Learning how to find your soulmate is like learning how to be
happy – it’s difficult to explain. Telling someone how to find their
perfect romantic partner is elusive, because everyone has a different
idea what perfect is going to be. Searching for a romance that blends
excitement, understanding, and sexual chemistry requires a certain
amount of luck. But there are certain ways you can prepare yourself for
a soulmate, as well as attract the perfect friend and lover for you.
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First, if you don’t know what a soulmate is, you won’t know that you
have one, when you are lucky in love. You might go into each
relationship thinking this is the one or this is going to be perfect,
only to be disappointed. Or you might have the misfortune of falling for
someone who isn’t good for you, but tries to gain your affection or
sense of obligation by throwing out words and phrases like “love”, “true
love”, and “soulmate”.
So before we discuss finding your soulmate, let’s discuss the
whole concept of a “soul mate”.
Are There Such Things as “Soulmates”?
Absolutely. In your time on this Earth, you’ve seen people who just
were made for each other. You’ve seen those couples who seem to have no
daylight between them, but not in a bad way. This couple’s personalities
were made to fit together. They make a good team, covering up each
other’s weaknesses, magnifying each other’s strengths, and seem to have
similar attitudes about everything else.
How Do I Know If He/She Is a Soulmate?
That’s a tough one, but I would say, most of the time, you just know.
If I were going to describe what a soul mate is, I would suggest that it
starts with a person you feel comfortable with, but at the same time you
feel stimulated by. There are plenty of people of people you feel
comfortable hanging out with, like your buddies or that friend of the
opposite sex you just aren’t attracted to. That doesn’t make them your
soulmate. At the same time, you’ll meet plenty of members of the
opposite sex whom you’re attracted to or whom you have tremendous sexual
chemistry with, but the two of you aren’t exactly compatible when sex
yourself around this person, and being yourself seems to really turn
this person on. At the same time, this person seems genuine and
comfortable around you, but you’re still highly attracted to him or her.
But that’s only the start of being soulmates.
Do Soulmates Argue and Fight?
Of course, all couples argue and fight, but soulmates are also
friends. Two people that have that passionate, love/hate relationship
are not soulmates. They’re just two people who enjoy living life like a
reality show, having blow-ups and make-ups to give their life a little
of that Hollywood ambiance. They like drama, and they probably like
melodrama. Now that’s perfectly alright, if both those people want to
live that way (and they can keep their fights legal), but they are not
seeking soulmates, whether they call each other that or not.
A soulmate is on your side. He or she has your back. A soulmate is
nurturing and open. While the two of you might have lingering issues
like any other couple, those issues are not an every day, festering
bundle of resentments. They do not turn into tempestuous fights and
arguments. Passive-aggressive behavior is not a trait of a soulmate.
With a pair of soulmates, the two of you really do enjoy each other’s
company, and want to nurture and support one another.
If you’ve been around a while, you realize by now there are all kinds
of love. But love with a soulmate also include affection and endearment.
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Does Everyone Have Just One Soulmate?
Most people are lucky to find one soulmate in a lifetime, and many
people never do. But it’s more than likely you have more than one
soulmate out there. The only problem is, the world is such a large place
and there are so many people in it, you might not ever find that person
who is perfect for you. And if you have a soulmate and lose them to bad
fortune somehow, you might not ever find another one.
That doesn’t mean you won’t ever be happy. You can find people you
have affection for. You can find people you love. You can even find
people who’ll love you back. But the two of you won’t be that “perfect
Soulmates, Relationships and Growth
This means that soulmates should stay together, because you’ll never
be happier. But if you do lose your soulmate for some reason – as they
say, growing up is growing apart – that doesn’t mean you should lose
hope you’ll find another.
The fallacy of thinking there’s only one soulmate for everyone is
this idea that people are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. If you lose
that one piece of the puzzle, none of the others in the set will fit
together. People aren’t as rigid and unyielding as puzzle pieces,
though. People can adapt to all kinds of new situations and, sometimes,
that adaption helps us grow and become a better person. The second
soulmate may not be quite the same as the first, but then, we aren’t the
same person we were, either.
These are just a few of the traits of being a soulmate:
- Soulmates are honest and open with each other.
- Soulmates enjoy spending time together. This often (but not
always) means they share many of the same likes/dislikes.
- A soul mate understands when you’re hurting.
- A soul mate makes us a better person.
- A soul mate heals our longstanding emotional wounds.
- A soul mate makes you feel like the romance is a team, not a
pair of competitors.
- A soul mate makes us trust them, and helps you trust yourself.
- Soulmates take joy in each other’s accomplishments.
- Both soul mates give to the relationship.
Again, you can live in a beautiful relationship and not be soulmates.
People make the mistake of turning away from potentially healthy
relationships, because they don’t think the person is perfect. And as I
mentioned earlier, some people love drama in their romances. They thrive
on the love/hate relationship. Get two people who share that view and
they might have great chemistry, though it drives everyone around them
What Soulmates are Not
Often, if you have a soulmate, you know it without having to ask
yourself. Still, everyone wants a soulmate, so it’s easy to fool
yourself into thinking you have a soulmate, when it’s something else you
have. If your partner tries to keep you in the relationship by claiming
you are soulmates, test their actions against these traits. If your
relationship resembles these descriptions below, your boyfriend,
girlfriend or spouse is not your soulmate.
- Life with a soulmate is not a constant battle.
- With soul mates, “who’s right” isn’t an issue.
- Arguments are rare between two soulmates.
- A soulmate doesn’t make psychological scars worse.
- Soulmates don’t criticize in order to gain control.
- Abuse, either emotional or physical, doesn’t happen with
- Intimidation or manipulation are not the traits of soulmates.
Don’t get me wrong: there is no “ideal” marriage or romance. Soulmates have
arguments. Soulmates have lingering issues. Soulmates don’t always have
the same likes and dislikes, or at least don’t share exactly the same
likes and dislikes. The two of you are not a mirror image of one
another, though often, because of your tendency to see things the same
way, your friends might come to think you are.
With soulmates, your relationship is one based mostly on honesty,
trust, affinity for one another, empathy for one another, joy, synergy,
and comfort. At the same time, being soulmates isn’t boring or
passionless. That’s a whole different type of marriage or relationship,
based on being comfortable with one another. Once again, friends might
mistake the two, viewing from the outside.
Soulmates in Love
Instead, soulmates are able to combine this idea of partnership,
teamwork, giving, and common goals, and still have a passionate romance.
It sounds perfect, which is why every lover wants a soulmate. Life with
a soulmate isn’t paradise, but it’s close enough that you won’t mind
most of the time.
How to Find a Soulmate
So let’s get to advice for one of the hardest things to do in the
world: finding your soulmate. These tips and suggestions aren’t going to
tell you where you need to go or what you need to say to pick up your
perfect mate – that’s going to be different for each person. Instead,
I’ll give you a guide for connecting with a soul partner. Finding the
perfect love has a lot to do with being the perfect soulmate material.
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How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #1 – Understand Yourself
Before you find the perfect mate for yourself, you have to know who
you are. You have to know the kind of guy or girl you’re searching for.
Who’s going to make you happy? What type of traits do you want in a
girlfriend or boyfriend? Put the shoe on the other foot: which of your
traits do you want to be “perfect” for someone of the opposite sex?
Too many people settle for whoever they start dating. Maybe they
don’t think they can find someone else. Maybe they haven’t had a lot of
luck in love, so they stay with the first person of the opposite sex who
pays them attention. That’s not likely to help you find a soulmate. You
have to know what you stand for, know what you want, and then start
finding that person.
What do you want your life to be about? Fun and excitement? Sports
and thrill-seeking? Travel and entertainment? Devotion to a cause?
Devotion to your faith? Devotion to your church? Do you want to devote
yourself to a life of learning? The pursuit of money or influence? Do
you want a corner office? Do you want to retire by the time you’re 40?
Once you have an idea what you want out of life, you can start to
understand yourself, and understand where your soul-mate would fit into
that life. A lot of people reevaluate these questions every 5 years or
so, which is why people grow apart in relationships and marriages. But
if you are walking around trying to find a soulmate, you don’t even know
what you’re searching for.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #2 – Be the Person You Would Want to
Next, start to work on self-improvement. Be the type of person people fall in
love with. What is it about you that someone would love? If you love
that part of yourself, you probably want your soulmate to love that part
of you, too.
What part of you do you think another person wouldn’t find that
attractive, or could be improved? Start to work on that aspect of your
life or personality. If you think you need a better job or education, go
back to school or start applying for better jobs. If you don’t think
you’re physically attractive enough, go to the gym, get in shape, and
start to pay closer attention to your fashion sense. If you don’t think
you’re giving enough, or you’ve got rough edges that turn people off and
push them away, then start to improve your “personality habits”. These
can be improved, if you want to improve them.
Even if you think you’re a great guy or girl to be around, find
something to improve and work on it. No one is perfect, and you should
always be trying to improve in some way. If nothing else,
self-evaluation is good for you.
How to Find Your Soulmate Suggestion #3 – Be Patient
While you’re searching for this soulmate, maintain your patience.
This might happen tomorrow, or it might never happen. That’s scary to
hear, but it’s true. There’s a certain factor of luck or destiny that
goes with finding your soul-mate. Stay patient; it’s either going to
happen or it isn’t. But don’t lose faith, because it could happen the
next time you go to the grocery store.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #4 – Keep an Open Mind
Here’s where things get complicated. You remember when I suggested
you get in your mind the traits and personality quirks you expect to
find in a soulmate? I guarantee you, when you find this person, there’s
going to be some part of their personality that’s going to surprise you.
You would never have imagined your soulmate having this quirk or
characteristic, but you’re going to find this trait adorable. That’s the
way love works.
The point being, don’t be searching for the perfect person. No one is
perfect. In fact, we often fall in love with a person because of some
flaw or imperfections. Philosophers have talked about this. It’s often
that trait that stands out about this person, which makes them different
than everybody else you’ve ever met. So keep an open mind, because
everything else about this person might be perfect for you.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #5 – Accept People For Who They Are
This next suggestion goes hand-in-hand with the last one. Accept your
love partner for who he or she is. If you try to change your soulmate,
you’re falling into the “what soulmates are not” category. If there are
too many things about this person that annoy you, then either you or
your partner isn’t soulmate material. More than likely, if you’re the
type who lives to find faults in others, you’ll never find a soulmate.
That’s just not what it’s about.
Instead, accept your partner for who he or she is. This is the person
you love. Try to take this love at face value and see where it takes
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #6 – Love this Person
This next tip should come easy: love with an open heart. Don’t attach
conditions to your love. Don’t love only if this person changes their
life for you. Don’t love only if he or she changes all their hobbies, or
stops talking to friends or family. These are attempts by you to control
the other person, and that’s not what a soulmate does. The soulmate is a
partner, not a tyrant. On the other hand, if your partner is trying to
control you, they aren’t a soulmate. They have to give willingly, and
you have to give willingly.
Soulmate Tip #7 – Trust this Person
Trusting another person in love is hard to do, if you’ve ever had
that trust abused before. But if you want a soulmate, you have to give
this person love unconditionally. “Unconditionally” means not holding
back. Not holding back means you have to trust that your love is going
to be received and requited.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #8 – Weather the Storms
Just because you and your romantic partner have a fight, that doesn’t
mean you aren’t soulmates and it’s all over. I hope that isn’t the
impression I made. Even the best of love is complicated.
Every relationship has its problems. Maybe the two of you are great
together, and you’re great when it’s just the two of you. But maybe you
have family members who don’t want to see the two of you together. Maybe
you have family members who would love to see you two together, but make
your life miserable in other ways.
Maybe you have a long distance relationship, or the two of you have
money worries. Maybe one or both of you are working a job you hate.
Maybe the two of you don’t have time to enjoy the hobbies you enjoyed
together before. Maybe having kids makes it hard to find time to be “soulmates”
like you were at one time.
Life is difficult, under the best of circumstances. Life is going to
have challenges, whether you have a soulmate or not. Everyone has phases
where things get crazy, but those phases usually end. The two of you are
there for one another in the bad times, and not just the good. So don’t
bail out when you feel a little turbulence.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #9 – Don’t Take Soulmates for Granted
Remember, this is your soulmate. Appreciate what you have and
understand that most people aren’t as lucky as you are. Many people fall
in love, but few people find a true soulmate. Do stop, take a deep
breath, and realize every once in a while that the two of you have
something special. If he or she seems to have forgotten, too, do
something to remind them about how special the two of you are.
How to Find Your Soulmate Tip #10 – Enjoy Each Other’s Company
Also remember to have fun. Having a soulmate means you are sharing
everything with your best friend. That should be a lot of fun. The two
of you should laugh and enjoy being in each other’s company. Soulmates
get the best of both worlds – a great romance and a great friendship.
Both of those should be exciting and joyful.
Advice for Finding Your Soulmate – Don’t Give Up
If you haven’t found your soulmate yet, don’t give up. You never know
when love is going to walk in the door. There’s no magic formula for how
to find a soulmate, but when you do find your soulmate, there is a world
of ways to make the most of your good fortune. Good luck.
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