Why Does He Say He Is Not Ready for a Relationship?

Reasons He's Not Ready for a Relationship

Q: I am 30 and he is 45 we basically live together. I am only dating him and he says he is only dating me but why does he say he is not ready for a relationship?

A: First of all, let’s define the term ‘relationship’.  A relationship is a commitment between two people to provide love and support as well as fulfilling emotional needs for each other. There is a lot of love given back and forth and the two people have a healthy respect for one another. Does that in any way describe your ‘dating arrangement’ with him? Because if it does, if the two of you are there to support one another, then whether he thinks so or not, that is a relationship. If this is the case, what you have here is a difference of perspective. Your man’s idea of a relationship may be different from yours. Your problem then may be just getting him to admit that it is a relationship.

Reasons for His Refusal to Get Serious

If this is not the case, then there are other reasons for his refusal to get serious. He may be comfortable with the arrangement as it is and doesn’t want to change it. Change can be unpredictable and why mess up a good thing. You are already living together so he gets all the benefits without the commitment (sort of like having your cake and eating it too). He may also want to keep his options open. It is possible, in his mind, that someone better may come along. There is 15 years difference in your age, after all. Older men who date younger women sometimes like to keep their eyes open for a younger model. If he has been married before, then he may be soured on the idea of commitment. He may not want to get in a situation that could put pressure on him to get married. So it could be a number of things.

Living Together

These days living together does not necessarily mean a serious relationship. Lots of people live together because it is convenient and saves on living expenses. So there are two important questions. How long have you been dating and how long have you been living together? If either of these are recent developments, then you may just need to give him time. Guys don’t like to be rushed into anything. However, if the two of you have been together for quite awhile, then he just may like the situation as is and not want to change. If so, you have to communicate to him how you feel and get him to understand that getting serious about your relationship will not change anything and will only have positive effects.