How to Tell if a Girl is Interested

Hi,

I have a question for you. There’s a girl that I meet almost everyday in my music class. Usually we keep “pulling each others legs”. We never talk personal, though, and neither of us have asked each others’ phone number or mail id. I’m starting to like this girl a lot and feel interested in a long term relationship.

I missed the class for a few days. Then when I turned up, I didn’t speak to her, just to check what reaction she would give. She herself came and asked me why I’m not talking and why I was absent. Then that day, surprisingly, she asked if she would drop me at home in her bike and asked where I live.

I usually walk to the classes. I asked, like, whether she would really drop me and made a funny comment that I need to be dropped at some place that’s only 300 miles from here. She smiled and left.

Again, the next day, she asked me the same question and I responded like “Ok, would you drop me”, and then she said, “I’m tired and I can’t today.”

So why did this girl ask me then in the first place. Are there any signs I can read from her behaviour. Is she just pulling my leg and how can I respond the next time. Usually I try to play the cocky and funny with her.

Thanks

Sam

Dear Sam,

First of all, it sounds like you’re playing it right, if you are joking with one another and you’re playing it cocky. Women like funny men, and they especially like confident men. Confidence is a very masculine quality. It’s also not a bad thing that you immediately give into her request to take you home on her bike, since women like a challenge, too. I certainly wouldn’t play it too cool, being standoffish too long, because she might get the wrong signals or she might think you’re playing with her mind and resent it. Being a challenge and playing it too cool is a fine line, though.

As far as why she asked to take you home and then said she was tired, that’s a whole different story. It does kind of sound like she was wanting to see your reaction, to see if you were into her, then decided to back off when she realized you weren’t going to turn her down again. The question might have been a test to see how you reacted to the question a second time, or she might have thought since you answered with a joke the first time that this was simply a new in-joke between the two of you. I’m assuming this is a young woman, so they’re particularly unpredictable. Some women (of all ages) like to test their men, but this happens even more so with teenage and younger women. That’s because they tend to be more insecure. The fact that she keeps asking to give you a ride seems like a good sign to me, but you might go through your second conversation to see if there was something said that caused her to back off. If so, avoid that topic again.

So how do you know if she just likes flirting or she’s into you?

is-girl-intersted

There is no one sign. You have to read all the signs and make an educated guess.

Here are a number of ways you might figure out if she’s really flirting with you or not. Women have specific signals they send when they’re flirting. Any one can be chalked up to coincidence or idiosyncratic behavior. And some women like to flirt for the sake of flirting, wanting nothing more than a little attention. But if she is exhibiting a good number of the behaviors below, there’s a good sign she’s digging you.

Does she smile at you?

Does she keeps walking by or goes out of her way to talk to you?

Does she draws attention to her mouth? That is, running her finger across her lips or applying lip balm.

Does she isolate herself with you?

Does she mimic your body movements? Mimicry of your manners and body movements is a sign she digs you and is paying attention to you.

Does she play with her hair?

Does she touch you on the elbow, arm or shoulder?

Does she make eye contact with you?

Does she enter your personal space?

Does she approach you to talk?

A couple of these already apply, but it’s hard to say how she feels about you without seeing other behaviors. Take out the obvious two (approaching you to talk, going out of her way) and focus on the other eight mannerisms. Read these and try to figure out what she’s thinking.

How do you reply the next time she offers to give a ride?

You might joke with her about not giving you a ride the last time. “I would say yes, but yes doesn’t get me anywhere.” Or you might answer her question with a question, laughingly asking her if she feels like giving you a ride today. Don’t make insinuations, though, just make light of the situation and show her you find her behavior amusing. Whether she wants you as a friend or boyfriend, the fact the two of you can joke with one another is clearly an attraction to her. So don’t get heavy and keep it light.

If she says she doesn’t feel like it again, give her some wiggle room by telling her, “I’d like to see your bike” and maybe even follow up with, “I’d like to see you handle your bike.” That kind of stuff adds a little mystery to your reply, because she has to ask herself if you’re really into her or if you just want to see her bike. That might intrigue her enough to actually take you home, because your interest in getting a ride seems conditional on being interested in her ride and isn’t completely open-ended, like you’re just saying yes to spend more time with her. You’re a guy and guys are expected to be interested in that stuff, so you’re being masculine, too. You’re also showing that you’re interested in learning a little bit more about her, but in a cool way.

And if she pulls back and keeps it at the same level, you’ll have to decide what your next step is. Generally, if a woman is interested, they’ll let you know. I’m definitely not saying to hold back and let her come to you, because that’s a traditionally feminine trait. Once again, women like confident men. So keep the channel of communication open, keep her laughing, stay cocky and confident and don’t act like her refusal to take you home bothers you in the least. Let it roll off your back, because that’s what confident men do. And if it seems right, ask her about giving you a ride again. You might even lead with wanting to see her bike, or you might tell her you want to drive it yourself. That should get a reaction.

Enjoy the flirtation and hope it works out for you. You seem like a good pair.

John Clifton