Besides the kiss you share on your wedding day, there is no more kiss in a relationship more important than the first. Some people don’t know if they’re truly attracted to a person until they share a kiss. Think of the classic Betty Everett song from the 60s “Its in his kiss” — “If you wanna know / if he loves you so / its in his kiss”.
Timing Your First Kiss
Before you begin timing your first kiss, slow down and think about the idea of a kiss. It is a very intimate way of showing affection, and some people are more reluctant to touch lips or tongues than they are to engage in other sexual activity.
History of Kissing
There is a stigma involved in kissing that goes back to ancient times. The history of kissing begins with the first recorded mention of a kiss is in Vedic texts from India about 3500 years ago, and scientists tell us that as much as 95% of the human population, no matter the society, engages in kissing.
The scientific journal Evolutionary Psychology set out to take stock of kissing and kissers, and found that as many as 66 percent of women had at one time or another rejected a romantic partner because of a “bad kiss”. The number is similar for men, at about 57 percent. According to Professor Gordon Gallup, one of the researchers involved in the magazine’s study of kissing conducted at SUNY-Albany, “At the moment of the kiss, there’s a very complicated exchange of information … that may tap into underlying evolved mechanisms that clue us in on whether we’re genetically compatible.” In other words, a single kiss can be a deal breaker (or a deal maker) at the very start of a relationship.
Back to the question of when you should share your first kiss with your new lover – unfortunately, as with everything in love, there is no right or wrong answer. Some people want to get the kiss out of the way as soon as possible, and I have even been rejected for not kissing a woman soon enough. For people like this, who are eager to kiss, it is most likely a way for them to judge if they even want to see you again, or perhaps it has something to do with Professor Gallup’s genetic compatability factor, something unconscious that they feel they need to do in order to establish compatability.
Still others hold off on the kiss until they make other value judgements – and many of these are on the ‘shallow’ side. Some partners want to get a look at your teeth, or get close enough to make sure you don’t have terrible breath. If you’re a smoker, its likely that some people will write you off immediately, while others will be willing to look past this – if they’re sincerely attracted. Some may not be shallow at all, but will avoid kissing to early because they are wary of “jumping the gun” or giving too much away too soon.
Men And Women Often Kiss For Different Reasons
It is important to remember, too, that men and women often kiss for different reasons. In general, it has been established that men kiss either to gain greater physical intimacy (the old “trying to get in your pants” tactic) or to apologize (the classic “kiss and make up” tactic). Women are far more likely to use a kiss as a “test” for a potential mate. Thinking back to “Its In His Kiss” – remember that its not in “his eyes” or “his size”, no no, its in his kiss. Women are also known to use a lover’s kiss to judge their interest in the relationship. If the kissing is falling out of frequency or intimacy, something may be wrong with the relationship.
Men and women generally use different kissing techniques as well. In general, men prefer the open mouthed kiss with tongue contact, most likely because they are using the kiss to try to increase the physical intimacy with their date. On the other hand, women prefer frequent kisses, and expect kissing to maintain its passion over the entire course of a relationship, while it seems men lose interest in kissing in a relatively short amount of time. If you really want to impress your date, act outside of these “gender expectations” – if you’re a woman, go in for a big open mouthed kiss, or hold off for a couple of dates and really drive your date wild. If you’re a man, consider short and sweet kisses, without much mouth opening or tongue contact, and your date will think you’re sensitive and compassionate.
First Kiss On The First Date
Taking this all into account, you really must decide for yourself when it is time to share your first kiss. These days, it seems most people (men and women) expect the first kiss to come on the first date. The best way to judge is to use your senses – does your date smile into your eyes, lean in for physical contact, or give any physical clue that he or she wants to kiss you? If you feel the “kissing” vibe, I say you should go for it. After all, you don’t want to waste too many dates (or too much time and money) on someone you’re not compatible with.
A kiss can make or break a potential relationship, and any one action that could keep you from a second or third date should be given the appropriate amount of consideration. You might want to match your first kiss to your partner’s personality type. In general, quiet people will not react well to over the top kisses, while loud and vivacious personalities will think your sweet peck is too much like kissing their brother or sister. While rules are meant to be broken, these guidelines should at least help ease your mind when its time to go in for the first smooch.
Relax, enjoy yourself, and remember that if your date rejects you based on a single kiss, maybe they weren’t worth your time to begin with. The important thing is to practice your kissing technique, so that in the future you’ll be better prepared to share this all important first moment with someone you are genuinely interested in.