How To Handle A Relationship With Someone Who Isn’t Affectionate At All?

There are few things as comforting as a relationship where your partner is affectionate. Having someone who is affectionate towards you is soothing and reassuring, like living with a safety net. It just makes you feel loved and wanted. But not everyone is in a relationship where their partner displays their affection. For some people, it is just difficult to be so open about how they feel. Others just don’t know how. So if you are in a situation like this, you may need to know how to handle a relationship with someone who isn’t affectionate at all.

Why They Are Not Affectionate

So why is your significant other not affectionate? Have they always been this way? There are a couple of reasons why your partner may not be affectionate. If you fell in love with someone who has never shown much affection towards you, then what attracted you to them in the first place? If someone has never been affectionate but you want them to be, then good luck. Some people just aren’t naturally that way. It could be due to their upbringing (maybe no one was affectionate to them) or other early factors. Whatever the reasons, it’s part of their personality and they are not likely to change without an uphill battle.

Chances are the person that you love was probably affectionate when you first met them and has slowly changed throughout the relationship. This is common as people tend to get comfortable in a relationship. They think they no longer need to impress you so they become lax in their affections. As a relationship matures, you tend to run out of things to talk about and you lose that spark that is common in new relationships. When this happens, one or both of you may cease to be as affectionate.

Another reason for your partner to not be affectionate is if there are problems in the relationship. Maybe the two of you have been arguing a lot lately. Maybe they miss that new romance feeling and have decided to find it elsewhere. Perhaps your partner is bothered by troubles at work or finances. Real-world stress can be incredible distracting.

Increase The Affection In Your Relationship – Try To Spice Things Up


A good way to get your significant other to be affectionate is to spend some time working on your end of the relationship. One way to increase the affection in your relationship is to spice things up. Go away for the weekend. Pick a romantic spot, maybe a bed and breakfast somewhere or a nice resort. If you don’t want to spend a ton of money, try having a candlelight dinner at home. You can go all out with mood music and everything. If you don’t cook, order out and then bring it home and set it up. You can even go out to a romantic restaurant. The important thing is that it is just the two of you.

Another thing you can try is leaving small notes here and there for your partner to find. You can put them on the refrigerator the night before or on their pillow. You can even put them on the dashboard of their car. With today’s technology, you can even send a cute text message or pictures to their cellphone. They can be as innocent or as steamy as you want.

Time is a big killer on relationships. If your lifestyle is very busy, take time out to spend it with your partner. Go out to the movies or rent a dvd. If you have children, arrange a babysitter so that the two of you can have some alone time. The important thing is to do things together without the company of others. So don’t use it as an excuse to get together with friends.

Show Physical Affection

A physical tough is a great nonverbal way to express intimacy. That is what you are wanting them to do, isn’t it? So show them how. Give out hugs and kisses when you tell them hello or goodbye. If you go out somewhere, even just to the grocery store, try to hold their hand. Barring that, at least offer small touches on the shoulder or arm. Any little contact will help. If the two of you are sitting next to one another, like on the couch while watching television, sit close enough to touch them, even leaning on them. This kind of closeness will hopefully make them aware of how to display affection and get them to display their affection for you.

Be Appreciative

Try to show your appreciation for things that they do. Sure, when you have been in a relationship for awhile, you tend to take things for granted. That is likely the problem that you are experiencing. It is a common occurrence for you and your partner to develop an attitude of expectancy for things you want the other to do. You may want them to take out the trash, cook dinner, or fix the leaking faucet. So how can you expect them to be appreciative if you are not? Start saying things like ‘thank you’ and reinforcing it with a physical touch. Everyone likes to feel appreciated, after all. This creates something positive in your relationship and can deepen intimacy. If you are appreciative of the things that they do, then chances are that they will show their appreciation as well.

Be Aware Of Their Limits

Sometimes people are just naturally reserved. If is hard for them to express their feelings clearly, either verbally or physically. When trying to get your significant other to be affectionate, you should be aware of their limits. Just because you manage to get them to show their affections in private, don’t expect them to suddenly do it in public. Many people don’t like to reveal that side of themselves to anyone but that someone special. It is embarrassing. So when trying to get your partner to open up and be more affectionate, it is a good idea to know their limits.

If Everything Else Fails

Now all of these methods are geared to try to get your significant partner clues on how to be affectionate. It is sort of the ‘lead-by-example’ method. But what if it doesn’t work? What do you do if they still are not affectionate? Then your relationship is having some serious problems and it is time for a talk. You need to sit down with your partner and tell them that you want more affection in your relationship. Find out why they are not being affectionate? Is there something going on that you should know about? Is there something different that you could be doing? Communicate with your partner and try to get them to open up. If you have a healthy relationship, then you should be the one person out of everyone else that they should be able to open up to. If your partner just has trouble being affectionate, then take baby steps. Get them to do it a little at a time so long as there is some progress. But if your partner is unwilling to change or discuss it, then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. After all, a relationship based off of love needs affection from both parties or it is no longer a relationship but rather just a convenient arrangement.

See Also: Falling in Love with a Friend and Fun Questions to Ask Friends.

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