As I’ve already covered in my article on knowing when to kiss, a kiss can make or break a relationship, even after the first few kisses are out of the way and you’ve built up a trust and a rhythm with your partner, kissing can influence your lover’s positive or negative perception of the relationship. Many people are nervous about kissing, assuming they don’t have the proper technique or that their partner has high expectations for their kiss, and just the stress of worry about a kiss can cause all sorts of nasty side effects, from sweaty palms to stiff lips.
Great Kissing Tips
So many people are obsessed with the question of how to be a great kisser. Here are some great kissing tips on expressing your attraction through kissing.
Stressing out about a kiss will only impair your kissing abilities. Remember that a kiss is an expression of emotion and even love, and as such it should be done with ease, and come naturally. Tensing up your body, and thus your mouth, will have nothing but a negative impact on your kiss, and most likely your partner will be able to read your tension and interpret it any number of bad ways. Maybe your date will think you’re not truly interested in kissing, or have little experience at it, or even worse, that you don’t know how to kiss. This could be the difference between a second date and a future blow off.
2. Freshen your breath
3. Be sure your date wants a kiss
There is nothing more awkward or embarrassing than leaning in for a kiss only to be rejected on the spot. While it is not wise to come out and ask directly “Do you want to kiss me?”, there are subtle clues you can look for that indicate eagerness for a kiss. Everyone is different, so take stock of your date’s personality and behaviors and decide if a kiss is warranted. For my part, if I notice a woman is really “relaxed” on our date, not guarding herself from physical contact like handholding or brushing my hand on her face, she is most likely expecting a kiss. Behaviors that indicate it may be too soon for a kiss include nervous movements, lack of eye contact, or general disinterest in the date. Worst case scenario – you could offend your date by “going in for the kill” too soon, and you may come away with a slap to the face or some other expression of anger. Avoid this embarrassment by ensuring your date is ready to share a kiss with you before you make your move.
4. Get your mouth and lips ready
Besides the freshness of your breath, there are other ways to “set your mouth” to prepare for a kiss. Eventually, when you’re used to kissing your partner or kissing in general, you won’t have to make a conscious effort to prepare your mouth, but if you’re nervous and want to make sure your kiss is a success, there is a short checklist for mouth prep. Your lips should be slightly moist – not wet, but not dry – and slightly apart. For first kisses that aren’t full of passion, avoid contacting your date’s lips with your teeth – later, when the two of you are more intimate, you can try gentle nibbles on his or her lips, but for now, keep your teeth out of the way. Don’t tense up your lips, but at the same time, don’t open your mouth too wide. With your eyes slightly open (to gauge your date’s desire to kiss you), lean in with your head at an angle and try to make contact with their lips. Congratulations, you’ve achieved an appropriate and sweet kiss.
5. Don’t overdo it
There is a tempo and a method to kissing. It is not something that can be taught outright – the best I can do is give you suggestions and guidelines – but it is also an event that has its limits. Before you slip your partner the proverbial tongue, try a simple kiss with lips slightly parted. After a few kisses, and probably after a few dates, your partner will most likely initiate tongue contact. One benefit of this method is that it takes the pressure off of you to decide when to take the plunge into “French kissing”, however your partner may take your waiting as a sign that you’re not interested. The key is to always pay attention to your date’s body language and subtle clues. Just as you will know when it is time for your first kiss, you will most likely know when it is time for your first “passionate” kiss. Follow your date’s body language, and you will bought yourself a nice piece of insurance against embarrassment or offense.
You can read all the kissing methods guides you want, and still blow it when it comes time for the big event. As with any valuable pursuit, practicing kissing makes one “perfect”. If the attraction exists between you and your potential lover, the kiss will be worth it, and there is almost nothing you can do wrong. Don’t be embarrassed if your date wants to give you suggestions on your kissing technique – it just means they want to enjoy kissing you, and want to do it more in the future. Remember the five guidelines above, and most importantly, have fun. A kiss is one of the most intimate things we can share with someone, and should be pleasurable and not stress inducing. Have fun.