lot of unneccesary functions that slows things down and develops a communication path that leads straight to higher-management levels.
Here are the different management roles for Six Sigma:
- Executive Leadership includes the CEO of a company as well as other members of top management. This level is responsible for setting up the Six Sigma process within the company and for giving power and freedom to the other hierarchy roles to oversee Six Sigma implementation and to explore new ideas and designs.
- Champions are beneath the Executive Leadership and are responsible for implementing Six Sigma across the entire business or organization. Champion positions are filled from upper managemnt leveles and act as mentors to Black Belts.
- Master Black Belts are the coaches and motivators on Six Sigma. They are chosen by and assist Champions as well as guide Black Belts and Green Belts. Their duties involve making sure that Six Sigma is consistent throughout various functions and departments.
- Black Belts are directly under Master Black Belts. Their task is to apply Six Sigma methodology to specific projects within the business or organization. While Champions and Master Black Belts focus on identifying Six Sigma projects and general overseeing them, Black Belts focus on the actual execution of the projects.
- Green Belts are guided by Black Belts. These are employees of the company that are given specific tasks to do along with their regular job responsibilities.
Criticism of Using Six Sigma
While Six Sigma has proved successful in many industries, it has also drawn its share of criticisms. For instance, the use of “Black Belts” and opthe rmanagement levels has created an entirely separate industry of training and certification where there was none before. The accusations are that Six Sigma is being advertised and oversold by consulting firms that do not understand all of its principles. These firms are only interested in their own profit, not what works best for their client.
Another criticism is that Six Sigma is too narrow to be successfully applied to a wide range of products. Six Sigma is not the best tool to use to come up with new products or technologies which is what many companies try to use it for. Instead, it is best when implemented to fix an existing problem. Studies have shown that some Fortune 500 companies that have used the Six Sigma methodology have fallen in ranking due to lower productivity.
Other critics have claimed that Six Sigma is the same as any other basic quality management system. The only difference is that Six Sigma uses creative terms and a different names (such as Champions and Black Belts) for management levels to make it seem more appealing.
Of all of the business management strategies being used today, Six Sigma is one of the most popular. It has been particularly effective in areas such as manufacturing and production but is widely used by other industries. Companies are always interested in increasing productivity while cutting back on costs. To this effect, they prefer that their employees have some knowledge of Six Sigma.
Six Sigma certification and education is often a requirement at most jobs. If you are not already trained in the systems principles and methods, then you will need to be before you can be hired. If you are already working for a company that uses the system, the company often pays for further Six Sigma training. So what all is involved in Six Sigma certification and education? How do you get proper training? First you need to know what a certification in Six Sigma is and what it means.
What Is Six Sigma Certification?
A certification in Six Sigma means that an employee has taken the training and is now competent in their knowledge and skills using Six Sigma. The certification shows that the individual should be capable of implementing Six Sigma methods into company projects.
Six Sigma is divided into various levels, named after the levels of expertise in karate. There are Green Belts, Black Belts, Master Black Belts, and Champions. The Green Belts, as in the martial arts, is the lowest level of trained employees. Black Belts are some of the highest, answering only to Champions. Each of these levels requires training and testing in order to receive a certification.
Like other forms of certifications, it alone does not mean that an employee is ready to take on any project or has unlimited knowledge of Six Sigma principles. Full knowledge only comes with experience and learning how to use the Six Sigma tools to accomplish company goals. A certification only means that an employee has completed the minimum training necessary to reach that level.
What Is Six Sigma Training?
To achieve a certification, individuals must go through Six Sigma training. Training involves learning the tools and subject matter of Six Sigma. Employees take a training course that can last anywhere from a week to a standard college semester, depending on where you take the training course. Most often the company you work for will pay for the training.
Each level of belts, whether its Green or Black, requires training in order to achieve that level. The required knowledge that you must learn gets more detailed the higher up you go. For instance, Green Belts learn to collect and analyze data. They learn to work in teams and to lead teams of other Green Belts. Black Belts learn to supervise projects and make sure that Six Sigma tools are properly used to complete them. So every level is different.
After completion of the training course, individuals must take a written exam. Questions are multiple choice and some tests, depending on where you take it, are open book. The test has a time limit of four hours but most candidates do not need the entire time. But after the test, you still are not done. You must take what you learned and successfully use it to complete a company project. This final project is supervised by someone from the next level (such as a Black Belt or Master Black Belt) who can act as a coach and guide you through the project. Only after the project has been completed do you get your certification.
Where Can You Get Six Sigma Certification?
Private companies, trade schools, and some universities offer Six Sigma training. There are even websites where you can take training courses online. Not only is the coursework for each level different, but the training session may also be different depending on where you take the training program.
There is no standard for Six Sigma training. This is the drawback to the system. There are no rules or regulations that dictate exactly what schools and companies must teach in their training programs. Often employees receive a certificate but do not possess the knowledge that should go with it. For this reason, it is important to check out and compare schools and companies to see exactly what they offer.
Why Is Six Sigma Training So Important?
Six Sigma has many benefits. On the company level, it can help to reduce defects and waste of resources. It can improve productivity that increases customer service while keeping costs to a minimum.
On the employee level, Six Sigma certification and education can help workers to better achieve company goals. It can help you to understand the mindset of the company that you work for and what they expect in terms of production.
Six Sigma also makes individuals more employable. It looks good on a resume and shows that you understand Six Sigma principles which most companies are interested in. It can potentially increase your salary, especially as you advance up the levels of belts. Most companies require that their employees are at least trained as Green Belts. Having a Six Sigma certification is a professional asset that can help to take you further up the corporate ladder.
What Is Lean Six Sigma?
Lean Six Sigma is the next evolutionary step in the Six Sigma methodology. It combines principles of lean manufacturing with the Six Sigma system. It improves a business by achieving a faster rate of customer service, leading to better customer satisfaction, and speeds up productivity more efficiently than with Six Sigma alone. The bottom line is that it improves on a company’s invested capital.
Why combine lean manufacturing with Six Sigma? Because Six Sigma, for all its benefits, cannot lower a company’s invested capital and cannot improve on the speed of productivity. Lean manufacturing, by itself, cannot bring a process, such as manufacturing, under statistical control. But by combining the two, you get a much more efficient system.
With lean Six Sigma, you get the best of both concepts. Six Sigma reduces waste and defects by recognizing that variations can hinder production quality. Six Sigma also uses data for decision-making. Lean, meanwhile, focuses on maximizing the speed of production. Lean also eliminates complexity and analyzes process flow.
The concept has been embraced by many companies that rely on heavy production. To make sure the principles are applied correctly, the companies require that their employees receive additional lean Six Sigma training.