How Do You Handle Boredom In Your Marriage?

At the beginning of a healthy marriage, there is a lot of excitement and new experiences. It can be thrilling being a new couple. But as the years go on, the excitement starts to ebb. The thrill diminishes. You have spent so much time together that you know everything there is to know about one another. Inevitably, your marriage becomes boring. It happens in almost every marriage. You no longer go out to dinner or to the movies. You are no longer excited to see each other at the end of the day when you come home from work. You probably haven’t gone out dancing at a club since the Bee Gees were popular. The spark is gone and all that is left is boredom.

Boredom is dangerous. It can kill a marriage faster than you can say “divorce court”. Couples often fall into the same routine of work, eat, sleep, repeat. Between careers and children, a marriage can become stale and stagnant. So how do you handle boredom in your marriage? What can you do to revive it? Assuming that you love your spouse and you want to stay married to them, boredom is an obstacle that you must overcome if you want to keep a healthy and positive marriage.

Why Boredom Is Bad In a Marriage

Remember all the good times you use to have? Remember laughing as the two of you held hands? How long has it been since you did that? Boredom can strangle a marriage. It can shut down the paths of communication between you and your spouse and if the two of you are not talking, that is a serious problem. When you are bored in your marriage, you tend to withdraw from the other person. You start to spend less time together and more time on yourself. Boredom can cause you to invest less time and energy into your marriage. Your spouse is no longer seen as your partner and loved one but instead as another fixture that is seen everyday, like a road sign that you pass every morning on your way to work. After awhile, you stop noticing it.

A boring marriage has no passion. You tend to argue more about trivial things. You no longer want to do the same routine with each other such as sitting on the couch and watching the same television programs. A common danger in a boring marriage is that one spouse may decide to seek excitement elsewhere. This is where many extra-marital affairs come in. You rarely find a cheating spouse who has a happy and fulfilling marriage. If they did, they would not be trying to rekindle that old spark elsewhere.

How To Make Your Marriage More Exciting

You don’t have to give up on a marriage that is no longer exciting. A boring marriage is salvageable. All it takes is a little effort on your part to rekindle the passion and thrill. A good place to start is to remember the things that the two of you use to do together. Start by going out on a date and by that I mean a real date, not pulling through the drive-thru at some fast-food chain and taking it home to sit in front of the television. No, I mean a real date where the two of you get dressed up and go out to someplace romantic that you have never been to before. Find a babysitter for the kids if you need to and spend some time alone.


Try to set aside one night a month just for the two of you. You can go to the movies, go out for a stroll through the park or along the beach, or something special. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy as long as you spend it together. Again, find a sitter for the kids. Some people may feel a little guilty about leaving the kids behind but if you devote enough time every other day of the month to them, then you owe it to your marriage to devote some time to yourselves.

Try learning a new skill or talent together. You can take up dance lessons together such as ballroom dancing or modern dance. If the two of you are health conscious, you can start a work out routine together. Maybe go jogging. The two of you can take a class and learn something new. You might take classes in rock climbing, roller blading, horseback riding, or anything else. I know of one couple that, to add excitement to their marriage, took motorcycle classes together and now ride their Harleys on the weekend. As long as you find it exciting and it is new, go for it.

An excellent way to break the boredom is to take a trip together. This can be anything from a planned vacation to an overnight trip somewhere. Getting out of the house and away from everyday issues for awhile can be rejuvenating. It gives you a chance to talk and appreciate one another without the pressure from daily problems.

Don’t stop being supportive of each other. Urge each other on in various decisions and undertakings. One way to do this is compliments. Compliments are always appreciated, no matter how long you have been married. Giving your spouse a compliment makes them feel good about themselves and can lead to a compliment in return.

Being physically affectionate is another great way to spark excitement in the marriage. Nothing is more intimate than a touch. You can give your spouse backrubs, foot massages, or just cuddle up next to them. Try to extend physical contact when the two of you are out in public. Hold hands or occasionally reach out and tough their arm. By establishing a physical contact, you are establishing an intimate link with your spouse.

Start a new hobby together. Quit wasting so much time sitting at home and doing nothing. Too much of that leads to boring lives. Pick a hobby or a project and do it together. This could be anything from remodeling an old bedroom to building a new deck. Gardening is a good hobby that the two of you could share. You might also do something artistic or for the community.

There are many other things that you can try to do to bring back the excitement in a marriage. It is up to you to find common ground. The key is that as long as it is something new that you can share with each other, it can keep your marriage alive and healthy.

See Also: Falling in Love with a Friend and Fun Questions to Ask Friends.