Before you really get to know someone, it can be difficult to have the kinds of conversations that are necessary to a developing relationship. Awkward silences and long lulls in the conversation can turn a good date into a mediocre one, and reduce that chance that either of you will want a repeat date.
Tips For Starting Conversations On A Date
Even for couples with a few dates under their belt, conversation can be difficult. Sometimes, men and women feel they don’t share the same interests, or people are too shy to think of that first thing to say to spark a good chat. To help you both out here are some tips for starting conversations on a date.
1. Make Eye Contact
Remember that a conversation starter doesn’t have to be verbal. Simply meeting eyes with your date will often spark conversation, even if just because your date’s eyes make you smile. A smile and a bit of eye contact can do more to spark a conversation than simply trying to come up with something “smart” to say. If you hold the eye contact a little longer than normal, you will come across as a confident person, and flirting with the eyes is a tradition as old as dating itself.
2. Discuss Celebrity Gossip
3. Playful And Silly Questions
While you don’t want to rely on old clichés like “What is your favorite color” or “If you could meet anyone living or dead, who would it be?”, it is a good idea to ask leading questions, the more unique and silly the better. This way, your date knows you have a sense of humor, and will appreciate your interest in their particular attitudes and opinions. Some unique questions ideas:
- “What is a television show that you love that you’re embarrassed about?”
- “If you could marry any past US president (or First Lady), who would it be?”
- “Would you rather go to a Vanilla Ice concert or fight a pack of rabid dogs?”
- “Bald and beautiful or ugly with hair – which would you rather be?”
Tailor your question to the moment and the person – some questions may be offensive in certain circumstances. Have fun with your questions, and your date will pick up on your positive attitude.
4. Avoid The “Forbidden Topics”
While some couples may be able to discuss the so called “forbidden topics” of politics and religion, it may be best to avoid getting into a debate on abortion or the capital gains tax in the middle of a restaurant. A healthy intellectual debate can do a couple a ton of good, but don’t jump into these topics unless you’re sure they’re acceptable to your date. Some people are so set in their opinions that they’re unwilling to even discuss different viewpoints, and there is nothing wrong with that – everyone is entitled to their stance. Still other people may be so on fire about a certain topic that the two of you won’t be able to avoid butting heads. There’s nothing worse than a date that turns into an evangelism session or a fiery argument filled disagreement. You agreed to go on a date with this person because you’re attracted to them – stick to small talk or pleasant topics that you can agree on, and you might just have a chance at getting another date.
5. Don’t Try Too Hard
People are sensitive to their date’s attempts to show off. Going out of your way to impress your date usually has the opposite effect – he or she will likely tune you out and check their watch to see just how long they have to listen to you talk about your softball prowess, or the public speaking award you won in college. It is okay to talk about things important in your life, or even to share your successes, but if you do so in a normal tone, or even a slightly self deprecatory way, your date will be more likely to hear you out, or (God forbid) actually be impressed by you. It is a better idea to let your mannerisms and your normal conversation speak for themselves. Your date will have plenty of time to be impressed by you later.
6. Avoid Questions That Make You Seem Desperate
You may not realize that asking your date certain questions about yourself will pretty much instantly send them running in the opposite directions. Question like “Am I your type?” or “How am I doing?” are poison to good conversations. Your date will determine these answers on her own – and sometimes, just bringing up the question will get her mind thinking in the wrong direction. You don’t want your date to hear you ask “How do you like me so far?” and realize that the answer is “Not very much”. It also creates an awkward moment where your date feels put on the spot. Would you want to answer a question like that? I doubt it. These kinds of questions betray the image of confidence you’re trying to put out, and confident people could care less whether or not they are their date’s “type”. Dates are supposed to be casual meetings between people looking to start a romantic pairing, not an interrogation. Besides, its never a good idea to invite criticism. Before you ask any question, think if you would want to answer it if it were posed to you.
The most important thing about a date is to talk to your partner, whether you’re early in a relationship or on a date to celebrate a 50 year anniversary. Use the tips above, and remember to relax and enjoy yourself. Don’t worry so much about the other person’s opinion – you’re on the date to have a good time.