Long Distance Dating Tips and Advice
“Long distance dating” is when you’re dating someone who lives far away. It doesn’t matter what precipitated the long distance dating situation; it’s difficult. You might be going to different colleges, you might be young and your family moved you to another town, or you might have gotten a job in another town. But not being able to see your significant other as often as you’d like to can shatter a relationship. I’m offering the following long distance dating tips and advice to try to make the whole situation easier for both of you.
Long Distance Dating Tip #1 – Schedule, schedule, schedule…
Scheduling is an important part of maintaining a long distance dating relationship (or even an online relationship). You’ll probably be talking on the phone daily, maybe even multiple times per day. This is a lot easier if you schedule a time when you talk every day, or at least schedule your next call when you finish your phone call today. If you don’t go to the trouble of scheduling your phone calls, you’re going to invariably interrupt each other during your daily life activities. And eventually someone’s feelings are going to get hurt because the other person can’t talk. Avoid the problems by scheduling your phone calls.
You also need to schedule the time you’re going to actually spend together physically. If you’re in a long distance relationship where you can drive to see each other, then you might be able to get together every week or two. If you live further away, and you have to take a plane or a train or a bus, then finances might affect how often or how seldom you’re able to get together. Either way, if you schedule your visits with each other, you’ll be able to look forward to seeing each other.
Finally, schedule an end to the long distance relationship. I don’t mean schedule your breakup though; I mean schedule an eventual time for your long-distance relationship to become a short-distance relationship. If it’s school-related, then your graduation date is an obvious end point for when you have to be apart. Same way with a job. Or if you’re young, then when you get old enough to make your own decisions and decide where to live, you can schedule your time to be together again based on that.
Long Distance Dating Tip #2 – Define your expectations of each other from the outset.
Setting expectations for your relationship and your partner might seem unnecessary, but it’s important. You might expect to talk to your long distance relationship partner every other day, but she might expect to talk to you every day. Hurt feelings can result quickly if that’s the case and you haven’t discussed it. You might be satisfied getting together once a month, but your partner might want to get together every two weeks. Again, if you haven’t discussed it, hurt feelings will result.
Expectations about whether or not you’re going to date others are important to talk about honestly beforehand too. Secrets don’t say secret, and a long distance relationship where one partner expects fidelity can be ruined by a mis-timed phone call. Besides which, you’ll feel guilty for misleading your partner. And don’t just assume he doesn’t care if you occasionally go out with other guys. Jealousy might be an “immature” emotion, but what’s really immature is keeping your partner in the dark about the actual status of your relationship. (Open relationships are great if you both agree that’s what you want. But never assume that just because someone is far away that they’re okay with that arrangement.)
Having clearly defined expectations of each other is a big part of maintaining a healthy relationship.
Long Distance Dating Tip #3 – Take care of yourself.
A certain amount of selfishness is healthy. In fact, it’s necessary if you want to be a mature, actualized person. Most people who are codependent don’t get themselves into long-distance relationships anyway, but it’s entirely possible to let your relationship become your whole life even if you both live far away from each other. Don’t let that happen to you.
Develop your own interests. Have a hobby. Have friends. Exercise. Eat right. Just because your girlfriend lives 100 miles away doesn’t mean you have to spend all of your time talking to her on the phone, writing her love letters, and planning your next date. You’ll be more attractive and interesting to your partner if you’re your own person anyway.
Those are just the first 3 long distance dating tips I thought of today. I’d be interested in hearing thoughtful feedback in the comments here.
For more information related to long distance dating tips and advice, visit some of the following pages:
- 50 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship
- Online Dating Tips
- Online Dating Magazine
- Long Distance Relationships at Hamilton College